THE WAY OF THE WORLD. 423 SCENE I-Continues. Lady WISHFORT and FOIBLE. ACT V. L. Wish. Out of my house, out of my house, thou viper, thou serpent, that I have fostered; thou bosom traitress, that I raised from nothing| -Be gone, be gone, be gone, go, go-That I took from washing of old gauze, and weaving of dead hair, with a bleak blue nose, over a chaffing-dish -go, of starved embers, and dining behind a traverserag, in a shop no bigger than a bird-cagego, starve again; do, do. Foi. Dear madam, I'll beg pardon on my knees. L. Wish. Away, out, out, go set up for yourself again: Do drive a trade, do, with your threepennyworth of small ware, flaunting upon a packthread, under a brandy-seller's bulk, or against a dead wall by a ballad-monger. Go, hang out an old frisoneer-gorget, with a yard of yellow Colberteen again; do; an old gnaw'd mask, two rows of pins, and a child's fiddle; a glass necklace, with the beads broken, and a quilted night- | cap with one ear. Go, go, drive a trade.-These were your commodities, you treacherous trull; this was the merchandize you dealt in, when I took you into my house, placed you next myself, and made you governante of my whole family. You have forgot this, have you, now you have feathered your nest? Foi. No, no, dear madam. Do but hear me ; have but a moment's patience-I'll confess all. Mr Mirabell seduced me; I am not the first that he has wheedled with his dissembling tongue; your ladyship's own wisdom has been deluded by him; then how should I, a poor ignorant, defend myself? O, madam, if you knew but what he promised me, and how he assured me your ladyship should come to no damage-Or else the wealth of the Indies should not have bribed me to conspire against so good, so sweet, so kind a lady as you have been to me. L. Wish. No damage! What, to betray me, and marry me to a cast serving-man; to make me a receptacle, an hospital for a decayed pimp? No damage! O! thou frontless impudence, more than a big-bellied actress. Foi. Pray do but hear me, madam. He could not marry your ladyship, madam-No, indeed, his marriage was to have been void in law; for he was married to me first, to secure your ladyship. He could not have bedded your ladyship; for if he had consummated with your ladyship, he must have run the risk of the law, and been put upon his clergy.—Yes, indeed, I inquired of the law in that case, before I would meddle or make. L. Wish. What, then I have been your property, have I? I have been convenient to you, -While you were catering for Mirabell, I seems it made have been broker for you? What, have you Foi. O, that ever I was born! O, that I was Mrs FAINALL enters. Mrs Fain. Poor Foible, what's the matter? Foi. O, madam, my lady's gone for a constawell to beat hemp; poor Waitwell's gone to prible; I shall be had to a justice, and put to Brideson already. Mrs Fain. Have a good heart, Foible; Mirabell's gone to give security for him. This is all Marwood's and my husband's doing. Foi. Yes, yes, I know it, madam; she was in to me before dinner. She sent the letter to my my lady's closet, and overheard all that you said lady; and that missing effect, Mr Fainall laid to go for the papers; and in the mean time Mrs this plot to arrest Waitwell, when he pretended Marwood declared all to my lady. Mrs Fain. Was there no mention made of me husband. in the letter?-My mother does not suspect my not told her, though she has told being in the confederacy; I fancy Marwood has my Foi. Yes, madam; but my lady did not see that part: we stifled the letter before she read so far. Has that mischievous devil told Mr Fainall of your ladyship, then? Mrs Fain. Ay, all's out; my affair with Mirabell, every thing discovered. This is the last day of our living together, that's my comfort. Foi. Indeed, madam, and so 'tis a comfort, if ship; which I could have told you long enough you knew all-He has been even with your ladysince, but I love to keep peace and quietness by my good will: I had rather bring friends together, than set them at distance. But Mrs Marwood and he are nearer related than ever their parents thought for. Mrs Fain. Say'st thou so, Foible? Canst thou prove this? Foi. I can take my oath of it, madam; so can Mrs Mincing: we have had many a fair word from Madam Marwood, to conceal something that at Hyde Park-and we were thought to have gone passed in our chamber one evening when we were we were sworn to secrecy too: Madam Marwood a-walking: but we went up unawares-though took a book, and swore us upon it; but it was 5 but a book of poems-So long as it was not a Bible oath, we may break it with a safe conscience. Mrs Fain. This discovery is the most opportune thing I could wish.