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WIT AND SENTIMENT.

WIT AND SENTIMENT.

EPIGRAM

Handsome women, when intoxicated by the fame of adulation, often render themselves ridiculous by a thousand indiscretions, even in the eyes of their admirers.

On the Marriage of a Lady of sixty-three years of age world, is much deceived but he who lancies

a Gentleman of eighteen years.
Hard is the fate of every childless wife,
The thoughts of wedlock tantalize her life;
Troth, aged bride, by thee 'twas wisely done,
To choose a child and husband all in one.

The late

R. B. Sheridan, being once on a parliamentary committee, happened to enter the room when most of the members were present and seated, though business had not yet commenced; when, perceiving that there was not another seat in the room, he with his usual readiness said, "Will any gentleman move that I may take the chair?"

CURIOSITY. The most extraordinary instance of wit. ty impudence and blind curiosity which I have ever heard of, occurred at Cirencester, in the province of Gloucestershire, where a man showed, for a penny a piece, the fork which belonged to the knife with which Margaret Nicholson attempted to kill George III.-Letters on England.

A very reprehensible practise prevails in our country which all good men should discountenance, as far as they may have the opportunity. We allude to the introduction of texts, or parts of texts, from the Scriptures, as toasts, at political and other public dinners and festivals. This use of passages of the Bible is always irreverent, very often marked with impiety, and not unfrequently with blasphemy. We hope it proceeds from thoughtlessness, rather than from a disposition to jest with sacred things.

SCIENCE OF THE FORK.-D'Archenoltz asserts that an Englishman may be discovered any where, if he be observed at a table, because he places his fork on the left side of his plate; a Frenchman, by using the fork alone without the knife; a German, by planting it perpendicularly into his plate; and a Russian, by using it as a tooth-pick.

LOVE AND POETRY. Should there be in this enlightened age any incredulous person, who still denies that love is productive of poetry, and that of the sweetest kind, let him read and ponder upon the following tribute of a Dumfries lover, to the charms of his fair one:

"Oh! honey it is very sweet,
But sugar it is sweeter,
And my love as far excels,
As sugar does saltpetre.

A butler of the late Sir Walter Scott quarrelled with the cook, and, having rather unceremoniously accompanied his argument with a few cuffs, he was reprimanded by Sir Walter, and sent down stairs with the following advice:-"Recollect, in future, when you wish to convince a woman, do it by fleeching, for you will never be able to do it by fighting; women may be led, but they will not be driven."

LONDON DESCRIBED BY AN INDIAN CHIEF.-The Rev. P. Jones, the Indian Chief, thus writes to the editor of the Canadian Guardian: "London is a great city and is full of people. I wonder how they their living; for they are as thick as musquetoes, and almost run over one another. Here you may see the rich man who has every thing that he wants, and here you see the poor man who knows not where he may get his next meal."

He who imagines that he can do without the that the world cannot do without him, is still more deceived.

CELIBACY-Is a miserable lot. It is a branchless tree growing up but to decay, without a limb to shelter its trunk from the storms of existence.

Keep thy eyes wide open before marriage, and half shut afterwards.

Fine sense and exalted sense are not half so useful as common sense. There are forty men of wit to one man of sense and he that will carry nothing about him but gold, will be every day at loss for want of ready change.-Pope.

REPROOF. If any shall wilfully offer thee an injury, let him know thou canst see it: but withal, let him know thou canst scorn it too; unless it be of such a nature that the bearing of it is an offence and mischief to another.

RIGHTS OF WOMAN.-A woman offering te sign a deed, the judge asked her whether her husband compelled her to sign? "He compel me!" said the lady, " "no, nor twenty like him!"

A JUST DISTINCTION. -The great distinction between a dun and a bottle of claret in a poet's garret is, that the former drives the man out of his wits, while the latter drives the wits out of

the man.

During the canvass of a Mr. Garnett among the electors of Jalford, (Eng.) he and his friends called at a huckster's shop, in which was only a boy, who, having learned their business, went to the foot of the stairs, and called to his mother, who was above, "Mother, here's a mon as wants yo't vote for him t' be a Parliament mon.""Well," shouted his mother, "tell him thy feyther's not in, but if he'll chalk his name on the counter, we'll inquire into his character."

THE UTILITY OF A LONG NOSE--A fellow the other day run butt up against the gable end of a house in Pine street, and broke his nose. "What a fortunate thing it is to be well secured against accidents," he exclaimed, at the same time clapping his hand on his mortified protuberance, which by the way, was a roarer) "for if it was'nt for the length of my nose here, I might have ruined my face for ever."

PATIENT COURTSHIP. I knew a man that went courting his sweetheart the distance of three miles every evening for fourteen years, besides dogging her home after church on SunFor the first seven years he only stood and courtday afternoons; making above 15,000 miles. ed in the door porch; but for the remaining period he ventured (what a liberty after a septennial attachment!) to hang his hat on a pini in the passage and sit on the kitchen settee. The wedding, a consummation devoutly to be wished, was solemnized when Robert and Hannah were in their sear and yellow leaf.

