my footman kick the people out of doors, though they come to ask me for what I owe them. Flip. All this is very hard indeed.

Clar. Ah, Flippanta, the perquisites of quality are of an unspeakable value.

Flip. They are of some usc, I must confess; but we must not expect to have every thing. You have wit and beauty, and a fool to your husband: come, come, madam, that's a good portion for one.

Clar. Alas, what signifies beauty and wit, when one dares neither jilt the men, nor abuse the women? 'Tis a sad thing, Flippanta, when wit's confined; 'tis worse than the rising of the lights: I have been sometimes almost choaked with scandal, and durst not cough it up, for want of being a countess.

Flip. Poor lady!

Clar. O! liberty is a fine thing, Flippanta ; it's a great help in conversation to have leave to say what one will. I have seen a woman of quality, who has not had one grain of wit, entertain a whole company the most agreeably in the world, only with her malice. But 'tis in vain to repine: I can't mend my condition till my husband dies; so I'll say no more on't, but think of making the most of the state I am in.

Flip. That's your best way, madam; and in order to it, pray consider how you'll get some ready money to set your basset-table going; for that's necessary.

Clar. Thou say'st true; but what trick I shall play my husband to get some, I don't know; for my pretence of losing my diamond necklace has put the man into such a passion, I'm afraid he won't hear reason.

Flip. No matter; he begins to think 'tis lost in earnest; so I fancy you may venture to sell it, and raise money that way.

Clar. That cann't be, for he has left odious no es with all the goldsmiths in town.

Flip. Well, we must pawn it then.

Clar. I'm quite tired with dealing with those pawn-brokers.

Flip. I'm afraid you'll continue the trade a great while, for all that. [Aside.

Enter JESSAMIN.

Jes. Madam, there's the woman below that sells paint and patches, iron boddice, false teeth, and all sorts of things to the ladies; I cann't think of her name.

Flip. 'Tis Mrs Amlet; she wants money. Clar. Well, I ha'n't enough for myself; it's an unreasonable thing she should think I have any for her.

Flip. She's a troublesome jade.

Clar. So are all people that come a dunning. Flip. What will you do with her?

Clar. I have just now thought on't. She's very rich, that woman is, Flippanta; I'll borrow some money of her.

Flip. Borrow! Sure you jest, madam.

Clar. No, I'm in earnest ; I give thee commission to do it for me.

Plip. Me!

Clar. Why dost thou stare, and look so ungainly? Don't I speak to be understood? Flip. Yes, I understand you well enough; but Mrs Amlet

Clar. But Mrs Amlet must lend me some money where shall I have any to pay her else? Flip. That's true; I never thought of that, truly. But here she is.

Enter Mrs AMLET.

Clar. How d'you do? How d'you do, Mrs Amlet? I ha'n't seen you these thousand years, and yet I believe I'm down in your books. Mrs Am. O, madam, I don't come for that, alark.

Flip. Good morrow, Mrs Amlet.

Mrs Am. Good morrow, Mrs Flippanta. Clar. How much am I indebted to you, Mrs Amlet?

Mrs Am. Nay, if your ladyship desires to see your bill, I believe I may have it about me.There, madam, if it be not too much fatigue to you to look it over.

Clar. Let me see it, for I hate to be in debt, where I am obliged to pay. [Aside.] [Reads.] "Imprimis, For bolstering out the Countess of Crump's left hip"-O fie! this does not belong

to me.

Mrs Am. I beg your ladyship's pardon: I mistook indeed: 'tis a countess's bill I have writ out o little purpose. I furnished her two years ago with three pair of hips, and am not paid for them yet: but some are better customers than some. There's your ladyship's bill, madam.

Clar. "For the idea of a new-invented commode"- -Ay, this may be mine, but 'tis of a preposterous length. Do you think I can waste time to read every article, Mrs Amlet? I'd as lief read a sermon.

Mrs Am. Alack-a-day, there's no need of fatiguing yourself at that rate; cast an eye only, if your honour pleases, upon the sum total.

Clar. Total, fifty-six pounds-and odd things. Flip. But six-and-fifty pounds!

Mrs Am. Nay, another body would have made it twice as much; but there's a blessing goes along with a moderate profit.

Ciar. Flippanta, go to my cashier; let him give you six-and-fifty pounds. Make haste. Don't you hear me? Six-and-fifty pounds. Is it so difficult to be comprehended?

Flip. No, madam; I, I comprehend six-andfifty pounds, but

Clar. But go and fetch it then.