-Now, Mincing! MINCING enters. Mine. My lady would speak with Mrs Foible, mem. Mr Mirabell is with her; he has set your spouse at liberty, Mrs Foible, and would have you hide yourself in my lady's closet, till my old lady's anger is abated. O, my old lady is in a perilous passion at something Mr Fainall has said; he swears, and my old lady cries. There's a fearful hurricane, I vow. He says, mem, how that he'll have my lady's fortune made over to him, or he'll be divorced. Mrs Fain. Does your lady or Mirabell know that? Minc. Yes, mem, they have sent me to see if Sir Wilfull be sober, and to bring him to them. My lady is resolved to have him, I think, rather than lose such a vast sum as six thousand pounds. O, come, Mrs Foible, I hear my old lady. Mrs Fain. Foible, you must tell Mincing that she must prepare to vouch when I call her. Foi. Yes, yes, madam. Minc. O yes, mem, I'll vouch any thing for your ladyship's service, be what it will. [Exeunt FOIBLE and MINCING. Lady WISHFORT and Mrs MARWOOD enter. L. Wish. O, my dear friend, how can I enumerate the benefits that I have received from your goodness? To you I owe the timely discovery of the false vows of Mirabell; to you I owe the detection of the impostor Sir Rowland; and now you are become an intercessor with my son-in-law, to save the honour of my house, and compound for the frailties of my daughter. Well, friend, you are enough to reconcile me to the bad world, or else I would retire to deserts and solitudes, and feed harmless sheep by groves and purling streams. Dear Marwood, let us leave the world, and retire by ourselves, and be shepherdesses. Mrs Mar. Let us first dispatch the affair in hand, madam. We shall have leisure to think of retirement afterwards. Here is one who is concerned in the treaty. L. Wish. O, daughter, daughter, is it possible thou shouldst be my child, bone of my bone, and flesh of my flesh, and, as I may say, another me, and yet transgress the minutest particle of severe virtue? Is it possible you should lean aside to iniquity, who have been cast in the direct mould of virtue? I have not only been a mould, but a pattern for you, and a model for you, after you were brought into the world. Mrs Fain. I don't understand your ladyship. L. Wish. Not understand! Why, have you not been naught? have you not been sophisticated? Not understand! Here I am ruined, to compound for your caprices, and your cuckoldoms. I must part with my plate and my jewels, and ruin my niece, and all little enough. Mrs Fain. I am wronged and abused, and so are you. 'Tis a false accusation, as false as hell, as false as your friend there, ay, or your friend's friend, my false husband. Mrs Mar. My friend, Mrs Fainall? your husband my friend! what do you mean? Mrs Fain. I know what I mean, madam, and so do you; and so shall the world, at a time convenient. Mrs Mar. I am sorry to see you so passionate, madam. More temper would look more like innocence. But I have done. I am sorry my zeal to serve your ladyship and family should admit of misconstruction, or make me liable to affronts. You will pardon me, madam, if I meddle no more with an affair in which I am not personally concerned. L. Wish. O, dear friend, I am so ashamed that you should meet with such returns.—You ought to ask pardon on your knees, ungrateful creature; she deserves more from you than all your life can accomplish.