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held in her hand, so that the light which | right to their possessions and their progeny, flowed from it fell upon the multitude, they ex- but there was a third order proclaimed, 'That amined the several instruments by the beams all the posts of dignity and honour in the uniof it. The rays of this mirror had a particular verse should be conferred on persons of the quality of setting fire to all forgery and false- greatest merit, abilities, and perfection.' The hood. The blaze of papers, the melting of handsome, the strong, and the wealthy, immeseals, and crackling of parchments, made a very diately pressed forward; but, not being able to odd scene. The fire very often ran through two bear the splendour of the mirror, which played or three lines only, and then stopped. Though upon their faces, they immediately fell back I could not but observe that the flames chiefly among the crowd: but as the goddess tried the broke out among the interlineations and co- multitude by her glass, as the eagle does its dicils; the light of the mirror, as it was young ones by the lustre of the sun, it was returned up and down, pierced into all the dark markable, that every one turned away his face corners and recesses of the universe, and by from it, who had not distinguished himself that means detected many writings and records either by virtue, knowledge, or capacity in which had been hidden or buried by time, business, either military or civil. This select chance, or design. This occasioned a wonder- assembly was drawn up in the centre of a proful revolution among the people. At the same digious multitude, which was diffused an all time, the spoils of extortion, fraud, and rob- sides, and stood observing them, as idle people bery, with all the fruits of bribery and cor- use to gather about a regiment that are exerruption, were thrown together in a prodigious cising their arms. They were drawn up in three pile, that almost reached to the clouds, and bodies in the first, were the men of virtue; was called, 'The Mount of Restitution; to in the second, men of knowledge; and in the which all injured persons were invited, to re-third, the men of business. It is impossible to ceive what belonged to them. look at the first column without a secret veneration, their aspects were so sweetened with humanity, raised with contemplation, emboldened with resolution, and adorned with the most agreeable airs, which are those that proceed from secret habits of virtue. I could not but take notice, that there were many faces among them which were unknown, not only to the multitude, but even to several of their own body.
In the second column, consisting of the men of knowledge, there had been great disputes before they fell into the ranks, which they did not do at last without the positive command of the goddess who presided over the assembly. She had so ordered it, that men of the greatest genius and strongest sense were placed at the head of the column. Behind these were such as had formed their minds very much on the thoughts and writings of others. In the rear of the column were men who had more wit than sense, or more learning than understanding. All living authors of any value were ranged in one of these classes; but, I must confess, I was very much surprised to see a great body of editors, critics, commentators, and gram. marians, meet with so very ill a reception. They had formed themselves into a body, and, with a great deal of of arrogance, demanded the first station in the column of knowledge; but, the goddess, instead of complying with their request, clapped them all into liveries, and bid them know themselves for no other but lackeys of the learned.
The third column were men of business, and consisting of persons in military and civil ca
• Allading, without doubt, to the bankers in Lombard-pacities. The former marched out from the street. The prediction of Bickerstaff, in this particular, was rest, and placed themselves in the front; at which the others shook their heads at them,
One might see crowds of people in tattered garments come up, and change cloaths with others that were dressed with lace and embroiderey. Several who were Plums, or very near it, became men of moderate fortunes; and many others, who were overgrown in wealth and possessions, had no more left than what they usually spent. What moved my concern most was, to see a certain street of the greatest credit in Europe,* from one end to the other, become bankrupt.
