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“ For what bigot durst ever draw,

Is freely admitted to all grace, By inward light, a deed in law?

And lawful favour, by his place; Or could hold forth, by revelation,

And, for his bringing custom in, An answer to a declaration ?

Has all advantages to win: For those that meddle with their tools,

I, who resolve to oversee Will cut their fingers, if they 're fools :

No lucky opportunity, And if you follow their advice,

Will go to counsel, to advise In bills, and answers, and replies,

Which way t' encounter or surprise ; They 'll write a love-letter in chancery,

And, after long consideration, Shall bring her upon oath to answer ye,

Have found out one to fit th’occasion, And soon reduce her to b’ your wife,

Most apt for what I have to do, Or make her weary of her life.”

As counsellor, and justice too.” The knight, who us'd with tricks and shifts And truly so, no doubt, he was, To edify by Ralpho's gifts,

A lawyer fit for such a case. But in appearance cry'd him down,

An old dull sot, who told the clock, To make them better seem his own,

For many years, at Bridewell Duck, (All plagiaries' constant course

At Westminster, and Hick's Hall, Of sinking, when they take a purse)

And hiccius ductius play'd in all; Resolv'd to follow his advice,

Where, in all governments and times, But kept it from him by disguise ;

He 'ad been both friend and foe to crimes, And, after stubborn contradiction,

And us'd two equal ways of gaining, To counterfeit his own conviction,

By hindering justice, or maintaining And, by transition, fall upon

To many a whore gave privilege, The resolution, as his own,

And whipp'd, for want of quarterage; Quoth he, “ This gambol thou advisest

Cart-loads of bawds to prison sent, Is, of all others, the unwisest;

For being behind a fortnight's rent; For, if I think by law to gain her,

And many a trusty pimp and crony There 's nothing sillier nor vainer.

To Puddle Dock, for want of money; 'Tis but to hazard my pretence,

Engag‘d the constable to seize Where nothing 's certain but th' expense;

All those that would not break the peace; To act against myself, and traverse

Nor give him back bis own foul words, My suit and title to her favours;

Though sometimes commoners or lords, And if she should, which Heaven forbid,

And kept them prisoners of course, O'erthrow me, as the fiddler did,

For being sober at ill hours; What after-course have I to take,

That in the morning he might free, 'Gainst losing all I have at stake?

Or bind them over, for his fee: He that with injury is griev'd,

Made monsters fine, and puppet-plays, And goes to law to be reliev'd,

For leave to practise in their ways; Is sillier than a sottish chouse,

Farm'd out all cheats, and went a share Who, when a thief has robb’d his house,

With th' headborough and scavenger; Applies himself to cunning-men,

And made the dirt i' th' streets compound To help him to his goods again;

For taking up the public ground; When all he can expect to gain

The kennel, and the king's highway, Is but to squander more in vain:

For being unmolested, pay; And yet I have no other way,

Let out the stocks, and whipping-post, But is as difficult, to play:

And cage, to those that gave him most; For to reduce her by main force

Impos'd a tax on bakers' ears, Is now in vain ; by fair means, worse;

And, for false weights, on chandeleers; But worst of all to give her over,

Made victuallers and vintners fine Till she 's as desperate to recover:

For arbitrary ale and wine ; For bad games are thrown up too soon,

But was a kind and constant friend Until they 're never to be won.

To all that regularly' offend ; But, since I have no other course,

As residentiary bawds, But is as bad † attempt, or worse,

And brokers that receive stol'n goods; He that complies against his will,

That cheat in lawful mysteries, Is of his own opinion still,

And pay church-duties and his fees; Which he may adhere to, yet disown,

But was implacable and awkward For reasons to himself best known;

To all that interlop'd and hawkerd. But 'tis not to b' avoided now,

To this brave man the knight repairs For Sidrophel resolves to sue;

For counsel in his law affairs; Whom I must answer, or begin,

And found him mounted, in his pew, Inevitably, first with bim;

With books and money plac'd for shew, For I've receiv'd advertisement,

Like nest-eggs, to make clients lay, By times enough, of bis intent;

And for his false opinion pay: And, knowing he that first complains

To whom the knight, with comely grace, Th’advantage of the business gains;

Put off his hat, to put his case; For comits of justice anderstand

Which he as proudly entertain'd The plaintiff' to be eldest hand;

As th' other courteously strain'd; Who what he pleases may aver,

And, to assure him 'twas not that The other nothing till he spear;

He look'd for, bid him put on 's hat.

