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but the women of virtue are now grown such Ld Fop. Heh! heh! well said, Charles ; 'egad, idiots in love, thiat they expect of a nian, just as I fancy thee and I have unlaced many a reputathey do of a coach-horse, that one's appetite, like tion there!- Your great lady is as soon ut t'oiber's flesh, should increase by feeding. dressed as her woman.
Sir Cha. Right, my lord; and don't consider, Ld More. I could never find it so-the share that toujours chapons bouillis will never do with or scandal of a repulse always made me afraid of an English stomach.
attempting women of condition. Ld Fop. Ha, ha, lia! To tell you the truth, Sir Cha, Ha, ha! 'cgad, my lord, you deserve Charles, 'I have known so much of that sort of to be ill used; your modesty's enough to spoil eating, that I now think, for an hearty meal, no any woman in the world. But my lord and I'unwild fowl in Europe is comparable to a joint of derstand the sex a little better; we see plainks, Banstead mutton.
that women are only cold, as some men are brate, Ld More. How do you mean?
from the modesty or fear of those that attack Ld Fop. Why, that, for my part, I had rather them. have a plain slice of my wife's woman, than my Ld Fop. Right, Charles—a man should no more guts full of e'er an Ortolan duchess in Christen- give up his heart to a woman, than his sword to dom.
a bully; they are both as insolent as the devil Ld More. But I thought, my lord, your chief after it. business now at Windsor had been your design Sir Cha. How do you like that, my lord ? upon a woman of quality.
Aside to Lord MORELOVE. Ld Fop. That's true, my lord ; though I don't Ld More. Faith, I envy him!-But, my lord, think your fine lady the best dish myself, yet a suppose your inclination should stumble upon a man of quality cann't be without such things at woman truly virtuous, would not a severe repulse his table.
from such an one put you strangely out of counLd More. Oh, then, you only desire the re- tenance ? putation of an affair with her?
La For. Not at all, my lord- for, if a man Ld Fop. I think the reputation is the most don't mind a box o' the ear in a fair struggle with inviting part of an amour with most women of a fresh country girl, why the deuce should he be quality
concerned at an impertinent frown for an attack Ld More. Why so, my lord ?
upon a woman of quality? Ld Fop. Why, who the devil would run through Ld More. Then, you have no notion of a lady's all the degrees of form and ceremony that lead cruelty? one up to the last favour, if it were not for the Ld Fop. Ha, ha! let me 'blood, if I think reputation of understanding the nearest way to there's a greater jest in nature! I am ready to get over the difficulty?
crack my guts with laughing, to see a seuseless Ld More. But, my lord, does not the repu- fiirt, because the creature happens to have a littation of your being so general an undertaker tle pride, that she calls virtue, about her, give frighten tlie women from engaging with you? For, herself all the insolent airs of resentment and they say, no man can love but one at a time. disdain to an honest fellow, that, all the while,
id Fop That's just one more than ever I came does not care three pinches of snuff if she and up to: for, stop my breath, if ever I loved in my her virtue were to run, with their last favours, life!
through the first regiment of guards ! -Ha, ha! Ld More. How do you get them, then? it puts me in mind of an affair of mine, so im
Ld Fop. Why, sometimes, as they get other pertinent !people: I dress, and let them get me, or, if that Ld More. Oh, that's impossible, my lord !won't do, as I got my title, I buy them.
Pray, let's hear it. Ld More. But, how can you, that profess in. Id Fop. Why, I happened once to be very well difference, think it worth your while to come so in a certain man of quality's family, and his wife often up to the price of a woman of quality ? liked me !