-O, don't leave me destitute in this perplexity: no, stick to me, my good genius. Mrs Fain. I tell you, madam, you're abused -Stick to you! ay, like a leech, to suck your best blood-she'll drop off when she's full. Madam, you sha'n't pawn a bodkin, nor part with a brass counter, in composition for me. I defy 'em all. Let them prove their aspersions: I know my own innocence, and dare stand a trial. [Exit. L. Wish. Why, if she should be innocent, if she should be wronged after all, ha? I don't know what to think-and I promise you, her education has been very unexceptionable-I may say it; for I chiefly made it my own care to initiate her very infancy in the rudiments of virtue, and to impress upon her tender years a young odium and aversion to the very sight of menay, friend, she would ha' shrieked if she had but seen a man, till she was in her teens. As I'm a person, 'tis true-She was never suffered to play with a male-child, though but in coats; nay, her very babies were of the feminine gender.-0, she never looked a man in the face, but her own father, or the chaplain, and him we made a shift to put upon her for a woman, by the help of his long garments and his sleek face, till she was going in her fifteen. Mrs Mar. 'Twas much she should be deceived so long. L. Wish. I warrant you, or she would never have borne to have been catechized by him; and have heard his long lectures against singing and dancing, and such debaucheries; and going to filthy plays, and profane music-meetings, where the lewd trebles squeak nothing but bawdy, and the basses roar blasphemy. O, she would have swooned at the sight or name of an obscene playbook-and can I think, after all this, that my daughter can be naught? What, a whore! and thought it excommunication to set her foot within the door of a play-house. O, dear friend, I cann't believe it. No, no; as she says, let him prove it, let him prove it. Mrs Mar. Prove it, madam? what, and have your name prostituted in a public court! yours and your daughter's reputation worried at the bar by a pack of bawling lawyers! to be ushered in with an O-yes of scandal, and have your case opened by an old fumbling lecher in a coif, like a man-midwife, to bring your daughter's infamy to light; to be a theme for legal punsters and quibblers by the statute, and become a jest, against a rule of court, where there is no precedent for a jest in any record; not even in Doomsday-book; to discompose the gravity of the bench, and provoke naughty interrogatories in more naughty law Latin; while the good judge, tickled with the proceeding, simpers under a grey beard, and fidgets off and on his cushion, as if he had swallowed cantharides, or sate upon cow-itch. L. Wish. O, 'tis very hard! Mrs Mar. And then to have my young revellers of the temple take notes, like 'prentices at a conventicle; and after talk it over again in commons, or before drawers in an eating-house. L. Wish. Worse and worse. the -- L. Wish. Ay, that's true; but in case of neces sity, as of health, or some such emergencyFain. O, if you are prescribed marriage, you shall be considered; I will only reserve to myself power to choose for you. If your physic be wholesome, it matters not who is your apothecary. Next, my wife shall settle on me the remainder of her fortune, not made over already; and for her maintenance depend entirely on my discretion. L. Wish. This is most inhumanly savage; exceeding the barbarity of a Muscovite husband. Fain. I learned it from his Czarish majesty's retinue, in a winter evening's conference over brandy and pepper, amongst other secrets of matrimony and policy, as they are at present practised in the northern hemisphere. But this must be agreed unto, and that positively. Lastly, I will be endowed, in right of my wife, with that six thousand pounds which is the moiety of Mrs Millamant's fortune in your possession, and which she has forfeited (as will appear by the last will and testament of your deceased husband, Sir Jonathan Wishfort) by her disobedience in contracting herself against your consent or knowledge and by refusing the offered match with Sir Wilfull Witwould, which you, like a careful aunt, had Mrs Mar. Nay, this is nothing; if it would end here 'twere well. But it must, after this, be consigned by the short-hand writers to the pub-provided for her. lic press; and from thence be transferred to the hands, nay, into the throats and lungs of hawkers, with voices more licentious than the loud flounder-man's; and this you must hear till you are stunned; nay, you must hear nothing else for some days. L. Wish. O, 'tis insupportable! No, no, dear friend, make it up, make it up; ay, ay, I'll compound. I'll give up all, myself and