Cha. Sir, I demand justice. D. Du. There, sir―This to your lordship. [Gives him a letter, and whispers. Gov. Married to-night! and to this gentleman, sayest thou? I'm amazed! D. Du. Here is her choice, my lord. Clo. [Reading the letter.]-Um-um-charms --irresistible excuse-so soon-passion-blushes-consent-provision-children-settlementmarriage- -If this is not plain, the devil's in't Car. My father! Sir, your pardon and your-Hold, here's more, faith [Reads to himself. blessing. Ant. Why, truly, Charles, I begin to be a little reconciled to the matter; I wish you well, though I cann't join you together; for my friend and brother here is very obstinate, and will admit of no satisfaction: but, however, Heaven will bless you in spite of his teeth. Cha. This is all contrivance, roguery! I am abused! I say, deliver my daughter she is an heiress, sir; and to detain her is a rape in law, sir, and I'll have you all hanged; therefore, no more delays, sir; for I tell you before-hand, I am a wise man, and 'tis impossible to trick me. Gov. 'Tis very sudden—but give my service, I'll wait upon her. Clo. Ha, ha, ha! poor soul! I'll be with her presently; and, faith, since I have made my own fortune, I'll e'en patch up my brother's too, Hark you, my dear dad, that should ha' beenThis business is all at an end-for, look you, I find your daughter's engaged; and, to tell you the truth, so am I, faith. If my brother has a mind to marry her, let him; for I shall not, split me-And now, gentlemen and ladies, if you will do me the honour to grace mine and the lady Elvira's wedding, such homely entertainment as my poor house affords, you shall be all heartiwelcome to. py! Ant. I say, you are too positive, brother; and when you learn more wisdom, you'll have some.ly Cha. I say, brother, this is mere malice, when you know, in your own conscience, I have ten times your understanding; for you see I am quite of another opinion: and so, once more, my lord, I demand justice against that ravisher. Gov. Does your daughter, sir, complain of any violence? Cha. Your lordship knows young girls never complain, when the violence is over; he has taught her better, I suppose. Ang. [To CHARINO, kneeling.] Sir, you are my father, bred me, cherished me, gave me my affections, taught me to keep them hitherto within the bounds of honour and of virtue; let me conjure you, by the chaste love my mother bore you, when she preferred, to her mistaken parents' choice, her being yours without a dower, not to bestow my person, where those affections ne'er can follow-I cannot love that gentleman more than a sister ought; but here my heart's subdued, even to the last compliance with my fortune: he, sir, has nobly wooed and won me; and I am only his, or miserable. Cha. Get up again. Gov. Come, sir, be persuaded; your daughter has made an honourable and happy choice; this severity will but expose yourself and her. Cha. My lord, I don't want advice: I'll consider with myself, and resolve upon my own opinion. Enter JAQUES. Jaq. My lord, here's a stranger without, inquires for your lordship, and for a gentleman that calls himself Clodio. Clo. Hey! Ah, mon cher ami! Enter Don DUART, disguised. Well, what news, my dear? Has she answered my letter? D. Lew. Thy house! ha, ha! Well said, pup Clo. Ha! old Testy! Cha. What dost thou mean, man? [To CLODIO. Gov. 'Tis even so, I can assure you, sir; I have, myself, an invitation from the lady's own hand, that confirms it: I know her fortune well, and am surprised at it. Ang. Blessed news! This seems a forward step to reconcile us all. Cha. If this be true, my lord, I have been thinking to no purpose; my design is all broke to pieces. Ant. Come, brother, we'll mend it as well as we can; and since that young rogue has rudely turned tail upon your daughter, I'll fill up the blank with Charles's name, and let the rest of the settlement stand as it was. Cha. Hold! I'll first see this wedding, and Lou. Sir, we wait upon you. D. Lew. Ha, ha! if it should be a lie, now. SCENE III.