The next command was, for the whole body of mankind to separate themselves into their proper families; which was no sooner done, but an edict was issued out, requiring all children 'to repair to their true and natural fathers.' This put a great part of the assembly in motion; for, as the mirror was moved over them, it inspired every one with such a natural instinct, as directed them to their real parents. It was a very melancholy spectacle to see the fathers of very large families become childless, and bachelors undone by a charge of sons and daughters. You might see a presumptive-heir of a great estate ask blessing of his coachman, and a celebrated toast paying her duty to a valet de chambre. Many, under vows of celihacy, appeared surrounded with a numerous issue. This change of parentage would have caused great lamentation, but that the ealamity was pretty common; and that generally those who lost their children, had the satisfaction of seeing them put into the hands of their dearest friends. Men were no sooner settled in their
but did not think fit to dispute the post with those, as well as any other titles; nay, will them. I could not but make several observa-print them themselves, to turn the penny.*
I am extremely at a loss how to act against such open enemies, who have not shame enough to be touched with our reproaches, and are as well defended against what we can say as what we can do. Railing, therefore, we must turn into complaint, which I cannot forbear making, when I consider that all the labours of my long life may be disappointed by the first man that pleases to roh me. I had flattered myself that my stock of learning was worth a hundred and fifty pounds per annum, which would very handsomely maintain me and my little family, who are so happy, or so wise, as to want only neces saries. Before men had come up to this bare faced impudence, it was an estate to have a competency of understanding.
tions upon this last column of people; but I have certain private reasons why I do not think fit to communicate them to the public. In order to fill up all the posts of honour, dignity, and profit, there was a draught made out of each column of men, who were masters of all three qualifications in some degree, and were preferred to stations of the first rank. The second draught was made out of such as were possessed of any two of the qualifications, who were disposed of in stations of a second dignity. Those who were left, and were endowed only with one of them, had their suitable posts. When this was over, there remained many places of trust and profit unfilled, for which there were fresh draughts made out of the surrounding multitude, who had any appearance of these excellencies, or were recommended by those who possessed them in reality.
All were surprised to see so many new faces in the most eminent dignities; and, for my own part, I was very well pleased to see that all my friends either kept their present posts, or were advanced to higher.
An ingenious droll, who is since dead, (and indeed it is well for him he is so, for he must have starved had he lived to this day,) used to give me an account of his good husbandry in the management of his learning. He was a general dealer, and had his amusements as well comical as serious. The merry rogue said, 'When he wanted a dinner, he writ a paragraph of Table Talk, and his bookseller upon sight paid the reckoning.' He was a very good judge of what would please the people, and could aptly hit both the genius of his readers, and the season of the year, in his writings. His brain, which was his estate, had as regular and different produce as other men's land. From the beginning of November, until the opening of the campaign, he writ pamphlets and letters to members of parliament, or friends in the country. But sometimes he would relieve his ordinary readers with a murder, and lived comfortably a week or two upon 'strange and lamentable accidents,' A little before the armies took the field, his way was to open your attention with a prodigy; and a monster, well writ, was two guineas the lowest price. This news' from Flanders, in June and July. Poor prepared his readers for his great and bloody Tom!+ he is gone-But I observed, he always looked well after a battle, and was apparently fatter in a fighting year. Had this honest careless fellow lived until now, famine had stared him in the face, and interrupted his merriment; as it must be a solid affliction to all those whose pen is their portion.
As for my part, I do not speak wholly for my own sake in this point; for palmistry and astrology will bring me in greater gains than
From my own Apartment, November 30.
THE progress of my intended account of what happened when justice visited mortals, is at present interrupted by the observation and sense of an injustice against which there is no remedy, even in a kingdom more happy in the care taken of the liberty and property of the subject, than any other nation upon earth. This iniquity is committed by a most impregnable set of mortals, men who are rogues within the law; and, in the very commission of what they are guilty of, professedly own that they forbear no injury, but from the terror of being punished for it. These miscreants are a set of wretches we authors call pirates, who print any book, poem, or sermon, as soon as it appears in the world, in a smaller volume; and sell it, as all other thieves do stolen goods, at a cheaper rate. I was in my rage calling them ascals, plunderers, robbers, highwaymen. But they acknowledge all that, and are pleased with I ume. His works were printed in 4 vols. 12mo, in 1707.
