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ness and contempt. As the plain good man was not of a make to have any friends at court, he was a little startled at this accusation, till at length he made it appear, that it was impossible for any of his family to be either saucy or cringing; for that their character was, above all others in the world, to do what was required of them by the court, that is, " To speak the truth, and nothing but the truth."
The Count in the next place assured the court, that his antagonist has taken upon him a wrong name, having curtailed it of two or three letters; for that in reality his name was not Fact, but Faction. The court was so pleased with this conceit, that for an hour together he repeated it in every sentence; calling his antagonist's assertions, the reports of faction; his friends, the sons of faction; the testimonies of his witnesses, the dictates of faction: nay, with such a degree of impudence did he push this matter, that when he heard the cries of above a million of people, begging for their bread, he termed the prayers and importunities of such a starving multitude, the Clamours of Faction.
As soon as the Count was driven out of this device, he affirmed roundly in the court, that Fact was not an Englishman by birth, but that he was of Dutch extraction, and born in Holland. In consequence of this assertion, he began to rally the poor plaintiff, under the title of Mynheer Van Fact; which took pretty well with the simpletons of his party, but the men of sense did not think the jest worth all their lands and tenements.
When the Count had finished his speech, he desired leave to call in his witnesses, which was granted: when immediately there came to the bar, a man with a hat drawn over his
eyes in such a manner that it was impossible to see his face. He spoke in the spirit, nay, in the very language, of the Count, repeated his arguments, and confirmed his assertions. Being asked his name, he said the world called him Mercator :' but as for his true name, his age, his lineage, his religion, his place of abode, they were particulars, which, for certain reasons, he was obliged to conceal. The court found him such a false, shuffling, prevaricating rascal, that they set him aside, as a person unqualified to give his testimony in a court of justice; advising him, at the same time, as he ten
? A ministerial paper, so called, written by Daniel de Foe, in vindication of the treaty of commerce.
dered his ears, to forbear uttering such notorious falsehoods as he had then published. The witness, however, persisted in his contumacy, telling them he was very sorry to find, that notwithstanding what he had said, they were resolved to be as arrant fools as all their forefathers had been for a hundred
before them. There came up another witness," who spoke much to the reputation of Count Tariff. This was a tall black, blustering person
dressed in a Spanish habit, with a plume of feathers on his head, a Golillio about his neck, and a long Toledo sticking out by his side: his garments were so covered with tinsel and spangles, that at a distance he seemed to be made up of silver and gold. He called himself Don Assiento, and mentioned several nations that had sought his friendship; but declared that he had been gained over by the Count: and that he was come into these parts to enrich every one that heard him. The court was at first very well pleased with his figure, and the promises he made them; but upon examination, found him a true Spaniard: nothing but show and beggary. For it was fully proved, that, notwithstanding he boasts and appearance which he made, he was not worth
groat; nay, that upon casting up his annual expenses, with the debts and encumbrances which lay upon his estate, he was worse than nothing.
There appeared another witness in favour of the Count, who spoke with so much violence and warmth, that the court pegun to listen to him very attentively; till, upon hearing his name, they found he was a notorious knight of the post, being kept in pay, to give his testimony on all occasions where it was wanted. This was the Examiner;2 a person who had abused almost every man in England, that deserved well of his country. He called Goodman Fact a liar, a sediious person, a traitor, and a rebel; and so much incensed he honest man, that he would certainly have knocked him Bown, if he could have come at him. It was allowed by everybody, that so foul-mouthed a witness never appeared
1 By this witness is meant; the Assiento Contract, or grant made by the sing of Spain, for the importation of negroes into his American dominions, o the South-sea Company; the supposed benefits of which contract, beng part of the treaty of commerce, were much insisted upon by the ninisterial advocates. 2 The famous political paper of that name,
in which Swift, and some other writers of credit, were concerned.
in any cause. Seeing several persons of great eminence, who had maintained the cause of Goodman Fact, he called them idiots, blockheads, villains, knaves, infidels, atheists, apostates, fiends, and devils : never did man show so much eloquence in ribaldry. The court was, at length, so justly provoked with this fellow's behaviour, who spared no age, nor sex, nor profession, which had shown any friendship or inclination for the plaintiff, that several began to whisper to one another, it was high time to bring him to punishment. But the witness, overhearing the word Pillory repeated twice or thrice, slunk away privately, and hid himself among the people.
After a full hearing on both sides, Count Tariff was cast, and Goodman Fact got his cause ; but the court sitting late, did not think it fit, at that time, to give him costs, or, indeed, to enter into that matter. The honest man immediately retired, after having assured his friends, that at any time, when the Count should appear on the like occasion, he would undertake their defence, and come to their assistance, if they would be at the pains to find him out.
It is incredible, how general a joy Goodman Fact's success created in the city of London ; there was nothing to be seen or heard the next day, but shaking of hands, congratulations, reflections on the danger they had escaped ; and gratitude to those who had delivered them from it.
The night concluded with balls, bonfires, ringing of bells, and the like public demonstrations of joy.
No. 1. THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 14, 1710.
Nescia mens hominum fati sortisque futuræ,
OderitTHE design of this work is to censure the writings of others, and to give all persons a rehearing, who have suffered under any unjust sentence of the Examiner. As that author has hitherto proceeded, his paper would have been more properly entitled the Executioner. At least, his examination is like that which is made by the rack and wheel. I have always admired a critic that has discovered the beauties of an author, and never knew one who made it his business to lash the faults of other writers, that was not guilty of greater himself; as the hangman is generally a worse malefactor than the criminal that suffers by his hand. To prove what I say,
there needs no more than to read the annotations which this author has made upon Dr. Garth's poem, with the preface in the front, and a riddle at the end of them. To begin with the first : did ever an advocate for a party open with such an unfortunate assertion ? “The collective body of the Whigs have already engrossed our riches :” that is, in plain English, the Whigs are possessed of all the riches of the nation. Is not this giving up all he has been contending for these six weeks ? Is there anything more reasonable, than that those
We are to impute to this provocation, the peculiar keenness of our author's reproof, in these papers. But one is surprised to observe how much of that keenness is directed against the style of his antagonist.-The reason is, that the good taste of that time would not endure a want of correct and just composition, even in a party-writer.
who have all the riches of the nation in their possession, or, if he likes his own phrase better, as, indeed, I think it is stronger, that those who have already engrossed our riches, should have the management of our public treasure, and the direction of our fleets and armies ? But let us proceed: “Their representative, the Kit-cat, have pretended to make a monopoly of our sense.” Well, but what does all this end in ? If the author means anything, it is this; that, to prevent such a monopoly of sense, he is resolved to deal in it himself by retail
, and sell a pennyworth of it every week. In what follows, there is such a shocking familiarity, both in his railleries and civilities, that one cannot long be in doubt who is the author. The remaining part of the preface has so much of the pedant, and so little of the conversation of men in it, that I shall
it and hasten to the riddles, which are as follows.
SPHINX was a monster, that would eat
Edipus was resolved to go,
The first part of this little mystical poem is an old riddle, which we could have told the meaning of, had not the author given bimself the trouble of explaining it; but as for the exposition of the second, he leaves us altogether in the dark. The riddle runs thus: “What creature is it that walks upon four legs in the morning, two legs at noon, and three legs at