Ld Fop. Because, you must know, my lord, Ld More. How do you know she liked you? that most of them begin, now, to come down to Ld Fop. Why, from the very moment I told reason; I mean those that are to be had; for her I liked her, she never durst trust herself at some die fools : but, with the wiser sort, 'tis not, the end of a room with me. of late, very expensive ; now and then, a par- Ld More. That might be her not liking vou. tie quarré, a jaunt or two in a back to an Indian Ld Fop. My lord-Women of quality don't use house, a little china, an odd thing for a gown, to speak the thing plain--but, to satisfy you I or so; and, in three days after, you meet her at did not want encouragement, I never came there the conveniency of trying it chez Mademoiselle in my life, but she did immediately smile, and d'Epingle.
borrow my snuff-box. Sir Cha. Ay, ay, my lord; and when you are Ld More. She liked your snuff, at least-Well, there, you know, what between a little chat, a but how did she use you? dish of tea, mademoiselle's good humour, and a Ld Fop. By all that's infamous, she jilted me! pelit chanson, or two, the devil's in't if a man Ld More. How! Jilt you? can't fool away the time, 'till he sees how it looks Ld Fop. Ay, death's curse, she jilted me! upon her by candle-light.
Ld More. Pray, let's hear.
Ld Fop. For, when I was pretty well convin- up the sash, and fell a-singing out of the window ced she had a mind to me, I one day made her I
-so that, you see, my lord, while a man is a hint of an appointment: upon which, with an not in love, there's no great affliction in missing insolent frown in her face (that made her look one's way to a woman. as ugly as the devil,) she told me, that, if ever I Sir Chu. Ay, ay, you talk this very well, my came thither again, her lord should know that lord; but, now, let's see how you dare behave she had forbidden me the house before.-Did yourself upon action-dinner's served, and the you ever hear of such a slut?
ladies stay for us— There's one within, has been Sir Cha. Intolerable !
too hard for as brisk a man as yourself. Ld More. But, how did her answer agree with Ld More. I guess who you mean-Have a care, you?
my lord; she'll prove your courage for you. L2 Fop. Oh, passionately well! for I stareal Ld Fop. Will she ? then she's an undone full in her face, and burst out a-laughing; at creature. For, let me tell you, gentlemen, couwhich she turned upon her heel, and gave a rage is the whole mystery of making love, and of crack with her fan, like a coach-whip, and bridled more use than conduct is in war; for the bravest out of the room with the air and complexion of fellow in Europe may beat his brains out against an incensed turkey.cock.
the stubborn walls of a town-but (A Servant ers Sir CHARLES. Ld More. What did you then?
-Women, born to be controuled, Le Fop. l-looked atter her, gaped, threw Stoop to the forward, and the bold. (Exeunt.
woman in the world, too: for, she'll certainly en
courage the least offer from me, in hopes of rem Enter Lord MORELOVE und Sir CHARLES.
venging her slights upon you. Ld More. So! Did not I bear up bravely? Sir Cha. Right ; and the very encouragement
Sir Cha. Admirably! with the best-bred inso- she gives you, at the same time will give me a lence in nature; you insulted like a woman of pretence to widen the breach of my quarrel with quality, when her country-bred husband's jealous her. of her in the wrong place.
Ld More. Besides, Charles, I own I am fond Ld More. Ha, ha! Did you observe, when I of any attempt that will forward a misunderfirst came into the room, how carelessly she standing there, for your lady's sake. A woman, brushed her eyes over me; and, when the com- so truly good in her nature, ought to have somepany saluted me, stood all the while with her thing more from a man, than bare oocasions to face to the window? ha, ha!
prove her goodness. Sir Chu. What astonished airs she gave her- Sir Cha. Why, then, upon honour, my lord, self, when you asked her, what made her so to give you proof that I am positively the best grave upon her old friends!
husband in the world, my wife never yet found Ld šlore. And whenever I offered any thing me out. in talk, what affected care she took to direct her Ld More. That may be, by her being the best observations of it to a third person !
wife in the world : she, may be, won't find you Sir Chu. I observed she did not eat above the out. rump of a pigeon all dinner time.
