dice, in a dilemma where neither female wit nor mafculine knowledge has drawn the line with precision. Hence we are to underftand that the æra of old maidifm begins with all unmarried ladies at the age of forty, or, at least, that they are, at that point of time, to be confidered as in their noviciate, foon to be profelled members of the venerable fifterhood, and if not within the gates, ftanding upon the threshold of that community. This knotty point being fettled, the fituation of old maids is next confidered. Under this head, their fate generally is, after paffing the fprightly years of youth in the manfion of an opulent father, to take fhelter in fome contracted lodging in a country town, attended by a fingle female fervant, and there to live, with difficulty, on the intereft of two or three thoufand, pounds, paid reluctantly, and perhaps irregularly, by an avaricious or extravagant brother, who confiders the maintenance of a fifter as an heavy incumbrance on his paternal eftate. In this retreat, the old maid muft be liable to many painful reflections, and particularly to the mortification of not having been able to fettle happily in marriage. For who to cold virginity a prey, The pleafing hope of marriage e'er refign'd; Nor caft one longing, lingering look behind? As Gray (whom our Author calls an old maid in breeches) defcribed himself as a folitary fly, the fame appellation is given to the maiden lady, with this addition, that fhe is a fly in the autumn, when the departure of the fun has put an end to all its lively flutter. In that ftate, the want of fuccefs will not be imputed to the want of merit. Hence arifes a fwarm of fretful thoughts, vexation, fpleen, refentment, and forrow, forming altogether a diforder, for which language has no name, being a compound of mental and bodily diftemper, more difficult to cure than any other malady whatever. To fenfations of this kind our Author attributes the fact, recorded by Plutarch, and mentioned by his two amiable modern rivals, Montaigne and Addifon, namely, the felf-murder of the Milefian virgins. The story is well known. The unmarried females of Miletus were feized with a rage for fuicide, fo violent, that nothing could reftrain it, till a law was enacted, ordering the body of every one, who died by her own hand, to be exhibited a naked fpectacle to public view. The fenfe of fhame prevailed over every other paflion, and the maiden ladies, from a principle of modefty, were willing to endure the load of life. In modern times, old maids are often heard to declare that their condition is the effect of their own choice. They never wished to marry, and their flate is the moft comfortable in human life. Such declarations feldom gain credit. Whoever speaks that language, is thought to wear the mafk mask of hypocrify. To confirm this, our Author tells the frank confeffion of one of the fifterhood, who freely declared, "that the wife may have her load of anxieties, but the old maid is like a blafted tree in the middle of a wide common." Sentiments like thefe would fecure old maids from the contempt and raillery, with which they are generally infulted by the world. They are too frequently treated with fcorn and derifion, but, in general; the ladies of this clafs may thank their own conduct. Mr. Hayley therefore proceeds to confider the failings of old maids, affigning to each foible a diftinct chapter. The Curiofity of old maids is fully difcuffed under this head, our Author observes, that, when the mind is not roused to a rational exercife of its powers, by the interefting cares, or the elegant amusements of domeftic life, it is apt to perplex itself in a conftant feries of idle purfuits and frivolous enquiries. In confequence of this, the old maid, having no cares at home, fends her thoughts abroad, and becomes, by habit, a perpetual spy upon the conduct of her neighbours. She defires to fee all that can be feen, to hear all that can be heard, and to ask more queftions than can well be answered: as if encrease of appetite did grow, by what it fed on. This old maidifh habit fubjects the fifterhood to the fchemes of thofe who delight in tormenting them. We have a story of a frolicfome gentleman, who used to lay fnares to draw the folitary but curious female into ridiculous fituations he called it angling for old maids. It is obfervable, that the curiofity of the maiden ladies leads them, for the most part, to pry into the fecrets of the matrimonial life: they like to know what is doing in that ftate, which they despair of obtaining. If a young perfon of their acquaintance marries, their firft queftion is, is the breeding, is the with child? And if they fufpect that an intrigue is going on between the wife and her gallant, or the husband and his mistress, the fuperannuated females