+ The person here alluded to, was probably the humourous Mr. Thomas Brown, who died in the year 1704, and was buried in the cloister of Westminster Abbey, near the re mains of Mrs. Behn, with whom he was intimate in his life
This paper seems to have been occasioned by a pirated
edition of the Lucubrations,' which came out just at this
We have already seen the memoirs of sir William Temple, published in the same character and volume with the history of Tom Thumb, and the works of our greatest poets shrunk into penny books and garlands. For my own part, I expect to see my lucubrations
these my papers; so that I am only in the condition of a lawyer, who leaves the bar for chamber-practice. However, I may be allowed to speak in the cause of learning itself, and lament that a liberal education is the only one which a polite nation makes unprofitable. All mechanical artizans are allowed to reap the fruit of their invention and ingenuity without invasion; but he that has separated himself from the rest of mankind, and studied the wonders of the creation, the government of his passions, and the revolutions of the world, and has an ambition to communicate the effect of half his life spent in such noble enquiries, has no property in what he is willing to produce, but is exposed to robbery and want, with this melancholy and just reflection, that he is the only man who is not protected by his country, at the same time that he best deserves it. According to the ordinary rules of computation, the greater the adventure is, the greater ought to be the profit of those who succeed in it; and by this measure, none have pretence of turn-printed on browner paper than they are at ing their labours to greater advantage than present, and, if the humour continues, must persons brought up to letters. A learned edu- be forced to retrench my expensive way of cation, passing through great schools and uni- living, and not smoke above two pipes a-day. versities, very expensive; and consumes a moderate fortune, before it is gone through in its proper forms. The purchase of a handsome commission or employment, which would give a man a good figure in another kind of life, is to be made at a much cheaper rate. Now, if we consider this expensive voyage which is undertaken in the search of knowledge, and how few there are who take in any considerable merchandize, how less frequent it is, to be able to turn what men have gained into profit; how hard is it, that the very small number who are distinguished with abilities to know how to vend their wares, and have the good fortune to bring them into port, should suffer being plundered by privateers under the very cannon that should protect them! The most eminent and useful author of the age we live in, after having laid out a princely revenue in works of charity and beneficence, as became the greatness of his mind, and the sanctity of his character, would have left the person in the world who was the dearest to him in a narrow condition, had not the sale of his immortal writings brought her in a very considerable dowry; though it was impossible for it to be equal to their value. Every one will know, that I here mean the works of the late archbishop of Canterbury, the copy of which was sold for two thousand five hundred Dounds.
I do not speak with relation to any party; out it has happened, and may often so happen, that men of great learning and virtue cannot
Dr. John Tillotson,
qualify themselves for being employed in business, or receiving preferments. In this case, you cut them off from all support, if you take from them the benefit that may arise from their writings. For my own part, I have brought myself to consider things in so unprejudiced a manner, that I esteem more a man who can live by the products of his understanding, than one who does it by the favour of great men.
The zeal of an author has transported me thus far, though I think myself as much concerned in the capacity of a reader. If this practice goes on, we must never expect to see again a beautiful edition of a book in Great Britain.
Mr. Charles Lillie, perfumer, at the corner of Beaufort-buildings, has informed me, that I am obliged to several of my customers for coming to his shop upon my recommendation and has also given me further assurances of his upright dealing with all who shall be so kind as to make use of my name to him. I acknowledge this favour, and have, for the service of my friends who frequent his shop, used the force of magical powers to add value to his wares. By my knowledge in the secret operations of nature, I have made his powders, perfumed and plain, have the same effect as lovepowder, to all who are too much enamoured to do more than dress at their mistresses. His amber, orange-flower, musk, and civet-violet, put only into a handkerchief, shall have the same effect towards an honourable lover's wishes, as if he had been wrapped in his mother's smock. Wash-balls perfumed, camphired and plain, shall restore complexions to that degree, that a country fox-hunter, who uses them, shall, in a week's time, look with a courtly and affable paleness, without using the bagnio or cupping.