my all, my niece and her all-any thing, every thing for composition. Mrs Mar. Nay, madam, I advise nothing; I only lay before you, as a friend, the inconveniencies which perhaps you have overseen. Here comes Mr Fainall-If he will be satisfied to huddle up all in silence, I shall be glad. You must think I would rather congratulate than condole with you. FAINALL enters. L. Wish. Ay, ay, I do not doubt it, dear Marwood: no, no, I do not doubt it. Fain. Well, madam; I have suffered myself to be overcome by the importunity of this lady, your friend; and am content you shall enjoy your own proper estate during life; on condition you oblige yourself never to marry, under such penalty as I shall think convenient. L. Wish. Never to marry! Fain. No more Sir Rowlands-the next imposture may not be so timely detected. Mrs Mar. That condition, I dare answer, my lady will consent to without difficulty; she has already but too much experienced the perfidiousness of men. Besides, madam, when we retire to our pastoral solitude, we shall bid adieu to all other thoughts. L. Wish. My nephew was non compos, and could not make his addresses. Fain. I come to make demands-I'll hear no objections. ; "L. Wish. You will grant me time to consider? Fain. Yes, while the instrument is drawing, to which you must set your hand till more sufficient deeds can be perfected, which I will take care shall be done with all possible speed. In the mean while I will go for the said instrument, and, till my return, you may balance this matter in your own discretion. [Exit. L. Wish. This insolence is beyond all precedent, all parallel. Must I be subject to this merciless villain? Mrs Mar. 'Tis severe indeed, madam, that you should smart for your daughter's failings. L. Wish. 'Twas against my consent that she married this barbarian; but she would have him, though her year was not out-Ah! her first husband, my son Languish, would not have carried it thus. Well, that was my choice, this is hers; she is matched now with a witness-I shall be mad, dear friend: is there no comfort for me? Must I live to be confiscated at this rebel rate?— Here come two more of my Egyptian plagues too. Mrs MILLAMANT and Sir WILFULL enter. Sir Wil. Aunt, your servant. L. Wish. Out, caterpillar ! call not me aunt; I know thee not, Sir Wil, I confess I have been a little in disguise, as they say 'Sheart! and I'm sorry for't. What would you have? I hope I committed no offence, aunt-and if I did, I am willing to make satisfaction; and what can a man say fairer ? If Ì have broke any thing, I'll pay for't, an it cost a pound; and so let that content for what's past, and make no more words--For what's to come, to pleasure you, I'm willing to marry my cousin. So pray let's all be friends: she and I are agreed upon the matter before a witness. L. Wish. How's this, dear niece? have I any comfort? can this be true. dain-I come not to plead for favour; nay, not for pardon; I am suppliant only for pity.—I am going where I never shall behold you more.Sir Wil. How, fellow-traveller !—you shall go by yourself then. Mira. Let me be pitied first, and afterwards forgotten-I ask no more. Sir Wil. By'r lady, a very reasonable request, and will cost you nothing, aunt-Come, come, forgive and forget, aunt; why, you must, an you are a Christian. Mill. I am content to be a sacrifice to your repose, madam; and to convince you that I had no hand in the plot, as you were misinformed. I have laid my commands on Mirabell to come in person, and be a witness that I give my hand to Mira. Consider, madam, in reality, you could this flower of knighthood; and for the contract not receive much prejudice; it was an innocent that passed between Mirabell and me, I have ob- device;-though I confess it had a face of guiltiliged him to make a resignation of it in your lady-ness; it was at most an artifice which love conship's presence he is without, and waits your leave for admittance. L. Wish. Well, I'll swear I am something revived at this testimony of your obedience; but I cannot admit that traitor- -I fear I cannot fortify myself to support his appearance. He is as terrible to me as a Gorgon; if I see him I fear I shall turn to stone, and petrify incessantly. Mill. If you disoblige him, he may resent your refusal, and insist upon the contract still. Then, 'tis the last time he will be offensive to you. L. Wish. Are you sure it will be the last time? -If I were sure of that--shall I never see him again? Mill. Sir Wilfull, you and he are to travel together, are you not? Sir Wil. 