WIT AND SENTIMENT. DOMESTIC ASIDES, I really take it very kind, Toms visit, Mrs. Skinner. I have not seen you such an age- Your daughters, too, what loves of girls- What! little Clara left at home! And Mr. S., I hope he's well, Come, take a seat-I long to hear Good bye! good bye! remember all, THE ALMSHOUSE BOY.-A youth who was brought apat the almshouse was lately taken into the family of Mrs., in Pearl street, to run of errands. The first day he became an inmate of her house, the following dialogue passed between them: "Are you not sorry, my dear," said Mrs. -, "to leave home?""No," answered he, "I don't care." "Is there not somebody at home whom you are sorry to leave?" resumed she. "No," replied the boy, "I am not sorry to leave any body." "What, not those who are good to you?" rejoined she. "Nobody ever was good ood to me, said the boy. Mrs. was touched with the child's answer, which strongly painted his helpless lot, and the cold indifference of the world. The tear stood in her eye. "My poor little fellow," said she, after a short pause, "was nobody ever good to you! have you no friend, my dear?" "No, for old dusty Bob, the ragman, died last week." "And was he your friend?""Yes, that he was," replied the boy, "he once gave me a piece of gingerbread!"-[New York Sun.] ENCOURAGING RISING MERIT.-" And you are at school now, are you?" was the question of a country. man to a little nephew, who had a short time before commenced his education. "And do you like the school, my man?" "Yes," whispered the boy. "That's right; you'll be a brave scholar, I'll warrant -how far are you up in your class, my little student?" "Next to the head." "Next to the head, say you?come, now, you deserve something for that"-thrusting four whole cents into the hand of the delighted urchin. "And how many are in your class?" "I and a little gul!" ORIGINAL ANECDOTE, Illustrative of American enterprize and døring. Shortly after the termination of the late war between Great Britain and the United States, an American citizen, then on his travels in Europe, took passage in a steam boat from Greenock, crossing the North Channel to Belfast. On the passage down the river Clyde, he, with other strangers, being not a little surprized on beholding a considerable work of defence thrown up on one of the banks of the river at a point so distant from the sea, and in a situation well fand locked and apparently perfectly safe from the incursions of an external foe, on expressing his surprize to the Captain of the steam boat, (a true John Boll) at so unnecessary a fortification having been erected, he replied (little knowing that he was addressing an American, to whom the censures cast upon his countrymen for their noble daring, was a high treat) "why, sir, had we been at war with any other nation on the earth, a military work in that situation would not have been at all necessary, but the d-n Yankees are so bold and impudent that there was no telling how far they would venture to penetrate into the heart of the country; 1, myself, saw two of their privateers during the war come sailing up the river, under a heavy press of canvass, within the reach of the Guns of the Battery, and thought surely they would be sunk, or at least crippled and captured, but to my astonishment and mortitication, after being fired upon, they wheeled about like a coach and four, and made off in safety, with their colours flying and drums beating YAN. KEE DOODLE." *The term Yankee, is applied in Great Britain to all Americans, whether they be of the North, the South, the East, or the West, for there they pay no regard to our geographical divisions into separate States, but. know us as only one great nation, who collectively won their Liberty, and established their Independence. RETALIATION. Some few years since, in the county of Penobscot, there lived a man by the name of Hwhose greatest pleasure was in tormenting others; his own family was generally the butt of his sport. One cold and blustering night, he retired to bed at an early hour, his wife being absent at a neighbor's. Some time after, she returned; finding the door closed, she demanded admittance. "Who are you?" cried Mr. H. "You know who I am, let me in, its very cold." "Begone, you strolling vagabond, I want nothing of you here." "But I must come in." "What is your name?" "You know my name, it is Mrs. H." "Begone! Mrs. H. is a very likely woman; she never keeps such late hours as this." Mrs. H. replied " If you do not let me in 1 will drown myself in this well." " Do, if you please," he replied. She at that time taking up a log plunged it into the well, and retired to the side of the door. Mr. H. hearing the noise, rushed from the house to save, as he supposed, his drowning wife. She at the same time slipped in and closed the door after her. Mr. H. almost naked, in turn demanded admittance. "Who are you?" she demanded. "You know who I am, let me in, or I shall freeze." Begone, you thievish rogue! I want nothing of you here." "But I must come in." What is your name?" "You know my name, it is Mr. H." "Mr. H. is a very likely man; he don't keep such late hours." Suffice it to say, she, after keeping him in the cold until she was satisfied, opened the door and let him in. " An Irishman, on a rainy day, was hauling a load of lime which, during travel, began to smoke; thinking it on fire. he began to throw water on it; finding it increasing, he drove his cart to a pond and emptied his load in, and exclaimed, "there burn, and the divil to ye!" A CLINCHER. In the coffee-room at the Bush Ta- | THE SULKEY AND THE SOCIABLE. A gentleman and vern, Bristol, the conversation of the company touch- his wife were reduced from a life of sp'endor and luxury, ed on the subject respecting the real or imaginary existence of mermaids, when one of the party declared in favor of the affirmative. "Oh! real, beyond all doubt; I have seen seven or more at one time, the most beautiful creatures