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First know what honour is and whence it was.
to very much mirth; especially when Will, Will's Coffee-house, December 12. finding he had friends to stand by him, pro- I was this evening sitting at the side-table - aimed bimself a cuckold, by way of insult and reading one of my own papers with great over the family of the Bonifaces. Here is a satisfaction, not knowing that I was observed man of tranquillity without reading Seneca! by any in the room. I had not long enjoyed Wbat work had such an incident made among this secret pleasure of an author, when a genpersons of distinction? The brothers and kin- tleman, some of whose works I have been Dred of each side must have been drawn out, highly entertained with, * accosted me after and bereditary hatred entailed on the families the following manner. Mr. Bickerstaff, you as long as their very names remained in the know I have for some years devoted myself world. Who would believe that Herod, Othello, wholly to the muses, and, perhaps, you will and Will Rusin, were of the same species ?
be surprised when I tell you I am resolved to There are quite different sentiments which take up, and apply myself to business. I shall reign in the parlour and the kitchen ; and it therefore beg you will stand my friend, and is by the point of honour, when justly regulated, recommend a customer to me for several goods and inviolably observed, that some men are that I have now upon my hands.'—' I desired superior to others, as much as mankind in ge him to let me have a particular, and I would neral are to brutes. This puts me in mind of do my utmost to serve him.'—'I have first of a passage in the admirable poem called “The all,' says he,' the progress of an amour digested Dispensary,' where the nature of true bonour is into sonnets, beginning with a poem to the artfully described in an ironical dispraise of it: unknown fair, and ending with an epithalu
nium. I have celebrated in it her cruelty, * Bat ere we once engage in honour's cause,
her pity, her face, her shape, her wit, her good Scorn'd by the base, 'tis courted by the brave, humour, her dancing, ber singing'-I could The hero's tyrant, and the coward's slave.
not forbear interrupting him ; “This is a most Boru in the noisy canıp, it lives on air ;
accomplished lady,' said I ; 'but has she really, And both exists by hope, and by despair. Angry whene'er a moment's ease we gain,
with all these perfections, a fine voice?'And reconcil'd at our relurns of pain.
*Pugh,' says he, you do not believe there is It lives when in death's arins the hero lies, But when his safety he consults, it dies.
such a person in nature. This was only my Bigoted to this idol, we disclaim
employment in solitude last summer, when I Rest, health, and ease, for nothing but a name.'*
had neither friends nor books to divert me.'
'I was going,' said I, 'to ask her name, but I A very odd fellow visited me to-day at my find it is only an imaginary mistress.'—' That's lodgings, and desired encouragement and re- true,' replied my friend, ' but her name is commendation from me for a new invention of Flavia. I have,' continued he, in the second knockers to doors, which he told me be had place, a collection of lampoons, calculated made, and professed to teach rustic servants either for the Bath, Tunbridge, or any place the use of them. I desired him to show me an
where they drink waters, with blank spaces experiment of this invention ; upon which he for the names of such person or persons as fixed one of bis knockers to my parlour-door. may be inserted in them on occasion. Thus He then gave me a complete set of knocks, much I have told only of what I have by me, from the solitary rap of the dun and beggar, proceeding from love and malice. I have also to the thunderings of the saucy footman of at this time the sketch of a heroic poem upon quality, with several flourishes and rattlings the next peace : several, indeed, of the verses never yet performed. He likewise played over
are either too long or too short, it being a some private notes, distinguishing the familiar rough draught of my thoughts upon that subfriend or relation from the most modish visitor ; lject. I thereupon told him, ' That, as it was, and directing when the reserve candles are to it might probably pass for a very good Pindaric, be lighted. He has several other curiosities in and I believe I knew one who would be willing this art. He waits only to receive my appro- to deal with bim for it upon that foot.t. I must bation of the main design. He is now ready tell you also,' said he, “I have made a dedicato practise to such as sball apply themselves tion to it, which is about four sides close writto him; but I have put off his public licence ten, that may serve any one that is tall, and until next court-day.
understands Latin. I have further about fifty N. B. He teaches under-ground. similes, that were never yet applied, besides
three-and-twenty descriptions of the sun rising,
No. 106.] Tuesday, December 13, 1709.
-Invenies (isjecti membra poeta. - Hor. Sat. iv. 62. You will find the limbs of a dismember'd poet.
