A DANDY OF THE YEAR 1770.—(From a Daily Paper, published at that period.)-"A few days ago a maccaroni made his appear ance in the assembly rooms at Whitehaven, in the following dress:-A mixed silk coat, pink satin waistcoat and breeches, covered with an elegant silver net, white silk stockings with pink clocks, pink satin shoes and large pearl buckles, a mushroom coloured stock, covered with fine point lace-hair dressed remarkably high, and stuck full of pearl pins." PRESENT POPULATION.-The table of popu lation and territory of the present civilized world, as exhibited by Mr. Bristed, gives to China, 200 millions, and 1,200.000 square miles of territory; to Great Britain, 20 millions of population, and 100,000 square miles, and to the United States, 10 millions, and 2,500,000 miles; and the total of the whole world is, of population, 435,800,000, and of territory 9,687,000 square miles; so that the United States have the largest home territory of all the nations except Russia. China is not included in this, because it contains many parts barbarous, helpless, and inactive. Britain possesses 150 millions of subjects in her colonial empire, and covers a dominion equal to nearly one-fifth of the whole surface of the globe; but her main strength must always depend upon the resources, intelligence, spirit, and character of her native population in the British Isle. THE REGENT'S PUNCH.-By the politeness of a gentleman, on whose correctness we may depend, we are enabled to present our readers with the receipt for this "nectarious drink."It is as follows:-three bottles of champaigne, a bottle of hock, a bottle of curacoa, a quart of brandy, a pint of rum, two bottles of madeira, two bottles of Seltzer water, four pounds of bloom raisins, seville oranges, lemons, white sugar candy, and instead of water, green tea. The whole to be highly iced. This is an inportant document! LEGAL ADVANTAGES.-At a late assizes at York, a cause went thither for twenty shillings. The plaintiff obtained a verdict in the most triumphant manner; the attorney was all exul tation; and the plaintiff, having come off conqueror, has been in gaol ever since for the expenses. MODERN SERMONS.-There is no species of composition that seems to stand more in need of an infusion of fresh vigour than sermons.— Many of our preachers seem to think that the intrinsic charms of the truth are so obvious as to supersede the necessity of any outward display of them; and, however much, as SWIFT observed in his day, they may fall short of the apostles in working miracles, they greatly surpass them in the art of setting men asleep. A WONDERFUL WIFE.-On the south wall of Stratham church, there is a monument with the following inscription: Elizabeth, wife of Major-General Hamilton, who was married seven years, and never did one thing to se her husband!!!" NATIONAL TRAITS.-Every Nation has its traits:-the Spaniards sleep on every affair of importance the Italians fiddle-the Germans smoke-the French promise every thing-the British eat-and the Americans talk upon every thing. ROYAL DISASTER. The foreign papers gravely inform us that his Majesty, the King of Prussia, has hurt his nose by the overturning of a sledge. To say that thousands of weavers at Carlisle cannot obtain food, is a mere trifle, which few condescend to notice; but that the King of Prussia should have hurt his royal nose, is peculiarly affecting! And yet, what occasion has a King for a nose! Cannot he create a new state officer to smell for him? As Monarchs transact all their real business by proxy, some of their natural occasions might be performed in the same way. It would be peculiarly pleasing, if the Prince Regent would appoint the weavers of Carlisle eaters general of his kitchen establishment. It costs enough to supply them all amply with the surplus of what real dignity would require. WAX CHANDLER.-Of old, when gratitude to saints called so frequently for lights, the wax-chandlers were a flourishing company they were incorporated in 1484, and the fol lowing more frugal than delicate bill of fare was served on the occasion:-Two loins of veal and two loins of mutton, Is. 4d.; one loin of beef, 4d.; a leg of mutton, 24d.; a pig, 4d.; a capon, 6d.; a coney, 2d.; one dozen of pigeons, 7d.; one hundred eggs, 83.; one kilderkin of ale, 8d.: total, six 84d.; one goose, 6d.; one gallon of red wine, shillings. And SHAKSPEARE mourns to view th' exotic pro- The gentleman shrugg'd up his shoulders, and said, digy. The Poet, in whose hand Anachreon's lyre Said that his country would its OSSIAN give, In reply" "Tis a chance if again I shall wed; But you need not take pains to convince me of this.- "If I marry again-it will not be a Miss." A Physician, whose name was 1. Letsom, wrote the following over his shop door. I cure my patients with my art, And with any physic sweats 'em; And after, if they choose to die, What's that to me-1. Lets'om. OLD DRURY.-In the days of Mr. Whitbread, when Drury-lane Theatre was in a state of inost lamentable distress, it was justly said tha', had not Mr. Kean appeared, it would, in a fortnight, have been a brewhouse. It is now in the same predicament—it wants a sup PORTER. Scraps. THE TAYLOR's SOLILOQUY. BY MR. HARRISON. To be, or not to be-a Taylor? That is the question. Shall I, who feel myself a man; yes, every inch a man! have but one-ninth of iny just claim allowed, as if it were my bal, taxed by too rigid justice; who being blind, "sees not the risks I run? Forbid it, Heaven! I am a man; and a man of consequence too, for no man is a man without me. Even kings would be Sans Culottes, if I turned traitor, and refused to make them breeches; and who would reverence their bench of judges, and their bench of bishops, if I did not inufacture furred gowns and lawn sleeves? Yes, law, divinity, and physic too, all stand indebted to me for