Evans. By yea and no, I think the 'oman is a witch indeed: I like not when a 'oman has a great peard; I spy a great peard under his muffler. Ford. Will you follow, gentlemen? I beseech you, follow; see but the issue of my jealousy: if I cry out thus upon no trail, never trust me when I open again. Page. Let's obey his humour a little further: come, gentlemen. 211 [Exeunt Ford, Page, Shal., Caius, and Evans. Mrs Page. Trust me, he beat him most pitifully. Mrs Ford Nay, by the mass, that he did not; he beat him most unpitifully, methought. Mrs Page. I'll have the cudgel hallowed and hung o'er the altar; it hath done meritorious service. Mrs Ford. What think you? may we, with the warrant of womanhood and the witness of a good conscience, pursue him with any further revenge? 222 Mrs Page. The spirit of wantonness is, sure, scared out of him: if the devil have him not in fee-simple, with fine and recovery, he will never, I think, in the way of waste, attempt us again. Mrs Ford. Shall we tell our husbands how we have served him? Mrs Page. Yes, by all means; if it be but to scrape the figures out of your husband's brains. If they can find in their hearts the poor unvirtuous fat knight shall be any further afflicted, we two will still be the ministers. Mrs Ford. I'll warrant they'll have him publicly shamed: and methinks there would be no period to the jest, should he not be publicly shamed. Mrs Page. Come, to the forge with it then; shape it: I would not have things cool. [Exeunt. SCENE III. A room in the Garter Inn. Enter HOST and BARDOLPH. Bard. Sir, the Germans desire to have three of your horses: the duke himself will be tomorrow at court, and they are going to meet him. Hest. What duke should that be comes so secretly? I hear not of him in the court. Let me speak with the gentlemen: they speak English? Bard. Ay, sir; I'll call them to you. Hest. They shall have my horses; but I'll make them pay; I'll sauce them: they have had my house a week at command; I have turned away my other guests: they must come off; I'll sauce them. Come. [Exeunt. SCENE IV. A room in FORD's house. Enter PAGE, FORD, MISTRESS PAGE, MISTRESS FORD, and SIR HUGH EVANS. Evans. 'Tis one of the best discretions of a 'oman as ever I did look upon. Page. And did he send you both these letters at an instant? Mrs Page. Within a quarter of an hour. I rather will suspect the sun with cold 1Ο Sometime a keeper here in Windsor forest, In a most hideous and dreadful manner: The superstitious idle-headed eld Page. Why, yet there want not many that do fear In deep of night to walk by this Herne's oak: 40 But what of this? Mrs Ford. Marry, this is our device; That Falstaff at that oak shall meet with us. Page. Well, let it not be doubted but he'll come: And in this shape when you have brought him thither, What shall be done with him? what is your plot? Mrs Page. That likewise have we thought upon, and thus: Nan Page my daughter and my little son Mrs Page. The truth being known, We'll all present ourselves, dis-horn the spirit, And mock him home to Windsor. Ford. The children must Be practised well to this, or they'll ne'er do't. Evans. I will teach the children their behaviours; and I will be like a jack-an-apes also, to burn the knight with my taber. Ford. That will be excellent. I'll go and buy them vizards. 70 Mrs Page. My Nan shall be the queen of all the fairies, Finely attired in a robe of white. Page. That silk will I go buy. [Aside] And in that time Shall Master Slender steal my Nan away And marry her at Eton. Go send to Falstaff straight. Ford. Nay, I'll to him again in name of Brook: He'll tell me all his purpose: sure, he'll come. Mrs Page. Fear not you that. Go get us properties And tricking for our fairies. f Evans. C Let us about it: it is admirable pleaures and fery honest knaveries. 81 [Exeunt Page, Ford, and Evans. Mrs Page. Go, Mistress Ford, end quickly to Sir John, to know his mind. [Exit Mrs Ford. 'll to the doctor: he hath my good will, And none but he, to marry with Nan Page. That Slender, though well landed, is an idiot; And he my husband best of all affects. The doctor is well money'd, and his friends Potent at court: he, none but he, shall have her, Though twenty thousand worthier come to crave [Exit. 9o her. SCENE V. A room in the Garter Inn. Enter HOST and SIMPLE, Host. What wouldst thou have, boor? what, thick-skin? speak, breathe, discuss; brief, short, quick, snap. Sim. Marry, sir, I come to speak with Sir John Falstaff from Master Slender. Host. There's his chamber, his house, his castle, his standing-bed and truckle-bed: 'tis painted about with the story of the Prodigal, fresh and new. Go knock and call; he'll speak like an Anthropophaginian unto thee: knock, II I say. Sim. There's an old woman, a fat woman, gone up into his chamber: I'll be so bold as stay, sir, till she come down; I come to speak with her, indeed. 