'Sheart, the gentleman's a civil gentleman, aunt; let him come in; why, we are sworn brothers and fellow-travellers. We are to be Pylades and Orestes, he and I-He is to be my interpreter in foreign parts. He has been overseas once already, and with proviso that I marry my cousin, will cross 'em once again, only to bear me company.-'Sheart, I'll call him in,-an I set on't once, he shall come in; and see who'll hinder him. [Goes to the door and hems. Mrs Mar. This is precious fooling, if it would pass; but I'll know the bottom of it. L. Wish. O, dear Marwood, you are not go ing? Mrs Mar. Not far, madam; I'll return immediately. [Exit. MIRABELL enters. Sir Wil. Look up, man; I'll stand by you; ’sbud, an she do frown, she cann't kill you ;besides harkee, she dare not frown desperately, because her face is none of her own; 'sheart, an she should, her forehead would wrinkle like the coat of a cream-cheese; but mum for that, fellowtraveller. Mira. If a deep sense of the many injuries I have offered to so good a lady, with a sincere remorse, and a hearty contrition, can but obtain the least glance of compassion, I am too happy. —Ah, madam, there was a time-but let it be forgotten-I confess I have deservedly forfeited the high place I once held, of sighing at your feet; nay, kill me not, by turning from me in dis trived-and errors which love produces have ever been accounted venial. At least think it is punishment enough, that I have lost what in my heart I hold most dear; that to your cruel indignation I have offered up this beauty, and with her my peace and quiet; nay, all my hopes of future comfort. Sir Wil. An he does not move me, would I may never be o' the quorum. An it were not as good a deed as to drink, to give her to him again -I would I might never take shipping. Aunt, if you don't forgive quickly, I shall melt, I can tell you that. My contract went no farther than a little mouth-glue, and that's hardly dry;-one doleful sigh more from my fellow-traveller, and 'tis dissolved. L. Wish. Well, nephew, upon your accountAh, he has a false, insinuating tongue. Well, sir, I will stifle my just resentment, at my nephew's request-I will endeavour what I can to forget, -but on proviso that you resign the contract with my niece immediately. Mira. It is in writing, and with papers of concern; but I have sent my servant for it, and will deliver it to you, with all acknowledgments for your transcendent goodness. L. Wish. Oh, he has witchcraft in his eyes and tongue-when I did not see him, I could have bribed a villain to his assassination; but his appearance rakes the embers which have so long lain smothered in my breast. [Aside. FAINALL and Mrs MARWOOD enter. Fain. Your debate of deliberation, madam, is expired. Here is the instrument; are you prepared to sign? L. Wish. If I were prepared, I am not empowered. My niece exerts her lawful claim, having matched herself, by my direction, to Sir Wilfull. Fain. That sham is too gross to pass on methough 'tis imposed on you, madam. Mill. Sir, I have given my consent. Mira. And I, sir, have resigned my pretensions. Sir Wil. And, sir, I assert my right, and will maintain it, in defiance of you, sir, and of your instrument. 'Sheart, an you talk of an instru ment, sir, I have an old fox by my thigh shall hack your instrument of ram vellum to shreds, sir. It shall not be sufficient for a mittimus, or a tailor's measure; therefore withdraw your instrument, or, by'r lady, I shall draw mine. L. Wish. Hold, nephew, hold. Mill. Good Sir Wilfull, respite your valour. Fain. Indeed! are you provided of your guard, with your single beef-eater there? But I am prepared for you, and insist upon my first proposal. You shall submit your own estate to my management, and absolutely make over my wife's to my sole use, as pursuant to the purport and tenour of this other covenant. I suppose, madam, your consent is not requisite in this case; nor, Mr Mirabell, your resignation; nor, Sir Wilfull, your