-ELVIRA's Apartment-ELVI- Elv. At how severe a price do women pus chase an unspotted fame, when even the justest title cannot assure possession! When we reflect upon the insolent and daily wrongs which men and scandal throw upon our actions, 'twere enough to make an honest mind despair! If we are fair and chaste, we are proud; if free, we are wanton; cold, we are cunning; and if kind, forsaken-nothing we do or think on, be the La Clo. Well, madam, you see I am punctual you've nicked your man, faith; I am always critical-to a minute. You'll never stay for me. dies and gentlemen, I desire you'll do me the honour of being better acquainted here-my lordGov. Give you joy, madam. Clo. Nay, madam, I have brought you some near relations of my own, too- -This Don Antonio, who will shortly have the honour to call you daughter. Ant. The young rogue has made a pretty choice, faith! Clo. This Don Charino, who was very near having the honour of calling me son. This my elder brother-and this my noble uncle, Don Choleric Soapshorto de Testy. D. Lea. Puppy! Clo. Peevish! D. Lew. Madam, I wish you joy with all my heart; but, truly, I cann't much advise you to marry this gentleman; because, in a day or two, you'll really find him extremely shocking: those, that know him, generally give him the title of Don Dismallo Thickscullo de Halfwitto. Clo. Well said, nuncle-ha, ha! D. Du. Are you provided of a priest, sir? Clo. Ay, ay, pox on him! would he were come, though! D. Du. So would I. I want the cue to act this justice, on my honour; yet I cannot read the folly in her looks. [Aside. Gov. You have surprised us, madam, by this sudden marriage. Elo. I may yet surprise you more, my lord. D. Du. Sir, don't you think your bride looks melancholy? Cio. Ay, poor fool, she's modest-but I have a cure for that-Well, my princess, why that demure look, now? Elo. I was thinking, sir Clo. I know what you think of-You don't think at al- -You don't know what to thinkYou neither see, hear, feel, smell, nor taste You ha'n't the right use of one of your senses→→ In short, you have it. Now, my princess, have not I nicked it? Elv. I am sorry, sir, you know so little of yourself, or me. Enter a Servant. Serv. Madam, the priest is come. Elo. Let him wait, we've no occasion yet— Within, there-seize him. [Several Officers rush in, who seize CLODIO, and bind him. D. Du. Ha! Gov. What can this mean? Clo. Gads me! what, is my deary in her frolics already? Elv. And now, my lord, your justice on that murderer. Gov. How, madam ! Clo. That bitch, my fortune! D. Lew. Madam, upon my knees, I beg you don't carry the jest too far; but if there be any real hopes of his having a halter, let's know it in three words, that I may be sure at once for ever, that no earthly thing but a reprieve can save him. [Apart to ELVIRA. Ant. Pray, madam, who accuses him ? Elv. His own confession, sir. Chu. Of murder, say you, madam? Elo. The murder of my brother. Gov. Where was that confession made? Elo After the fact was done, my lord, this man, pursued by justice, took shelter here, and, trembling, begged of me for my protection: he seemed, indeed, a stranger, and his complaints so pitiful, that I, little suspicious of my brother's death, promised, by a rash and solemn vow, I would conceal him: which vow, Heaven can witness with what distraction in my thoughts I strictly kept, and paid; but he, alas! mistaking this my hospitable charity for the effects of a most vile, preposterous love, proceeds upon his error, and in his letter, here, addresses me for marriage; which I, once having paid my vow, answered in such prevailing terms, upon his folly, as now have, unprotected, drawn him into the hands of justice. D. Du. She is innocent, and well has disappointed my revenge. Aside. D. Lew. So, now I am a little easy-the puppy will be hanged. Gov. Give me leave, madam, to ask you yet some farther questions. Clo. Ay,—Î shall be hanged, I believe. Cha. Nay, then, 'tis time to take care of my daughter; for I am convinced that my friend Clody is disposed of—and so, without compliment, do you see, children, Heaven bless you together. [Joins CARLOS and ANGELINA's hands. Car. This, sir, is a time unfit to thank you as we ought. Ant. Well, brother, I thank you, however; Charles is an honest lad, and well deserves her; but poor Clody's ill fortune I could never have suspected. D. Lew. Why, you would be positive, though you know, brother, I always told you, Dismal would be hanged; I must plague him a little, because the dog has been pert with me -Clody, how dost thou do? Ha! why you are tied! Clo. I hate this old fellow, split me! D Lew. Thou hast really made a damned blunder here, child, to invite so many people to a marriage-knot, and, instead of that, it is like to be one under the left ear. Clo. I'd fain have him die. D. Lew. Well, my dear, I'll provide for