• Perhaps the person here alluded to was Peter Anthony Molteux, a Frenchiman, who translated Don Quixote, and was a writer of songs, prologues, epilogues, &c. who about this tine became a seller of china, fans, &c.
+ The author probably allucles here to Mr. Thomas Tickell, who seems to have beeu the person mentionedi under the name of Town Spindle, in Tatler, No. 47.
• Dr, Gartlis' Dispensary.
that might be of great use to an epic poet. thoughts of a son into distraction. His father's
I heard the gentleman with much attention, admire. The widowhood bad lasted two months.
petitioner, pronounces the said Jeffery Grog.
gram a live man, and will not suffer that he --That it should come to this!
should bury himself out of modesty ; but reBut two inonths deadl nay, not so muchi, not two! So excellent a king! that was, to this,
quires bim to remain among the living, as an Ilyperion to a satyr: so loviug to my mother :
example to those obstinate dead men, who That he might not let e'en the winds of heaven
will neither labour for life, nor go to their
N. B. Mr. Groggram is the first person that
Florinda demands, by her letter of this day,
to be allowed to pass for a living woman, bavMy father's brother ! but no more like my father, ing danced the Derbyshire hornpipe in the Linda Than I to Hercules. Within a month!
sence of several friends on Saturday lasi. Ere yet the salt of most inrighteons tears Ilad left the flushing in her ganled eyes,
Granted; provided she can bring proof, that She married-O most wicked speed, lo post
she can make a pudding on the twenty fourth With such dexterity to incestuous sheets!
instant. It is not, nor it cannot come to, good. But, break, my heart; for I must hoki my tongue !
The several emotions of mind, and breaks of No. 107.] Thursday, December 15, i709. passion, in this speech, are admirable. He has touched every circumstance that aggravated
Quantâ laboras in Charybdi, the fact, and seemed capable of hurrying the Digue puer meliore flamma? llor. i. Od. xxvii. W
L'ohappy youth! doth she surprise ?
and asked him, “if he had any good winter And have her flames possess'd
boots'--' Boots, sir !' said iny patient--I went Thy burning breast? Thou did'st deserve a dart from kinder eyes.
on ; ' You may easily reach Harwich in a day,
Creech. so as to be there when the packet goes off.'--Sheer-lane, December 14.
“Sir,' said the lover, ‘I find you design me for About four this afternoon, which is the bour travelling; but, alas! I have no language, it I usually put myself in a readiness to receive will be the same thing to me as solitude, to be company, there entered a gentleman, who I be in a strange country. I have,' continued he, lieved at first came upon some ordinary ques. sighing, ' been many years in love with this tion : but, as he approached nearer to me, I saw creature, and have almost lost even my Eng. in his countenance a deep sorrow, mixed with lish, at least to speak such as any body else a certain ingenuous complacency, that gave does. I asked a tenant of ours, who came up me sudden good-will towards biin. He stared, to town the other day with rent, whether the and betrayed an absence of thought, as he was flowery mead near my father's house in the going to communicate bis business to me. But country had any shepherd in it? I have called at last, recovering himself, he said with an air a cave a grotto these three years, and must of great respect, 'Sir, it would be an injury to keep ordinary company, and frequent busy your knowledge in the occult sciences, to tell | people for some time, before I can recover my you what is my distress; I dare say you read common words.' I smiled at his raillery upon it in my countenance: I therefore beg your bimself, though I well saw it came from a heavy advice to the most unhappy of all men.' Much heart. 'You are,' said I, 'acquainted, to be experience has made me particularly sagacious sure, with some of the general officers : suppose in the discovery of distempers, and I soon saw you made a campaign?'—'If I did,' said he,'T that his was love. I then turned to my common should venture more than any man there, for place-book, and found his case under the word I should be in danger of starving; my father is Coquette; and reading over the catalogue which such an untoward old gentleman, that he would I have collected out of this great city, of all tell me he found it hard enough to pay his taxes under that character, I saw, at the name of towards the war, without making it more exCynthia, his fit came upon him. I repeated pensive by an allowance to me. With all this, the name thrice after a musing manner, and he is as fond as he is rugged, and I am bis only immediately perceived his pulse quicken two son.' thirds ; wben his eyes, instead of the wildness I looked upon the young gentleman with with which they appeared at his entrance, much tenderness, and not like a physician, but looked with all the gentleness imaginable upon a friend; for, I talked to him so largely, that me, not without tears. 