'Tis, 'tis his fortune. Sim. What, sir? 50 Fal. To have her, or no. Go; say the woman told me so. Sim. May I be bold to say so, sir? Fal. Ay, sir; like who more bold. Sim. I thank your worship: I shall make my master glad with these tidings. [Exit. Host. Thou art clerkly, thou art clerkly, Sir John. Was there a wise woman with thee? Fal. Ay, that there was, mine host; one that hath taught me more wit than ever I learned! before in my life; and I paid nothing for it neither, but was paid for my learning. of three cozen-germans that has cozened all sts of Readins, of Maidenhead, of Coleof horses and money. I tell you for good ok you: you are wise and full of gibes and ing-stocks, and 'tis not convenient you should ozened. Fare you well. [Exit. Enter DOCTOR CAIUS. Caius. Vere is mine host de Jarteer? Host. Here, master doctor, in perplexity and doubtful dilemma. Caius. I cannot tell vat is dat: but it is tell-a me dat you make grand preparation for a duke de Jamany: by my trot, dere is no duke dat the court is know to come. I tell you for good vill: adieu. [Exit. 91 Host. Hue and cry, villain, go! Assist me, knight. I am undone! Fly, run, hue and cry, villain! I am undone! [Exeunt Host and Bard. Fal. I would all the world might be cozened; for I have been cozened and beaten too. If it should come to the ear of the court, how I have been transformed and how my transformation hath been washed and cudgelled, they would melt me out of my fat drop by drop and liquor fishermen's boots with me: I warrant they would whip me with their fine wits till I were as crest-fallen as a dried pear. I never prospered since I forswore myself at primero. Well, if my wind were but long enough to say my prayers, I would repent. Enter MISTRESS QUICKLY. Now, whence come you? Quick. From the two parties, forsooth. Fal. The devil take one party and his dam the other! and so they shall be both bestowed. I have suffered more for their sakes, more than the villanous inconstancy of man's disposition is able to bear. Quick. And have not they suffered? Yes, I warrant; speciously one of them; Mistress Ford, good heart, is beaten black and blue, that you cannot see a white spot about her. Fal. What tellest thou me of black and blue? I was beaten myself into all the colours of the rainbow; and I was like to be apprehended for the witch of Brentford: but that my admirable dexterity of wit, my counterfeiting the action of an old woman, delivered me, the knave constable had set me i' the stocks, i' the common stocks, for a witch. Quick. Sir, let me speak with you in your chamber: you shall hear how things go; and, I warrant, to your content. Here is a letter will Say somewhat. Good hearts, what ado here is to bring you together! Sure, one of you does not serve heaven well, that you are so crossed. Fal. Come up into my chamber. [Exeunt. SCENE VI. Another room in the Garter Enter FENTON and HOST. 130 Hert. Master Fenton, talk not to me; my mind is heavy: I will give over all. Fent. Yet hear me speak. Assist me in my purpose, And, as I am a gentleman, I'll give thee A hundred pound in gold more than your loss. Host. I will hear you, Master Fenton; and I will at the least keep your counsel. 10 Fent. From time to time I have acquainted you Her mother, ever strong against that match 40 SCENE I. A room in the Garter Inn. Enter FALSTAFF and MISTRESS QUICKLY. Fal. Prithee, no more prattling: go. I'll hold. This is the third time; I hope good luck lies in odd numbers. Away! go. They say there is divinity in odd numbers, either in nativity, chance, or death. Away! Quick. I'll provide you a chain; and I'll do what I can to get you a pair of horns. Fal. Away, I say; time wears: hold up your head, and mince. [Exit Mrs Quickly. Enter FORD, How now, Master Brook! Master Brook, the matter will be known to-night, or never. Be you in the Park about midnight, at Herne's oak, and you shall see wonders. Ford. Went you not to her yesterday, sir, as you told me you had appointed? Fal. I went to her, Master Brook, as you see, like a poor old man; but I came from her, Master Brook, like a poor old woman. That same knave Ford, her husband, hath the finest mad devil of jealousy in him, Master Brook, that ever governed frenzy. I will tell you: he beat me grievously, in the shape of a woman; for in the shape of man, Master Brook, I fear not Goliath with a weaver's beam; because I know also life is a shuttle. I am in haste; go along with me: I'll tell you all, Master Brook. Since I plucked geese, played truant and whipped top, I knew not what 'twas to be beaten till lately. Follow me: I'll tell you strange things of this knave Ford, on whom to-night I will be revenged, and I will deliver his wife into your hand. Follow. Strange things in hand, Master Brook! Follow. [Exeunt. Enter PAGE, SHALLOW, and SLENDER. Page. Come, come; we'll couch i' the castleditch till we see the light of our fairies. Remember, son Slender, my daughter. Slen. Ay, forsooth; I have spoke with her and we have a nay-word how to know one another: I come to her in white, and cry 'mum;" she cries budget;' and by that we know one another. Shal. That's good too: but what needs either your mum' or her budget?' the white will decipher her well enough. It hath struck ten o'clock. Page. The night is dark; light and spirits will become it well. Heaven prosper our sport! No man means evil but the devil, and we shall know him by his horns. Let's away; follow me. [Exeunt. SCENE III. A street leading to the Park. Enter MISTRESS PAGE, MISTRESS FORD, and DOCTOR CAIUS. Mrs Page. Master doctor, my daughter is in green: when you see your time, take her by the hand, away with her to the deanery, and dispatch it quickly. Go before into the Park: we two must go together. Caius. I know vat I have to do. Adieu. Mrs Page. Fare you well, sir. [Exit Caius.] My husband will not rejoice so much at the abuse of Falstaff as he will chafe at the doctor's marrying my daughter: but 'tis no matter; better a little chiding than a great deal of heart-break. 