right-You may draw your fox, if you please, sir, and make a Bear-garden flourish somewhere else; for here it will not avail. This, my lady Wishfort, must be subscribed, or your darling daughter's turned adrift, like a leaky hulk, to sink or swim, as she and the current of this lewd town can agree. L. Wish. Is there no means, no remedy, to stop my ruin? Ungrateful wretch! Dost thou not owe thy being, thy subsistence to my daughter's fortune? Fain. I'll answer you when I have the rest of it in my possession. Mira. But that you would not accept of a remedy from my hands-I own I have not deserved you should owe any obligation to me; or else perhaps I could advise L. Wish. O, what? what? to save me and my child from ruin, from want, I'll forgive all that's past; nay, I'll consent to any thing to come, to be delivered from this tyranny. Mira. Ay, madam; but that is too late; my reward is intercepted. You have disposed of her who only could have made me a compensation for all my services;-but be it as it may, I'm resolved I'll serve you; you shall not be wronged in this savage manner. L. Wish. How! Dear Mr Mirabell, can you be so generous at last! But it is not possible.Harkee, I'll break my nephew's match; you shall have my niece yet, and ali her fortune, if you can but save me from this imminent danger. Mira. Will you? I take you at your word. I ask no more. I must have leave for two criminals to appear. L. Wish. Ay, ay, any body, any body. Mira. Foible is one, and a penitent. Mrs FAINALL, FOIBLE, and MINCING enter. Mrs Mar. O, my shame! [MIRABELL and Lady WISH. go to Mrs FAINALL and FOIBLE.] These corrupt things are brought hither to expose me. [To FAINALL. Fain. If it must all come out, why, let 'em know it; 'tis but "The Way of the World." That shall not urge me to relinquish or abate one tittle of my terms; no, I will insist the more. false? My friend deceive me! Hast thou been a wicked accomplice with that profligate man? Mrs Mar. Have you so much ingratitude and injustice, to give credit, against your friend, to the aspersions of two such mercenary trulls? Minc. Mercenary, mem! I scorn your words. 'Tis true we found you and Mr Fainall in the blue garret ; by the same token, you swore us to secrecy upon Messalina's poems. Mercenary! No, if we would have been mercenary, we should have held our tongues; you would have bribed us sufficiently. Fain. Go; you are an insignificant thing. Well, what are you the better for this? Is this Mr Mirabell's expedient? I'll be put off no longer-You thing, that was a wife, shall smart for this. I will not leave thee wherewithal to hide thy shame: Your person shall be naked as your repu tation. Mrs Fain. I despise you, and defy your ma lice-You have aspersed me wrongfully-I have proved your falsehood-Go, you and your treacherous-I will not name it—but starve togetherPerish. Fain. Not while you are worth a groat, indeed, my dear.-Madam, I'll be fooled no longer. L. Wish. Ah, Mr Mirabell, this is small comfort, the detection of this affair. Mira. O, in good time-Your leave for the other offender and penitent to appear, madam. WAITWELL enters with a box of writings. L. Wish. O, Sir Rowland-Well, rascal. Wait. What your ladyship pleases.-I have brought the black box at last, madam. Mira. Give it me. Madam, you remember your promise. L. Wish. Ay, dear sir. Mira. Where are the gentlemen? Wait. At hand, sir, rubbing their eyes-just risen from sleep. Fain. 'Sdeath! what's this to me? I'll not wait your private concerns. PETULANT and WITWOULD enter. Pet. How now? what's the matter? whose hand's out? Wit. Hey-day! what, are you all together, like players at the end of the last act? Mira. You may remember, gentlemen, I once requested your hands as witnesses to a certain parchment. Wit. Ay, I do; my hand I remember———Petulant set his mark. Mira. You wrong him; his name is fairly written, as shall appear-You do not remember, gentlemen, any thing of what that parchment contained. [Undoing the box. Wit. No. Pet. Not I. I writ; I read nothing. Foi. Yes indeed, madam, I'll take my Bible dam, your promise. oath of it. Mine. And so will I, mem. L. Wish. Ay, ay, sir, upon my honour. L. Wish. O, Marwood, Marwood, art thou should know that your lady, while she was at her |