'Oh! sir,' said he, if I had parcelled my discourse into distinct 'you know not the unworthy usage I have met prescriptions, I am confident, I gave him two with from the woman my soul doats on. 1 hundred pounds worth of advice. He beard could gaze at her to the end of my being: yet me with great attention, bowing, smiling, and when I have done so, for some time past, I have showing all other instances of that natural good found her eyes fixed on another. She is now breeding which ingenuous tempers pay to those two-and-twenty, in the full tyranny of her who are elder and wiser than themselves. I charms, which she once acknowledged she re- entertained him to the following purpose : ‘I joiced in, only as they made her choice of me, am sorry, sir, that your passion is of so long a out of a crowd of admirers, the more obliging. date, for evils are much more curable in their * But, in the midst of this happiness, so it is, beginnings; but, at the same time, must allow, Mr. Bickerstaff, that young Quickset, who is that you are not to be blamed, since your youth just come to town, without any other recom- and merit has been abused by one of the most mendation than that of being tolerably hand-charming, but the most unworthy sort of wosome, and excessively rich, has won her heart men, the Coquettes, A Coquette is a chaste in so shameless a manner, that she dies for jilt, and differs only from a common one, as a him. In a word, I would consult you, how to soldier, who is perfect in exercise, does from cuie myself of this passion for an ungrateful one that is actually in service. This grief, like woman, who triumphs in her falsehood, and all others, is to be cured only by time; and, can make no man happy, because her own although you are convinced this moment, as satisfaction consists chiefly in being capable of much as you will be ten years hence, that she giving distress. I know Quickset is at present ought to be scorned and neglected, you see you considerable with her, for no other reason but must not expect your remedy from the force of that he can be without her, and feel no pain reason. The cure, then, is only in time, and in the loss. Let me therefore desire you, sir, the hastening of the cure, only in the manner b) fortify my reason against the levity of an of employing that time. You have answered Econstant, who ought only to be treated with me as to travel and a campaign, so that we Böylect.'
have only Great Britain to avoid her in. Be All this time I was looking over my receipts, I then yourself, and listen to the following rules.
which only can be of use to you in this unac- the age I am now of, who, in his thirtieth year,
He made little answer to all this, but crying
' I considered the distress she brought upon therefore, to be avoided with the greatest care me the greatest that could befall a human and caution : that is, in a word, to think of your creature, at the same time that she did not mistress and rival together, whether walking, inflict this upon one who was her enemy, one discoursing, dallying' – The devil!' he cried that had done her an injury, one that had out, ‘who can bear it?' To compose him, for wished her ill; but on the man who loved her I pitied him very much ; ‘The time will come,' more than any else loved her, and more than it said I, when you shall not only bear it, but was possible for him to love any other person. laugh at it. As a preparation to it, ride every
• In the next place, I took pains to consider morning, an hour at least, with the wind full her in all her imperfections; and, that I might in your face. Upon your return, recollect the be sure to hear of them constantly, kept com- several precepts which I have now given you, pany with those, her female friends, who were and drink upou them a bottle of Spa-water. her dearest and most intimate acquaintance. Repeat this every day for a month successively,
Among her bighest imperfec ons, I still and let me see you at the end of it.' He was dwelt upon her baseness of mind and ingrati- taking his leave, with many thanks, and some tude, that made her triumph in the pain and appearance of consolation in his countenance, anguish of the man who loved ber, and of one when I called him back to acquaint him, ' that who, in those days, without vanity be it spoken, I bad private information of a design of the was thought to deserve her love.
coquettes to buy up all the true Spa-water in * To shorten my story, she was married to town: upon which he took his leave in haste, another, which would have distracted me, had with a resolution to get all things ready for he proved a good husband ; but, to my great entering upon his regimen the next morning. pleasure, he used her at first with coldness, and afterwards with contempt. I bear he still treats her very ill; and am informed, that she often says to her woman, this is a just revenge
No. 108.] Saturday, December 17, 1709. for my falsehood to my first love: what a wretch Pronagac cum spectent animalia cætera terrani. am I, that might bave been married to the fa- Os homiui sublime dedit : Columque queri
Ovid, Met. i. 85. mous Mr. Bickerstaff!'
My patient looked upon me with a kind of Thus, while the mute creation downward bend melancholy pleasure, and told me, 'He did
Their sight, and to their earthly mother tend,
Man looks alost, and with erected eyes not think it was possible for a man to live to Beholds his own hereditary skies. Dryden.