their importance: I am, therefore, not only a man, but a man of importance. would our brave sailors do, those brave fellows to whom we chiefly owe the safety of our coun try itself, without jackets and trowsers? why they would be as bare-bottomed as so many Mounseers, and then we should see that they had no more bottom neither. The soldiers, too, they would cut a very pretty figure, to be 'sure, without me! Why, zounds! it is enough to make a man swear; but as I am a mandamme! I must be a man, for no animal on earth but a man ever swears—yeɛ, surely as I What am a man, the very reason that the girls all Look! there goes Ship, the taylor; the ninth part of a man!" and when I mount my nag, just to take an airing in the dust of Hyde Park, like my customers, see every one turning finger post, and hear them cry-" Twig the tailor riding to Brentford!" while a wag slily contrives to make a slip of paper resembling a measure, dangle from my pocket? Shall 1, who know so well how to live, and how to live well too, be thus made weary of my life or even my livelihood, by a set of ragamufins? Poets and philosophers prate, that a bare bodkin will et us; a bare breech! I was going to say, but would it ouiet the demil? He I am told, will not be cheated out of his own, like a poor tailor by his bad customers: and I should choose, since I am obliged to give long credit, to have as long allowed me as possible. They may talk of shutting off life, but I had rather shuffle through life. Conscience, they say, makes cowards of us all: but a tailor has no conscience; ergo, a tailor is no coward.— Shali I, who am a man of so many functions, submit to be thus treated, without reply? No, if they could cut me as small as cabbage, put me into the fire like my goose, freeze me into the coldness of my favorite cucumbers, or send me to hell itself, I will speak-while I am a man! The world shall hear of my ill-usage: and, if I do not experience more respect, each mother's son shall be reduced to the primitive fig-leaf apronor else I am fully deterinined to make them all pay swingingly for every article of dress they get from me, and thus, in my turn-laugh in my sleeve! Damme, who's afraid? Song. Composed and sung extempore, upon hearing a lady sing an Ode of Anachreon, in the original Greck, I would the Teian bard were here, To hear those liquid notes of thine. What, though to pleasure's wildest dream, And if perchance to wake the lyre, To gentler tones his fancy strove, What could the dames of Greece inspire Of soft or passionate in love? Oh! could he hear those notes so gay, And gaze on that enchanting forin, The warmth that Beauty's glance inspires, His song would catch a grace from thine Sweet songstress, strike the lyre again, While captive hearts the strain approve; 'Tis sweet to hear but ah! 'tis vain To see thee and forbear to love. Sonnets. To SIMPLICITY. 0! I do love thee, meek SIMPLICITY! For of thy lays the lulling simpleness THE TICKLER. Goes to my heart, and soothes each small distress, But whether sad or fierce, 'tis simple all, NEHEMIAH HIGGINBOTTOM, ON A RUINED HOUSE IN A ROMANTIC AND this reft house is that, the which he built, And, aye, beside her stalks her amorous knight! THE MOUNTEBANK AND THE DEVIL. By the side of the sea, in a village obscure, There liv'd an old fellow, nam'd Peter Boncœur, Who was free to his neighbours, and good to the poor. Catching fish was his trade; And all people said, That mischief to nothing but fish he design'd: One day, as he went to the brink of the lake, And manag'd so well, That soon to the margin the carcase was drawn; John. Now, somehow or other, it popp'd in his head, That, in spite of his drowning, the man wasn't dead; And, while he was thinking what means to devise, A Mountebank once, it is said, at a fair, bled, Was held out by this sore'rer, and shook to the Rubb'd, roll'd on a barrel, and put into bed: So, in less than a week-to his praise be it said throng 122 Yes, in less then a week, the poor man was as Excepting the loss of his eye, and the wound, Went off to a Lawyer, and clapp'd a writ on him; That Peter was vex'd, we need hardly to say; That his conscience excus'd him for what he had That Fortune alone was to blame; and that Might have thought himself happy, when Death was so nigh, To purchase his life with the loss of an eye! In answer to all the defendant's fine pleading, eyes. The Lawyers and Judges were all at a stand, Be guided by me, and you'll ne'er doubt again!- Nor waiting to see if the court would adjourn, Grown pliant, at last, the vile cause he with- His plea was so bad, and his friends were so few. THE TWIN-BROTHERS OF MEZZO- [Translated from the German.] Amidst the extensive wilds of Africa, there lies a territory, the inhabitants of which are as numerous, and even as civilized, as the Chinese: they are called the Mezzoranians. Two twin-brothers of this country, which is still but little known to our geographers, were enamoured of a young lady who equally favoured both. The two lovers, and the fair one chanced to meet together at the festival instituted in honour of the Sun. This festival was solemnized twice in the year; because, as the kingdom lies between the two tropics, yet somewhat more on this side the line, it has two springs and two summers. At the commencement of every spring season, this adoration is paid to the great luminary throughout all the nomes or districts of the land. It is celebrated in the open air, to denote that the Sun is the immediate cause of all the productions of nature. They make an offering to it of five small mids of frankincense, in golden dishes. Five youths, and an equal number of virgins, are named by the magistrate, to place them on руга That Peter be punish'd, and brought to repent- the altar, where they remain till the fire has ance: consumed them. Each of these young persons |