A beautiful maiden was little Min-Ne,
Eldest daughter of wise Wang-Ke;
Her skin had the colour of saffron tea,
And her nose was as flat as flat could be;
And never was seen such beautiful eyes,
Two almond-kernels in shape and size,
Set in a couple of slanting gashes,
And not in the least disfigured by lashes;
And then such feet!
In the longest walk through the grandest street (And you might go seeking From Nanking to Peking)
A pair so remarkably small and neat.
Two little stumps,
Mere pedal lumps,
That toddle along with the funniest thumps,
In China, you know, are reckoned trumps.
It seems a trifle to make such a boast of it,
But how they will dress it,
And bandage and press it,
By making the least, to make the most of it!
As you may suppose,
She had plenty of beaux
Bowing around her beautiful toes,
Praising her feet, and eyes, and nose,
In rapturous verse and elegant prose!
She had lots of lovers, old and young:
There was lofty Long, and babbling Lung,
Opulent Tin, and eloquent Tung,
Musical Sing, and the rest among,
Great Hang-Yu, and Yu-be-Hung.
But though they smiled, and smirk'd, and bow'd,
None could please her of all the crowd;
Lung and Tung she thought too loud;
Opulent Tin was much too proud;
Lofty Long was much too tall;
Musical Sing sung very small;
And, most remarkable feat of all,
Of great Hang-Yu the lady made game,
And Yu-be-Hung she mocked the same,
By echoing back his ugly name!
But the hardest heart is doom'd to melt;
Love is a passion that will be felt;
And just when scandal was making free
To hint 'what a pretty old maid she'd be,'
Little Min-Ne,
Married Ho-Ho of the Golden Belt!
A man I must own of bad reputation,
And low in purse, though high in station,
A sort of imperial poor relation,
Who rank'd as the emperor's second cousin
Multiplied by a hundred dozen;
And to mark the love the emperor felt,
Had a pension clear
Of three pounds a year,
And the honour of wearing a Golden Belt!
And gallant Ho-Ho
Could really show
A handsome face, as faces go
In this Flowery Land, where, you must know,
The finest flowers of beauty grow.
He'd the very widest kind of jaws,
And his nails were like an eagle's claws,
And-though it may seem a wondrous tale-
(Truth is mighty and will prevail !)—
He'd a queue as long as the deepest cause
Under the emperor's chancery laws!
Yet how he managed to win Min-Ne
The men declared they couldn't see ;
But all the ladies, over their tea,
In this one point were known to agree:
Four gifts were sent to aid his plea,-
A smoking-pipe with a golden clog,
A box of tea, and a poodle dog,
And a painted heart that was all aflame,
And bore, in blood, the lover's name.
Ah! how could presents pretty as these
A delicate lady fail to please?
She smoked the pipe with the golden clog,
And drank the tea, and ate the dog,
And kept the heart,-and that's the way
The match was made, the gossips say.
I can't describe the wedding-day,
Which fell in the lovely month of May;
Nor stop to tell of the Honey-moon,
And how it vanish'd all too soon:
Alas! that I the truth must speak
And say that in the fourteenth week,
Soon as the wedding guests were gone,
And their wedding suits began to doff,
Min-Ne was weeping and taking 'on,'
For he had been trying to 'take her off.'
Six wives before he had sent to heaven,
And being partial to number 'seven,'
He wished to add his latest pet,
Just, perhaps, to make up the set!
Mayhap the rascal found a cause
Of discontent in a certain clause
In the emperor's very liberal laws,
Which gives, when a Golden Belt is wed,
Six hundred pounds to furnish the bed;
And if in turn he marry a score,
With every wife six hundred more.
First he tried to murder Min-Ne
With a special cup of poisoned tea,
But the lady smelling a mortal foe,
Cried, 'Ho-Ho!
I'm very fond of mild Souchong,
But you, my love, you make it too strong.'
At last Ho-Ho, the treacherous man,
Contrived the most infernal plan
Invented since the world began.
He went and got him a savage dog,
Who'd eat a woman as soon as a frog;
He shut him up in an iron bin,
Slipp'd the bolt and lock'd him in;
Then giving the key
To poor Min-Ne,
Said, 'Love, there's something you mustn't see
In the chest beneath the orange tree.'
Poor mangled Min-Ne! with her latest breath
She told her father the cause of her death;
And so it reached the emperor's ear,
And his highness said, 'It is very clear
Ho-Ho has committed a murder here!'
And he was doomed to end his life
By the terrible dog that kill'd his wife;
But in mercy (let his praise be sung!)
His thirteen brothers were merely hung,
And his slaves bamboo'd in the mildest way
For a calendar month three times a day.
And that's the way that Justice dealt
With the wicked Ho-Ho of the Golden Belt!
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