Flip. What she means I don't know; [Aside;} but I shall, I suppose, before I bring her the [Exit FLIP.

money.

Clar. [Setting her hair in a pocket glass.] The trade you follow gives you a great deal of trouble, Mrs Amlet?

Mrs Am. Alack-a-day, a world of pain, madam, and yet there's small profit, as your honour sees by your bill.

Clar. Poor woman! Sometimes you have great losses, Mrs Amlet?

Mrs Am. Good Lard! how bravely decked thou art. But it's all one; I am thy mother still; and though thou art a wicked child, Nature will speak: I love thee still. Ah, Dick, my poor Dick! [Embracing him. Dick. Blood and thunder! will you ruin me? [Breaking from her. Mrs Am. Ah, the blasphemous rogue, how he swears!

Dick. You destroy all my hopes.

Mrs Am. Will your mother's kiss destroy you, varlet? Thou art an ungracious bird: kneel down and ask my blessing, sirrah.

Dick. Death and furies!

Mrs Am. Ah, he's a proper young man; see what a shape he has. Ah, poor child!

[Running to embrace him, he still avoiding her. Dick. Oons! keep off: the woman's mad. If any body comes, my fortune's lost.

Mrs Am. What fortune, ha? Speak, graceless. Ah, Dick, thou'lt be hanged, Dick!

Dick. Good, dear mother, now, don't call me Dick here.

Mrs Am. Not call thee Dick! Is it not thy name? What shall I call thee? Mr Amlet? ha? Art not thou a presumptuous rascal? Hark you,

sirrah, I hear of your tricks: You disown me for your mother, and say I am but your nurse. Is not this true? Dick. No, I love you, I respect you, [Taking her hand,] I am all duty. But if you discover me here, you ruin the fairest prospect that man ever had.

Mrs Am. What prospect? ha? Come, this is a lie now.

Dick. No, my honoured parent, what I say is true: I'm about a great fortune. I'll bring you home a daughter-in-law in a coach and six horses, if you'll but be quiet: I can't tell you more now. Mrs Am. Is it possible? Dick. 'Tis true, by Jupiter. Mrs Am. My dear ladDick. For Heaven's sakeMrs Am. But tell me, Dick

Dick. I'll follow you home in a moment, and tell you all.

Mrs Am. What a shape is there!

Dick. Pray, mother, go.

Mrs Am. I must receive some money here first, which shall go for thy wedding-dinner.

Dick. Here's somebody coming. S'death! she'll betray me. [He makes signs to his mother.

Enter FLIPPAnta.

Dick Good morrow, dear Flippanta: How do all the ladies within?

Flip. At your service, colonel; as far at least as my interest goes.

Mrs Am. Colonel!-Law you now, how Dick's respected! [Aside. Dick. Waiting for thee, Flippanta, I was making acquaintance with this old gentlewoman here.

Mirs Am. The pretty lad, he's as impudent as a page.

[Aside. Dick. Who is this good woman, Flippanta? Flip. A gin of all trades; an old daggling cheat, that hobbles about from house to house, to bubble the ladies of their money. I have a small business of yours in my pocket, colonel.

Dick. An answer to my letter?

Flip. So quick indeed! No, it's your letter itself.

Dick. Hast thou not given it then yet? Flip. I ha'n't had an opportunity; but it won't be long first. Won't you go in and see my lady?

Dick. Yes, I'll go make her a short visit. But, dear Flippanta, don't forget: my life and fortune are in your hands.

Flip. Ne'er fear; I'll take care ofʼem.
Mrs Am. How he traps 'em! let Dick alone.
[Aside.

Dick. Your servant, good madam.

[To his Mother. Exit DICK. Mrs Am. Your honour's most devoted.-A pretty, civil, well-bred gentleman this, Mrs Flippanta. Pray, whom may he be?

Flip. A man of great note-Colonel Shapely. Mrs Am. Is it possible? I have heard much of him indeed, but never saw him before: Que

before she can come abroad, is so long a placing her coquette-patch, that I must be a year without company. How insupportable is a moment's uneasiness to a woman of spirit and pleasure!

Enter FLIPPANTA.

Clar. O, art thou come at last? Pr'ythee, Flippanta, learn to move a little quicker: thou knowest how impatient I am.

Flip. Yes, when you expect money: If you had sent me to buy a prayer-book, you'd have thought I had flown.

Clar. Well, hast thou brought me any, after all?

