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You may expect, perhaps, I now should teach
What rules to treats and entertainments reach.
Come not the first, invited to a feast;
Rather come last, as a more grateful guest.
For that, of which we fear to be depriv’d,
Meets with the surest welcome when arriv'd.
Besides, complexions of a coarser kind,
From candle-light no small advantage find.
During the time you eat, obferve some grace,
Nor let your unwip'd hands besmear your face,
Nor yet too squeamishly your meat avoid,
Left we suspect you were in private cloy'd.
Of all extremes in either kind beware,
And still before your belly's full forbear.
No glutton-nymph, however fair, can wound,
Though more than Helen she in charms abound.

I own, I think, of wine the moderate use
More suits the sex, and sooner finds excuse ;
It warms the blood, adds lustre to the eyes,
And wine and love have always been allies.
But carefully from all intemperance keep,
Nor drink till you see'double, lisp, or sleep.
For in such sleeps brutalities are done,
Which, though you loathe, you have no power to shus

And now th' instructed nymph from table led,
Should next be taught how to behave in bed.
But modesty forbids: nor more, my Muse
With weary wings the labour'd Aight pursues;
Her purple swans unyok'd the chariot leave,
And needful rest (their journey done).receive,

Thus,

Thus, with impartial care, my art I show,
And equal.arms on either tex bestow :
While men and maids, who by my rules improve,
Ovid must own their matter is in love.

OF PL E AS I N

Α Ν

E P I S T L E

TO SIR RICHARD TEMPLE.

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'T 'IS ftrange, dear Temple, how it comes to pass,

That no one man is pleas’d with what he has. So Horace fings---and sure, as strange is this: That no one man 's displeas'd with what he is. The foolish, ugly, dull, impertinent, Are with their persons and their parts content. Nor is that all, so odd a thing is man, He most would be what least he should or can. Hence, homely faces still are foremost feen, And cross-shap'd fops affect the nicest mien ; Cowards extol true courage to the skies, And fools are still most forward to advife; Th' untrusted wretch to secrecy pretends, Whispering his nothing round to all as friends. Dull rogues affect the politicians part, And learn to nod, and smile, and shrug with art; Who nothing has to lose, the war bewails; And he who nothing pays, at taxes rails.

Thus hold your

Thus man perverse against plain nature fuives,
And to be artfully abiurd contrives.
Plautus will dance, Luícus at ogling aims,
Old Tritus keeps, and undone Probus games.
Noisome Curculio, whose envenom'd brcath,
Though at a distance utter'd, threatens death,
Full in your teeth his stinking whisper throws;
Nor mends his manners, though you

nofen
Thersites, who seems born to give offence,
From uncouth forin, and frontlefs impudence,
Assumes soft airs, and with a llur comes in,
Attempts a smile, and shocks you with a grin.
Raucus harangues with a dissuasive grace,
And Helluo inpitès with a forbidding face.

Nature to each allots his proper sphere,
But, that forsaken, we like comets err :
Tofs'd through the void, by some rude shock we're broke,
And all her boasted fire is lost in smoke.

Next to obtaining wealth, or power, or ease,
Men most affect in general to please :
Of this affection vanity's the source,
And vanity alone obstructs its course ;
That telescope of fools, through which they spy
Merit remote, and think the object nigh.
The glass remov’d, would cach himself survey,
And in just scales his strength and weakness weighi
Pursue the path for which he was design'd,

his

proper force adapt his mind; Scarce one, but to some merit might pretend, Perhaps might please, at least would

not offend.

Who

And to

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Who would reprove us while he makes us laugh,
Must be no Bavius, but a Bickerstaff.
If Garth, or Black more, friendly potions give,
We bid the dying patient drink and live :
When Murus comes, we cry, “ Beware the pill;"
And wish the tradesman were a tradesman still.
If Addison, or Rowe, or Piior write,
We study them with profit and delight :
But when vile Macor and Mundungus rhyme,
We grieve we've learnt to read, ay, curse the time.
All rules of pleasing in this one unite,
“ Affect not any thing in Nature's fpite."
Baboons and apes ridiculous we find;
For what? For ill-resembling human-kind.
“ None are, for being what they are, in fault,
“ But for not being what they would be thought."

Thus I, dear friend, to you my thoughts impact,
As to one perfect in the pleasing art ;
If art it may be call'd in you, who seem,
By Nature form’d for Love, and for Esteem.
Affecting none, all virtues you possess,
And really are what others but profess.
I'll not offend you, while myself I please;
I loathe to flatter, though I love to praise.
But when such early worth so bright appears,
And antedates the fame which waits on years;
I can't so stupidly affected prove,
Not to confess it in the man I love.
Though now I aim not at that known applause
You've won in arms, and in your country's caufe;

Nor

Nor patriot now, nor hero I commend,
But the companion praise, and boast the friend.

But you may think, and fome, less partial, fay,
That I presume too much in this essay.
How should I show what pleafes? How explain
A rule, to which I never could attain ?
To this objection I'll make no reply,
But tell a tale, which, after, we'll apply.

I've read, or heard, a learned person, once
(Concern'd to find his only fon a dunce)
Compos'd a book in favour of the lad,
Whose memory, its seems, was very bad.
This work contain’d a world of wholesome rules,
To help the frailty of forgetful fools.
The careful parent laid the treatise by,
Till Time should make it proper to apply.
Simon at length the look'd-for age attains,
To read and profit by his father's pains ;
And now the fire prepare the books t’impart,
Which was yclept of memory and art.
But ah! how oft is human care in vain !
For now, he could not find his book again,
The place where he had laid it he forgot,
Nor could himself remember what he wrote,

Now to apply the story that I tell,
Which, if not true, is yet invented well,
Such is my case: Like most of theirs who teach ;
I ill may practise, what I well may preach.
Myself not trying, or not turn’d to please,
May lay the line, and measure out the ways.
L

The

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