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Bayes. Ay, sir, for fear the usurpers might discover them, that went out but just now. Smi. Why, what if they had discover'd them? Bayes. Why, then they had broke the design. 1st King. Here, take five guineas for those warlike men.

2d King. And here's five more, that makes the sum just ten.

1st Her. We have not seen so much the Lord knows when. [Exeunt Heralds.

1st King. Speak on, brave Amarillis. Ama. Invincible sovereigns, blame not my modesty,

If, at this grand conjuncture

[Drum beats behind the stage. 1st King. What dreadful noise is this that comes and goes?

Enter a Soldier, with his sword drawn. Sol, Haste hence, great sirs, your royal persons

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Bayes. Is not that, now, a pretty kind of a stanza, and a handsome come off?

2d King. O, dangerous estate of sovereign power! Obnoxious to the change of every hour.

1st King. Let us for shelter in our cabinet stay; Perhaps these threatening storms may pass away. [Exeunt.

John. But, Mr Bayes, did not you promise us, just now, to make Amarillis speak very well. Bayes. Ay, and so she would have done, but that they hinder'd her.

Smi. How, sir; whether you would or no? Bayes. Ay, sir, the plot lay so, that, I vow to gad, it was not to be avoided.

Smi. Marry, that was hard.

John. But pray, who hinder'd her?

Bayes. Why, the battle, sir, that's just coming in at the door: and I'll tell you now a strange thing, tho' I don't pretend to do more than other men, 'egad, I'll give you both a whole week to guess how I'll represent this battle.

Smi. I had rather be bound to fight your battle, I assure you, sir.

Bayes. Whoo! there's it now:-fight a battle! there's the common error. I knew presently where I should have you. Why, pray, sir, do but tell me this one thing:-Can you think it a decent thing, in a battle before ladies, to have men run their swords through one another, and all that? John. No, faith, 'tis not civil.

Bayes. Right. On the other side, to have a long relation of squadrons here, and squadrons there, what is it but dull prolixity?

John. Excellently reasoned, by my troth!

Bayes. Wherefore, sir, to avoid both those indecorums, I sum up my whole battle in the representation of two persons only, no more, and yet so lively, that, I vow to gad, you would swear ten thousand men were at it, really engaged. Do you mark me?

Smi. Yes, sir; but I think I should hardly swear though, for all that.

Bayes. By my troth, sir, but you would though, when you see it; for I make 'em both come out in armour, cap-a-pée, with their swords drawn, and hung with a scarlet riband at their wrist; (which, you know, represents fighting enough.)

John. Ay, ay; so much, that, if I were in your place, I would make 'em go out again without ever speaking one word.

Bayes. No, there you are out; for I make each of 'em hold a lute in his hand.

Smi. How, sir? instead of a buckler? Bayes. O Lord! O Lord! instead of a buckler! Pray, sir, do you ask no more questions. I make 'em, sir, play the battle in recitativo. And here's the conceit. Just at the very same instant that one sings, the other, sir, recovers you his sword, and puts himself in a warlike posture, so that you have at once your ear entertained with music and good language, and your eye satisfied with the garb and accoutrements of war. Smi. I confess, sir, you stupify me. Bayes. You shall see.

John. But, Mr Bayes, might not we have a little fighting for I love those plays where they cut and slash one another upon the stage, for a whole hour together.

Bayes. Why, then, to tell you true, I have contrived it both ways. But you shall have my re

citativo first.

John. Ay, now you are right; there is nothing, then, can be objected against it.

Bayes. True; and so, 'egad, I'll make it, too, a tragedy, in a trice.

Enter, at several doors, the General and Lieutenant-General, armed cap-a-pée, with each of them a lute in his hand, and his sword drawn, and hung with a scarlet riband at his wrist.

Lieut.-Gen. Villain, thou liest. Gen. Arm, arm, Gonsalvo, arm. What! ho! The lie no flesh can brook, I trow.

Lieut.-Gen. Advance from Acton with the

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Lieut.-Gen. Give fire, give fire, at once give fire, and let those recreant troops perceive mine ire. John. Pursue, pursue: they fly, That first did give the lie.