are ever on the watch, at all hours of the day and night, to make the important difcovery. Whatever can proceed from the union of the fexes, they defire to know. To confirm these obfervations, the Author inferts a narrative of particular inftances, that fell within his own experience. The Credulity of old maids is the fubject of the next chapter. The Author quotes from the Spectator the following paffage: "An old maid, that is troubled with the vapours, produces infinite difturbances among her friends and neighbours by her fuperftitious credulity. I know a maiden aunt of a great family, who is one of thofe antiquated Sibyls, that forebodes and prophefies from one end of the year to the other. She is always feeing apparitions and hearing death-watches, and was the other day almoft frighted out of her wits by the great houfe-dog, that howled in the ftable, at a time when the lay ill of the tooth-ache." Suck Such was female credulity in the days of Addifon. At prefent, the mode is altered. The old maid of this day bufies herfelf with matter more than with spirit. Inftead of seeing appari tions in the vacant air, the fees a lover in every man by whom fhe is civilly accofted. She finds a hint of marriage in every compliment. She builds caftles in the air; and as fast as one fabric of amorous illufion is deftroyed, fhe is fure to erect another in its place. Her memory is ftored with hiftories of love at firft fight. She tells you of conquefts made by accidentally looking out at a window, and this confequently becomes her favourite amusement. On a Lord Mayor's day, the is fure of wounding an Alderman or a Sheriff. By this turn of mind, the ancient lady is always in danger of falling a prey to the race of men called fortune-hunters. A ftory is related of Flaccilla, who ran away with an Irish footman. The Author fays, he needs not dwell on this kind of credulity, as it has been exhibited in a ludicrous and lively manner in Mr. Murphy's comedy of two Acts, called "THE OLD MAID." In that piece, however, it is treated with ridicule, whereas it may fairly be confidered as an object of compaffion. It proceeds from the most natural of human wishes, the wifh of being beloved. But this amiable defire, when the bloom of life is over, is always feen in a ridiculous light; and men find a ftrong degree of pleasure in fporting with a weakness, which, at leaft, is innocent., To illuftrate this pofition, the ftory of Harriot Afpin, a maiden lady near the age of fifty, is told in an elegant manner, and with circumftances highly tender and pathetic. The Affectation of old maids is the next foible that paffes in review. This folly, in whatever form it appears, is fure to defeat its own end. It renders even youth and beauty difgufting; and what must be its effect, when it obtrudes itself in the ftiff figure, and with the hard features, of the antiquated virgin? In ladies of that defcription, there are three kinds of affectation; namely, affectation of youth, affectation of a certain cenforial importance, and affectation of extreme fenfibility. The firft is the most common: it is feen in all affemblies: you there often perceive the wing of the beetle, with the fportive motions of the butterfly; but unfeafonable attempts to pleafe produce nothing but difguft; when the juvenile old maid hangs out falfe colours, the is like a fhip difplaying fignals of diftrefs. Cofmelia, when young and handfome, neglected her perfon, preferring the character of a learned lady; but all fhe got by it was the ftupid wonder of an old fchoolmafter, who was aflonifhed at her marvellous intimacy with the dialects of Greece. At the age of forty-feven, this lady affects to be young, and undervalues her learning. She thinks more of a (mooth fkin, than a lively imagination. Her reading is confined to advertisements of lotions to beautify REV. Sept. 1787. the R the complexion, and the lifts of marriages." She difgufts by nothing but a rage to charm." The fecond kind of this foible, that of cenforial importance, affects to comment upon the world with the afperity of Cato. Infected with this fpirit, the ancient veftal recounts the minute circumftances of a fufpected intrigue, and harangues upon the little irregularities of every one fhe knows. With all this, the is neither envious nor malignant: fhe declaims against incontinence, because, under the mask of such invectives, the acquires the privilege of treating her own fancy with thofe licentious images on which fhe loves to dwell. Of her order, the world has many preachers in the fame predicament. The affectation of extreme fenfibility takes its rife from a notion that woman is irrefiftible in tears. There is a refervoir of water in the neighbourhood of female eyes, ready to be played off, like the artificial fountain in a garden. The