THE GOAT WITHOUT A BEARD.
"TIS certain that the modish passions Descend among the crowd, like fashions. Excuse me, then, if pride, conceit, (The manners of the fair and great,) I give to monkeys, asses, dogs,
Fleas, owls, goats, butterflies, and hogs.
say that these are proud: what then? I never said they equal men.
A Goat (as vain as Goat can be)
Affected singularity:
Whene'er a thymy bank be found,
He roll'd upon the fragrant ground:
And then with fond attention stood
Fix'd o'er his image in the flood.
"I hate my frowzy beard," he cries;
"My youth is lost in this disguise.
Did not the females know my vigour,
Well might they loathe this reverend figure."
Resolved to smooth his shaggy face,
He sought the barber of the place.
A flippant monkey, spruce and smart,
Hard by, profess'd the dapper art;
His pole with pewter basons hung,
Black rotten teeth in order strung,
Ranged cups, that in the window stood,
Lined with red rags, to lock like blood,
Did well his threefold trade explain,
Who shaved, drew teeth, and breathed a vein.
The Goat he welcomes with an air,
And seats him in his wooden chair:
Mouth, nose, and cheek the lather hides;
Light, smooth, and swift the razor glides.
"I hope your custom, Sir," says Pug; "Sure never face was half so smug!" The Goat, impatient for applause, Swift to the neighbouring hill withdraws; The shaggy people grinn'd and stared: "Hey-day! what's here? without a beard? Say, brother, whence the dire disgrace? What envious hand hath robb'd your face ?" When thus the fop, with smiles of scorn: "Are beards by civil nations worn? E'en Muscovites have mow'd their chins. Shall we, like formal Capuchins,
Stubborn in pride, retain the mode,
And bear about the hairy load?
Whene'er we through the village stray,
Are we not mock'd along the way,
Insulted with loud shouts of scorn,
By boys our beards disgraced and torn ?”
"Were you no more with goats to dwell,
Brother, I grant you reason well,"
Replies a bearded chief. "Beside,
If boys can mortify thy pride,
How wilt thou stand the ridicule
Of our whole flock? Affected fool!
Coxcombs, distinguish'd from the rest,
To all but coxcombs are a jest."
WHO friendship with a knave hath made, Is judged a partner in the trade.
The matron, who conducts abroad
A willing nymph, is thought a bawd;
And if a modest girl is seen
With one who cures a lover's spleen,
We guess her not extremely nice,
And only wish to know her price.
"Tis thus that on the choice of friends
Our good or evil name depends.
A wrinkled hag, of wicked fame,
Beside a little smoky flame
Sat hovering, pinch'd with age and frost; Her shrivell'd hands, with veins emboss'd,
Upon her knees her weight sustain
While palsy shook her crazy brains :
She mumbles forth her backward prayers,
An untamed scold of fourscore years:
About her swarm'd a numerous brood
Of Cats, who, lank with hunger, mew'd.
Teased with their cries, her choler grew,
And thus she sputter'd,
Hence, ye crew!
Fool that I was, to entertain
Such imps, such fiends, a hellish train!
Had ye been never housed and nursed,
I for a witch had ne'er been cursed.
Το you I owe, that crowds of boys
Worry me with eternal noise;
Straws laid across, my pace retard;
The horseshoe's nail'd (each threshold's guard);
The stunted broom the wenches hide,
For fear that I should up and ride;
They stick with pins my bleeding seat,
And bid me show my secret teat."
"To hear you prate would vex a saint;
Who hath most reason of complaint?
Replies a Cat. "Let's come to proof.
Had we ne'er starved beneath your roof,
We had, like others of our race,
In credit lived as beasts of chase.
"Tis infamy to serve a hag;
Cats are thought imps, her broom a nag!
And boys against our lives combine,
Because, 'tis said, your Cats have nine.”
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