signum. I never dealt better since I was a man: all would not do. A plague of all cowards!-Let them speak; if they speak more or less than truth, they are villains, and the sons of darkness. P. Hen. Speak, sirs; how was it? Peto. No, no, they were not bound. Fal. You rogue, they were bound, every man of them; or I am a Jew else, an Ebrew Jew. Gads. As we were sharing, some six or seven fresh men set upon us, Fal. And unbound the rest, and then come in the other. P. Hen. What, fought you with them all? Fal. All? I know not what ye call, all; but if I fought not with fifty of them, I am a bunch of radish ; if there were not two or three and fifty upon poor old Jack, then I am no two-legged creature. Poins. 'Pray God, you have not murdered some of them. Fal. Nay, that's past praying for; I have peppered two of them: two, I am sure, I have paid; two rogues in buckram suits. I tell thee what, Hal,-if I tell thee a lie, spit in my face, call me horse. Thou knowest my old ward ;-here I lay, and thus I bore my point. Four rogues in buckram let drive at me, P. Hen. What, four? thou saidst but two, even now. Fal. Four, Hal; I told thee four. Poins. Ay, ay, he said four. Fal. These four came all afront, and mainly thrust at me. I made no more ado, but took all their seven points in my target, thus. P. Hen. Seven? why, there were but four, even now. Fal. In buckram. Poins. Ay, four, in buckram suits. Fal. Seven, by these hilts, or I am a villain else. P. Hen. Pr'ythee, let him alone; we shall have more anon. Fal. Dost thou hear me, Hal? P. Hen. Ay, and mark thee too, Jack. Fal. Do so, for it is worth the listening to. These nine in buckram, that I told thee of, P. Hen. So, two more already. Fal. Their points being broken,- Fal. Began to give me ground; but I followed me close, came in foot and hand; and, with a thought, seven of the eleven I paid. P. Hen. O monstrous! eleven buckram men grown out of two! Fal. But, as the devil would have it, three misbegotten knaves, in Kendal2 green, came at my back, and let drive at me; for it was so dark, Hal, that thou could'st not see thy hand. P. Hen. These lies are like the father that begets them; gross as a mountain, open, palpable. Why, thou clay-brained guts; thou knotty-pated fool; thou whoreson, obscene, greasy tallow-keech,3 Fal. What, art thou mad? art thou mad? Is not the truth the truth? P. Hen. Why, how couldst thou know these men in Kendal green, when it was so dark thou couldst not see thy hand? Come, tell us your reason. sayest thou to this? Poins. Come, your reason, Jack, your reason. What Fal. What, upon compulsion? No; were I at the strappado, or all the racks in the world, I would not 1 The same jest has already occurred in Twelfth Night, Act i. Sc. 5. 2 Kendal green was the livery of Robert earl of Huntingdon, and his followers, when in a state of outlawry, under the name of Robin Hood and his men. The color took its name from Kendal, in Westmoreland, formerly celebrated for its cloth manufacture. Green still continues the color of woodmen and gamekeepers. 3 A keech is a round lump of fat, rolled up by the butcher in order to be carried to the chandler. The old editions read catch. 4 The strappado was a dreadful punishment inflicted on soldiers and criminals, by drawing them up on high with their arms tied backward. Randle Holme says that they were suddenly let fall half way with a jerk, which not only broke the arms, but shook all the joints out of joint. tell you on compulsion. Give you a reason on compulsion! If reasons were as plenty as blackberries, I would give no man a reason upon compulsion, I. P. Hen. I'll be no longer guilty of this sin; this sanguine coward, this bed-presser, this horse-backbreaker, this huge hill of flesh; Fal. Away, you starveling, you elf-skin,' you dried neats-tongue, bull's pizzle, you stock-fish,-O, for breath to utter what is like thee!-You tailor's yard, you sheath, you bow-case, you vile standing tuck ; P. Hen. Well, breathe awhile, and then to it again ; and when thou hast tired thyself in base comparisons, hear me speak but this. Poins. Mark, Jack. P. Hen. We two saw you four set on four; you bound them, and were masters of their wealth.-Mark, now, how plain a tale shall put you down.