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66

Quoth he, “ There is one Sidrophel

For in all courts of justice here, Whom I have cudgeld”—“ Very well.”

A witness is not said to swear, "And now he brags to hare beaten me".

But make oath; that is, in plain terms, * Better, and better still,” quoth he.

To forge whatever he affirms." " And vows to stick me to a wall,

“ I thank you," quoth the knight, “ for that, Where'er he meets me"_" Best of all."

Because 'tis to my purpose pat.”— Tis true the knave has taken 's oath,

“ For Justice, though she 's painted blind,
That I robb'd him”-“ Well done, in troth." Is to the weaker side inclin'd,
* When he 'as confess'd he stole my cloak, Like Charity; else right and wrong
And pick'd my fob, and what he took;

Could never hold it out so long,
Which was the cause that made me bang him, And, like blind Fortune, with a sleight
And take my goods again"_" Marry, hang him." Convey men's interest and right
"Now, whoher I should beforehand,

From Stiles's pocket into Nokes's,
Swear he robb'd me?"-" I understand.”

As easily as hocus pocus ; " Or bring my action of conversion

Plays fast and loose, makes men obnoxious; And trover for my goods ?”_" Ah, whoreson.” And clear again, like hiccius doctius. * Or, if 'tis better to indict,

Then, whether you would take her life, And bring him to his trial ?"_“ Right."

Or but recover her for your wife, " Prevent what he designs to do,

Or be content with what she has, And swear for th’ state against him ?"-" True.” And let all other matters pass, * Or whether he that is defendant,

The business to the law 's alone, In this case has the better end on 't ;

The proof is all it looks upon; Who, putting in a new cross-bill,

And you can want no witnesses, May traverse the action ?”_"Better still.” To swear to any thing you please, " Then there's a lady, too"_" Aye, marry.". That hardly get their mere expenses " That 's easily prov'd accessary ;

By th' labour of their consciences, A widow, who, by solemn vows

Or letting out, to hire, their ears Contracted to me, for my spouse,

To affidavit customers, Combin'd with him to break her word,

At inconsiderable values, And has abetted all” __“ Good Lord !"

To serve for jurymen, or tales, * Suborn'd th' aforesaid Sidrophel

Although retain’d in th' hardest matters To tamper with the Devil of Hell;

Of trustees and administrators." Who put m'into a horrid fear,

“ For that,” quoth he,“ let me alope; Fear of my life"'_“Make that appear.”

We've store of such, and all our own, " Made an assault with fiends and men

Bred up and tutor'd by our teachers, l'pon my body"_" Good again."

The ablest of conscience-stretchers." " And kept me in a deadly fright,

“ That 's well,” quoth he; “ but I should guess, And false imprisonment, all night.

By weighing all advantages,
Meanwhile they robb’d me, and my horse, Your surest way is first to pitch
And stole my saddle"_" Worse and worse.” On Bongey ' for a water-witch;
" And made me mount upon the bare ridge, And when ye 've bang'd the conjurer,
T avoid a wretcheder miscarriage.

Ye 've time enough to deal with her. “Sir," quoth the lawyer, “not to fatter ye, In th' interim spare for no trepans You have as good and fair a battery

To draw her neck into the banns; As heart can wish, and need not shame

Ply her with love-letters and billets, The proudest man alive to claim:

And bait them well, for quirks and quillets, Por if they 've us'd you as you say,

With trains t'inv. gle and surprise Marry, quoth I, God give you joy ;

Her heedless answers and replies; I would it were my case, I'd give

And if she miss the mouse-trap lines, More than I'll say, or you 'll believe:

They 'll serve for other by-designs; I would so trounce her, and her purse,

And make an artist understand I'd make her kneel for better or worse ;

To copy out her seal, or band; For matrimony and hanging, here,

Or find void places in the paper, Both go by destiny so clear,

To steal in something to entrap her; That you as sure may pick and choose,

Till with her worldly goods, and body,
As cross I win, and pile you lose:

Spite of her heart, she has endow'd ye:
And, if I durst, I would advance
As much in ready maintenance,
As upon any case I 've known;

9 Bongey was a Franciscan, and lived towards But we that practise dare not own:

the end of the thirteenth century; a doctor of diThe law severely contrabands

vinity in Oxford, and a particular acquaintance of Our taking business off men's hands;

friar Bacon's. In that ignorant age every thing Tis common barratry, that bears

that seemed extraordinary was reputed magic, and Point-blank an action 'gainst our ears,

so both Bacon and Bongey went under the impuAnd crops them till there is not leatber,

tation of studying the black art. Bongey also, To stick a pin in, left of either ;

publishing a treatise of natural magic, confirmed For shich some do the summer-sault,

some well-meaning credulous people in this opiAnd o'er the bar, like tumblers, vault:

nion; but it was altogetber groundless, for Bongey But you may swear, at any rate,

was chosen provincial of his order, being a person Things not in nature, for the state ;

of most excellent parts and piety.

