« ПредишнаНапред »
pocket, only at the Golden Key in Wharton's | teaze one another with unacceptable allusions. court, near Holborn-bars, for three shillings One would pass over patiently such as converse and sixpence, with directions.'
like animals, and salute each other with bangs At the same time that I recommend the on the shoulder, sly raps with canes, or other several flowers in which this spirit of lavender robust pleasantries practised by the rural is wrapped up, if the expressin may be used, genry u. this nation : but even among those I cannot excuse my fellow.labourers for adınit. who s ruld have more polite ideas of things, ting into their papers several uncleaniy adver- you see a set of people who invert the clesign tisements, not at all proper to appear in tip, of conversation, and make frequent mention of works of polite writers. Among thes;; "grateful subjects; nay, mention them be. reckon the 'Carminative wind-expelli,
they are ungrateful ; as if the perfection If the doctor had called them only his cardi. of society were in knowing how to offend on native pills, he had been as cleanly as one the one part, and how to bear an offence on could have wished; but the second word en- the other. In all parts of this populous town, tirely destroys the decency of the first. There you find the merry world made up of an active are other absurdities of this nature so very and a passive companion; one who has goodgross, that I dare not mention them; and shall nature enough to suffer all his friend 'sball therefore dismiss this subject with a public think fit to say, and one who is resolved to admonition to Michael Parrut, That he do nut make the most of his good-humour to show his presume any more to mention a certain worm parts. In the trading part of mankind, I have he knows of, which, by the way, has grown ever observed the jest went by the weight of seven feet in my memory; for, if I am not purses, and the ridicule is made up by the much mistaken, it is the same that was but gains which arise from it. Thus the packer nine feet long about six months ago.
allows the clothier to say what be pleases; and By the remarks I have bere made, it plainly the broker has his countenance ready to laugh appears, that a collection of advertisements is with the mercbant, though the abuse is to fall a kind of miscellany; the writers of which, on bimself, because he knows that, as a gocontrary to all authors, except men of quality, between, he shall find his account in being in give money to the booksellers who publish their the good graces of a man of wealth. Among copies. The genius of the bookseller is chiefly these just and punctual people the richest man shown in his method of ranging and digesting is ever the better jester; and they know no these little tracts. The last paper I took up such a thing as a person wbo shall pretend to a in my hand places them in the following order. superior laugh at a man, who does not make
The true Spanish blacking for shoes, &c. him amends by opportunities of advantage in
way, where the pretended distinction in comNectar and ambrosia, &c.
pany is only what is raised from sense and Pour freehold tenements of fifteen pounds understanding, it is very absurd to carry on a per apnum, &c.
rough raillery so far, as that the whole disAnnotations upon the l'atler, &c.
course should turn upon each other's infiriniThe present state of England, &c.
ties, follies, or misfortunes.
class. They appear generally by two and two;
very persons who are most together appear No. 225.] Saturday, September 16, 1710.
least of a mind when joined by otber company.
This evil proceeds from an indiscreet familia.
rity, whereby a man is allowed to say the most Candidas imperti; si non, his alere mecnm.
grating thing imaginable to another, and it Hor. 1 Ep. vi. 67.
shall be accounted weakness to show an im. If a better system's thine,
patience for the unkindness. But this and all Impart it frankly ; or make use of mine, Francis.
other deviations from the design of pleasing From my own Apartment, September 15.
each other when we meet, are derived from
interlopers in society; who want capacity to The hours which we spend in conversation put in a stock among regular companions, and are the most pleasing of any which we enjoy; therefore supply their wants by stale histories, yet, metbinks, there is very little care taken sly observations, and rude bints, which relate tu improve ourselves for the frequent repetition to the conduct of others. All cohabitants in of them. The common fault in this case is general run into this unhappy fault ; men and that of growing too intimate, and falling into their wives break into reflections, which are displeasing familiarities : for it is a very ordinary like so much Arabic to the rest of the company thing for men to make no other use of a cluse sisters and brothers often make the like figure, acquaintance with each other's affairs, but to from the same unjust sense of the art of being
intimate and familiar. It is often said, such | day about a month before the time you looked d-one cannot stand the mention of such a cir- yourself, much to the satisfaction of cumstavce ; if he cannot, I am sure it is for ' Your most obliged, humble servant, wa of discourse, or a worse reason, that any
• PLAIN ENGLISII.' companion of his touches upon il.
