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person of a contrary party, who is willing to would have these gentlemen take care that I get into one.'

do not serve them after the same manner; Whereas A. B. next door to the Pestle and for though I have hitherto kept my temper Mortar, being about thirty years old, of a pretty well, it is not impossible but I may some spare make, with dark-coloured bair, bright time or other disappear; and what will then eye, and a long nose, has occasion for a good become of thein? Should I lay down my humoured, tall, fair, young woman, of about paper, what a famine would there be among 30001, fortune; these are to give notice, that the bawkers, printers, booksellers, and authors! if any such young woman has a mind to dis. It would be like Dr. Burgess's* dropping his pose of herself in marriage to such a person as cloak, with the whole congregation banging upon the above-mentioned, she may be provided with the skirts of it. To enumerate some of these a husband, a coach and horses, and proportion- my doughty antagonists ; I was threatened to able settlement.

be answered weekly Tit for Tat; I was under‘C. D. designing to quit his place, has great mined by the Whisperer ; haunted by Tom quantities of paper, parchment, ink, wax, and Brown's Ghost; scolded by a Female Tatler : wafers, to dispose of, which will be sold at and slandered by another of the same characvery reasonable rates.'

ter, under the title of Atalantis. I have been E. F. a person of good behaviour, six feet annotated, retattled, examined, and condoled; high, of a black complexion, and sound prin- but it being my standing maxim never to speak ciples, wants an employ. He is an excellent ill of the dead, I shall let these authors rest in penman and accountant, and speaks French.' peace; and take great pleasure in thinking,

that I have sometimes been the means of their No. 229.] Tuesday, September 26, 1710.

getting a belly.full. When I see myself thus

surrounded by such formidable enemies, I often Quæsitam meritis same superbiam.

Hor. 3 d. xxx. 13.

think of the Knight of the Red Cross in With conscious pride

Spenser's 'Den of Error,' who, after he has cut Assuine the honours justly thine. Francis. off the dragon's head, and left it wallowing in From my own Apartment, September 25. a flood of ink, sees a thousand monstrous

The whole creation preys upon itself. Every reptiles making their attempts upon him, one living creature is inhabited. A fea has a with many beads, another with none, and all thousand invisible insects that teaze him as he of them without eyes. jumps from place to place, and revenge our The same so sore annoyed has the knight, quarrels upon him. A very ordinary micro

That, well nigh choked with the deadly stink,

His forces fail, he can no longer fight; scope shows us, that a louse is itself a very

Whose courage when the fiend perceiv'd to shrink, lousy creature. A whale, besides those seas She poured forth out of her hellish sink and oceans in the several vessels of his body,

Her fruitful cursed spawn of serperts small,

Deformed monsters, foul, and black as ink; which are filled with innumerable shoals of Which swarming all about his legs did crawl, little animals, carries about him a whole world And bim encumbred sore, but could not hurt at all. of inhabitants; insomuch that, if we believe As gentle shepherd in sweet even tide, the calculations some have made, there are

When rnddy Phæbus gins to welk in west,

High on a bill, his flock to viewen wide, more living creatures, which are too small for

Marks which do bite their hasty supper best; the naked eye to behold, about the leviathan, A cloud of cumbrous gnats do him molest than there are of visible creatures upon the

All striving to infix their feeble stings,

That from their noyauce he no where can rest ; face of the whole earth. Thus every nobler But with his clownish bands their tender wings creature is, as it were, the basis and support of

He brusheth oft, and oft doth mar their murmurings. multitudes that are bis inferiors.

Spenser's Fairy Queen,' This consideration very much comforts me,

If ever I should want sucb a fry of little auwhen I think on those numberless vermin that thors to attend me, I shall think my paper in feed upon this paper, and find their sustenance a very decaying condition. They are like ivy out of it ; I mean the small wits and scribblers, about an oak, which adorns the tree at the that every day turn a peuny by nibbling at

same time that it eats into it; or like a great my lucubrations. This has been so advan- man's equipage, that do honour to the person tageous to this little species of writers, that, if on whom they feed. For my part, when I see they do me justice, I may expect to have my myself thus attacked, I do not consider my statue erected in Grub-street, as being a com- antagonists as malicious, but hungry; and mon benefactor to that quarter.

therefore and resolved never to take any notice They say, when a fox is very much troubled of them. with fleas, he goes joto the next pool with a

As for those who detract from my labours, little lock of wool in bis mouth, and keeps his without being prompted to it by an empty body under water until the vermin get into it; stomach; in return to their censures, I shall after which he quits the wool, and diving, leaves his tormentors to shift for themselves, it seems, in the year 1714 at the court of Hanover as secre.