irrational parts of the creation engrofs much of the old lady's fondnefs: a lap-dog, a parrot, or a monkey, is a conftant object of affection. They who pretend to this extreme fenfibility, fancy that they recommend themselves by the affectation of weak nerves, and uncommon delicacy of conftitution. For their nice fenfations, the air ought never to be difturbed by a louder found than that of the nightingale. We have in this chapter a lively description of a maiden lady, furrounded by the animal creation in her own houfe, and then follow fome very juft ftrictures on the affectation of fuperlative delicacy in fentiment and language. By ladies of this turn, a word of the moft harmlets fignification is confidered as obfcene. They confirm Swift's obfervation, that nice perfons have nafty ideas. The Author illuftrates his obfervations by exhibiting the character of a nice and delicate lady, who made coverings for the ftatues that adorned her father's gardens. She fent to the Curate to defire that he would not use the word carnal in his fermons; and refused to subscribe to the charity for the propagation of the gospel, because she thought there was fomething indelicate in the word propagation. The Envy and Ill-nature of old maids are introduced to close the lift of their imperfections. If old maids are fubject to envy, it is no more than may be faid of people in other stations of life. In the fine arts, envy never fails to infect the unfuccefsful tribe. In painting, fculpture, mufic, and every branch of literature, the moft exquifite productions have been depreciated by the malice of those who are not able to perform any thing praise-worthy. The fair fex are ftudents in the art of pleafing, and the old maid may, therefore, be confidered as an unfuccefsful artift. Her folitary diftrefs, and her craving curiofity, are ever fure to be infulted by the arrogant importance of those luckier females, who have been initiated into the myfteries of Hymen. A flight tinЯture tincture of envy is, in this cafe, natural, and therefore in fome degree pardonable. When envy fwells to too great a fize, it is then not only vicious, but abfurd and odious; abfurd, because it purfues torment for pleasure; and odious, as the enemy of all focial delight. As the beft Burgundy, when fpoiled, produces the most poignant vinegar; fo the fuperannuated beauty turns into the fharpeft and moft acrimonious old maid, and her illnature, in the decline of life, is proportioned to the vanity of her youth. A country town is the proper theatre of the envious old maid. She deals in anonymous letters, and the mifchief which the occafions in families is her fupreme delight. She does her bufinefs very often without uttering a word: a fignificant glance of her eye, and an artful shake of the head, will often ruin a fair reputation. This is fully exemplified in the character of Mrs. Winifred Wormwood. This lady looked like the innocent flower, but was the ferpent under it. Her various artifices to gratify her fell difpofition are painted in ftrong colours, and the ftory of Nelson and Amelia, interwoven with the hiftory of Mrs. Wormwood, is beautifully told. The moral, drawn from the narrative, is in the words of the ancient philofopher, who used to say, “As ruft confumes iron, fo does envy the envious perfon." The ladies are, therefore, cautioned to improve their features by the exercife of good-nature. The fecond part of the firft volume proceeds to the AMIABLE qualities of ancient maids. Their Ingenuity is the first topic. While other antiquaries are employed in finding old ruins of Gothic architecture, our Author travels the country in pursuit of curious characters among fuperannuated maids. Having given this information concerning himself, he relates the hiftory of Door Coral, and his daughter, Theodora. He has the art of killing two birds with one ftone; for though his purpose be to produce an extraordinary old maid, he prefents us, in his account of the Doctor, with a fly fatire on thofe who profefs the character of Antiquaries. The daughter, as the defcended into the vale of years, became the greatest rarity in her father's collection. She was a contented old maid, endeavouring, by filial tenderness, and elegant ingenuity, to adminifter every comfort to a father in the decline of life. Mr. Hayley feems, generally, best pleased when giving a tale, that carries with it an imitation of life and manners. He is often happy upon these occafions, but in none more so than in the account of Doctor Coral and his family. The Patience of old maids comes next under confideration. Of this virtue, the virgin martyrs who fuffered in the first ages of Chriftianity are mentioned as bright examples. But he, who had the Hiftory of Conftantia to relate, and could find for his nar R 2 rative |