Familiarity, among the truly well-bred, never gives authority to trespass upon one another in No. 226.] Tuesday, September 19, 1710. the most minute circumstance; but it allows
-Juvenis quondam, nnnc femina, Cæneus, to be kinder than we ought otherwise to pre- Rorsus et In veterem fato revoluta figuram. sume to be. Eusebius bas wit, bumour, and
Virg. Æn, vi. 4 18. spirit ; but there never was a man in his com- Caneus, a woman once, and once a man; pany who wished he had less ; for be under- But ending in the sex she first began. Dryden. stands familiarity so well, that he knows how
From my own Apartment, September 18. to make use of it in a way that neither makes himself or his friend contemptible ; but if any transmit to posterity an account of
It is one of the designs of this paper to one is lesseved by bis freedom, it is he himself, that is monstrous in my own times. For this
every thing who always likes the place, the diet, and the reception, when he is in the company of his friends. reason, I shall here publish to the world the Equality is the life of conversation ; and he is life of a person who was neither man nor as much out who assumes to himself any part
woman; as written by one of my ingenious above another, as he who cousiders himself correspondents, who seems to have imitated
Plutarch in that multifarious erudition, and below the rest of the society. Familiarity in inferiors is sauciness ; in superiors, condescen- those occasional dissertations, which he has sion ; neither of which are to bave being among I am putting out is that of Margery, alias John
wrought into the body of his history. The life companions, the very word implying that they are to be equal. When, therefore, we have Young, commonly known by the name of abstracted the company from all considerations
Doctor Young; who, as the town very well of their quality or furtune, it will immediately knows, was a woman that practised physic in
a man's clothes, and, after having had two appear, that to make it happy and polite, there must nothing be started which shall discover wives and several children, died about a month
since. that our thoughts run upon any such distinctions. Hence it will arise, that benevolence must become the rule of society, and he that 'I here make bold to troul you with a is most obliging must be most diverting.
short account of the famous doctor Young's This way of talking I am fallen into from the life, which you may call, if you please, a second reflection that I am, wherever I go, enter- part of the farce of the Sham Doctor. This tained with some absurdity, mistake, weakness, perhaps will not seem so strange to you, who, or ill-luck of some man or other, whom notif lain not mistaken, have somewhere menonly I, but the person who makes me those tioned with bunour your sister Kirleus,* as a relations, has a value for. It would therefore practitioner both in physic and astrology: but, be a great benefit to the world, if it could be in the common opinion of mankind, a she- « brought to pass, that no story should be a taking one, but what was to the advantage of quack is altogether as strange and astonishing
a creature, as the centaur that practised physic the person of whom it is related. By this means,
in the days of Achilles, or as king Pbys in the he that is now a wit in conversation would be Rehearsal. Æsculapius, the great founder of considered as a spreader of false news is in your art, was particularly famous for his beard, business.
as we may conclude from the behaviour of a But above all, to make a familiar fit for a tyrant, who is branded by heathen historians bosom friend, it is absolutely necessary that
as guilty bolh of sacrilege and blasphemy; we should always be inclined rather to hide, baving robbed the statue of Æsculapius of a iban rally each other's infirmities. To suffer thick bushy golden beard, and then alleged for a fault is a sort of atonement; and nobody for his excuse, That it was a shame the son is concerned for the offence for which he has should have a beard, when his father Apollo made reparation.
bad none. This latter instance indeed seems P. S. I have received the following letter, something to favour a female professor, since, which rallies me for being witty sooner than I
as I have been told, the ancient statues designed; but I have now altered my resolution, Apollo are generally made with a head ana and intend to be facetious until the day in face of a woman: nay, I bave been credibly October heretofore mentioned, instead of beginning from that day.
• There were two she quacks of the name of Kirleus
Susannah, the widow of Thoinas, and Mvy, the widow oo • MR. BICKERSTAFF, Sept. 6, 1710.