Retain all sorts of witnesses,

The one for great and weighty cause, That ply i' th' Temples, under trees,

To salve, in honour, ugly flaws; Or walk the round, with knights o'th' posts, For none are like to do it sooner, About the crossd-legg'd knights, their hosts; Than those who 're nicest of their honour : Or wait for customers between

The other, for base gain and pay, The pillar-rows in Lincoln's-inn;

Forswear and perjure by the day, Where vouches, forgers, common-bail,

And make th' exposing and retailing And affidavit-men, ne'er fail

Their souls and consciences a calling. T'expose to sale all sorts of oaths,

It is no scandal nor aspersion, According to their ears and clothes,

Upon a great and noble person, Their only necessary tools,

To say he naturally abhorr'd Besides the gospel, and their souls ;

Th' old-fashion'd trick to keep his word, And, when ye 're furnish'd with all purveys, Though 'tis perfidiousness and shame, I shall be ready at your service.”

In meaner men, to do the same: “ I would not give," quoth Hudibras,

For to be able to forget, « A straw to understand a case,

Is found more useful to the great, Without the admirable skill

Than gout, or deafness, or bad eyes, To wind and manage it at will ;

To make them pass for wondrous wise. To veer, and tack, and steer a cause,

But though the law, on perjurers, Against the weather-gage of laws,

Inflicts the forfeiture of ears, And ring the changes upon cases,

It is not just, that does exempt As plain as noses upon faces,

The guilty, and punish th' inuocent ; As you have well instructed me,

To make the ears repair the wrong For which you ’ve earn'd (here 'tis) your fee. Committed by th' ungovern'd tongue; I long to practise your advice,

And, when one member is forsworn, And try the subtle artifice;

Another to be cropt or torn. To bait a letter, as you bid.”

And if you should, as you design, As, not long after, thus be did;

By course of law, recover mine, For, having pump'd up all his wit,

You 're like, if you consider right,
And hum'd upon it, thus he writ.

To gain but little honour by 't.
For he, that for his lady's sake
Lays down his life, or limbs, at stake,
Does not so much deserve her favour,

As he that pawns his soul to have her.
AN HEROICAL EPISTLE

This ye 've acknowledg'd I have done,
Although you now disdain to own;
But sentence what you rather ought

Testeem good service than a fault.
HUDIBRAS TO HIS LADY.

Besides, oaths are not bound to bear

That literal sense the words infer; I, wuo was once as great as Cæsar,

But, by the practice of the age, Am now reduc'd to Nebuchadnezzar;

Are to be judg'd how far they engage; And, from as fam'd a conqueror

And, where the sense by custom 's checkt, As ever took degree in war,

Are found void and of none effect; Or did his exercise in battle,

For no man takes or keeps a vow, By you turn'd out to grass with cattle:

But just as he sees others do; For, since I am deny'd access

Nor are they oblig'd to be so brittle, To all my earthly happiness,

As not to yield and bow a little : Am fallen from the paradise

For as best-temper'd blades are found, Of your good graces, and fair eyes;

Before they break, to bend quite round; Lost to the world and you, I'm sent

So truest oaths are still most tough, To everlasting banishment,

And, though they bow, are breaking proof. Where all the hopes I had to 've won

Then wherefore should they not b allow'd Your heart, being dash'd, will break my own. In love a greater latitude? Yet, if you were not so severe

Por, as the law of arms approves To pass your doom before you hear,

All ways to conquest, so should love's; You 'd fiud, upon my just defence,

And not be ty'd to true or false,
How much you 've wrong'd my innocence. But make that justest that prevails :
That once I made a vow to you,

For how can that which is above
Which yet is unperformd, 'tis true;

All empire, high and mighty Love, But not because it is unpaid,

Submit its great prerogative Tis violated, though delay'd :

Po any other power alive? Or, if it were, it is no fault,

Shall Love, that to no crown gives place, So heinous as you 'd have it thought ;

Become the subject of a case? To undergo the loss of ears,

The fundamental law of Nature Like vulgar backney perjurers :