Sir Cha. Nay, if she won't tell a man of his Ld More. And how she coloured when I told | faults, when she sees them, how the deuce should her her ladyship had lost her stomach !
he mend them? But, however, you see I am goSir Cha. If you keep your temper, she's un- ing to leave them off as fast as I can. done.
Ld More. Being tired of a woman, is, indeed, Ld More. Provided she sticks to her pride, I a pretty tolerable assurance of a man's not debelieve I may.
signing to fool on with herHere she comes; Sir Cha. Ay! never fear her ; I warrant, in and, if I don't mistake, brimful of reproachesthe humour she is in, she would as soon part You cann't take her in a better time--I'll leave with her sense of feeling.
you. Ld More. Well, what's to be done next? Sir Cha. Only observe her motions ; for, by
Enter Lady GRAVEAIRS. her behaviour at dinner, I am sure she designs Your ladyship’s most humble servant. Is the to gall you with my lord Foppington : if so, you company broke up, pray ? must even stand her fire, and then play my lady Lady Grave. No, my lord, they are talking of Graveairs upon her, whom I'll immediately pique, basset; my lord Foppington has a mind to tally, and prepare for your purpose.
if your lordship would encourage the table. Là More. I understand you the properest Ld More. Oh, madam, with all my heart!
But Sir Charles, I know, is hard to be got to it : | dam! (Bowing low.) What a charming quality is I'll leave your ladyship to prevail with him. a woman's pride, that is strong enough to refuse
[Erit Lord MORELOVE. a man ber favours, when he's weary of them(Sir CHARLES and Lady GRAVEAIRS sa- Ah!
lute coldly, and trifle some time before
Re-enter Lady GRAVEAIRS. Lady Grave. Sir Charles, I sent you a note Lady Grave. Look you, Sir Charles ; don't this morning.
presume upon the easiness of my temper; for, to Sir Cha. Yes, madam; but there were some convince you that I am positively in earnest in passages I did not expect from your ladyship. this matter, I desire you would let me have what You seem to tax me with things that
letters you have had of mine since you came to Lady Grave. Look you, sir, 'tis not at all ma
and I expect you'll return the rest, as terial whether I taxed you with any thing or no; I will yours, as soon as we come to London. I don't desire you to clear yourself; upon my Sir Cha. Upon my faith, madam, I never keep word, you may be very easy as to that matter; any; I always put snuff in them, and so they for my part, I am mighty well satisfied things wear out. are as they are; all I have to say to you is, that Lady Grave. Sir Charles, I must have them; you need not give yourself the trouble to call at for, positively, I won't stir without them. my lodgings this afternoon, if you should have Sir Chu. Ha! then, I must be civil, I sec. time, as you were pleased to send me word—and (Aside.) Perhaps, madam, I have no mind to So, your servant, sir, that's all
[Going part with them-or you. Sir Chu. Hold, madani.
Ludy Grave. Look you, sir, all those sort of Lady Grave. Look you, Sir Charles, 'tis not things are in vain, now there's an end of every your calling me back that will signify any thing, thing between us—If you say you won't give I can assure you.
them, I must e'en get them as well as I can. Sir Cha. Why this extraordinary haste, ma- Sir Cha. Ha! hat won't do then, I find. dam?
(Aside. Lady Grave. In short, Sir Charles, I have Lady Grave. Who's there? Mrs Edging, taken a great many things from you of late, that, Your keeping a letter, sir, won't keep me, I'll you know, I have often told you, wa posi- assure you. tively bear no longer. But I see things are in vain, and the more people strive to oblige peo
Enter EDGING. ple, the less they are thanked for it : and, since Edy. Did your ladyship call me, madam? îhere must be an end of one's ridiculousness one
Lady Grave. Ay, child: pray, do me the fatime or other, I don't see any time so proper as vour to fetch my cloak out of the dining-room. the present; and therefore, sir, I desire you Edg. Yes, madam. would think of things accordingly. Your ser- Sir Cha, Oh, then there's hope again. [ Aside. vant.
