Графични страници
PDF файл
[merged small][merged small][graphic][ocr errors][subsumed][subsumed][subsumed][subsumed][subsumed][ocr errors][subsumed][subsumed][ocr errors][graphic][subsumed][subsumed][ocr errors][ocr errors][graphic][ocr errors][subsumed][merged small][merged small]
[blocks in formation]

ORIGINAL ANECDOTE, WIT AND SENTIMIENT. Illustrative of American enterprize and daring.

Shortly after ihe termination of the late war between DOMESTIC ASIDES,

Great Britain and the United States, an American ci

lizen, then on his travels in Europe, took passage in a or, TRUTH (IN PAREXTHESIS.) steam hoat from Greenock, crossing the North

ChanI really take it very kind,

nel to Bellast. On the passage down the river (lyde, Tas visil, Mrs. Skinner.

he, with other strangers, being not a little surprized on I have not seen you such an age

beholding a considerable work of defence thrown up (The wretch has come to dinner!)

on one of the banks of the river at a point so d stant Your daughters, too, what loves of girls

from the sea, and in a situation well land locked and What heads for painters' easels!

appareatly perfectly safe from the incursions of an er. Come here and kiss the infant, dears

ternal foe, on expressing his surprize 10 the Captain of (And give it p'rhaps the ineasles!)

he steam boat, (a true John Bull) at so unnecessary a

fortification having been erected, he replied (little Your charming boys I see are at home

knowing that he was addressing an American, to From Reverend Mr. Russell's:

whom the censures cast upon his countrymen for 'Twas very kind to bring them both

their noble daring, was a high treat) "why, sir, had we (What boots for my new brussels!)

been at war with any other nation on the earth, a miWhat! little Clara lest at home!

litary work in that situation would not have been at Well now I call that shabby:

all necessary, but the d---n Yankees* are so bold I should have loved to kiss her som

and impudent that there was no telling how far they (A flabby, wubby, babby!)

would venture to penetrate into the heart of the coun.

iry; I, myself, saw two of their privateers during the And Mr. S., I hope he's well,

war come sailing up the river, under a heavy press of Ah! though he lives so handy,

canvass, within the reach of the Guns of the Battery, He never now drops into sup

and thought surely they would be sunk, or at least (The better for our brandy!)

crippled and captured, but to my a-tonishinent and Come, take a seat-I long to hear

mortitication, after being fired upon, they wheeled About Matilda's marriage:

about like a coach and four, and made off in sately, You're come, of cours-, to spend to.day,

with their colours flying and drums beating YAN. (Thank Heav'n, I hear the carriage!)

KEE DOODLE." What! must you go? next time I hope

*The term Yankee, is applied in Great Britain to all You'll give me longer measure;

Americans, whether they be of the North, the South, Day--I shall see you down the stairs

the East, or the West, for there they pay no regard to (With most uncommon pleasure:)

our geographical divisions into separate Staies, but Good bye! good bye! remember all,

know us as only one great nation, who collectively Next time you'll take your dinners!

won their Liberty, and established their Independence. (Now, David, mind I'm not at home in future to the Skinners!)