[Exeunt. Bayes. This, now, is not improper, I think; because the spectators know all these towns, and may easily conceive them to be within the dominions of the two kings of Brentford.

John. Most exceeding well designed ! Bayes. How do you think I have contrived to give a stop to this battle?

Smi. How?

Bayes. By an eclipse; which, let me tell you, is a kind of fancy that was yet never so much as thought of but by myself, and one person more, that shall be nameless.

Enter Lieutenant-General.

Lieut.-Gen. What midnight darkness does in-
vade the day,

And snatch the victor from his conquered prey?
Is the sun weary of his bloody fight,
And winks upon us with the eye of light?
'Tis an eclipse.-This was unkind, O moon!
To clap between me and the sun so soon.
Foolish eclipse; thou this in vain hast done;
My brighter honour had eclipsed the sun:
But now behold eclipses two in one.

[Exit. John. This is an admirable representation of a battle, as ever I saw.

Bayes. Ay, sir. But how would you fancy to represent an eclipse?

Smi. Why, that's to be supposed.

Bayes. Supposed! Ay, you are ever at your suppose; ha, ha, ha! Why, you may as well suppose the whole play. No, it must come in upon the stage, that's certain, but in some odd way, that may delight, amuse, and all that. I have a conceit for't, that, I am sure, is new, and, I believe, to the purpose.

John. How's that?

Bayes. Why, the truth is, I took the first hint of this out of a dialogue between Phoebus and Aurora, in the Slighted Maid, which, by my troth, was very pretty; but, I think, you'll confess this is a little better.

John. No doubt on't, Mr Bayes, a great deal better.

[BAYES hugs JOHNSON, then turns to SMITH. Bayes. Ah, dear rogue! But-a-sir, you have heard, I suppose, that your eclipse of the moon is nothing else but an interposition of the earth between the sun and moon; as, likewise, your eclipse of the sun is caused by an interlocation of the moon betwixt the earth and the sun?

Smi. I have heard some such thing indeed. Bayes. Well, sir, then what do I, but make the earth, sun, and moon, come out upon the stage, and dance the hey: hum; and, of necessity, by the very nature of this dance, the earth must be sometimes between the sun and the moon, and the moon between the earth and sun: and there you have both your eclipses by demonstration. John. That must needs be very fine, truly.

Bayes. Yes, it has fancy in't. And then, sir, that there may be something in't too of joke, I bring 'em all in singing, and make the moon sell the earth a bargain.-Come, come out Eclipse, to the tune of Tom Tyler.

Enter LUNA.

Luna. Orbis, O Orbis! Come to me, thou little rogue, Orbis. Enter the Earth.

?

Orb. Who calls Terra Firma, pray
Luna. Luna, that ne'er shines by day.
Orb. What means Luna in a veil ?
Luna. Luna means to shew her tail.
Bayes. There's the bargain.

Enter SOL, to the tune of Robin Hood.
Sol. Fie, sister, fie; thou mak'st me muse,
Derry, derry down,

To see thee Orb abuse.
Lunu. I hope his anger 'twill not move,
Since I shewed it out of love.

Hey down, derry down.

Orb. Where shall I thy true love know, Thou pretty, pretty moon?

Luna. To-morrow, soon, ere it be noon,

On Mount Vesuvio.

[Bis.

Sol. Then I will shine.

[To the tune of Trenchmore.

Orb. And I will be fine.
Luna. And I will drink nothing but Lippary wine.
Omnes. And we, &c.

[As they dance the hey, BAYES speaks. Bayes. Now the earth's before the moon; now the moon's before the sun: there's the eclipse again.

Smi. He's mightily taken with this, I see. John. Ay, 'tis so extraordinary, how can he choose?

Bayes. So, now, vanish Eclipse, and enter t'other battle, and fight. Here now, if I am not mistaken, you will see fighting enough.

