THE REPLY PIQUant.—Dur

ing the late political events, Marshal Ney said to the Swiss General Bachmann, "Do you know that we fight for honour, while you fight for money?". "" Yes," returned the Swiss, "we both fight for that which we have not."

A COUNTRY gentleman walking in his garden, saw his gardener asleep in the arbour-" What, (says be), asleep,, instead of at work! you idle dog, you are not worthy the sun should shine on you." "" I am truly sensible of my unworthiness," answered the man, " and therefore I laid myself down in the shade."

The sad and the ludicrous mingled. In the pocket of a man, named Jobu Proctor, who hung himself this month near Bedfordsquare, were found the following lines, addressed to a servant girl in a family where he formerly lived:

"I am young, and in my prime,
"And
am going just in time,
"So come to see a cruel wretch,
"And to my girl give my watch."

In the Cathedral of Sienna, celebrated for its floor, inlaid with the History of the Old Testament, is the following singular epitaph, probably placed there as a memento to Italian Toby Philpots.

"Wine gives life, it was death to me. I could not behold the dawn of morning in a sober state. Even my bones now thirst. Stranger: sprinkle my grave with wine; empty the flaggons and come.Farewell, Drinkers!"

A GENTLEMAN returning from an arduous fox-chase, and extremely thirsty, asked a country girl, whom he saw at the door of a lone cottage, for a draft of ale?

The Girl, (dropping a curtsey) "I've got no ale, Sir."

Gent." No ale! well then pray give me a tumbler of table beer."

Girl." Got no table beer, Sir." Gent.-"Worse and worse; then I'll thank you for a tumbler of water."

Girl." Got no water, Sir." Gent." The d-l you have not, why how do you do then?" Girl." Very well I thank you, Sir, I hope you are well.”

AN odd character, who had got into the absurd habit of laughing aloud after every observation he made, at the request of his wife on her death, had married a particular friend of her's. After bis second marriage, an acquaintance called to congratulate him on the occasion, and be expressed his hopes that the new wife would compensate for the loss abovementioned ! "Sir," replied the married man, "when I and my new wife cannot sleep at nights, we do sit up in bed and take a pinch of snuff together, and talk about my former wife, till we do cry (laughing); you cannot imagine, Sir, how we do cry."

bome from the house of a friend with whom he had dined, and who was remarkable for his hospitality. "I beg your honour's pardon," said the coachman, "but if I may be allowed to speak one word, drunk as I was, and to be sure I could not see through a win. dow, 'twas your honour's own fault entirely." My fault," quoth the master, "how could it be my fault, you fellow?" Patience, one moment, your honour," returned the coachman," and I will explain every thing:-You must know your bonour, 'tis the custom at Squire Jollyman's, for every male servant from another house, to go into the cellar with the butler, and to drink as many tumblers of stingo as he has got buttons upon his coat and waistcoat. Your honour knows how rich and full you ordered my last suit; however I'll be bound hereafter to drive home your honour in as good style as my Lord Mayor from Squire Jollyman's, or squire any body's, provided my next livery be made single breasted."

A FORMAL old clergyman, who was very nice about his hair, which he wore in a large roll behind, after the old-fashioned manner, was particular in his directions to a certain friend who was about to cut it; "and be sure," said he, "to leave it long enough behind to be rolled three or four times over my fore finger."-The friseur, handing a chair for the gentleman's accommodation, replied, "Sir, your orders shall be strictly attended to :" then entering into a long rigmarole story, the clergyman, after a while, desired him to cut it (the story) short. The story still continuing, to the great annoyance of the clergyman, he again said, "Cut it short." This, however, being of no avail, he repeated, “I must beg of you to cut it short, and that instantly."" Only put up your hand, Sir," answered the barber, "'tis as close to your poll as possible, and one more cut with the scissars would make a hole in your niddick."

AN ordinary ignorant fellow, who had married a pretty woman, was very much joked by his fellow workmen on the occasion.-On returning home one evening, addressing himself to his wife, "And what sort of men be they as they do call cuckolds ?" said he.—On her telling him they were bad, wicked fellows-"I thought sn,” quoth he, " and I wish, I wish, I wish, they were all tossed into the Thames; and don't you wish so too?" continued he.-"To be sure I do," returned she, "and I wish, I wish, I wish, you could swim.”

A WORTHLESS young fellow having gone on board a convict ship recognised an old acquaintance, who described himself as

arrived

arrived at the acme of his wishes. "I am going to a charming country, said he, where I shall be alloted land and live like a gentleman. I pay not a groat for my passage, and the best of provisions are found me by the King. I dont like to let any one into the whole of my scheme by which 1 became thus fortunate-only steal a goose as I did, and you will be entitled to all these privileges." The young worthless fellow went on shore, stole a goose, was consequently apprebended, but so aggravated were the circumstances from his breaking open locks, &c. that instead of being transported he was hanged.