Be over-rul'd by those made after ? For there 's a difference in the case,

Commit the censure of its cause Between the noble and the base;

To any but its own great laws? Who always are observ'd to 've done 't

Love, that's the world's preservative, l'pon as different an account ;

That keeps all souls of things alive;

OF

Controuls the mighty power of Fate,

Or oaths more feeble than your own, And gives mankind a longer date;

By which we are no less put down? The life of Nature, that restores

You wound, like Parthians, while you fly, As fast as Time and Death devours;

And kill with a retreating eye; To whose free-gift the world does owe

Retire the more, the more we press, Not only Earth, but Heaven too:

To draw us into ambushes : For love 's the only trade that 's driven,

As pirates all false colours wear, The interest of state in Heaven,

T' intrap th' unwary mariner; Which nothing but the soul of man

So women, to surprise us, spread Is capable to entertain,

The borrow'd flags of white and red; For what can Earth produce, but love,

Display them thicker on their cheeks, To represent the joys above ?

Than their old grandmothers, the Picts; Of who, but lovers, can converse,

And raise more devils with their looks, Like angels, by the eye-discourse?

Than conjurers' less subtle books: Address and compliment by vision,

Lay trains of amorous intrigues, Make love and court by intuition ?

In towers, and curls, and periwigs, And burn in amorous flames as fierce

With greater art and cunning reard, As those celestial ministers?

Than Philip Nye's thanksgiving beard ; Then how can any thing offend,

Prepost'rously t'entice and gain In order to so great an end ?

Those to adore them they disdain ; Of Heaven itself a sin resent,

And only draw them in to clog, That for its own supply was meant?

With idle names, a catalogue. That merits, in a kind mistake,

A lover is, the more he 's brave, A pardon for th' offence's sake?

This mistress but the more a slave, Or if it did not, but the cause

And whatsoever she commands, Were left to th' injury of laws,

Becomes a favour from her hands, What tyranny can disapprove

Which he 's oblig'd t' obey, and must, There should be equity in love ?

Whether it be unjust or just. For laws, that are inanimate,

Then, when he is compelld by her Ånd feel no sense of love or hate,

T' adventures he would else forbear, That have no passion of their own,

Who, with his honour, can withstand, Nor pity to be wrought upon,

Since force is greater than command ? Are only proper to inflict

And hen necessity 's obey'd, Revenge, on criminals, as strict :

Nothing can be unjust or bad: But to have power to forgive,

And therefore when the mighty powers Is empire and prerogative;

Of Love, our great ally, and your's, And tis in crowns a nobler gem

Join'd forces, not to be withstood To grant a pardon than condemn.

By frail enamour'd flesh and blood, Then, since so few do what they ought,

All I have done, unjust or ill, Tis great t’ indulge a well-meant fault;

Was in obedience to your will; For why should he who made address

And all the blame, that can be due, All bumble ways, without success,

Falls to your cruelty and you. And met with nothing in return

Nor are those scandals I confest, Bat insolence, affronts, and scorn,

Against my will and interest, Not strive by wit to countermine,

More than is daily done, of course, And bravely carry his design?

By all men, when they 're under force : He who was usd so unlike a soldier,

Whence some, upon the rack, confess Blown up with philtres of love-powder ;

What th' hangman and their prompters please; And, after letting blood, and purging,

But are no suoner out of pain, Condemn’d to voluntary scourging ;

Than they deny it all again. Alarm'd with many a horrid fright,

But when the Devil turns confessor, And claw'd by goblins in the night ;

Truth is a crime he takes no pleasure Insulted on, revil'd, and jeerd,

To hear or pardon, like the founder With rude invasion of his beard ;

Of liars, whom they all claim under: And, when your sex was foully scandal'd,

And therefore, when I told him none, As foully by the rabble handled;

I think it was the wiser done.
Attack'd by despicable foes,

Nor am I without precedent,
And drubb’d with mean and vulgar blows; The first that on th' adventure went;
And, after all, to be debarr'd

All mankind ever did of course,
So much as standing on his guard;

And daily does, the same, or worse. When horses, being spurr'd and prick'd,

For what romance can show a lover, Have leave to kick for being kick'd ?

That had a lady to recover, Or why should you, whose mother-wits

And did not steer a nearer course, Are furnish'd with all perquisites,

To fall aboard in his amours? That with your breeding teeth begin,

And what at first was held a crime, And nursing babies that lie in,

Has turn'd to honourable in time. Ballow'd to put all tricks upon

To what a height did infant Rome, Our cully sex, and we use none?