VERY LIKE. What letter is that? vociferated ABSENCE OF MIND.--A well known gentleman

an impatient pedagogue to a pupil who had not
yet become versed in the mysteries of the Roman
Alphabet, pointing to the letter X. The urchin
scratched his head in a decided quandary, look-
ing intently on the diagram, unable to call it by
name, and fearing the weapon of him "clothed
in a little brief authority," should he give an im-
proper designat
designation. Come, sir, what is it? speak
quick! again demanded the pedagogue. I b'lieve,
whimpered the boy, in a tone of terror, I b'lieve
it's a saw-horse, only you can't see both sides.-
Lynn Messenger.

ACCOMMODATION NOTES.-Uncle Ohadiah, said a graceless young merchant, who had about consumed his patrimony, to a shrewd old Quaker relative, I can have a thousand dollars at the bank, which I want to use a few days, till I collect some of my heavy outstandings, and I will thank you just to put your name on the back of this note. Why, Nathan, what does thee want my name on the back of the note for? Oh, only a mere matter of form; the bank always requires two names, it will make no difference or trouble to you; 1 shall take it up when due. But, Nathan, will they not ask me to pay the thousand dollars, if thee don't pay it? Why, Oh, Ah, why yes, if I don't. Well, Nathan, I think I had better not put it on, for if thee don't pay it, I am sure I don't want to!-Portland Courier.

The following anecdote of Dr. Halley is too interesting to be omitted:-Queen Caroline, on visiting the Observatory at Greenwich, was so much pleased, that on learning, to her astonishment, that the doctor's salary for the arduous and important duties of Astronomer Royal amounted to no more than one hundred guineas per annum, she declared her intention to request the King to increase it. The Doctor, however, entreated her to avoid doing so, lest the pecuniary reward might become an object of cupidity; in which case a man of influence and no philosopher would inevitably obtain the appointment.-Library of

Fine Arts.

GARRICK AND GEORGE THE THIRD. When Garrick played Richard for the first time before the King, he inquired eagerly the next day whether any observations were made on his performance: "Why, yes," replied the gentleman of whom the inquiry was made, "his Majesty expressed astonishment that a man of your age could move his legs so rapidly; all that he said was, Charlotte, Charlotte, see how quickly the little man moves his legs!"

THE LATEST PUN. -In a Debating Society at West Point a short time since, the subject of the evening happened to be some question on the Law of Nations. A great many learned speeches were made, when one of the Cadets rose in his turn to speak. He placed before him a large open volume, and thrusting his hand into his pocket, he solemnly drew forth a potatoe, and placing it on a book, said-" Gentlemen, here is Vattel on the Law of Nations, and here is a common-tater (commentator) on it. He won a laugh, and achieved a victory.-N. Y. Citizen |

of Magdalen College, Cambridge, had taken his watch from his pocket to mark the time he intended to boil an egg for his breakfast, when a friend entering the room found him absorbed in some abstruse calculation, with the egg in his hand, upon which he was intently looking, and the watch supplying the place in the saucepan of boiling water.

A candidate for the stage applied to the manager of the Lyceum Theatre for an engagement. After he had exhibited specimens of his various talents, the following dialogue took place between them," Sir, you stutter!” "So does Mrs. Inchbald." "You are lame of one leg!" "So was Foote." "But you are thick-legged!" "So is Jack Johnson." "You have an ugly face!" "So has Liston." "You are very short!" "So was Garrick." "You squint abominably!" "So did Lewis." "You are a monotonous mannerist!" "So is Kemble." "You are but a miserable copy of Kemble." "So is Barrymore." "You have a perpetual whine!" "So has Pope." "In comedy you are a mere buffoon!" "So is Munden." "But you have all these defects combined!" "So much the more singular."

ANTICIPATING QUESTIONS. An industrious mechanic, having undertaken to repair the front of a store in a busy part of our village, and having become impatient with the frequent inquiries of the curious-not to say inquisitive-to save time and trouble, reduced the following answers to the most common interrogatories to writing, and placed the same in a conspicuous place.

"My name is Cross. I am cutting this window larger, and I am going to make the other like it-same size. I am doing it for pay-what do you think?"

Suffice it to say, it had the desired effect, with such as could read and understand "plain English.”

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THE CORK LEG.-A gentleman in Charleston very great liking to young lady from Ireland, and was on the eve of popping the question, when he was told by a friend that his dulcinea had got a cork leg. It is difficult to imagine the distress of the young Carolinian: he was over head and ears in love with her, and would rather have parted with a dozen of the best negroes on his plantation, than give her up. He went to her father's house, knocked impatiently at the door, and when admitted to his fair one's presence, asked her if what he had heard respecting her was true. "Yes, indeed, my dear sir, it is true enough; but you have heard only the half of my misfortune; I have got two cork legs; having had the ill luck to be born in Cork." This is the incident on which is founded Hart's afterpiece called Perfection.

Dick, said a master to his servant, have you fed the pigs. Yes, Massa, me fed um. Did you count them, Dick? Yes, me count 'um all but one.' All but one? Yes, Massa, all but onedare be one little speckled pig he frisk about so much me couldn't count him.

HUMOROUS POETRY.