11 Mrs Ford. Where is Nan now and her troop of fairies, and the Welsh devil Hugh? Mrs Page. They are all couched in a pit hard by Herne's oak, with obscured lights; which, at the very instant of Falstaff's and our meeting, they will at once display to the night. SCENE V. Another part of the Park. Enter FALSTAFF disguised as Herne. Fal. The Windsor bell hath struck twelve: the minute draws on. Now, the hot-blooded gods assist me! Remember, Jove, thou wast a bull for thy Europa; love set on thy horns. O powerful love! that, in some respects, makes a beast a man, in some other, a man a beast. You were also, Jupiter, a swan for the love of Leda. omnipotent Love! how near the god drew to the complexion of a goose! A fault done first in the form of a beast. O Jove, a beastly fault! And then another fault in the semblance of a fowl; think on't, Jove; a foul fault! When gods have hot backs, what shall poor men do? For me, I am here a Windsor stag; and the fattest, I think, i' the forest. Send me a cool rut-time, Jove, or who can blame me to piss my tallow? Who comes here? my doe? Enter MISTRESS FORD and MISTRESS PAGE. Mrs Ford. Sir John! art thou there, my deer? my male deer? Fal. My doe with the black scut! Let the sky rain potatoes; let it thunder to the tune of Green Sleeves, hail kissing-comfits and snow eringoes; let there come a tempest of provocation, I will shelter me here. Mrs Ford. Mistress Page is come with me, sweetheart. Fal. Divide me like a bribe buck, each a haunch: I will keep my sides to myself, my shoulders for the fellow of this walk, and my horns I bequeath your husbands. Am I a woodman, ha? Speak I like Herne the hunter? Why, now is Cupid a child of conscience; he makes restitution. As I am a true spirit, welcome! [Noise within. Mrs Page. Alas, what noise? Mrs Par Away, away! [They run of Fal. I think the devil will not have me damn ed, lest the oil that's in me should set hell o fire; he would never else cross me thus. 4 Enter SIR HUGH EVANS, disguised as before; P's- Crier Hobgoblin, make the fairy oyes. Pist. Elves, list your names; silence, you airy toys. Cricket, to Windsor chimneys shalt thou leap: Where fires thou find'st unraked and hearths unswept, 50 There pinch the maids as blue as bilberry: I'll wink and couch: no man their works must eye. [Lies down upon his face. Evans. Where's Bede? Go you, and where you find a maid That, ere she sleep, has thrice her prayers said, Quick. About, about; Search Windsor Castle, elves, within and out: 60 The several chairs of order look you scour The About him, fairies; sing a scornful rhyme; And, as you trip, still pinch him to your time. SONG. Fie on sinful fantasy! 100 As thoughts do blow them, higher and higher. Pinch him, fairies, mutually; Pinch him for his villany; Pinch him, and burn him, and turn him about, Till candles and starlight and moonshine be out. During this song they pinch FALSTAFF. DocTOR CAIUS comes one way, and steals away a boy in green; SLENDER another way, and takes off a boy in white; and FENTON comes, and steals away Mrs ANNE PAGE. A noise of hunting is heard within. the Fairies run away. FALSTAFF pulls off his buck's head, and rises. All Enter PAGE, FORD, MISTRESS PAGE and MISTRESS FORD. Page. Nay, do not fly; I think we have watch'd you now: Will none but Herne the hunter serve your turn? Mrs Page. I pray you, come, hold up the jest no higher. Now, good Sir John, how like: you Windsor wives? Ford. Now, sir, who's a cuckold now? Master Brook, Falstaff's a knave, a cuckoldly knave; here are his horns, Master Brook: and, Master Brook, he hath enjoyed nothing of Ford's but his buck-basket, his cudgel, and twenty pounds 70 of money, which must be paid to Master Brook; his horses are arrested for it, Master Brook. expressure that it bears, green let it be, And twenty glow-worms shall our lanterns be, 80 Fal. And these are not fairies? I was three or four times in the thought they were not fairies: and yet the guiltiness of my mind, the sudden surprise of my powers, drove the grossness of the foppery into a received belief, in despite of the teeth of all rhyme and reason, that they were fairies. See now how wit may be made a Jacka-Lent, when 'tis upon ill employment! Evans. Sir John Falstaff, serve Got, and leave your desires, and fairies will not pinse you. Ford. Well said, fairy Hugh. Evans. And leave your jealousies too, I pray |