John, who advertised upon one another. They were equally . By your own reckoning, you came yester skilled in astrology and physic.
informed by those who have seen them both, I very good understanding. It so bappened, that • that the famous Apollo in the Belvidera did the doctor was with child at the same time very much resemble doctor Young. Let that that his lady was ; but the little ones coming be as it will, the doctor was a kind of Amazon buth together, they passed for twins. The in physic, that made as great devastations and doctor having entirely established the reputaslaughters as any of our chief heroes in the tion of his manhood, especially by the birth of art, and was as fatal to the English in these the boy of whom he had been lately delivered, our days, as the famous Joan d'Arc was in those and wbu very much resembles him, grew into of our forefathers.
good business, and was particularly famous for 'I do not find any thing remarkable in the the cure of venereal distempers; but would life which I am about to write until the year have had much more practice among his own 1695; at which time the doctor, being about sex, had not some of them been so unreasontwenty-three years old, was brought to-bed of able as to demand certain proofs of their cure, a bastard child. The scandal of such a mis. which the doctor was not able to give them. fortune gave so great an uneasiness to pretty | The Horid blooming look, which gave the doctor Mrs. Peggy, for that was the name by which some uveasiness at first, instead of betraying the doctor was then called, that she left her his person, only recommended his physic. family, and followed her lover to London, with Upon this occasion I cannot forhear mentioning
a fixed resolution some way or other to recover what I thought a very agreeable surprise : in • her lost reputation; but instead of changing one of Moliere's plays, where a young woman
her life, which one would have expected from applies berself to a sick person in the habit of so good a disposition of mind, she took it in a quack, and speaks to her patient, who was her head to change her sex. This was soon something scandalized at the youth of his phy
done by the help of a sword and a pair of sician, to the following purpose :- 1 began to * breeches. I bave reason to believe, that her practise in the reign of Francis the First, and
first design was to turn man-midwise, having am now in the hundred and fiftieth year of my herself had some experience in those affairs ; age : but, by the virtue of my medicaments, but thinking this too narrow a foundation for have maintained myself in the same beauty her future fortune, sbe at length bought her a and freshness I had at fifteen. For this reason gold-buttoned coat, and set up for a physician. Hippocrates lays it down as a rule, that a stuThus we see the same fatal miscarriage in her dent in physic should have a sound constitution, youth made Mrs. Young a doctor, that sormerly and a healthy look; which indeed seem as nemade one of the same sex a pope.
cessary qualifications for a physician, as a good * The doctor succeeded very well in bis bu-life and virtuous behaviour for a divine. But siness at first; but very often met with acci- to return to our subject. About two years dents that disquieted him. As he wanted that ago the doctor was very much aMicted with deep magisterial voice which gives authority to the vapours, which grew upon him to such a a prescription, and is absolutely necessary for degree, that about six weeks since they made the rigbt pronouncing of these words, “ Take an end of him. His death discovered the disthese pills,” he unfortunately got the nick-name guise he had acted under, and brought him of the Squeaking Doctor. If this circumstance back again to his former sex. It is said, that alarmed the doctor, there was another which at his burial the pall was held up by six women gave him no small disquiet, and very much of some fashion. The doctor left behind him diminished his gains. In short, he found bim- a widow, and two fatherless children, if they self run down as a superficial prating quack may be called su, besides the little boy beforein all families that had at the bead of them a mentioned. In relation to whom we may say cautious father, or a jealous husband. These of the doctor, as the good old ballad about the would often complain among one another, that children in the wood says of the unnatural they did not like such a smock-faced physi.uncle, that be was facher and mother both in cian; though in truth, had they known how These are all the circumstances that I justly he deserved that name, they would ra- could learn of doctor Young's life, which might ther have favoured his practice, than have ap- have given occasion to many obscene fictions : prehended any thing from it.
but as I know those would never have gained Such were the motives that determined
a place in your paper, I have not troubled you Mrs. Young to change her conrlition, and take with any impertinence of that nature, having in parriage a virtucus young woman, who lived stuck to the cruth very scrupulously, as I alwith her in good reputation, and made her the ways do when subscribe myself, father of a very pretty girl. But this part of
Sir, yours, &c. her happiness was soon after destroyed, by a distemper which was too bard for our physi- I shall add as a postscript to this letter, that cian, and carried off his first wife. The doctor I am informed the famous Saltero, who sells had not been a widow long before be married coffee in his museum at Chelsea, has by him a his second lady with whom also he lived in curivsity, which helped the doctor to carry on
his imposture, and will give great satisfaction is avarice, which you mistake for envy. Were to the curious enquirer.
