SPEED. Item, "She hath no teeth."

LAUN. I care not for that neither, because I love crusts.
SPEED. Item, "She is curst."

LAUN. Well; the best is, she hath no teeth to bite.

SPEED." She will often praise her liquor."

LAUN. If her liquor be good, she shall: if she will not, I will; for good things should be praised.

SPEED. Item, "She is too liberal."

LAUN. Of her tongue she cannot; for that's writ down she is slow of: of her purse she shall not; for that I'll keep shut: now of another thing she may; and that cannot I help. Well, proceed.

SPEED. Item, "She hath more hair than wita, and more faults than hairs, and more wealth than faults."

LAUN. Stop there; I'll have her: she was mine, and not mine, twice or thrice in that last article: Rehearse that once more.

SPEED. Item, "She hath more hair than wit,"

LAUN. More hair than wit,-it may be; I'll prove it: The cover of the salt hides the salt 22, and therefore it is more than the salt; the hair that covers the wit is more than the wit; for the greater hides the less. What's next? SPEED." And more faults than hairs,"

LAUN. That's monstrous: O, that that were out!

SPEED." And more wealth than faults."

LAUN. Why, that word makes the faults gracious: Well, I'll have her: And if it be a match, as nothing is impossible,

SPEED. What then?

LAUN. Why, then will I tell thee,—that thy master stays for thee at the north gate.

SPEED. For me?

LAUN. For thee? ay: who art thou? he hath stayed for a better man than thee. SPEED. And must I go to him?

LAUN. Thou must run to him, for thou hast stayed so long, that going will scarce serve the turn.

[Exit.

SPEED. Why didst not tell me sooner? 'pox of your love-letters! LAUN. Now will he be swinged for reading my letter: An unmannerly slave, that will thrust himself into secrets!-I'll after, to rejoice in the boy's correction. [Exit.

SCENE II.-The same. A Room in the Duke's Palace.

Enter DUKE and THURIO; PROTEUS behind.

DUKE. Sir Thurio, fear not but that she will love you,
Now Valentine is banish'd from her sight.

THU. Since his exile she hath despis'd me most,

An old English Proverb.

Forsworn my company, and rail'd at me,

That I am desperate of obtaining her.
DUKE. This weak impress of love is as a figure
Trenched in ice; which with an hour's heat
Dissolves to water, and doth lose his form.
A little time will melt her frozen thoughts,
And worthless Valentine shall be forgot.-
How now, sir Proteus? Is your countryman,
According to our proclamation, gone?

PRO. Gone, my good lord.

DUKE. My daughter takes his going grievously.
PRO. A little time, my lord, will kill that grief.
DUKE. So I believe; but Thurio thinks not so.-
Proteus, the good conceit I hold of thee

(For thou hast shown some sign of good desert)
Makes me the better to confer with thee.
PRO. Longer than I prove loyal to your grace,
Let me not live to look upon your grace.
DUKE. Thou know'st, how willingly I would effect
The match between sir Thurio and my daughter.
PRO. I do, my

lord.

DUKE. And also, I think, thou art not ignorant

How she opposes her against my will.
PRO. She did, my lord, when Valentine was here.
DUKE. Ay, and perversely she persevers so.

What might we do, to make the girl forget
The love of Valentine, and love sir Thurio?
PRO. The best way is, to slander Valentine

With falsehood, cowardice, and poor descent;
Three things that women highly hold in hate.
DUKE. Ay, but she 'll think that it is spoke in hate.
PRO. Ay, if his enemy deliver it:

Therefore it must, with circumstance, be spoken
By one whom she esteemeth as his friend.
DUKE. Then you must undertake to slander him.
PRO. And that, my lord, I shall be loth to do:
"T is an ill office for a gentleman;

Especially, against his very friend.

DUKE. Where your good word cannot advantage him,
Your slander never can endanger him;

Therefore the office is indifferent,

Being entreated to it by your friend.

PRO. You have prevail'd, my lord: if I can do it,

By aught that I can speak in his dispraise,
She shall not long continue love to him.
But, say this weed her love from Valentine,
It follows not that she will love sir Thurio.
THU. Therefore, as you unwind her love from him,
Lest it should ravel, and be good to none,
You must provide to bottom it on me 23;
Which must be done, by praising me as much
As you in worth dispraise sir Valentine.

DUKE. And, Proteus, we dare trust you in this kind;
Because we know, on Valentine's report,
You are already love's firm votary,

And cannot soon revolt and change your mind.
Upon this warrant shall you have access
Where you with Silvia may confer at large;
For she is lumpish, heavy, melancholy,
And, for your friend's sake, will be glad of you;
Where you may temper her, by your persuasion,
To hate young Valentine, and love my friend.
PRO. As much as I can do, I will effect :-

But you, sir Thurio, are not sharp enough;
You must lay lime, to tangle her desires,
By wailful sonnets, whose composed rhymes
Should be full fraught with serviceable vows.
DUKE. Ay, much is the force of heaven-bred poesy.
PRO. Say, that upon the altar of her beauty

You sacrifice your tears, your sighs, your heart.
Write till your ink be dry; and with your tears
Moist it again; and frame some feeling line,
That may discover such integrity:

For Orpheus' lute was strung with poet's sinews;
Whose golden touch could soften steel and stones,

Make tigers tame, and huge leviathans

Forsake unsounded deeps to dance on sands.

After your dire lamenting elegies,

Visit by night your lady's chamber-window,

With some sweet consorta: to their instruments

Tune a deploring dump; the night's dead silence

Will well become such sweet complaining grievance.

This, or else nothing, will inherit her.

Consort. The musicians consorted-chosen to play together-were called the consort; and so was the selection of music they performed-modernized into concert.

b

Dump-a mournful elegy. Dump, or dumps, for sorrow, was not originally a burlesque "My sinews dull, in dumps I stand."-SURREY.

term:

• Inherit-obtain possession of.

DUKE. This discipline shows thou hast been in love.
THU. And thy advice this night I'll put in practice.
Therefore, sweet Proteus, my direction-giver,
Let us into the city presently

To sorta some gentlemen well skill'd in music:
I have a sonnet that will serve the turn,
To give the onset to thy good advice.

DUKE. About it, gentlemen.

PRO. We'll wait upon your grace, till after supper;
And afterward determine our proceedings.

DUKE. Even now about it; I will pardon you.

• Sort-to choose

[Exeunt.

1 OUT. Fellows, stand fast; I see a passenger.

2 OUT. If there be ten, shrink not, but down with 'em.

Enter VALENTINE and SPEED.

3 OUT. Stand, sir, and throw us that you have about you;

If not, we 'll make you sit, and rifle you.

SPEED. Sir, we are undone! these are the villains
That all the travellers do fear so much.

VAL. My friends,

1 OUT. That's not so, sir; we are your enemies.

2 OUT. Peace! we 'll hear him.

3 OUT. Ay, by my beard, will we; for he is a proper man!

VAL. Then know, that I have little wealth to lose;

A man I am cross'd with adversity:

My riches are these poor habiliments,
Of which if you should here disfurnish me,
You take the sum and substance that I have.