(Going, he holds her. Edg. Ha! she looks as if my master had quarSir Cha. Nay, madam, let us start fair, how- relled with her; I hope she's going away in a ever; you ought, at least, to stay till I am as huff-she sha'n't stay for her cloak, I warrant ready as your ladyship; and then, if we must
her-This is pure. (Aside. Exit smiling. part,
Lady Grave. Pray, Sir Charles, before I go, Adieu, ye silent grots and shady groves; give me leave now, after all, to ask you, why Ye soft amusements of our growing loves ; you have used me thus? Adieu, ye whispered sighs, that fanned the Sir Chu. What is it you call usage, madam? fire,
Lady Grave. Why, then, since you will have And all the tbrilling joys of young desire ! it, how comes it you have been so grossly care
[Affectedly. less and neglectful of me of late ? Only tell me, Lady Grave. Oh, mighty well, sir ! î am very seriously, wherein I have deserved this ? glad we are at last come to a right understanding, Sir Cha. Why, then, seriously, madam the only way I have long wished for; not but I'd have you to know I see your design through all
Re-enter EDGING, wilh a cloak. your painted ease of resignation : I know you'd We are interruptedgive your soul to make me uneasy now.
Edg. Here is your ladyship's cloak, madam. Sir Cha. Oh fie, madam! upon my word, I Lady Grave. Thank you, Mrs Edging-Oh. would not make you uneasy, if it were in my la! pray will you let somebody get me a chair power.
to the door? Lady Grave. Oh, dear sir, you need not take Edg. Humph-She might have told me that such care, upon my word; you'll find I can part before, if she had been in such a haste to go. with you without the least disorder: I'll try, at
(Aside. Erit. least; and so, once more, and for ever, sir, your Lady Grave. Now, sir. servant : not but you must give me leave to tell Sir Cha. Then, seriously, I say I am of late you, as my last thought of you, too, that I do
grown so very lazy in my pleasures, that I had ihink-you are a villain.
(Exit hastily. rather lose a woman, than go through the plague Sir Cha. Oh, your very humble servant, ma- and trouble of having or keeping her; and, to be
free, I have found so much, even in my acquaint-, more money than one is ever likely to be able to ance with you, whoun I confess to be a mistress pay. in the art of pleasing, that I am, from henceforth, Lady Grave. A dun! Do you take me for a resolved to follow no pleasure that risės above dun, sir? Do I come a dunning to you? the degree of amusement-And that woman that
(Walks in a heat. expects I should make her my business, why- Sir Cha. Hist! don't expose yourself-here's like my business, is then in a fair way of being companyforgot. When once she comes to reproach me Lady Grave. I care not-A dun! you shall with vows, and usage, and stuff-I had as lief see, sir
, I can revenge an affront, though I dehear her talk of bills, bonds, and ejectinents: her spise the wretch that offers it--A dun! Oh, passion becomes as troublesome as a law-suit, I could die with laughing at the fancy! (Erit. and I would as soon converse with my solicitor. Sir Cha. So-she's in admirable order-Here In short, I shall never care sixpence for any wo- comes my lord; and, I'm afraid, in the very nick man that won't be obedient.
of his occasion for her. Ludy Gruve. I'll swear, sir, you have a very
Enter Lord MORELOVE. free way of treating people; I am glad I am so well acquainted with your principles, however- Ld More. Oh, Charles, undone again ! all is And you would have me obedient !
lost and ruined. Sir Chu. Why not? My wife's so; and I think Sir Cha. What's the matter now? she has as much pretence to be proud as your Ld More. I have been playing the fool yonder, ladyship.
even to contempt; my senseless jealousy has conLudy Gruve. Lard ! is there no chair to be fessed a weakness I never shall forgive myself. had, I wonder ?