[A battle is fought between foot and great hobby-horses. At last, DRAWCANSIR comes in, and kills them all on both sides. All this while the battle is fighting, BAYES is telling them when to shout, and shouts with them. Draw. Others may boast a single man to kill, But I the blood of thousands daily spill. Let petty kings the name of parties know: Where'er I come I slay both friend and foe: The swiftest horsemen my swift rage controuls, And from their bodies drives their trembling souls: If they had wings, and to the gods could fly, I would pursue, and beat them through the sky, And make proud Jove, with all his thunder, see This single arm more dreadful is than he. [Exit.

Bayes. There's a brave fellow for you now, sirs. You may talk of your Hectors, and Achilleses, and I know not who, but I defy all your histories, and your romances too, to shew me one such conqueror as this Drawcansir.

John. I swear, I think you may.

Smi. But, Mr Bayes, how shall all these dead men go off; for I see none alive to help 'em? Bayes. Go off! why, as they came on; upon their legs: how should they go off? Why, do you think the people here don't know they are not dead?-He is mighty ignorant, poor man. Your friend here is very silly, Mr Johnson, 'egad, he is; ha, ha, ha! Come, sir, I'll shew you how they shall go off.-Rise, rise, sirs, and go about your business.-There's go off for you now; ha, ha, ha!-Mr Ivory, a word.-Gentlemen, I'll be with you presently. [Exit. John. Will you so? Then we'll be gone. Smi. I pr'ythee let's go, that we may preserve our hearing; one battle more will take mine quite away. [Exeunt.

Enter BAYES and Players. Bayes. Where are the gentlemen? 1st Play. They are gone, sir. Bayes. Gone! 'Sdeath! this last act is best of all. I'll go fetch 'em again. [Exit. 1st Play. What shall we do, now he is gone away?

2d Play. Why, so much the better; then let's go to dinner.

Sd Play. Stay, here's a foul piece of paper; let's see what 'tis.

3d or 4th Play. Ay, ay; come, let's hear it. 3d Play. [Reads.] The argument of the fifth act. -Cloris, at length, being sensible of Prince Prettyman's passion, consents to marry him; but, just as they are going to church, Prince Prettyman meeting, by chance, with old Joan, the chandler's widow, and remembering it was she that first brought him acquainted with Cloris, out of a high point of honour, breaks off his match with Cloris, and marries old Joan; upon which, Cloris, in despair, drowns herself, and Prince Prettyman discontentedly walks by the river-side. This will never do: 'Tis just like the rest.-Come, let's be gone. [Exeunt. Most of the Play. Ay, pox on't, let's be gone. Enter BAYES.

Bayes. A plague on 'em both for me! they have made me sweat to run after 'em: A couple of senseless rascals, that had rather go to dinner than see this play out, with a pox to 'em! What

comfort has a man to write for such dull rogues? -Come, Mr-a-Where are you, sir? Come away; quick, quick.

Enter Stage-Keeper.

S.-Keep. Sir, they are gone to dinner. Bayes. Yes, I know the gentlemen are gone; but I ask for the players.

S.-Keep. Why an't please your worship, sir, the players are gone to dinner too.

Bayes. How! Are the players gone to dinner? 'Tis impossible! The players gone to dinner! 'Egad, if they are, I'll make 'em know what it is to injure a person that does them the honour to write for 'em, and all that. A company of proud, conceited, humourous, cross-grained persons, and all that. 'Egad, I'll make 'em the most contemptible, despicable, inconsiderable persons, and all that, in the whole world for this trick. 'Egad, I'll be revenged on 'em :-I'll sell this play to the other house.

S.-Keep. Nay, good sir, don't take away the book; you'll disappoint the company that comes to see it acted here, this afternoon.

Bayes. That's all one. I must reserve this comfort to myself: my play and I shall go together; we will not part, indeed, sir.

S.-Keep. But what will the town say, sir?

Bayes. The town! Why, what care I for the town? 'Egad, the town has used me as scurvily as the players have done: but I'll be revenged on then too; for I'll lampoon 'em all: and since they will not admit of my plays, they shall know what a satirist I am. And so, farewell to this stage, 'egad, for ever. [Exit BAYES.

