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THE REPLÝ PIQUANT.-Dore A GENTLEMAN returning from
ing the late political events, an arduous fox-chase, and exMarsbal Ney said to the Swiss Geo tremely thirsty, asked a country neral Bachmann, “ Do you know girl, whom he saw at the door of that we fight for honour, while yout a lone cottage, for a draft of ale? fight for money?"-" Yes," re The Girl, (dropping a curtsey) turned the Swiss, we both fight “ I've got no ale, Sir." for that which we have not."
Gent. " No ale! well then
pray give me a tumbler 'of table A COUNTRY gentleman walking beer.” in his garden, saw his gardener Girl.-" Got no table beer, Sir." asleep in the arhour-" What, Gent. - Worse and
worse; (says be), asleep,, instead of at then I'll thank you for a tumbler work! you idle dog, you are not
of water." worthy the sun should sbine on Girl.--" Got no water, Sir." you."
."-" I am truly sensible of Gent. The you have my unworthiness," answered the not, why bow do you do then?" man, " and tberefore I laid myself Girl. -" Very well I thank you, down in the shade."
Sir, I hope you are well.” The sad and the ludicrous min An odd character, who had got gled.-In the pocket of a man, into the absurd liabit of laughing named Jobu Proctor, who hung aloud after every observation he himself this month near Bedforde made, at the request of his wife square, were found the following on her deatb, had marrieri a partilines, addressed to a servant girl in cular friend of her's. After bis a family where he formerly lived: second marriage, an acquaintance “ I am
called to congratulate him on the young,
and in my prime,
occasion, and be expressed his " So come to see a cruel wretch, hopes that the new wife would “ And to my girl give my watch."
compensate for the loss above
mentioned ! “ Sir," replied the In the Cathedral of Sienna, ce
so when I and my lelirated for its floor, inlaid with
new wife cannot sleep at nights, the History of the Old Testament,
we do sit up in bed and take a pinch is ibe following singular epitapla, of snuff together, and talk about probably plaeeil there as a memento my former wife, till we do cry to Italian Toly Philpots.
(laughing) ; you cannot imagine,
Sir, how we do cry." « Wine gives life, it was death to me. I could not behold the dawn of morning in a sober state. Even my bones now A GENTLEMAN reprimander bis thirst. Stranger! sprinkle my grave with wine; empty the flaggons and come.
coachman for heing so intoxicated Farewell, Drinkers !"
as to be incapable of driving bin
bome from the house of a friend A FORMAL old clergyman, who with whom he had dined, and who was very nice about bis hair, wbich was remarkable for his bospita- he wore in a large roll hebind, af, lity. " I beg your houjour's par
ter the old-fashioned manner, was don," said the coachman,“ but if particular in bis directions to a cerI may be allowed to speak one tain friend who was about to cut word, drunk as I was, and to be it ; “and be sure," said he, “to. sure I could not see through a win. leave it long enough bebind to be dow, 'twas your bonour's own rolled three or four times over my fault entirely.” My fault," fore finger."-The friseur, handing quoth the master, “ bow. could it a chair for the gentleman's accombe my fault, you fellow?" Pati- modation, replied, “Sir, your or. ence, one moment, your honour,” ders shall be strictly attended to :" returned the coachman, " and I then entering into a long rigma. will explain every tbing :-You role story, the clergyman, after a must know your bonour, 'tis the while, desired him to cut it (the custom at Squire Jollyınau's, for story) short. The story still conevery male servant from another tinuing, to the great annoyance of house, to go into the cellar with the clergyman, be again said, the butler, and to drink as many “ Cut it short." This, however, tumblers of stingo as he has got being of no avail, he repeated, "I buttons upon his coat and waistcoat. must beg of you to cut it short, and Yom bonour knows how rich and that instantly.”—“Only put up full you ordered my last suit; how- your hand, Sir,” answered the bar. ever I'll be bound bereafter to drive ber, “ 'tis as close to your poll as home your honour in as good style possible, and one more cut with the as my Lord Mayor from Squire scissars would make a hole in your Jollyman's, or squire any body's, niddick." provided my next livery be made single breasted."
