THE LIFE AND OPINIONS OF TRISTRAM SHANDY, GENT. -BUT CHAP. I. OUT foftly,-for in these sportive plains, and under this genial, fun, where at this instant all flesh is running out piping, fiddling, and dancing to the vintage, and every step that's taken, the judgment is furprised by the imagination, I defy, nothwithstanding all that has been faid upon ftraight lines*, in fundry pages of my book,-I defy the beft cabbage-planter that ever exifted, whether he plants backwards or forwards, it makes little difference in the account (except that he will have more to answer for in the one cafe than in the other) -I defy him to go on coolly, critically, and canonically, planting his cabbages one by one, in straight lines, and ftoical diftances, efpecially if flits in petticoats, are unfew'd up,-without ever and anon ftraddling out, or fidling into fome bastardly di * Vide vol. ii. towards the end. greffion. greffion.-In Freeze-land, Fog-land, and fome other lands I wot of,--it may be done! But in this clear climate of fantasy and perfpiration, where every idea, fenfible and insensible, gets vent,-in this land, my dear Eugenius,-in this fertile land of chivalry and romance, where I now fit, unfkrewing my inkhorn to write my uncle Toby's amours, and with all the meanders of Julia's track in queft of her Diego, in full view of my study-window, if thou comeft not and takest me by the hand, What a work it is likely to turn out! CHAP. II. IT is with Love as with Cuckoldom: -but now I am talking of beginning a book, and have long had a thing upon my mind to be imparted to the reader, which, if not imparted now, can never be imparted to him as long as I live (whereas the comparison may be imparted to him any hour in the day)-I'll juft mention it, and begin in good earneft. The thing is this: That of all the feveral ways of beginning a book which are now in practice throughout the known world, I am confident my own way of doing it is the best.-I'm fure it is the moft religious,-for I begin with writing the first sentence,—and trusting to Almighty God for the fecond. "Twould |