thy going off, however; let me see you'll only have occasion for a nosegay, a pair of white gloves, and a coffin: look you, take you no care about the surgeons, you shall not be anatomized-I'll get the body off with a wet finger-Though, methinks, I'd fain see the inside of the puppy, too. Clo. Oh, rot him! I cann't bear this. D. Lew. Well, I won't trouble you any more now, child; if I am not engaged, I don't know but I may come to the tree, and sing a stave or two with thee-Nay, I'll rise on purposethough you will hardly suffer before twelve o'clock, neither-ay, just about twelve-about twelve you'll be turned off. Clo. Oh, curse consume him! Gov. I am convinced, madam; the fact appears too plain. D. Lew. Yes, yes, he'll suffer. Gov. What says the gentleman? Do you confess the fact, sir? Clo. Will it do any good, my lord? Gov. Perhaps it may, if you can prove it was not done in malice. Clo. Why, then, to confess the truth, my lord, I did pink him, and am sorry for it; but it was none of my fault, split me. Elv. Now, my lord, your justice. D. Du. Hold, madam, that remains in me to give; for know, your brother lives, and happy in the proof of such a sister's virtue. [Discovers himself. Elv. My brother! Oh, let my wonder speak my joy! Clo. Hey! [CLODIO and his friends seem surprised. Gov. Don Duart! living and well! How came this strange recovery? D. Du. My body's health the surgeon has restored: but here's the true physician of my mind: the hot, distempered blood, which lately rendered me offensive to mankind, his just resenting sword let forth, which gave me leisure to reflect upon my follies past; and, by reflection, to reform. Elv. This is indeed a happy change. Gov. Release the gentleman. Clo. Here, Testy, pr'ythee do so much as untie this a little. D. Lew. Why, so I will, sirrah; I find thou hast done a mettled thing; and I don't know whether it is worth my while to be shocked at thee any longer. Elv. I ask your pardon for the wrong I have done you, sir; and blush to think how much I owe you, for a brother thus restored. Clo. Madam, your very humble servant; it is mighty well as it is. D. Du. We are indeed his debtors both; and, sister, there's but one way now of being grateful. For my sake, give him such returns of love as he may yet think fit to ask, or you, with modesty, can answer. Clo. Sir, I thank you; and when you don't think it impudence in me to wish myself well with your sister, I shall beg leave to make use of your friendship. D. Du. This modesty commends you, sir. Ant. Sir, you have proposed like a man of honour; and if the lady can but like it, she shall find those among us, that will make up a fortune to deserve her. Cur. I wish my brother well; and as I once offered him to divide my birth-right, I'm ready still to put my words into performance. D. Lew. Nay, then, since I find the rogue's no longer like to be an enemy to Charles, as far as a few acres go, I'll be his friend too. D. Du. Sister! Elv. This is no trifle, brother; allow me a convenient time to think, and if the gentleman continues to deserve your friendship, he shall not much complain I am his enemy. D. Lew. So, now it will be a wedding again, faith! Car. Come, my Angelina, Our bark, at length, has found a quiet harbour, [Exeunt. EPILOGUE. AN epilogue's a tax on authors laid, stow. Thus have you known a woman plainly fair, (You thought five guineas far beyond her due.) But when pursued by some gay, leading lover, Then every day her eyes new charms discover; Till at the last, by crowds of beaus admired, She has raised her price to what her heart desired, New gowns and petticoats, which her airs required. So, miss, and poet too, when once cried up, CRITICS! though plays without your smiles subsist, Yet this was writ to reach your generous taste, O'er chokejade to the ditch a jade may lead, Is when the last act turns the lands with Dimple's speed. View then, in short, the method that he takes: His plot and persons he from nature makes, Who for no bribe of jest he willingly forsakes: His wit, if any, mingles with his plot, From his design no person can be spared, But now he flies for refuge to the fair, Whom he must own the ablest judges here. Since all the springs of his design but move From beauty's cruelty subdued by love, E'en they, whose hearts are yet untouched, must know, In the same case, sure, what their own wou'd do: You best should judge of love, since love is born of you. |