She has insulted on it to that degree, too-I
cann't bear the thought-Oh, Charles, this deEnter EDGING.
vil is mistress of my heart! and I could dash my Elg. Here's a chair, madam.
brains out to think how grossly too I have let Lady Gruve. 'Tis very well, Mrs Edging her know it. pray,
you let somebody get me a glass of fair Sir Cha. Ah, how it would tickle her if she water?
saw you in this condition ! ha, ha, ha! Edg. Humph—her huff is almost over, I sup- Ld More. Pr’ythee don't torture me: think of pose--I see he's a villain still.
[Aswe. Exit. some present ease, or I shall burst. Lady Grave. Well, that was the prettiest fan. Sir Chu. Well, well; let's hear, pray-What cy about obedience, sure, that ever was. Cer- | has she done to you? Ha, ha ! tainly, a woman of condition must be infinitely Ld More. Why, ever since I left you, she has happy under the dominion of so generous a lover. treated me with so much coolness and ill nature, But how came you to forget kicking and whip- and that thing of a lord with so much laughing ping all this while? Methinks, you should not ease, such an acquainted, such a spiteful familiar. have left so fashionable an article out of your ity, that, at the last, she saw and triumphed in scheme of government.
my uneasiness. Sir Cha. Um—No, there is too much trou- Sir Cha. Well, and so you left the room in a ble in that; though I have known them of admi- pet? Ha ! rable use in reformation of some humoursome Ld More. Oh, worse, worse still! for, at last, gentlewomen.
with balf shame and anger in my looks, I thrust Ludy Gruve. But one thing more, and I have myself between my lord and her, pressed her by donc--Pray, what degree of spirit must the the hand, and in a whisper, trembling, begucil lady have, that is to make herself happy under her, in pity of herself and me, to shew her good so much freedom, order, and tranquillity? humour, only where she knew it was truly valu
Sir Chu. Oh, she must at least have as much ed: at which she broke from me, with a cold spirit as your ladyship, or she'd give me no plea- smile, sat her down by the peer, whispered him, sure in breaking it.
and burst into a loud laughter in my face. Lady Grave. No, that would be troublesome. Sir Cha. Ha, ha! then would I have given You had better take one that's broken to your fifty pounds to have seen your face. Why, what hand : there are such souls to be hired, I believe; in the name of common sense had you to do with things that will rub your temples in an evening, humility? Will you never have enough on’t ? till you fall fast asleep in their laps; creatures, Death! 'twas setting a lighted match to gunpowtoo, that think their wages their reward. I fan. der, to blow yourself up: cy, at last, that will be the best method for the Ld More. I see my folly now, Charles. But lazy passion of a married man, that has outlived what shall I do with the remains of life that she his any other sense of gratification.
has left me ? Sir Cha. Look you, madam; I have loved you Sir Cha. Oh, throw it at her feet, by all means ! very well a great while; now you would have me put on your tragedy face, catch fast hold of her love you better and longer, which is not in my petticoat, whip out your bandkerchief, and, in power to do; and I don't think there is any point blank verse, desire her, one way or other, to plague upon earth like a dun that comes for make an end of the business. (In a whining tones
zu / ha
Ld More. What a fool dost thou make me! Lady Bet. Pooh! you'll make me stay till
Sir Cha. I only can shew you as you came out prayers are half over now. of her hands, my lord.
Id Fop. If you'll promise me not to go to Ld More. How contemptibly have I behaved church, I'll give it you. myself!
Lady Bct. I'll promise nothing at all; for poSir Cha. That's according as you bear her be- sitively, I will have it. (Struggling with him. haviour.
Ld Fop. Then, comparatively, I won't part Ld More. Bear it! no-I thank thee, Charles; with it. 'Ha, ha! (Struggles with her. thou has waked me now: and, if I bear it- Lady Bet. Oh, you devil, you have killed my What have you done with my lady Graveairs ? arm! Oh Well, if you'll let me have it, I'll
Sir Cha. Your business, I believe--She's give you a better. ready for you ; she's just gone down stairs, and, Ld More. Oh, Charles ! that has a view of if you don't make haste after her, I expect her distant kindness in it. (Aside to Sir CHARLES, back again, with a knife or a pistol presently. Ld Fop. Nay, now, I keep it superlativelyLd More. I'll go this minute.