-Then did we two set on you four, and, with a word, outfaced you from your prize, and have it; yea, and can show it you here in the house ;-and, Falstaff, you carried your guts away as nimbly, with as quick dexterity, and roared for mercy, and still ran and roared, as ever I heard bull-calf. What a slave art thou, to hack thy sword as thou hast done; and then say, it was in fight! What trick, what device, what starting-hole, canst thou now find out to hide thee from this open and apparent shame ? Poins. Come, let's hear, Jack. thou now? What trick hast Fal. By the Lord, 1 knew ye, as well as he that made ye. Why, hear ye, my masters. Was it for me to kill the heir apparent? Should I turn upon the true prince? Why, thou knowest I am as valiant as Hercules; but beware instinct; the lion will not touch the true prince. Instinct is a great matter; I was a coward on instinct. I shall think the better of myself and 1 It has been proposed to read eel-skin, with great plausibility. Shakspeare had historical authority for the leanness of the prince. Stowe, speaking of him, says, "He exceeded the mean stature of men, his neck long, body slender and lean, and his bones small," &c. 'thee, during my life; I, for a valiant lion, and thou for a true prince. But, by the Lord, lads, I am glad you have the money. -Hostess, clap to the doors; watch to-night, pray to-morrow.-Gallants, lads, boys, hearts of gold, all the titles of good fellowship come to you! What, shall we be merry? shall we have a play extempore? P. Hen. Content;-and the argument shall be, thy running away. Fal. Ah! no more of that, Hal, an thou lovest me. Enter Hostess. Host. My lord the prince, P. Hen. How now, my lady the hostess? what say'st thou to me? Host. Marry, my lord, there is a nobleman of the court at door, would speak with you. He says, he comes from your father. P. Hen. Give him as much as will make him a royal man,1 and send him back again to my mother. Fal. What manner of man is he? Host. An old man. Fal. What doth gravity out of his bed at midnight? -Shall I give him his answer? P. Hen. 'Pr'ythee, do, Jack. Fal. 'Faith, and I'll send him packing. [Exit. P. Hen. Now, sirs; by'r lady, you fought fair;so did you, Peto;-so did you, Bardolph: you are lions too; you ran away upon instinct; you will not touch the true prince, no,-fie! Bard. 'Faith, I ran when I saw others run. P. Hen. Tell me now, in earnest, how came Falstaff's sword so hacked? Peto. Why, he hacked it with his dagger; and said, he would swear truth out of England, but he would make you believe it was done in fight; and persuaded us to do the like. 1 This is a kind of a joke upon noble and royal, two coins, one of the value of 68. 8d., the other 10s. Bard. Yea, and to tickle our noses with speargrass, to make them bleed; and then to beslubber our garments with it, and to swear it was the blood of true men. I did that I did not this seven year before; I blushed to hear his monstrous devices. P. Hen. O villain, thou stolest a cup of sack eighteen years ago, and wert taken with the manner,1 and ever since thou hast blushed extempore. Thou hast fire and sword on thy side, and yet thou ran'st away. What instinct hadst thou for it? Bard. My lord, do you see these meteors? do you behold these exhalations? P. Hen. I do. Bard. What think you they portend? Re-enter FALSTAFF. 3 Here comes lean Jack; here comes bare-bone. How now, my sweet creature of bombast? How long is't ago, Jack, since thou sawest thine own knee? Fal. My own knee? when I was about thy years, Hal, I was not an eagle's talon in the waist; I could have crept into any alderman's thumb-ring. A plague of sighing and grief! it blows a man up like a bladder. There's villanous news abroad: here was sir John Bracy from your father; you must to the court in the morning. That same mad fellow of the north, Percy; and he of Wales, that gave Amaimon the bastinado, and made Lucifer cuckold, and swore the devil his true 1 i. e. taken in the fact. 2 i. e. drunkenness and poverty. 3 i. e. "my sweet, stuffed creature." Bombast is cotton. Gerard calls the cotton-plant the bombast-tree. It is here used for the stuffing of clothes. 4 The custom of wearing a ring upon the thumb is very ancient. The rider of the brazen horse in Chaucer's Squiers Tale:— 66 upon his thombe he had a ring of gold." 5 A demon, who is described as one of the four kings who rule over all the demons in the world. |