RETALIATION.-Some few years since, in the county

of Penobscot, there lived a man by the name of H"THE ALMSHOUSE Boy.-A youth who was brought whose greatest pleasure was in tormenting others; his aip at the almshouse was lately taken into the family own family was generally the butt of his sport. One of Mrs. —, in Pearl street, to run of errands. The cold and blustering night, he retired to bed at an early first day he became an inmate of her house, the fol. hour, his wife being absent at a neighbor's. Some lowing dialogue passed between them: “Are you not time after, she returned; finding the door closed, she sorry, nay dear,” said Mrs. "to leave home?"- demanded admittance. “Who are you?" cried Mr. "No," answered he, “I don't care.” “Is there not H. “You know who I am, let me in, its very cold." somebody at home whom you are sorry to leave ?" re- Begone, you strolling vagabond, I want nothing of sumed she. “No," replied the boy, “I am not sorry to you here." “ But I must come in.” “What is your have any body." ' "What, not those who are good to name?" * You know my name, it is Mrs. H.” “Be. you ?" rejoined she. “Nobody ever was good io me,” gone! Mrs. H. is a very likely woman; she never keeps said the boy. Mrs. was touched with the child's such late hours as this.” Mrs. H. replied—“ If you do answer, which strongly painted his helpless lot, and not let me in I will drown myself in this well." “ Do, if the cold indifference of the world. The tear stood in you please,” he replied. She at that time taking up a her eye. "My poor little fellow," said she, after a log plunged it into the well, and retired to the side of short pause, “was nobody ever good to you! have you the door. Mr. H. hearing ihe noise, rushed from the no friend, my dear ?" "No, for old dustý Bob, the rag- house to save, as he supposed, his drowning wife. She man, died last week.” “And was he your friend ?"- at the same time slipped in and closed the door after “Yes, that he was," replied the boy, "he once gave me her. Mr. H. almost naked, in turn demanded admita piece of gingerbread!"—New York Sun.] tance. “Who are you?" she demanded. “You know

who I am, let me in, or I shall freeze." Begone, you ENCOURAGING Rising Merit.—“And you are at thievish rogne! I want nothing of you here.” “But school now, are you ?" was the question or a country. I must coine in." "What is your name?" "You man to a liwe nephew, who had a short time before know my name, it is Mr. H." "Mr. H. is a very commenced his education. “And do you like the likely man; he don't keep such late hours." Suffice school, iny man ?" "Yes,” whispered the boy. it to say, she, after keeping him in the cold until she " That's right; you'll be a brave scholar, I'll warrant was satisfied, opened the door and let him in. -how far are you up in your class, my little student ?" “ Next to the head.” “Next to the head, say you ?come, now, you deserve something for shar" -- hrust- which, during travel, began to snoke; thinking it on fire.

An Irishman, on a rainy day, was hauling a load of limes ing four whole cenis into the hand of the delighied he began to throw water on it; finding it increasing, he urchin. “And how many are in your class ?" "I drove his cart to a pond and empieł his load in, and ex. and a lilile gul!"

claimed. " there burn, and the divil to ye!"

[blocks in formation]



A CLINCHER.-In the coffee-room at the Bush Ta. THE SULKEY AND THE SOCIABLE.-A gentleman and vern, Bristol

, the conversation of the company touch- his wife were reduced trom al.fe of sp'endor and luxury, ed on the subject re-pecting the real or imaginary ex. by unavoidable misfortunes to a mo.e moderate way of istence of mermaids, when one of the party declared living. He had been since their misfortunes extremely in favor of the affirmative. “Oh! real, beyond all norose and gloomy, and it was a lively reply of his doubt; I have seen seven or more at one time, the affectionate wife that caused a change. “Wite," said he, most beautiful creatures I ever beheld, with long hair, one morning, my affairs are embar assed, and it is and their voung ones sucking at their breast." Th necessary should curia:l my expenses. I should like worthy and facetious host of he Bush replied: Sir, Cap. to have your opinion as to the reduction. He spoke

of the inforined me, thai, on Sun. this in a more gentle tone than usua!, " My dear hus. day morning, a merman had appeared to his men, hand," said she, I shall be perfectly happy if you will dressed in gay artire, with his hair frizzled and pow. get rid of the sulky-and let us retain the sociable.” dered as white as a full grown cauliflon, and demanded to know if the Captain was on board. The Captain soon anpeared on deck. The merman addressed

(SONG.–Translation by Beranger.] him as follows: "Sir, I shall feel particularly obliged by I've lived of late hy Doctor's nile; your giving orders for yqur anchor to be taken up;

And thus (his cane bereath his jose) it lies against my st pet door, and prevents my family Quith ho, “ Your fever we shall cool from going to church."

By absinence, and by repose.".

But in my heart Love's voice began, STEEL TRAP.-A gentleman who had long been

“A gallonade or so were well." subject to the nocturnal visitation of thieves in his or. I rose and

ralked an hour with Ann. cha:ds, wishing to preserve his property without en.