Daniel Burgess, the doctor here alluded to, resided, and get their livelihood where they can. Itary and reader to the priucess Sophia.

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take pains to excel, and never fail to persuade | house to persons of quality; are shown in myself, that their eumity is nothing but their Westminster-hall and the Court of Requests. envy or ignorance.

You may see them gilt, and in royal paper of Give me leave to conclude, like an old man, five or six hundred pages, and raied accordand a moralist, with a fable.

ingly. I would engage to furnish you with a The owls, bats, and several other birds of catalogue of English books, published within night, were one day got together in a thick the compass of seven years past, wbich at the shade, where they abused their neighbours in first band would cost you a hundred pounds, a very sociable manner. Their satire at last wherein you shall not be able to find ten lines fell upon the sun, whom they all agreed to be together of common grammar or common sense. very troublesome, impertinent, and inquisitive. These two evils, ignorance and want of Upon which, the sun, who overbeard them, taste, have produced a third ; I mean the conspoke to them after this manner : Gentle-tinual corruption of our English tongue, men, I wonder how you dare abuse one that, which, without some timely remedy, will sufs you know, wuld in an instant scorch you up, fer more by the false refinements of twenty and burn every mother's son of you : but the years past, than it hath been improved in the only answer I shall give you, or the revenge foregoing bundred. And this is what I design I shall take of you, is, to shine on.'

chiefly to enlarge upon, leaving the former evils to your animadversion.

‘But, instead of giving you a list of the late No. 231.) Thursday, September 28, 1710.

refinements crept into our language, I here

send you the copy of a letter I received, some From my own Apartment, September 28. time ago, from a most accomplished person in The following letter has laid before me many this way of writing; upon which I shall make great and manifest evils in the world of letters, some remarks. It is in these terms: which I bad overlooked; but they open to me

“ SIR, a very busy scene, and it will require no small care and application to amend errors which are

I cou'd n't get the things you sent for all become so universal. The affectation of po- and then rd h' brót 'um; but I ha'nt don't,

about town--I thót to ha come down myself, liteness is exposed in this epistle with a great and I believe I can't do't that's pozz—— Tomt deal of wit aod discernment; 50 that whatever discourses I may fall into hereafter upon the begins to gi'mself airs, because he's going with subjects the writer treats of, I shall at present will bamboozl us agen, which causes many

the plenipo's —'Tis said the French king lay the matter before the world, without the least alteration from the words of my corre

speculations. The Jacks and others of that spondent.

kidney are very uppish and alert upon't, as you

may see by their phizz's-- Will Hazard has * To Isaac Bickerstaff, Esquire.

got the hipps, having lost to the tune of five hundrd pound, tho' he understands play very

well, no body better. He has promis't me There are some abuses among us of great upon rep, to leave off play; but you know 'tis consequence, the reformation of which is pro- a weakness he's too apt to give into, tho' be perly your province; though, as far as I have bas as much wit at any man, no body more. been conversant in your papers, you have not He has liin incoy ever since—The mob's very yet considered them. These are, the deplo- quiet with us now I believe you thót I ban. rable ignorance that for some years bath reigned ter'd you in my last, like a country put-I among our English writers, the great depravity shan't leave town this month, &c." of our taste, and the continual corruption of our style. I say nothing here of those who * This letter is in every point an admirable bandle particular sciences, divinity, law, pattern of the present polite way of writing; physic, and the like; I mean the traders in nor is it of less authority for being an epistle. history, politics, and the belles lettres ; toge- You may gather every power in it, with a ther with those by whom books are not trans- thousand more of equal sweetness, from the lated, but, as the common expressions are, books, pamphlets, and single papers offered done out of French, Latin, or other language, us every day in the coffee bouses : and these and made English. I cannot but observe to are the beauties introduced to supply the want you, that until of late years a Grub-street book of wit, sepse, bumour, and learning, which was always bound in sheep-skin, with suitable formerly were looked upon as qualifications print and paper, the price never above a shil. for a writer. If a man of wit, who died forty ling, and taken off wholly by common tradesmen or country pedlars; but now they appear

* Swin, in one of his letters to Mrs. Johnson, desires to in all sizes and shapes, and in all places. They know, whether the English was a language or a tongue. are handed about from lapfuls in every coffee. + Mr. Thoinas Marley is bere alluderl to,

