general opinion that, if made in this way, they are not made in the proper time, or to the

per person.

pro

"There being in most cases a sufficient space allowed, either before going, or after returning from church, to make bows, throw nods, exhibit curtsies, and exchange compliments; these, it is presumed, may be dispensed with during the psalms or lessons, even if the curate's voice should not happen to be louder than the voices of two or three persons talking in a pew.

"As disputes respecting hassocks, sometimes of a very serious kind, will peradventure occur, especially where those conveniencies have been mislaid or misplaced either by design or accident; all such disputes, particularly if carried on with a peculiar elevation of the voice, and certain angry motions of the head, may be very safely adjusted before the service begins, nearly as well as during the prayers, unless where it is necessary to assert one's dignity, by drawing public attention.

" If any person comes from a considerable distance, he may be cordially forgiven, if he does not begin an account of his journey the moment he takes his seat. The violence of the shower, the identical tree he stood under,

the starting of his horse at the lightning, the behaviour of the woman at the Bear's Head, or the man at the turnpike-gate, are all matters capable of being postponed without injury to the feelings of devotion or the powers of narration.

"Those who happen to have a voice peculiarly harsh and disagreeable, are respectfully requested to observe that they afford very little gratification to the hearers around them, by repeating the prayers in a louder voice than any one else; and some part of this intimation is particularly recommended to those who think they can sing.

"If Mrs. Jenkyns sports a new bonnet, that does not become her face at all, or Mrs. Tomkins's fine lace-veil be discovered during the sermon (although it be well known that she bought it of Lady Spendthrift's woman), there is no immediate necessity for disturbing any part of the congregation by remarks on those objects, or even by wondering where they get the money to pay for them. It is the opinion of very sensible persons that all matters of debtor and creditor may be advantageously discussed during the week.

"When children are introduced, it has been supposed that it would be an improvement

to teach them how to behave, especially as sleeping, snoring, and squalling, are amusements which might as well be enjoyed at home. There they would create much less disturbance to those who are of opinion that the quiet of a whole congregation is of more importance than the indulgence of one child, although it may be "the prettiest dear" that ever was spoiled.

"If a new-married couple enter the church, and it be absolutely impossible not to stare at them, and point them out to others who happen not to know them, their characters may be spared until after the prayer against envy, hatred, and malice, and all uncharitableness,' is fairly got rid of. There will be time enough then to wonder how he should marry such a dowdy creature, or how she should think of a tradesman, when her father left her such a fortune!

Simpering and smirking behind a fan, yawning in the folds of a fine handkerchief, looking every way but at the preacher, whispering every thing that comes uppermost, and smiling at something that came in one's head that very moment,' are not ranked by the ablest Divines among the infallible symptoms of devotion, even if the clerk should make a

blunder, the beadle let drop his staff, a hat fall over the gallery, a dog bark in the aile, or any other occurrence take place of so much more importance than what is going forward in the desk and pulpit.

66

Although the clergyman be a bachelor, it is not indispensably necessary that every eye should be scrutinizing his person, and every speculation be exhausted on his probable choice of a wife. The looks he throws to Miss Longfort's pew may be merely accidental, and there is no occasion to whisper that he visits the widow lady in the Grove, when that and a thousand similar reports may be circulated loudly for six days together.

"It is a decided case in the ecclesiastical

court, that a Sunday newspaper Sunday newspaper is no part of the furniture of the Clerk's desk, or the Churchwarden's pew, even if it contains the preceding night's Gazette, and it was just put into his it' hand.' As to the Overseer's anxious inquiries about the Russian fleet at the vestry-door, they may as well be postponed; nor does there seem sufficient time, during the voluntary, to land an army at Naples, or any part of Italy.

“Those who indulge themselves with a nap during the sermon, are respectfully informed that the pews were not built for that express

purpose; and that sleeping, in the opinion of some very well-informed persons, is not a very striking proof of devotion, nor would be for a moment attempted or allowed in other public place.

any

"As to colds caught in church, which have been of such duration as to keep the patient away for nearly half a year after the cure was fully accomplished, I have been at some pains and expence to consult the Faculty, who assure me that church colds always produce this effect; but that dramatic colds, Vauxhall rheumatisms, and ball-room hoarsenesses, are never attended by similar consequences. They add, however, that as to all the modes of cure, and all the symptoms upon dissection, the disorder appears in both cases to be the same; only that church coughs and colds, from the peculiar cautions adopted, and the care of the patient not to be caught a second time, have always been more lenient.

"Those who cannot sit but in a particular seat, or kneel but on a particular hassock, and who enter into very sharp dialogues on Mrs. Early, who, forsooth, has taken the upper part of the pew, or Mrs. Fussock, who takes up the room of three good-sized people, are not supposed to be animated by the spirit which ought