Flip. Yes, I have brought some. There, [Gioing her a purse ;] the old hag has struck off her bill; the rest is in that purse.

Ciar. 'Tis well; but take care, Flippanta, my husband don't suspect any thing of this: 'twould vex him, and I don't love to make him uneasy: so I would spare him these little sort of troubles, by keeping 'em from his knowledge.

Flip. See the tenderness she has for him, and yet he's always complaining of you.

Clar. 'Tis the nature of 'em, Flippanta: a husband is a growling animal.

Fip. How exactly you define 'em!

Clar. O! I know 'em, Flippanta: though, I confess, my poor wretch diverts me sometimes with his ill humours. I wish he would quarrel with me to-day a little, to pass away the time, for I find myself in a violent spleen.

Flip. Why, if you please to drop yourself in his way, six to four but he scolds one rubbers with

you.

Clar. Ay, but thou knowest he's as uncertain as the wind; and if, instead of quarrelling with me, he should chance to be fond, he'd make me as sick as a dog.

Fip. If he's kind, you must provoke him; if he kisses you, spit in his face.

Clar. Alas, when men are in the kissing fit, (like lap-dogs,) they take that for a favour.

Fup. Nay, then, I don't know what you'll do with him.

Clar. I'll e'en do nothing at all with him.———— Flippanta. [Yawning.

Fup. Madam.

Clur. My hood and scarf, and a coach to the door.

Flip. Why, whither are you going? Clar. I cann't tell yet, but I would go spend some money, since I have it.

Flip. Why, you want nothing, that I know of. Clar How awkward an objection now is that, as if a woman of education bought things because she wanted 'em! Quality always distinguishes itself; and therefore, as the mechanic people buy things because they have occasion for 'em, you see women of rank always buy things because they have not occasion for 'em. Now there, Flippanta, you see the difference between a woman that has breeding, and one that has none. Oho!

here's Araminta come at last.

Enter ARAMINTA.

Clar. Lard, what a tedious while you have let me expect you! I was afraid you were not well. How d'ye do to-day?

Aram. As well as a woman can do, that has not slept all night.

Flip. Methinks, madam, you are pretty well awake, however.

Aram. O, 'tis not a little thing will make a woman of my vigour look drowsy.

Clar. But, pr'ythee, what was't disturbed you? Aram. Not your husband; don't trouble your self at least ; I am not in love with him yet.

Clar. Well remembered; I had quite forgot that matter. I wish you much joy: you have made a noble conquest indeed.

Aram. But now I have subdued the country, pray is it worth my keeping? You know the ground: you have tried it.

Clar. A barren soil, Heaven can tell.

Aram. Yet if it were well cultivated, it would produce something, to my knowledge. Do you know 'tis in my power to ruin this poor thing of yours? His whole estate is at my service.

Flip. Cods-fish! strike him, madam, and let my lady go your halves. There's no sin in plundering a husband, so his wife has share of the booty,

shall be very ready to obey 'em. Aram. Whenever she gives me her orders, I

Clar. Why, as odd a thing as such a project may seem, Araminta, I believe I shall have a little serious discourse with you about it. But, pr'ythee, tell me how you have passed the night; for I am sure your mind has been roving upon some pretty thing or other.

my brain could produce to plague my husband. Aram. Why, I have been studying all the ways

Clar. No wonder, indeed, you look so fresh this morning, after the satisfaction of such plea sing ideas all night.

Arum. Why, can a woman do less than study mischief, when she has tumbled and tossed her self into a burning fever for want of sleep, and sees a fellow lie snoring by her side, stock-still, in a fine breathing sweat?

Clar. Now see the difference of women's tempers: If my dear would make but one nap of his whole life, and only waken to make his will, I should be the happiest wife in the universe. But we'll discourse more of these matters as we go, for I must make a tour among the shops.

Arum. I have a coach waits at the door: we'll talk of 'em as we rattle along.

a

Clar. The best place in nature; for you know hackney-coach is a natural enemy to a husband. [Exeunt CLAR. and ARAM. FLIPPANTA sola. What a pretty little pair of amiable persons are there gone to hold a council of war together! Poor birds! What would they do with their time, if plaguing their husbands did not help 'em to employment! Well, if idleness be the root of all evil, then matrimony's good for something; for it

sets many a poor woman to work. But here comes miss. I hope I shall help her into the holy state too, ere long: And when she's once there, if she don't play her part as well as the best of 'em, I'm mistaken. Ha'n't I lost the letter I'm to give her?-No, here 'tis; so, now we shall see how pure nature will work with her, for art she knows none yet.