By ravishing of women, come? We, who have nothing but frail vows

When men upon their spouses seiz'd, Against your stratagems t'oppose,

And freely marry'd where they pleas'd ; VOL VIII.

They ne'er forswore themselves, nor ly'd,

But I forget myself, and rove Nor, in the mind they were in, dy'd;

Beyond th' instructions of my love Nor took the pains t' address and sue,

Forgive me, fair, and only blame Nor play'd the masquerade, to woo:

Th’ extravagancy of my flame, Disdain d to stay for friends' consents,

Since 'tis too much at once to show Nor juggled about settlements;

Excess of love and temper too; Did need no licence, nor no priest,

All I have said that 's bad and true, Nor friends, nor kindred, to assist,

Was never meant to aim at you, Nor lawyers, to join land and money

Who have so sovereign a controul In th' holy state of matrimony,

O'er that poor slave of your's, my soul, Before they settled hands and hearts,

That, rather than to forfeit you, Till alimony or death departs;

Has ventured loss of Heaven too; Nor would endure to stay until

Both with an equal power possest, They 'ad got the very bride's good will,

To render all that serve you blest; But took a wise and shorter course

But none like him, who's destin'd either To win the ladies, downright force;

To have or lose you both together; And justly made them prisoners then,

And, if you i'll but this fault release, As they have, often since, us men,

(For so it must be, since you please) With acting plays, and dancing jigs,

I'll pay down all that vow, and more, The luckiest of all Love's intrigues ;

Which you commanded, and I swore, And, when they had them at their pleasure, And expiate, upou my skin, They talk'd of love and flames at leisure;

Th’arrears in full of all my sin : For, after matrimony 's over,

For 'tis but just that I should pay He that holds out but half a lover,

Th’ accruing penance for delay; Deserves, for every minute, more.

Which shall be done, until it move Than half a year of love before;

Your equal pity and our love.For which the dames, in contemplation

The knight, perusing this epistle, Of that best way of application,

Believ'd he 'ad brought her to his whistle, Prov'd nobler wives than e'er were known

And read it, like a jocund lover, By suit or treaty to be won;

With great applause, R himself, twice over ; And such as all posterity

Subscrib'd his name, but at a fit Could never equal, nor come nigh.

And humble distance, to his wit, For women first were made for men,

And dated it with wondrous art, Not men for them.-It follows, then,

“Giv'n from the bottom of his heart;" That men have right to every one,

Then seal'd it with his coat of love, And they no freedom of their own ;

A smoking faggot-and above, And therefore men have power to choose,

Upon a scroll—" I burn and weep," But they no charter to refuse.

And near it—" For her Ladyship, Hence 'tis apparent that, what course

Of all her sex most excellent, Soe'er we take to your amours,

These to her gentle hands present ;" Though by the indirectest way,

Then gave it to his faithful squire, 'Tis no injustice nor foul play;

With lessons how to observe and eye her. And that you ought to take that course, As we take you, for better or worse,

She first consider'd which was better, And gratefully submit to those

To send it back, or burn the letter: Who you, before another, chose.

But, guessing that it might import, For why should every savage beast

Though nothing else, at least her sport, Exceed his great lord's interest?

She open'd it, and read it out, Have freer power than he, in Grace

With many a smile and leering flout; And Nature, o'er the creature has ?

Resolv'd to answer it in kind, Because the laws he since has made

And thus perform'd what she design'd. Have cut off all the power he had ; Retrench'd the absolute dominion That Nature gave him over women; When all his power will not extend One law of Nature to suspend;

THE LADY'S ANSWER
And but to offer to repeal
The smallest clause, is to repel.
This, if men rightly understood

THE KNIGHT.
Their privilege, they would make good,
And not, like sots, permit their wives

That you 're a beast, and turn'd to grass, T encroach on their prerogatives;

Is no strange news, nor ever was, For which sin they deserve to be

At least to me, who once, you know, Kept, as they are, in slavery :

Did from the pound replevin you, And this some precious gifted teachers,

When both your sword and spurs were won Unreverently reputed leachers,

In combat by an Amazon; And disobey'd in making love,

That sword, that did, like Fate, determine Have vow'd to all the world to prove,

Th’ inevitable death of vermin, And make ye suffer, as you ought,

And never dealt its furious blows, For that uncharitable fault :

But cut the throats of pigs and cows,

TO

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