N. B. Mr. Lillie has snuffs, Barcelona, Seville, musty, plain, and Spanish, which may be taken by a young beginner without danger of sneezing.
Sheer-lane, November 30. Whereas several walking dead persons arrived within the bills of mortality, before and since the fifteenth instant, having been informed of my warrant given to the company of Upholders and being terrified thereat, it
not having been advertised that privilege or protection would be allowed, have resolved forthwith to retire to their several and respective abodes in the country, hoping thereby to elude any commission of interment that may issue out against them; and being informed of such their fallacious designs, I do hereby give notice, as well for the good of the public, as for the great veneration I have for the beforementioned useful society, that a process is gone out against them; and that, in case of contempt, they may be found, or heard of, at most coffee-houses in and about Westminster.
I must desire my readers to help me out from time to time in the correction of these my Essays; for, as a shaking hand does not always write legibly, the press sometimes prints one word for another; and when my paper is to be revised, I am perhaps so busy in observing the spots of the moon, that I have not time to And out the errata that are crept into my lucubrations.
those irresistible arts which women put in
The goddess then let down the mirror of truth in a golden chain, which appeared larger in proportion as it descended, and approached nearer to the eyes of the beholders. It was the particular property of this looking glass, to banish all false appearances, and show people what they are. The whole woman was represented, without regard to the usual external features, which were made entirely conformable to their real characters. In short, the most accomplished, taking in the whole circle of female perfections, were the most beautiful; and the most defective, the most deformed. The goddess so varied the motion of the glass, and placed it in so many different lights, that each had an opportunity of seeing herself in it.
No. 102.] Saturday, December 3, 1709.
From my own Apartment, December 2.
A CONTINUATION OF THE VISION. THE male world were dismissed by the goddess of justice, and disappeared, when, on a sudden, the whole plain was covered with women. So charming a multitude filled my heart with unspeakable pleasure; and as the celestial aight of the mirror shone upon their faces, several of them seemed rather persons that descended in the train of the goddess, than such who were brought before her to their trial. The clack of tongues, and confusion of voices, in this new assembly, were so very great, that the goddess was forced to command silence several times, and with some severity, before she could make them attentive to her edicts. They were all sensible that the most important affair among womankind was then to be settled, which every one knows to be the point of olace. This had raised innumerable disputes among them, and put the whole sex into a tumult. Every one produced her claim, and pleaded her pretensions. Birth, beauty, wit, or wealth, were words that rung in my ears from all parts of the plain. Some boasted of the merit of their husbands; others of their own power in governing them. Some pleaded their unspotted virginity; others their nume-Sphinx. I was very much troubled in my own rous issue. Some valued themselves as they heart, to see such a destruction of fine faces; were the mothers, and others as they were the but, at the same time, had the pleasure of see. daughters, of considerable persons. There was ing several improved, which I bad before looked not a single accomplishment unmentioned, or upon as the greatest master-piece of nature. unpractised. The whole congregation was full I observed, that some few were so humble as of singing, dancing, tossing, ogling, squeaking, to be surprised at their own charms, and that smiling, sighing, fanning, frowning, and all many a-one, who had lived in the retirement
It is impossible to describe the rage, the pleasure, or astonishment, that appeared in each face upon its representation in the mirror; multitudes started at their own form, and would have broke the glass if they could have reached it. Many saw their blooming features wither as they looked upon them, and their self-admiration turned into a loathing and abhorrence. The lady who was thought so agreeable in her anger, and was so often celebrated for a woman of fire and spirit, was frightened at her own image, and fancied she saw a Fury in the glass. The interested mis, tress beheld a Harpy, and the subtle jilt a
and severity of a vestal, shined forth in all the graces and attractions of a siren. I was ravished at the sight of a particular image in the mirror, which I think the most beautiful object that my eyes ever beheld. There was something more than human in her countenance: her eyes were so full of light, that they seemed to beautify every thing they looked upon. Her face was enlivened with such a florid bloom, as did not so properly seem the mark of health, as of immortality. Her shape, her stature, and her mien, were such as distinguished her even there, where the whole fair sex was assembled.