Enter CORINNA.

Cor. What does my mother-in-law want with me, Flippanta? They tell me she was asking for

me.

Flip. She's just gone out, so I suppose 'twas no great business.

Cor. Then I'll go into my chamber again. Flip. Nay, hold a little, if you please. I have some business with you myself, of more concern than what she had to say to you.

Cor. Make haste then, for you know my father won't let me keep your company; he says, you'll spoil me.

Flip. I spoil you! He's an unworthy man, to give you such ill impressions of a woman of my honour.

Cor. Nay, never take it to heart, Flippanta, for I don't believe a word he says. But he does so plague me with his continual scolding, I'm almost weary of my life.

Flip. Why, what is't he finds fault with?

Cor. Nay, I don't know, for I never mind him; when he has babbled for two hours together, methinks I have heard a mill going, that's all it does not at all change my opinion, Flippanta: it only makes my head ache.

Flip. Nay, if you can bear it so, you are not to be pitied so much as I thought.

Cor. Not pitied! Why, is it not a miserable thing, such a young creature as I am should be kept in perpetual solitude, with no other company but a parcel of old fumbling masters, to teach me geography, arithmetic, philosophy, and a thousand useless things? Fine entertainment, indeed, for a young maid at sixteen! Methinks one's time might be better employed.

Flip. Those things will improve your wit. Cor. Fiddle, faddle! Ha'n't I wit enough already? My mother-in-law has learned none of this trumpery, and is not she as happy as the day is long?

Flip. Then you envy her, I find? Cor. And well I may. Does she not do what she has a mind to, in spite of her husband's teeth?

Flip. Look you there now. [Aside.] If she has not already conceived that as the supreme blessing of life!

Cor. I'll tell you what, Flippanta; if my mother-in-law would but stand by me a little, and encourage me, and let me keep her company, I'd rebel against my father to-morrow, and throw all my books in the fire. Why, he cann't touch a groat of my portion: do you know that, Flippanta?

Flip. So I shall spoil her. [Aside.] Pray Heaven the girl don't debauch me.

Cor. Look you: In short, he may think what he pleases; he may think himself wise; but thoughts are free, and I may think in my turn.I'm but a girl, 'tis true, and a fool too, if you believe him; but let him know, a foolish girl may make a wise man's heart ache; so he had as good be quiet.-Now it's out.

Flip. Very well, I love to see a young woman have spirit: it's a sign she'll come to something. Cor. Ah, Flippanta, if you would but encou rage me, you'll find me quite another thing. I'm a devilish girl in the bottom. I wish you'd but let me make one amongst you.

Flip. That never can be, till you are married. Come, examine your strength a little. Do you think you durst venture upon a husband?

Cor. A husband! Why, a-if you would but encourage me. Come, Flippanta, be a true friend now. I'll give you advice, when I have got a little more experience. Do you in your very conscience and soul think I am old enough to be married?

Flip. Old enough! Why, you are sixteen, are you not?

Cor. Sixteen! I am sixteen, two months, and odd days, woman. I keep an exact account. Flip. The deuce you are!

Cor. Why, do you then truly and sincerely think I am old enough?

Flip. I do, upon my faith, child.

Cor. Why then, to deal as fairly with you, Flippanta, as you do with me, I have thought so any time these three years.

Flip. Now I find you have more wit than ever I thought you had; and to shew you what an opinion I have of your discretion, I'll shew you a thing I thought to have thrown in the fire.

Cor. What is it, for Jupiter's sake?

Flip. Something will make your heart chuck within you.

Cor. My dear Flippanta!

Flip. What do you think it is?

Cor. I don't know, nor I don't care, but I'm mad to have it.

Flip. It's a four-cornered thing. Cor. What, like a cardinal's cap ? Flip. No, 'tis worth a whole conclave of 'em. How do you like it? [Shewing the letter. Cor. Ó lard! A letter!-Is there ever a token

in it?

Flip. Yes, and a precious one too. There's a handsome young gentleman's heart.

Cor. A handsome young gentleman's heart ![Aside.] Nay, then, it's time to look grave. Flip. There.

Cor. I sha'n't touch it.

Flip. What's the matter now
Cor. I sha'n't receive it.
Flip. Sure you jest.

Cor. You'll find I don't. I understand myself better than to take letters, when I don't know who they are from.