it not that you have both expectations from the same man, you would look upon your cou
sin's accomplishments with pleasure. You, No. 227.] Thursday, September 21, 1710.
that now consider him as an obstacle to your
interest, would then behold him as an orna. Omnibus invideas, Zoile, nemo tibi. Martial. ment to your family. I observed my patient Thou envy st all; but no man envius thee.
upon this occasion recover himself in some R. Wynne. measure; and be owned to me, that' be hoped
it was as I imagined; for that in all places, From my own Apartment, September 20.
but where he was his rival, he bad pleasure in It is the business of reason and philosophy his company.' This was the first discuurse we to sooth and allay the passions of the mind, or had upon this malady; but I do not doubt turn them to a vigorous prosecution of what is but, after two or three more, I shall, by just dictated by the understanding. In order to this degrees, soften his envy into emulation. good end, I would keep a watchful eye upon Sucb an envy, as I have here described, may the growing inclinations of youth, and be par- possibly enter into an ingenuous mind ; but ticularly careful to prevent their indulging the envy wbich makes a man uneasy to himself themselves in such sentiments as may imbitter and uthers, is a certain distortion and pertheir more advanced age. I bave now under verseness of temper, that renders him unwilling cure a young gentleman, who lately communi- to be pleased with any thing without bim, that cated to me, that he was of all men living the has either beauty or perfection in it. I look most miserably envious. I desired the cir- upon it as a distemper in the mind, which I cumstances of his distemper; upon which, know do moralist that has described in this with a sigh that would have moved the most light, when a 'man cannot discern any thing, inhuman breast, ‘Mr. Bickerstaft,' said he, which another is master of that is agreeable. 'I am nephew to a gentleman of a very great for which reason, I look upon the good-natured estate, to whose favour I have a cousin that
man to be endowed with a certain discerning has equal pretensions with myself. This kins-faculty, which the envious are altogether deman of mine is a young man of the highest prived of. Shallow wits, superficial critics, and merit imaginable, and has a mind so tender, conceited fops, are with me so many blind and so generous, that can observe he returns men in respect of excellencies. They can bemy envy with pity. He makes me, upon all hold nothing but faults and blemishes, and occasions, the most obliging condescensions : incleed see nothing that is worth seeing. Show and I cannot but take notice of the concern them a poem, it is stuff; a picture, it is daubbe is in, to see my life blasted with this racking ing. They find nothing in architecture that passion, though it is against himself. In the is not irregular, or in music that is not out of presence of my uncle, when I am in the room, tune. These men sbould consider, that it is he never speaks so well as he is capable of; their envy which deforms every thing, and that but always lowers bis talents and accomplish the ugliness is not in the object, but in the ments out of regard to me. What I beg of eye. And as for nobler minds, whose merits you, dear sir, is to instruct me how to love are either not discovered, or are misrepresented him, as I know he does me: and I beseech by the envious part of mankind, they should you, if possible, to set my heart right; that it rather consider their defamers with pity than may po longer be tormented where it should indignation. A man cannot bave an idea of perbe pleased, or bate a man whom I cannot but fection in another, which he was never sensible approve.'
of in himself. Mr. Locke tells us, ' That upon The patient gave me this account with such asking a blind man, what he thought scarlet candour and openness, that I conceived imme-was? he answered, That he believed it was diate hopes of bis cure ; because, in diseases of like the sound of a trumpet.' He was forced
the mind, the person affected is half recovered to form his conceptions of ideas which he had when he is sensible of his distemper. 'Sir,'not, by those which he had. In the same said I, 'the acknowledgement of your kins- manner, ask an envious man what he thinks man's merit is a very hopeful symptom; for it is of virtue ? he will call it design; what of the nature of persons afflicted with this evil, good nature and he will term it dulness. when they are incurable, to pretend a contempt The difference is, that as the person beforeof the person envied, if they are taxed with mentioned was born blind, your envious men that weakness. A man who is really envious have contracted the distemper themselves, and will not allow he is so ; but, upon such an are troubled with a sort of an acquired blindaccusation, is tormented with the reflection, ness. Thus the devil in Milton, though made that to envy a man is to allow him your su- an angel of light, could see nothing to please perior. But in your case, when you examine him even in Paradise, and hated our first pa. the bottom of your heart, I am apt to think it rents, though in their state of innocence.