Enter Players.

1st Play. Come, then, let's set up bills for another play.

2d Play. Ay, ay; we shall lose nothing by this, I warrant you.

1st Play. I am of your opinion. But, before we go, let's see Haynes and Shirley practise the last dance; for that may serve us another time. 2d Play. I'll call 'em in; I think they are but in the tyring-room. [The dance done. 1st Play. Come, come; let's go away to dinner. [Exeunt omnes.

EPILOGUE.

THE play is at an end, but where's the plot? That circumstance the poet Bayes forgot. And we can boast, though 'tis a plotting age, No place is freer from it than the stage.

The ancients plotted, though, and strove to please. With sense that might be understood with ease; They every scene with so much wit did store, That who brought any in, went out with more.

But this new way of wit does so surprise,
Men lose their wits in wondering where it lies.
If it be true that monstrous births presage
The following mischiefs that afflict the age,
And sad disasters to the state proclaim;
Plays without head or tail may do the same:

Wherefore, for ours, and for the kingdom's peace,
May this prodigious way of writing cease:
Let's have, at least once in our lives, a time
When we may hear some reason, not all rhyme :
We have these ten years felt its influence;
Pray let this prove a year of prose and sense.

KEY TO THE REHEARSAL.

ACT I:

Page 216, line 28, second col.

"Bayes. In fine, it shall read, and write, and act, and plot, and shew, ay, and pit, box, and gallery, 'egad, with any play in Europe."

The usual language of the Hon. Edward Howard, Esq., at the rehearsal of his plays. Ibid, line 56.

"Bayes. These my rules."

He who writ this, not without pain and thought,
From French and English theatres has brought
Th' exactest rules by which a play is wrought,--
The unity of action, place, and time,
The scenes unbroken, and a mingled chime
Of Johnson's humour with Corneille's rhyme.
Prologue to the Maiden Queen.

Page 217, line 29, second col. "Bayes. I writ that part only for her. You must know she is my mistress."

The part of Amarillis was acted by Mrs Anne Reeves, who, at that time, was kept by Mr Bayes.

Page 218, line 28, first col.

Two kings of Brentford, supposed to be the two brothers, the king and the duke.-See page 239, line 16, second col.

Ibid, line 58.

See the two Prologues to the Maiden Queen.

Ibid, line 39, second col.

"I have printed above a hundred sheets of paper, to insinuate the plot into the boxes."

There were printed papers given the audience, before the acting the Indian Emperor, telling them that it was the sequel of the Indian Queen, part of which play was written by Mr Bayes, &c. Ibid, line 54.

"Persons, 'egad, I vow to gad, and all that," is the constant style of Failer, in the Wild Galfor which take this short speech, instead of

lant;

many.

Failer. "Really, madam, I look upon you as a person of such worth, and all that, that, I vow to gad, I honour you of all persons in the world; and tho' I am a person that am inconsiderable in the world, and all that, madam, yet, for a person of your worth and excellency, I would"

Wild Gallant, p. 8.

Page 219, line 12, first col.

"Bayes. No, sir, there are certain ties upon me, that I cannot be disengaged from."

He contracted with the king's company of actors, in the year 1668, for a whole share, to write them four plays a-year.

Ibid, line 47.

"So boar and sow, when any storm is nigh,
Snuff up, and smell it gathering in the sky;
Boar beckons sow to trot to chesnut groves,
And there consummate their unfinish'd loves:
Pensive in mud they wallow all alone,
And snore and gruntle to each other's moan."
In ridicule of this.

So two kind turtles, when a storm is nigh,
Look up, and see it gathering in the sky;
Each calls his mate to shelter in the groves,
Leaving, in murmurs, their unfinish'd loves:
Perch'd on some dropping branch, they sit alone,
And coo, and hearken to each other's moan.

Conquest of Granada, part II. p. 48.

Ibid, line 16, second col.
"Thun. I am the bold Thunder.
Light. The brisk Lightning I."
I am the evening as dark as night.

Slighted Maid, p. 48.

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