But do not tell, oh, do not tell dangering any one's life, procured from a hospital the

A word of thai to Ductor Fell! leg of a subject, which he placed one evening in a steel trap in his garden, ard next morning seni the crier

“ Beware of Bacchus," says our Sage, round the town to announce, that "the owner of the

Our Esculapius, who but he ? leg lefi in Mr. -'a ground last night, might receive

The purest preacher of the age it upon application." He was never robbed again.

Ne'er so enjoined sobriety.

But in my heart love's voice began, ORIGINAL, AND TRUE.-A servant woman, nena our

“To drink her health, meihinks twere well," office, was einployed to do the cooking for a fly.

Sy down I sat and toasted Ann, When the hour for dining arrived, the landlady in.

But do not tell, oh, do not tell quired whether dinner was ready? No, main, was the

A word of that to Doctor Fell! repiy-I have not yet finished s:ringing the beans. “We must not sing, it hurts the chast," The cook was industriously at work seiring the beans

Why here's a pretty how d'ye do! on strings. Lord, what shall I do, tlie company are The man mist surely be possess'd; waiting. Indeed, mom, I don't know ; you told me to

Pray God it a'u't the wandering Jew! string the brans, which I am doing with all my night. But in my heart Love's voice began, -N. Y. Gazette.

“One stave, and all will suon be well."

You choruss'd me while singing, Aun; A Happy ILLUSTRATION.- A strerage passenger

Bit do not tell, oh, di) not tell must be very uncomfortable, especially when the wen.

A word of that to Doctor Fell! ther is rough, and the waves beating over the sides and bow of the vessel. It is perhaus necessa y, how.

" Affect not womankind," quoth he, ever, that one should have felt the mixery of a stee-age

“All passion we must pre'ermit." passage, in order o judge of the comparative comfo-ts

Now.on my soul the kn ve must be of a packer's cabin. It is better to begin life in the

A Trappist, or a Jesuit! steerage of society, and finish it in the cabin, than to

But in my heart Love's voire began, have in walk forward in old age or late in life.-Mac

" A kiss would surely make you well." kenzie.

I'm going now for one from Ain

But do not tell, oh, do not tell Life is a Aower garden, in which new blossoms re

A word of that to Doctor Fell! ever opening as fast as others fade. Natire is the mirror of the Invisible One.

AN ANTIST OF ABILITY,-“W- is an artist of great The first fault man commits is to take theories for ability,” said one. “I d: not know," exid ano her, experience: the second to consider his own experience

"I am certain he is an artist of g eat irrit-ability.” as that of all. Where child'en are, is a golden age.

A lady who had been just three days married per. ful, as disco dz are the harsher the nearer they apsaid she offended against decency. Pardou mc, exBerween congenial minds dissensions are most pain. reiving her husband enjer, stole secretly behind hun

and gave him a kiss; the husband was angry, ard proach to concord.

Anger wishes the human race had but one neck, claimed she, I did not know it was you. love but one hart, grief two tears, and pride two bend. ed knees. Two things fill my mind with every new and in.

Cold, cruel girl, pray tell me why, creasing adiniralion and veneration the ofiener and Do you the harmless boon deny ? more constantly they occupy my thoughts--the starry

"Tis nothing terrible or frightful, heavens above me, and the moral law within me.

But warm, sweet, innocent, delightful, Forgiveness is the finding again of something lost,

Joyons inspiring-nay, I swear

1 misanthrophy, a prolonged suicide.

You doubt? Well, try me—there, there, there. There are moments in our life when we feel inclin. ed to press to our bosom every flower, and every dis. Dr. Sonth beginsa sermon on tłpie text, 'The wages tant star, every worm, and every darkly imaged loftier of sun is death,' as follows: “Poor wages indeed, that spirit-an embracing of all nature like our beloved. a man can't live by."



[blocks in formation]

Though I have made so much of her,

I find that she's no more.!" John's still alive; but grown so thin,

With constant woes and pains, That literary servant maids,

Now call him “ White's Remains."