An ordinary ignorant fellow,
who had married a pretty woman, A COUNTRYMAN who had been
was very much joked by his fellow married many years, was asked if workmen on the occasion.--On rehe had lived bappily with his wife ? turning home one evening, address
" No conple lived happier upon ing himself to his wife, “And earth," said he : “ to be sure I wbat sort of men be they as they have sometimes rapped her upon do call cuckolds ?' said lie. On the head with the heel of her shoe, her telling him they were bad, for snoring at night, and that was wicked fellows-"I thougbt $n," but of little use till she came into quoth he, " and I wish, I wish, I the fashion, and had it plated with wish, they were all tossed into the copper."
Thames; and don't you wish so
too ?” continued be." To be sure Two men of weak intellects met I do," returued she, “and I wish, at an inn much thronger with I wish, I wish,
could swim.” company, on account of some public meeting. Being put into the A WORTHLESS same bed, They kept ihe house in having gone on board a convict alarm the whole night, quarreling ship recognised an old acquaintfor the middle piace.
ance, who described himself as
arrived at the acme of bis wishes. the newspaper editor, in the fol. “ I am going to a charming coun- lowing terms : " Mrs. R. would try, said he, where I shall be allot- thank her friend Boaden for a do-. ed land and live like a gentleman. zen puffs for Sappho and Phaon." I
pay not a groat for my passage, By njistake of the penny post, this and the best of provisions are note was delivered to Mr. Bowden, found me by the King. I dont the pastrycook in the Strand, who like to let any one into the whole sent ber this answer :
" Mr. of my scheme by which I became Bowden's respectful compliments tbas fortunate-only steul a goose to Mrs. R-, sball be very happy as I diil, and
will he entitled to to serve her ; but as Mrs. Rall these privileges.” The young is not a constant customer, he worthless fellow went on sbore, cannot send the puffs for
The stole a goose, was consequently ap- young folks without first receiving prebended, but so aggravated were
tbe money." the circumstances from his breaking open locks, &c. that instead of
When Gulley was last 'ou the being transported he was hanged. road from Loudony to pay a visit
to Brighton, a short time since, be A COUNTRYMAN having been took refreshment at an Inn in sent some distance by bis master to Reigate. During his stay there, receive money at a bank, 'was, on a stage coach, pretty well crowded his arrival, addressed hy one of the with passengers inside and onit, clerks, in a well-bred soothing ac- stopped at the door. A waiter, on cent, to the following effect: the step of the entrance to the “ I know your business, Sir, and I house, at the instant, vociferated, am extremely sorry to inform you “ You are just in time, Gentlethat we have this morping stopped men, Gulley has this moment set payment." “ No matter,” cries to with the Chicken !” and imme, the countryman," if you please to diately disappeared, as if anxious let 1 bave a chair, I'll zet here and to witness the diversion himself, cool myself, for am come a main The words of the waiter appeared way, and by tbat cime maybap bighly congenial to the dispositions you'll begin again."
of his auditors-the coach was
left without a passenger presently, Sir William Wraxall relates the the whole posse entered the house, following :-" His present Ma- and, on learning where Gulley was, jesty once said to Sir J. Irwin, a sans ceremonie entered his room, celebrated bon vivant—" They tell where the good-natured pugilist me, Sir Jobn, that you love a was found, as the waiter bad de.. glass of wine."-" Those, Sir, scribed, commencing a set-to with who bave so reported me to your a roast chicken, done to a turn ! Majesty," answered he, bowing profoundly, “ have done me great WHAT IS IT O'CLOCK.-When injustice they should bave said a the late General Fitzpatrick was a bottle."
Captain in a marching regiment,
as he and his Lady were travelling A MISTAKE.~When Mrs. Ro- in Yorkshire, they put up at an hinson published ber Sappbo and Inn, where there happened to be Phaon, she wrote to Mr. Boaden, only as much in the larder as Vol. XLVI.-No. 276.