No. 228.] Saturday, September 23, 1710. which concerns the weather; and you having Veniet maons, anxilio quæ
shown yourself, by some of your late works,
more weatherwise than auy of our modern
Hor. 1 Sat. iv. 141. astrologers, I most bumbly presume to trouble A powerful aid from other hands will come.
you upon this head. You know very well, that R. Wynne.
in our ordinary almanacks the wind and rain, From my own Apartment, September 22. snow and hail, clouds and sunshine, bave their
A MAN of business, who makes a public en- proper seasons, and come up as regularly in tertainment, may sometimes leave his guests, their several months as the fruits and plants and beg them to divert themseives as well as of the earth. As for my own part, I freely own they can until his return. I shall bere make to you, that I generally steal my weather out use of the same privilege, being engaged in of some antiquated almanack, that foretold it matters of some importance relating to the several years ago. Now, sir, what I bumbly family of the Bickerstatfs, and must desire my beg of you is, that you would lead me your readers to entertain one another until I can State Weather-Glass, in order to fill up this have leisure to attend them. I have therefore vacant column in my works. This, I know, furnished out this paper, as I have done some would sell my almanack beyond any other, and few others, with letters of my ingenious corre
make me a richer man than Poor Robin. If spondents, which, I have reason to believe, you will not grant me this favour, I must bave will please the public as much as my own more recourse to my old method, and will copy after elaborate lucubrations,
an almanack which I have by me, and wbich I
think was for the year wben the great storm 'SIR, Lincoln, Sept. 9.
I am, Sir, * I have long been of the number of your
'The most humble of your admirers, admirers, and take this opportunity of telling
*T. PHILOMACI.' you so. I know not why a man so famed for astrological observations may not be also a
Tbis gentlemau does not consider, what a good casuist; upon which presumption it is strange appearance his almanack would inake ask your advice in an affair, that at present
to the ignorant, should be transpose his puzzles quite that slender stock of divinity I weather, as be must do, did he follow the dicam master of. I have now been some time in tates of my glass. What would the world say holy orders, and fellow of a certain college in to see summers filled with clouds and storms, one of the universities ; but, weary of that and winters with calms and sunshine ; accardunactive life, I resolve to be doing good in my ing to the variations of the weather, as they generation. A worthy gentleman has lately might accidentally appear in a state-barooffered me a fat rectory ; but means, I perceive, meter ? But let that be as it will, I shall apply his kinswoman should have the benefit of the my own invention to my own use; and if I do clergy. I am a novice in the world, and con- not make my fortune hy it, it will be my own fess it startles me, how the body of Mrs. Abi. fault. gail can be annexed to the cure of souls. Sir,
The next letter comes to me from another would you give us, in one of your Tatlers, the self-interested solicitor. original and progress of smock-simony, and * MR. BICKERSTAFF, show us, that where the laws are silent, men's
'I am going to set up for a Scrivener, and consciences ought to be so too, you could not have thought of a project which may turn more oblige our fraternity of young divines, both to your account and mine. It came into and among the rest, Your humble servant,
my head upon reading that learned and use
ful paper of yours concerning advertisements, • IIIGI CHURChi.'
You must understand, I have made myself I am very proud of baving a gentleman of master in the whole art of Advertising, both as this name for my admirer, and may, some time to the style and the letter. Now if you and I or other, write such a treatise as be mentions. could so manage it, that nobody should write In the mean time, I do not see why our clergy, advertisements besides myself, or print them who are frequently men of good families, any where but in your paper, we might both should be reproached, if any of them chance to of us get estates in a little time. For this end espouse a hand-maid with a rectory in commen. I would likewise propose, that you should dam, since the best of our peers have often enlarge the design of advertisements, and have joined themselves to the daughters of very ordi. sent you two or three samples of my work in nary tradesmen, upon the same valuable con- this kind, which I have made for particular siderations.
friends, and intend to open shop with. The
Globe in Moorfields, first is for a gentleman, who would willingly • HONOURED SIR,
marry, if he could find a wife to his liking; I have now finished iny almanack for the the second is for a poor whig, who is lately next year, in all the parts of it, except that turned out of his pust; and the third for a