Sheer-lane, December 16.
views. The finest authors of antiquity have It is not to be imagined how great an effect taken bim on the more advantageous side. well-disposed lights, with proper forms and They cultivate the natural grandeur of the orders in assemblies, have upon some tempers. soul, raise in her a generous ambition, feed I am sure I feel it in so extraordinary a manner her with hopes of immortality and perfection, that I cannot in a day or two get out of my and do all they can to widen the partition beimagination any very beautiful or disagreeable tween the virtuous and the vicivus, by making impression which I receive on such occasions. the difference betwixt them as great as between For this reason I frequently look in at the play- gods and brutes. In short, it is impossible to house in order to enlarge my thoughts, and read a page in Plato, Tully, and a thousand warm my mind with some new ideas, that may other ancient moralists, without being a greater be serviceable to me in my lucubrations. and a better man for it. On the contrary, I
In this disposition I entered the theatre the could never read any of our modish French other day, and placed myself in a corner of it authors, or those of our own country, who are very convenient for seeing, without being my. the imitators and admirers of that trifling self observed. I found the audience hushed nation, without being for some time out of in a very deep attention, and did not question humour with myself, and at every thing about but some noble tragedy was just then in its me. Their business is, to depreciate human crisis, or that an incident was to be unravelled nature, and consider it under its worst appearwhich would determine the fate of a hero. ances. They give mean interpretations and While I was in this suspense, expecting every base motives to the worthiest actions; they moment to see my od friend Mr. Betterton resolve virtue and vice into constitution. In appear in all the majesty of distress, to my short, they endeavour to make no distinction unspeakable amazement there came up a mon between man and man, or between the species ster with a face between his feet; and, as I of men and that of brutes. As an instance o was looking on, he raised himself on one leg in this kind of authors, among many others, let such a perpendicular posture, that the other any one examine the celebrated Rochefoucault, grew in a direct line above his head. It after. who is the great philosopher for administering wards twisted itself into the motions and of consolation to the idle, the envious, and wreathings of several different animals, and, worthless part of mankind. after a great variety of shapes and transforma- I remember a young gentleman of moderate tions, went off the stage in the figure of a hu. understanding, but great vivacity, who, by man creature. The admiration, the applause, dipping into many authors of this nature, had the satisfaction of the audience, during this got a little smattering of knowledge, just enough strange entertainment, is not to be expressed. to make an atheist or a free-thinker, but not a I was very much out of countenance for my philosopher or a man of sense.
With tbese acdear countrymen, and looked about with some complishments, he went to visit his father in apprehension, for fear any foreigner should be the country, who was a plain, rough, honest present. Is it possible, thought I, that human man, and wise, though not learned. The son, nature can rejoice in its disgrace, and take who took all opportunities to show his learnpleasure in seeing its own figure turned to ing, began to establish a new religion in the ridicule, and distorted into forms that raise family, and to enlarge the narrowness of their borror and aversion? There is something dis-country notions; in which he succeeded so ingenuous and immoral in the being able to well, that he had seduced the butler by his bear such a sight. Men of elegant and noble table-talk, and staggered his eldest sister. minds are shocked at seeing the characters of The old gentleman began to be alarmed at the persons who deserve esteem for their virtue, schisms that arose among his children, but knowledge, or services to their country, placed did not yet believe his son's doctrine to be so in wrong lights, and by misrepresentation pernicious as it really was, until one day talkmade the subject of buffoonery. Such a nice ing of his setting dog, the son said, ' he did abhorrence is not indeed to be found among not question but Tray was as immortal as any the vulgar; but, methinks, it is wonderful, that one of the family; and in the beat of the arthose who have nothing but the outward figure gument told his father, 'that, for his own to distinguish them as men, should delight in part, he expected to die like a dog. Upon seeing humanity abused, vilified, and disgraced. which the old man, starting up in a very great
I must confess, there is nothing that more passion, cried out, 'Then, sirrah, you shall pleases me, in all that I read in books, or see live like one ;' and taking his cane in bis hand, among mankind, than such passages as repre- cudgelled him out of his system. This had so sent human nature in its proper dignity. As good an effect upon him, that he took up from man is a creature made up of different ex- that day, fell to reading good books, and is tremes, he has something in him very great now a bencher in the Middle Temple. and very mean. A skilful artist may draw an I do not mention this cudgelling part of the excellent picture of him in either of these story with a design to engage the secular arm