I ever beheld, with long hair, and their voung ones sucking at their breast." The worthy and facetious host of the Bush replied: Sir, Cap. tain, of the - -, informed me, that, on Sunday morning, a merman had appeared to his men, dressed in gay attire, with his hair frizzled and pow. dered as white as a full grown cauliflour, and demanded to know if the Captain was on board. The Captain soon appeared on deck. The merman addressed him as follows: "Sir, I shall feel particularly obliged by your giving orders for your anchor to be taken up; it lies against my street door, and prevents my family from going to church." by unavoidable misfortunes to a more moderate way of living. He had been since their misfortunes extremely norose and gloomy, and it was a lively reply of his affectionate wife that caused a change. "Wife," said he, one morning, "my affairs are embar assed, and it is necessary I should curtail my expenses. I should like to have your opinion as to the reduction. He spoke this in a more gentle tone than usual. "My dear husband," said she, " I shall be perfectly happy if you will get rid of the sulky-and let us retain the sociable." STEEL TRAP-A gentleman who had long been subject to the nocturnal visitation of thieves in his or. chards, wishing to preserve his property without endangering any one's life, procured from a hospital the leg of a subject, which he placed one evening in a steel trap in his garden, and next morning sent the crier round the town to announce, that "the owner of the leg left in Mr.'s ground last night, might receive it upon application." He was never robbed again. ORIGINAL AND TRUE-A servant woman, near our office, was employed to do the cooking for a funily. When the hour for dining arrived, the landlody inquired whether dinner was ready? No, mam, was the reply-I have not yet finished stringing the beans, The cook was industriously at work sewing the beans on strings. Lord, what shall I do, the company are waiting. Indeed, mam, I don't know; you told me to string the beans, which I am doing with all my might. -N. Y. Gazette. A HAPPY ILLUSTRATION. A stoerage passenger must be very uncomfortable, especially when the wen. ther is rough, and the waves beating over the sides and bow of the vessel. It is perhaps necessa y, how. ever, that one should have felt the misery of a steerage passage, in order to judge of the comparative comforts of a packer's cabin. It is better to begin life in the steerage of society, and finish it in the cabin, than to have to walk forward in old age or late in life. Mac. kenzie. Life is a flower garden, in which new blossoms re ever opening as fast as others fade. Nature is the mirror of the Invisible One. The first fault man commits is to take theories for experience; the second to consider his own experience as that of all. Where children are, is a golden age. Between congenial minds dissensions are most pain. ful, as disco'ds are the harsher the nearer they approach to concord. Anger wishes the human race had but one neck, love but one heart, grief two tears, and pride two bend. ed knees. Two things fill my mind with every new and increasing admiration and veneration the oftener and more constantly they occupy my thoughts-the starry heavens above me, and the moral law within me. Forgiveness is the finding again of something lostmisanthrophy, a prolonged suicide. There are moments in our life when we feel inclin. ed to press to our bosom every flower, and every dis. tant star, every worm, and every darkly imaged loftier spirit-an embracing of all nature like our beloved. [SONG.-Translation by Beranger.] I've lived of late by Doctor's rule; "Beware of Bacchus," says our Sage, "To drink her health, methinks twere well," "We must not sing, it hurts the chest," Why here's a pretty how d'ye do! "Affect not womankind," quoth he, But in my heart Love's voice began, A word of that to Doctor Fell! AN ARTIST OF ABILITY.-"W- is an artist of great ability," said one. "I do not know," said another, "I am certain he is an artist ofg eat irrit-ability." A lady who had been just three days married per. ceiving her husband enter, stole secretly behind him and gave him a kiss; the husband was angry, ard said she offended against decency. Pardon me, exclaimed she, I did not know it was you. A KISS. Cold, cruel girl, pray tell me why, You doubt? Well, try me-there, there, there. Dr. South beginsa sermon on this text, 'The wages of sun is death, as follows: "Poor wages indeed, that a man can't live by." JOHN WHITE AND SUSAN FRY. Among his brother officers You might have found some bigger; But John White, No. 28, Was well know by his figure. The servant-maids, as John went by, And swore she was, though kitchen-maid, This cook had vowed that none to her So, looking at his uniform, He courted her, and called her queen,- One night she called to see Jane Sly, And there, with Jane and oyster-sauce, John kept his eyes fixed on his plate, Who cried, "For shame!" and then declared She sent this touching note to Jane- And then she wrote to faithless John- "I oped for joy, John, when I chose "But yu've deceeved me, so fair well, Yu folse and crewel yuth I've found, though yu're one of the 'Force,' 'Tis not the 'Force of Truth., "So I'm determined, O, John Wite! To plunge into the river And scorn, as I have lost my heart, To Waterloo Bridge straight she went, Then turning pale at thoughts of White, John learnt her fate, and crying cried- Though I have made so much of her, I find that she's no more!" John's still alive; but grown so thin, With constant woes and pains, That literary servant maids, Now call him "White's Remains." THE TWO MONKEYS. A FABLE. The learned, full of inward pride, Two Monkies went to Southwark fair, Brother, says Pug, Pug, and and turn'd his head, Now through the booth loud hisses ran; With smiles, quoth Pug, if pranks like these The giant Apes of reason please, Brother, the grinning mate replies, GAY. |