• SIR,

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years ago, were to rise from the grave on pur- | You might easily find them though they were
pose, how would he be able to read this letter? not in a different print, and therefore I need
and after he bad got through that difficulty, not disturb them.
how would be be able to understand it? The These are the false refinements in our style
first thing that strikes your eye, is the breaks which you ought to correct: first, by argument
at the end of almost every sentence; of which and fair means ; but, if those fail, I think you
I know not the use, only that it is a refine- are to make use of your authority as Censor,
ment, and very frequently practised. Then and by an annual Index Expurgatorius expunge
you will observe the abbreviations and elisions, all words and phrases that are offensive to good
by which consonants of most obdurate sound sense, and condemn those barbarous mutila-
are joined together, without one softening tions of vowels and syllables. In this last point
vowel to intervene; and all this only to make the usual pretence is, that they spell as they
one syllable of two, directly contrary to the speak. A noble standard for language! to de-
example of the Greeks and Romans, altogether pend upon the caprice of every coxcomb, who,
of the Gothic strain, and a patural tendency because words are the clothing of our thoughts,
towards relapsing into barbarity, which delights cuts them out and shapes them as he pleases,
in monosyllables, and uniting of mute conso. and changes them ofter.er than his dress. I
nants, as it is observable in all the northern believe all reasonable people would be content
languages. And this is still more visible in that such refiners were more sparing in their
the next refinement, which consists in pro-words, and liberal in their syllables : and upon
nouncing the first syllable in a word that has this head I should be glad you would bestow
many, and dismissing the rest, such as phizz, some advice upon several young readers in our
hipps, mob, puzz, rep, and many more, churches, wbo, coming up from the university
when we are already overloaded with mono- full fraught with admiration of our town po-
syllables, which are the disgrace of our lan- liteness, will needs correct the style of their
guage. Thus we cram one syllable, and cut prayer-books. In reading the Absolution, they
off the rest, as the owl fattened her mice after are very careful to say pardons and absolves ;
she bad bit off their legs to prevent them from and in ihe prayer for the royal family, it must
running away; and if ours be the same reason be endue'um, enrich'um, prosper'um, and
for maiming our words, it will certainly answer bring'um. Tben in their sermons tbey use
the end; for I am sure no other nation will all the modern terms of art, sham, banter,
desire to borrow them. Some words are mob, bubble, bully, cutting, shuffling, and
hitherto but fairly split, and therefore only in palming : all which, and many more of the
their way to perfection, as incog and plenipo:like stamp, as I have heard them often in the
but in a short time, it is to be hoped, they will pulpit from such young sophisters, so I bave
be further docked to inc and plen. This re- read them in some of “ those sermons that
flection has made me of late years very impa-have made most nuise of late.” The design,
tient for a peace, which I believe would save it seems, is to avoid the dreadful imputation
the lives of many brave words, as well as men. of pedantry; to show us that they know the
The war bas introduced abundance of poly- town, understand men and manners, and have
syllables, which will never be able to live not been poring upon old unfashionable books
many more campaigns: speculations, opera- in the university.
tions, preliminaries, ambassadors, pallisadoes, 'I should be glad to see you the instrument
communication, circumvallution, battalions ; of introducing into our style that simplicity
as numerous as they are, if they attack us which is the best and truest ornament of most
too frequently in our coffee-houses, we shall things in life, which the politer ages always
certainly put them to fight, and cut off the aimed at in their building and dress, simplex

munditiis, as well as their productions of wit.
• The third refinement obvervable in the It is manifest that all new affected modes of
letter I send you, consists in the choice of cer- speech, whether borrowed from the court, the
tain words invented by some pretty fellows, town, or the theatre, are the first perishing
such as banter, bamboozle, country put, and parts in any language; and, as I could prove
kidney, as it is there applied; some of which by many hundred instances, have been so in
are now struggling for the vogue, and others The writings of Hooker,t who was a
are in possession of it. I have done my utmost country clergyman, and of Parsons the Jesuit,
for some years past to stop the progress of both in the reign of queen Elizabeth, are in
mob and banter, but have been plainly borne a style that, with very few allowances, would
down by numbers, and betrayed by those who
promised to assist me.

