THE RAT-CATCHER AND CATS.
HE rats by night fuch mifchief did,
Betty was every morning chid:
They undermin'd whole fides of bacon,
Her cheese was fapp'd, her tarts were taken;
Her pafties, fenc'd with thickest paste,
Were all demolish'd and laid waste :
She curs'd the Cat, for want of duty,
Who left her foes a conftant booty.
An engineer, of noted skill,
Engag'd to ftop the growing ill.
From room to room he now furveys
Their haunts, their works, their fecret ways;
Finds where they 'fcape an ambufcade,
And whence the nightly fally 's made.
An envious Cat from place to place,
Unfeen, attends his filent pace:
She faw that, if his trade went on,
The purring race must be undone;
So fecretly removes his baits,
And every ftratagem defeats.
Again he fets the poifon'd toils;
And Pufs again the labour foils.
"What foe (to fruftrate my defigns)
My fchemes thus nightly countermines ?
Incens'd, he cries, this very hour
The wretch fhall bleed beneath my power."
VOL. II.
F
So faid, a ponderous trap he brought, And in the fact poor Pufs was caught.
Smuggler, fays he, thou fhalt be made
A victim to our lofs of trade."
The captive Cat, with piteous mews,
For pardon, life, and freedom fues.
"A fifter of the fcience fpare;
One interest is our common care."
"What infolence! the Man reply'd;
Shall Cats with us the game divide?
Were all your interloping band
Extinguith'd, or expell'd the land,
We Rat-catchers might raise our fees,
Sole guardians of a nation's cheese !"
A Cat, who faw the lifted knife,
Thus fpoke, and fav'd her fifter's life.
"In every age and clime, we fee,
Two of a trade can ne'er agree.
Each hates his neighbour for encroaching;
'Squire ftigmatizes 'fquire for poaching;
Beauties with beauties are in arms,
And fcandal pelts each other's charms;
Kings, too, their neighbour-kings dethrone,
In hope to make the world their own :
But let us limit our defires,
Not war like beauties, kings, and 'fquires;
For, though we both one prey pursue,
There's game enough for us and you."
THE GOAT WITHOUT A BEARD.
IS certain that the modifh paffions
Defcend among the crowd like fashions.
Excufe me, then, if pride, conceit,
(The manners of the fair and great)
I give to monkeys, affes, dogs,
Fleas, owls, goats, butterflies, and hogs.
I fay that these are proud: what then?
I never faid they equal men.
A Goat (as vain as Goat can be)
Affected fingularity:
Whene'er a thymy bank he found,
He roll'd upon the fragrant ground,
And then with fond attention ftood,
Fix'd o'er his image in the flood.
"I hate my frowzy beard, he cries,
My youth is loft in this difguife.
Did not the females know my vigour,
Well might they loath this reverend figure."
Refolv'd to fmooth his fhaggy face,
He fought the barber of the place.
A flippant monkey, fpruce and fmart,
Hard-by, profefs'd the dapper art;
His pole with pewter-bafons hung,
Black rotten teeth in order ftrung,
Rang'd cups, that in the window stood,
Lin'd with red rags, to look like blood 3
Did well his threefold trade explain,
Who fhav'd, drew teeth, and breath'd a vein.
The Goat he welcomes with an air,
And feats him in his wooden chair:
Mouth, nofe, and cheek, the lather hides;
Light, fmooth, and swift, the razor glides.
"I hope your cuftom, Sir, fays Pug.
Sure never face was half fo fmug!"
The Goat, impatient for applaufe,
Swift to the neighbouring hill withdraws.
The fhaggy people grinn'd, and ttar'd.
Heigh-day! what's here? without a beard !
Say, Brother, whence the dire difgrace?
What envious hand hath robb'd your face?"
When thus the fop, with fmiles of fcorn,
"Are beards by civil nations worn?
Ev'n Mufcovites have mow'd their chins.
Shall we, like formal Capuchins,
Stubborn in pride, retain the mode,
And bear about the hairy load?
Whene'er we through the village fray,
Are we not mock'd along the way,
Infulted with loud fhouts of fcorn,
By boys our beards difgrac'd and torn ?”
"Were you no more with Goats to dwell,
Brother, I grant you reafon well,"
Replies a bearded chief." Befide,
If boys can mortify thy pride,
How wilt thou ftand the ridicule
Of our whole flock? Affected fool!"
Coxcombs, diftinguish'd from the reft,
-To all but coxcombs are a jeft.
THE OLD WOMAN AND HER CATS.
WHO friendship with a knave hath made,
Is judg'd a partner in the trade.
The matron, who conducts abroad
A willing nymph, is thought a bawd;
And, if a modeft girl is feen
With one who cures a lover's fpleen,
We guess her not extremely nice,
And only wish to know her price.
'Tis thus that on the choice of friends
Our good or evil name depends.
A wrinkled hag, of wicked fame,
Befide a little finoaky flame
Sate hovering, pinch'd with age and frost;
Her fhrivel'd hands, with veins embofs'd,
Upon her knees her weight fuftains,
While palfy shook her crazy
She mumbles forth her backward prayers,
An untam'd fcold of fourfcore years.
About her fwarm'd a numerous brood
Of Cats, who, lank with hunger, mew'd.
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