would serve them for dinner, which have mistaken the room." Saying was immediately ordered. In the this be wished them a good evenmean time, some sporting Gentle- ing, wbich they politely returned, men coming in, and finding there paid his' will, stepped into his was nothing in the house but what chaise, and drove off with the was getting ready for another com- watch in bis pocket, which be kept pany, asked who they were? The to his death. landlord told them he did not exactly know, but be believed it was an Irish Officer. "Oh! d-n bim, sign board at Woodbridge, Suf
TAB following is a copy of a if he's Irish (said one of them) a potatoe will serve bim: here,
I, BEN HAWES waiter, take up this watcb (pul- Grind razors, knives, scissors, and mend ling out an elegant gold one), old umbrellas, carry it up stairs, and ask the To screen off the rain from your palls;
Yet more underneath, for I bleed and gentleman what's o'clock?" The
draw teeth, waiter, at first, remonstrated; but And neatly repair parasols. the company insisting upon his de- N.B. Sells straps for your razors, but
who wou'd suppose livering the message, be
Cure warts on the fingers, and corns on obliged to comply. Mr. Fitzpa the taes. trick, as may well be imagined, was surprised at such an impudent message, but recollecting himself known that the veterans who pre
Surgical Bon Mot.-It is well in a moment, he took the watch side at the examinations of Surfrom the waiter, and sent bis compliments to the company, and that geons, question minutely those he would tell them before he After answering very satisfactorily
who wish to become qualified. parted. This message, however,
to the numerous enquiries inade, produced bis dinner to be sent bim up stairs in quiet ; after which he he wished to give his patient a pro
a young gentleman was asked, if put a pair of hulster pistols under fuse perspiration, what he would his arm, and going down stairs, prescribe. He mentioned many introduced bimself into the com
sudorific medicines in case the pany by telling them he was come
first failed, but the unmerciful to let them know what o'clock it was; but first begged to be in question thus continued : “ Pray farmed to which of the gentlemen
Sir, suppose none of those succeeded, what step would you
take the watch helonged Here a dead
next!" silence ensued. Mr. Fitzpatrick the enraged and harassed young
" Why Sir," rejoined then began on his right hand, by Esculapius, “ I would send him asking them severally the question, here to be examined; and if that each of whom denied knowing any would not give him a sweat, I do thing of the circumstance. Oh,
Dot know what wonld." then, Gentlemen, I find I bave mistaken the company; but the waiter a while ago brought me an
An elderly gentleman, in easy impudent message from some peo. circumstances, advertises for a ple in tbis house, which I came as young wife. It may be truly you see (pointing to his pistols) said, that be seeks to change his properly to resent, but I find situation.
E are informed that the Louth of five guineas each, five subscri.
Coursing Meetings will be bers, were won easily by Mr. Ve beld on the 21st, 23d, and 25th of vers's chesnut borse, Humpbrey November pext. The dogs intend- Clipker, beating two others. On ed to run for the Cups must be en- Friday, the Gentlemen's Subscriptered on the 20th of that month. tion Purse of 50l. was won at two
beats by Mr. Vevers's chesnut mare, In the latter end of June, or the Cora, hy Sir Ulic, beating Mr. beginning of July, died, at Bar- Munsey's bay borse, Mortimer, by ton, Suffolk, the seat of Sir Meteor, and Mr. Powell's chesnut Charles Bunbury, his famous colt borse, by Guildford, a well-con. by Dick Andrews, out of Wowski, tested race, and won by a length which at that time stood first fa- only. In this race the knowing vourite for the Derby. The wor ones were completely taken in, thy Baronet bad refused 1000gs.for bets being ten to one on Mortimer, bim.
who was amiss.
THE Duke of Grafton's br. f. AT T'avistock Races, a sailor Wire, hy Waxy, four years old, witb one arm, who bad just been was sold this month for the sum of paid off, exbibited his skill in 2000gs; ber destination supposed horsemanship, to the no small anto be the Curragh, in Ireland. noyance of the course, till at length
checking his Bucephalus at full The sport at Exeter Races was gallop, he was thrown witb great very good on both days, and the violence, by which bis 'right leg assemblage of genteel company was so dreadfully fractured, that larger than generally witnessed. the bone perforated the skin.
TUNBRIDGE Wells Races, Kent, EGHAM Races were numerously held Aug. 22, were more nume and fashionably attended the first rously attended than for many and second days, although a conyears past, and a more brilliant siderable damp was thrown on the assemblage of company was never sport, in consequence of the abwitnessed on the course.
sence of his Royal Highness the nual race ball was very fully at- Duke of York and the Royal Fatended.
mily,who usually honour them with their presence.
Lord Cranstoun KNIGHTON Races, on Thursday and R. Birt, Esq. were the Stewand Friday, the 14th and 15tb in ards. stant, afforded
indifferent sport, and the balls and ordinaries SHREW SBURY Races commenced were thinly attended. The Hun- Tuesday, Sept. 19, and the amaters' Sweepstakes on Thursday, teurs of the turf were bighly gra
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