I find there's a secret value in it. Sir Cha. No, stay a little: here comes my Lady Bet. O, dismal ! Upon my word, I am lord; we'll see what we can get out of him first. only ashamed to give it to you. Do you think I Ld More. Methinks, now, I could laugh at her. would offer such an odious fancied thing to any
body I had the least value for? Enter Lord FOPPINGTON.
Sir Cha. Now it comes a little nearer, methinks Ld Fop. Nay, pr’ythee, Sir Charles, let's have it does not seem to be any kindness at all. a little of thee-We have been so chagrin
[Aside to Lord MORELOVE. without thee, that, stop my breath, the ladies are Ld Fop. Why, really, madam, upon second gone half asleep to church for want of thy com- view, it has not extremely the mode of a lady's pany.
utensil. Are you sure it never held any thing Sir Cha. That's hard, indeed, while your lord- but snuff? ship was among them. Is Lady Betty gone,
Lady Bet, Oh, you monster! Ld Fop. She was just upon the wing; but I Ld Fop. Nay, I only ask, because it seems caught her by the snuff-box, and she pretends to to me to have very much the air and fancy of stay, to see if I'll give it her again, or no.
Monsieur Smoakandsot's tobacco-box. Ld More. Death ! 'tis that I gave her, and the Ld More. I can bear no more. only present she would ever receive from me
Sir Cha. Why, don't, then : I'll step in to the -Ask him how he came by it.
company, and return to your relief immediately. (Aside to Sir CHARLES.
(Erit Sir Cha. Sir Cha. Pr’ythee don't be uneasy--Did she Ld More. (To Lady Bet.] Conne, madam, will give it you, my lord ?
your ladyship give me leave to end the difference? Ld top. Faith, Charles, I cann't say she did, Since the slightness of the thing may let you beor she did not; but we were playing the fool, stow it without any mark of favour, shall I beg it and I took à laI ladyship:
LI nicety—'twas pignus direptum malè pertinaci. beg you give it, my lord. Lá More. So-but I must bear it-If your
(Looking earnestly on Lord Fop. aho, lordship has a mind to the box, I'll stand by you
smiling, gives it to Lord MORE. in keeping of it.
and then bous gravely toher.) Ld Top. My lord, I am passionately obliged Ld More. Only to have the honour of restoto you ; but I'am afraid I cannot answer your ring it to your lordship; and if there be any hazarding so much of the lady's favour.
other trifle of mine your lordship has a fancy to, Ld More. Not at all, my lord: 'tis possible I though it were a mistress, I don't know any permay not have the same regard to her frown that son in the world that has so good a claim to my your lordship has.
resignation. Ld Fop. That's a bite, I am sure-he'd give Ld Fop. Oh, my lord, this generosity will dis. a joint of his little finger to be as well with her tract me! as I am. (Aside.) But here she comes-Charles, Ld More. My lord, I do you but common stand by me Must not a man be a vain cox: justice. But from your conversation, I had necomb, now, to think this creature followed one? ver known the true value of the sex. You posiSir Chu. Nothing so plain, my lord.
tively understand them the best of any man Ld Fop. Flattering devil!
breathing; therefore, I think every one of com
mon prudence ought to resign to you. Enter Lady Betty.
Ld Fop. Then, positively, your lordship is the Lady Bet. Pshaw, my lord Foppington ! pr’y- most obliging person in the world; for I'm sure thee, don't play the fool now, but give me my your judgment can never like any woman that is snuff-box-Sir Charles, help me to take it from not the finest creature in the universe. him.
[Bowing to Lady Bet. Sir Cha. You know I hate trouble, madam. Ld More. Oh, your lordship does me too
in French neither ; but Horace touches it to a of Eudry Bét
. Ch, my lord, nobody sooner