* This is probably a sneer at Dr. Ashe, bishop of Clogher, In the last place, you are to take notice of whose pupil Swift had been, as Congreve also was. certaio choice phrases scattered through the 1 Richard Ilooker, the learner and worthy anthor of a

well-known book, entitled, “ The Laws of Ecclesiastical letter, some of them tolerable enough, until

Politie,' and other pious tracts, was born near Exeter in they were worn to rags hy servile imitators. I 1553, anıt died at Bishop's Bourde in Kent, Nov. 2, 1600.



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not offend any present reader, and are much far, he, with great success soothed her froin more clear and intelligible than those of sir being guilty of violences, and still resolved to Harry Wouton, sir Robert Naunton, Osborn, give her such a terrible apprehension of his Daniel the historian, and several others who fiery spirit, that she should never dream of writ later; but being men of the court, and giving way to her own. He returned on the affecting the phrases then in fasbion, they are day appointed for carrying her bome; but, often either not to be understood, or appear instead of a coach and six horses, together with perfectly ridiculous.

the gay equipage suitable to the occasion, he What remedies are to be applied to these appeared without a servant, mounted on the evils I have not room to consider, having, 1 skeleton of a horse, which his huntsman had, fear, already taken up most of your paper. the day before, brought in to feast his dogs Besides, I think it is our office only to repre- on the arrival of their new mistress, with a sent abuses, and yours to redress them. I am, pillion fixed behind, and a case of pistols before with great respect, Sir,

bim, attended only by a favourite hound. Thus 'Your, &c. equipped, he, in a very obliging but somewhat

positive manner, desired his lady to seat herself

on the cushion; which done, away they crawled. No. 231.] Saturday, September 30, 1710.

The road being obstructed by a gate, the dog

was commanded to open it: the poor cur looked Principiis obsta— Ovid. Rem. Amor, ver. 91. up and wagged his tail; but the master, to Prevent the growing evil

R. Wynne. shuw the impatience of bis temper, drew a

pistol, and shot him dead. He had no sooner From my own Apartment, September 29. done it, but he fell into a thousand apologies There are very many ill habits that might for his unhappy rashness, and hegged as many with much ease have been prevented, which, pardons for his excesses before one for whom after we bave indulged ourselves in them, be- he bad so profound a respect. Soon after, their come incorrigible. We have a sort of prover-steed stumbled, but with some difficulty rebial expression, of ' Taking a woman down in covered: however, the bridegroom took occa. her wedding shoes, if you would bring her to sion to swear, if he frightened his wife so again reason. An early behaviour of this sort bad he would run bim through! and alas! the poor a very remarkable good effect in a family animal being now almost tired, made a second wherein I was several years an intimate ac.trip; immediately on which the careful husband quaintance.

alights, and, with great ceremony, tirst takes A gentleman in Lincolnsbire had four daugh- off his lady, then the accoutrements, draws bis ters, three of which were early married very sword, and saves the huntsman the trouble of happily; but the fourth, though no way infe- killing him : then says to his wife, ‘Child rior to any of her sisters, either in person or pr’ythee take up the saddle;' which she readily accomplishments, bad, from her infancy, dis- did, and tugged it home, where they found all covered so imperious a temper, usually called things in the greatest order, suitable to their a high spirit, that it continually made great fortune and the present occasion. Some time uneasiness in the family, became her known after, the father of the lady gave an entertaincharacter in the neighbourhood, and deterred ment to all his daughters and their husbands; all ber lovers from declaring themselves. How where, when the wives were retired, and the ever, in process of time, a gentleman of a plen- gentlemen passing a toast about, our last martiful fortune and long acquaintance, having ried man took occasion to observe to the rest observed that quickness of spirit to be her only of his brethren, how much, to bis great satisfault, made his addresses, and obtained her faction, he found the world mistaken as to the consent in due form. The lawyers finished temper of his lady, for that she was the most the writings, in which, by the way, there was meek and humble woman breathing. The apno pin-money; and they were married. After plause was received with a loud laugh: but, as a decent time spent in the father's house, the a trial wbich of them would appear the most bridegroom went to prepare bis seat for her master at home, he proposed they should all reception. During the whole course of his by turns send for their wives down to them. A courtship, though a man of the most equal servant was despatched, and answer was made temper, he had artificially lamented to her, by one, tell him I will come by-and-by; and that he was the most passionate creature another, 'that she would come when the cards breathing. By this one intimation, he at once were out of her hand;' and so on. But no made her understand warmth of temper to be sooner was her husband's desire whispered in what he ought to pardon in ber, as well as that the ear of our last married lady, but the cards he alarmed her against that constitution in were clapped on the table, and down she comes himself. She at the same time thought herself with my dear, would you speak with me?' bighly obliged by the composed behaviour He receives her in his arms, and, after repeated which he maintained in her presence. Thus caresses, tells her the experiment, confesses his