A COUNTRYMAN having been sent some distance by his master to receive money at a bank, was, on his arrival, addressed by one of the clerks, in a well-bred soothing accent, to the following effect:"I know your business, Sir, and I am extremely sorry to inform you that we have this morning stopped payment." "No matter," cries the countryman," if you please to let I have a chair, I'll zet here and cool myself, for am come a main way, and by that time mayhap you'll begin again."

SIR William Wraxall relates the following: His present Majesty once said to Sir J. Irwin, a celebrated bon vivant-" They tell me, Sir John, that you love a glass of wine."-"Those, Sir, who bave so reported me to your Majesty," answered he, bowing profoundly," have done me great injustice they should have said a bottle."

the newspaper editor, in the following terms:-" Mrs. R. would thank her friend Boaden for a dozen puffs for Sappho and Phaon." By mistake of the penny post, this note was delivered to Mr. Bowden, the pastrycook in the Strand, who sent her this answer: -"Mr. Bowden's respectful compliments to Mrs. R-, shall be very happy to serve her; but as Mrs. Ris not a constant customer, he cannot send the puffs for the young folks without first receiving the money."

WHEN Gulley was last ou the road from Loudon, to pay a visit to Brighton, a short time since, be took refreshment at an Inn in Reigate. During his stay there, a stage coach, pretty well crowded with passengers inside and out, stopped at the door. A waiter, on the step of the entrance to the house, at the instant, vociferated, "You are just in time, Gentlemen, Gulley has this moment set to with the Chicken!" and immediately disappeared, as if anxious to witness the diversion himself. The words of the waiter appeared highly congenial to the dispositions of his auditors-the coach was left without a passenger presently, the whole posse entered the house, and, on learning where Gulley was, sans ceremonie entered his room, where the good-natured pugilist was found, as the waiter had de-scribed, commencing a set-to with a roast chicken, done to a turn!

was

would serve them for dinner, which was immediately ordered. In the mean time, some sporting Gentlemen coming in, and finding there was nothing in the house but what was getting ready for another company, asked who they were? The landlord told them he did not exactly know, but he believed it was an Irish Officer. "Oh! d-n him, if he's Irish (said one of them) a potatoe will serve him: here, waiter, take up this watch (pulling out an elegant gold one), carry it up stairs, and ask the gentleman what's o'clock?" The waiter, at first, remonstrated; but the company insisting upon his delivering the message, he obliged to comply. Mr. Fitzpatrick, as may well be imagined, was surprised at such an impudent message, but recollecting himself in a moment, he took the watch from the waiter, and sent his compliments to the company, and that he would tell them before he parted. This message, however, produced his dinner to be sent him up stairs in quiet; after which he put a pair of holster pistols under his arm, and going down stairs, introduced himself into the company by telling them he was come to let them know what o'clock it was; but first hegged to be informed to which of the gentlemen the watch belonged Here a dead silence ensued. Mr. Fitzpatrick then began on his right hand, by asking them severally the question, each of whom denied knowing any thing of the circumstance. Oh, then, Gentlemen, I find I bave mistaken the company; but the waiter a while ago brought me an impudent message from some people in this house, which I came as you see (pointing to his pistols) properly to resent, but I find I

Surgical Bon Mot.-It is well known that the veterans who preside at the examinations of Surgeons, question minutely those who wish to become qualified. After answering very satisfactorily to the numerous enquiries made, he wished to give his patient a proa young gentleman was asked, if fuse perspiration, what he would prescribe. He mentioned many sudorific medicines in case the first failed, but the unmerciful question thus continued: "Pray Sir, suppose none of those succeeded, what step would you take next?" "Why Sir," rejoined the enraged and harassed young Esculapius, "I would send him here to be examined; and if that would not give him a sweat, I do not know what would."

of five guineas each, five subscribers, were won easily by Mr. Ve vers's chesnut horse, Humphrey Clinker, beating two others. On Friday, the Gentlemen's Subscription Purse of 50l. was won at two heats by Mr. Vevers's chesnut mare, Cora, by Sir Ulic, beating Mr. Munsey's bay horse, Mortimer, by Meteor, and Mr. Powell's chesnut borse, by Guildford, a well-contested race, and won by a length only. In this race the knowing ones were completely taken in, bets being ten to one on Mortimer, who was amiss.

AT Tavistock Races, a sailor with one arm, who had just been paid off, exhibited his skill in horsemanship, to the no small annoyance of the course, till at length checking his Bucephalus at full gallop, he was thrown with great violence, by which his right leg was so dreadfully fractured, that the bone perforated the skin.

EGHAM Races were numerously and fashionably attended the first and second days, although a considerable damp was thrown on the sport, in consequence of the absence of his Royal Highness the Duke of York and the Royal Family, who usually honour them with their presence. Lord Cranstoun and R. Birt, Esq. were the Stewards.

SHREWSBURY Races commenced Tuesday, Sept. 19, and the amateurs of the turf were highly graM m 2 tified