I was impatient to see the lady represented by so divine an image, whom I found to be the person that stood at my right hand, and in the same point of view with myself. This was a little old woman, who in her prime had been about five feet high, though at present shrunk to about three quarters of that measure. Her natural aspect was puckered up with wrinkles, and her head covered with gray hairs. I had observed all along an innocent cheerfulness in her face, which was now heightened into rapture, as she beheld herself in the glass. It was an odd circumstance in my dream, but I cannot forbear relating it, I conceived so great an inclination towards her that I had thoughts of discoursing her upon the point of marriage, when on a sudden she was carried from me; for the word was now given, that all who were pleased with their own images should separate, and place themselves at the head of their sex.
This detachment was afterwards divided into three bodies, consisting of maids, wives, and widows; the wives being placed in the middle, with the maids on the right, and widows on the left; though it was with difficulty that these two last bodies were hindered from falling into the centre. This separation of those who liked their real selves not having lessened the number of the main body so considerably as it might have been wished, the goddess, after having drawn up her mirror, thought fit to make new distinctions among those who did not like the figure which they saw in it. She made several wholesome edicts, which are slipped out of my mind; but there were two which dwelt upon me, as being very extraordinary in their kind, and executed with great severity. Their design was to make an example of two extremes in the female world; of those who are very severe on the conduct of others, and of those who are very regardless of their own. The first sentence, therefore, the goddess pronounced was, that all females addicted to censoriousness and detraction should lose the use of speech; a punishment which would be the most grievous to the offender, and, what should be the end of all punishments, effectual for rooting out the
crime. Upon this edict, which was as soon executed as published, the noise of the assembly very considerably abated. It was a melancholy spectacle, to see so many who had the reputation of rigid virtue struck dumb. A lady who stood by me, and saw my concern, told me,' she wondered how I could be concerned for such a pack of -'I found, by the shaking of her head, she was going to give me their characters; but, by her saying no more, I perceived she had lost the command of her tongue. This calamity fell very heavy upon that part of women who are distinguished by the name of Prudes, a courtly word for female hypocrites, who have a short way to being virtuous, by showing that others are vicious. The second sentence was then proDunced against the loose part of the sex, that all shou.a immediately be pregnant, who, in any part of their lives, had run the hazard of it. This produced a very goodly appearance, and revealed so many misconducts, that made those who were lately struck dumb repine more than ever at their want of utterance; though, at the same time, as afflictions seldom come single, many of the mutes were also seized with this new calamity. The ladies were now in such a condition, that they would have wanted room, had not the plain been large enough to let them divide their ground, and extend their lines on all sides. It was a sensible affliction to me, to see such a multitude of fair ones, either dumb, or big-bellied. But I was something more at ease, when I found that they agreed upon several regulations to cover such misfortunes. Among others, that it should be an established maxim in all nations, that a woman's first child might come into the world within six months after her acquaintance with her husband; and that grief might retard the birth of her last until fourteen months after his decease.
This vision lasted until my usual hour of waking, which I did with some surprise, to. find myself alone, after having been engaged almost a whole night in so prodigious a multitude. I could not but reflect with wonder at the partiality and extravagance of my vision; which, according to my thoughts, has not done justice to the sex. If virtue in men is more venerable, it is in women more lovely; which Milton has very finely expressed in his Paradise Lost, where Adam, speaking of Eve, after having asserted his own pre-eminence, as being first in creation and internal faculties, breaks out into the following rapture:
Yet when I approach Her loveliness, so absolute she seems, And in herself complete, so well to know Her own, that what she wills, or do, or say, Seems wisest, virtuousest, discreetest, best. All higher knowledge in her presence falls Degraded, wisdom in discourse with her Loses discountenanc'd, and like folly shews. Authority and reason on her wait,