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good nature, and assures her, that since she me tell you, that while some people are mindcould now command her temper, he would no ing only themselves and families, and others longer disguise his own.

are thinking only of their own country, things I received the following letter with a dozen of go on strangely in the north. I foresee very wine, and cannot but do justice to the liquor,and great evils arising from the neglect of trans

actions at a distance; for which reason I am give my testimony, 'That I have tried it


now writing a letter to a friend in the country, several of my acquaintance, who were giveu to

which I design as an answer to the czar of MusImpertinent abbreviations, with great success.'

covy's letter to the grand seignior concerning * MR. BICKERSTAFF,

bis majesty of Sweden. I have endeavoured to I send you by this bearer, and not per prove, that it is not reasonable to expect that his bearer, a dozen of that claret which is to be Swedish majesty should leave Bender without sold at Garraway's coffee-bouse, ou Thursday forty thousand men ; and I have added to this the fifth day of October next. I can assure

an apology for the Cossacks. But the matter you I have found by experience the efficacy of multiplies upon me, and I grow dim with much it, in amending a fault you complain of in your writing ; therefore desire, if you have an old last. The very first draught of it has some green pair of spectacles, such as you used about effect upon the speech of the drinker, and re

your fiftieth year, that you would send them to stores all the letters taken away by the elisious me; as also that you would please to desire so justly complained of. Will Hazard was Mr. Morphew to send me in a bushel of coals cured of his hypocondria hy three glasses ; and on the credit of my answer to his czarian mathe gentleman who gave you an account of bis jesty; for I design it shall be printed for Morlate indisposition, has, in public company, after phew, and the weather grows sharp. I shall the first quart, spoke every syllable of the word take it kindly if you would order him also to plenipotentiary.

Your's, &c.'

send me the papers as they come out. If there

are no fresh pamphlets published, I compute No. 232.] Tuesday, October 3, 1710.

that I shall know before the end of next month

what has been done in town to this day. If it From my own Apartment, October 2.

were not for an ill custom lately introduced by I have received the following letter from my a certain author, of talking Latin at the beunfortunate old acquaintance the upholsterer, ginning of papers, matters would be in a much who, I observed, had long absented bimself clearer ligbt than they are : but, to our comfort, from the bench at the upper end of the Mall. there are solid writers who are not guilty of Having not seen him for some time, I was in this pedantry. The Postman writes like an fear I should soon hear of his death ; especially angel. The Moderator is fine reading. It since he never appeared, though the noous would do you no harm to read the Postboy have been of late pretty warm, and the councils with attention; he is very deep of late. He is at that place very full from the hour of twelve instructive; but I confess a little satirical : a to three, which the sages of that board employ sharp pen!he cares not what he says. The in conference, while the untbinking part of Examiner is admirable, and is become a grave mankind are eating and drinking for the sup- and substantial autbor. But, above all, I am port of their own private persons, without any at a loss how to govern myself in my judgment regard to the public.

of those whose whole writings consist in inter"SIR,

rogatories : and then the way of answering, by 'I should have waited on you very frequently proposing questions as hard to them, is quite to have discoursed you upon some matters of as extraordinary. As for my part, I tremble at moment, but that I love to be well informed these novelties; we expose, in my opinion, our in the subject upon which I consult my friends, affairs too much by it. You may be sure the before I enter into debate with them. I have, French king will spare no cost to come at the therefore, with the utmost care and pains, ap- reading of them. I dread to think if the fable plied myself to the reading all the writings and of the blackbirds should fall into his bands. pamphlets which have come out since the trial, But I shall not venture to say more until I see and have studied night and day in order to be you. In the mean time, “I am, &c. master of the whole controversy: but the au

‘P.S. I take the Bender letter in the Exathors are so numerous, and the state of affairs miner to be spurious.' alters so very fast, that I am now a fortnight bebind-hand in my reading, and know only how unhappy correspondent, whose fantasthings stood twelve days ago. I wish you would tical loyalty to the king of Sweden has reduced enter into those useful subjects; for, if I may him to this low condition of reason and fortune, be allowed to say so, these are not times to jest would appear much more monstrous in his in. As for my own part, you know very well madness, did we not see crowds very little above that I am of a public spirit, and never regarded his circumstances from the same cause, –a pasmy own interest, but looked further; and let | sion to politics.

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