John White he was the smartest man

Of all the New Police,
Though he had but a pound a week

To keep him and the peace.
Among his brother officers

You might have found some bigger;
But John White, No. 28,

Was well know by his figure.
The servant-maids, as John went by,

Stole to their doors to talk,
And so would be long on the step

Though not allowed a walk.
Soon to a cook, one Susan Fry,

He spoke of faithful love,
And swore she was, though kitchen-maid,

All other maids above.
This cook had vowed that none to her

Cool treatment should impute;
So, looking at his uniform,

She smiled upon his suit.
He courted her, and called her queen, -

While she would oft in sport
Declare his manners much improved

Since he had come to court.
But soon, alas ! she found him out,

And his bright prospects marred-
Though John, like all the New Police.

Was always on his guard.
One night she called to see Jane Sly,

The cook to Doctor Drake,
And there, with Jane and oyster-sauce,

She found her love at steak !
John kept his eyes fixed on his plate,

Alarmed at Susan's fright,
Who cried, “For shame!" and then declared

Next day her wrongs she'd write. She sent this touching note to Jane

“ Yu'll nevver cee me more; For yu ave splitt a appy pear,

And cut me to the core."
And then she wrote to faithless John

Yu kno, sur, I'm yure betters,
Indede the postman says I've maid

Sum progress in my letters. “I oped for joy, John, when I chose

My Luv from humbel stateFor being cook, of coarse I knoo

Wot broils attend the grate. “But yu've deceeved me, so fair well,

Yu folse and crewel yuthI've found, though yu're one of the ‘Force,'

'Tis not the Force of Truth.,
"So I'm determined, 0, John Wite!

To plunge into the river-
And scorn, as I have lost my heart,

To be a for-lawn liver !"
To Waterloo Bridge straight she went,

Poor melancholy soul!
Where, as she was a belle for death,

She gave the usual toll.
Then turning pale at thoughts of White,

She scale the bridge's brink,
And, like a fearless kitchen-maid,

Thus perished in a sink !
John learnt her fate, and crying cried

" Alas! my hopes are o'er


The leamed, full of inward pride,
The Fops of outward show deride:
The Fop, with learning at defiance,
Scoffs at the pedant, and the science:
The Don, a formal, solemn strutter,
Despises Monsieur's airs and flutter;
While Monsieur mocks the formal fool,
Who looks, and speaks, and walks by rule.
Britain, a medley of the twain,
As pert as France, as grave as Spain :
In fancy wiser than the rest,
Laughs at them both, of both the jest.
Is not the poet's chiming close
Censur'd by all the sons of prose?
While bards of quick imagination
Despise the sleepy prose narration.
Men laugh at apes, they men contemn;
For what are we, but Apes to them?

Two Monkies went to Southwark tair,
No critics had a sourer air :
They forc'd their way through draggled folks,
Whó gap'd to catch Jack-pudding's jokes;
Then took their tickets for the show,
And got by chance, the foremost row.
To see their grave, observing face,
Provok'd a laugh throughout the place.

Brother, says Pug, and turn'd his head,
The rabble's monstrously ill bred.

Now through the booth loud hisses ran;
Nor ended till the show began.
The tumbler whirls the flap-flap round,
With somersets he shakes the ground;
The cord beneath the dancer springs;
Aloft in air the vaulter swings;
Distorted now, now prone depends,
Now through his twisted arms ascends:
The crowd, in wonder and delight,
With clapping hands applaud the fight.

With smiles, quoth Pug, if pranks like these
The giant Apes of reason please,
How would they wonder at our arts;
They must adore us for our parts.
High on the twig I've seen you cling;
Play, twist and turn in airy ring:
How can those clumsy things like me,
Fly with a bound from tree to tree?
But yet, by this applause, we find
These emulators of our kind
Discern our worth, our parts regard,
Who our mean mimics thus reward."

Brother, the grinning mate replies,
In this 1 grant that Man is wise.
While good example they pursue,
We must allow some praise is due;
But when they strain beyond their guide,
I laugh to scorn the mimic pride,
For how fantastic is the sight,
To meet men always bolt upright,
Because we sometimes walk on two!
I hate the imitating crew.


[ocr errors][ocr errors][merged small]
« ПредишнаНапред »