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the Service. This will save your Lady many an Hour's Vexation.
It sometimes happens, that a Looking-glass is broken by the same Means, while you are looking another Way, as you sweep the Chamber, the long End of the Brush striketh against the Glass, and breaketh it to Shivers. This is the extremest of all Misfortunes, and all Remedy desperate in Appearance, because it is impossible to be concealed. Such a fatal Accident once happened in a great Family, where I had the Honour to be a Footman; and I will relate the Particulars, to fhew the Ingenuity of the poor Chamber-maid, on so sudden and dreadfúl an Emergency, which, perhaps, may help to sharpen your Invention, if your evil Star should ever give you the like Occasion : The poor
Girl had broke a large Japan Glass, of great Value, with a Stroke of her Brush ; she had not considered long, when, by a prodigious Presence of Mind, she locked the Door, stole into the Yard, brought a Stone of three Pounds Weight into the Chamber, laid it on the Hearth just under the Looking-glass, then broke a Pane in the Safh-window that looked into the fame Yard, fo shut the Door, and went about her other Affairs. Two Hours after, the Lady goeth into the Chamber, sees the Glass broken, the Stone lying under, and a whole Pane in the Window destroyed; from all which Circumstances she concluded, just as the Maid could have wished, that some idle
Straggler Straggler in the Neighbourhood, or, perhaps, one of the Out-servants, had, through Malice, Accident, or Carelessness, flung in the Stone, and done the Mischief. Thus far all Things went well, and the Girl concluded herself out of Danger ; but, it was her ill Fortune, that a few Hours after in came the Parson of the Parish, and the Lady (naturally) told him the Accident, which, you may believe, had much discomposed her ; but the Minister, who happened to understand Mathematicks, after examining the Situation of the Yard, the Window, and the Chimney, foon convinced the Lady, that the Stone could never reach the Lookingglass, without taking three Turns to its Flight from the Hand that threw it; and the Maid, being proved to have swept the Room the same Morning, was strictly examined, but constantly denied that she was guilty, upon her Salvation, offering to take her Oath, upon the Bible, before his Reverence, that she was innocent as the Child unborn ; yet the poor Wretch was turned off, which I take to have been hard Treatment, considering her Ingenuity; however, this may be a Direction to you in the like Case: For Instance ; you might say, that while you were at Work with the Mop, or Brush, a Flash of Lightning came suddenly in at the Window, which almost blinded you ; that you immediately heard the ringing of broken Glass on the Hearth ; that, as soon as you recovered your Eyes, you saw the Looking
glass all broken to Pieces; or, you may alledge, that observing the Glafs a little covered with Dust, and going very gently to wipe it, you suppose the Moisture of the Air had dissolved the Glue or Cement, which made it fall to the Ground; or, as soon as the Mischief is done, you may cut the Cords that fastened the Glass to the Wainscot, and so let it fall flat on the Ground, run out in a Fright, tell your Lady, curse the Upholsterer, and declare how narrowly you escaped, that it did not fall upon your Head. I offer these Expedients, from a Defire I have to defend the Innocent; for innocent you certainly must be, if you
did not break the Glass on purpose, which I would by no Means excuse, except upon great Provocations.
Oil the Tongs, Poker, and Fire-lhovel, up to the Top, not only to keep them from rufting, but likewise to prevent meddling People from wasting your Master's Coals with stirring the Fire.
When you are in haste, sweep the Duft into a Corner of the Room, but leave
Brush upon it, that it may not be seen, for that would disgrace you.
Never wash your Hands, or put on a clean Apron, until
you have made your Lady's Bed, for fear of rumpling your Apron, or fouling your Hands again. When
your Lady's Bed-chamber at Nights, leave open
the Salhes, Şashes, to let in the fresh Air, and sweeten the Room against Morning.
In the Time when you leave the Windows open for Air, leave Books, or something else, on the Window-seat, that they may get Air too.
When you sweep your Lady's Room, never stay to pick up foul Smocks, Handkerchiefs, Pinners, Pin-cushions, Tea-spoons, Ribbons, Slippers, or whatever lieth in your Way, but sweep all into a Corner, and then you may take them up in a Lump, and save Time.
Making Beds in hot Weather is a very laborious Work, and you will be apt to sweat ; therefore, when you find the Drops running down from your Forehead, wipe them off with a Corner of the Sheet, that they may not be seen on the Bed.
When your Lady sendeth you to wash a China Cup, and it happen to fall, bring it up, and swear you did but just touch it with your Hand, when it broke into three Halves : And here I must inform you, as well as all your Fellow-servants, that you ought never to be without an Excuse; it doth no Harm to your Master, and it lefseneth your Fault, as in this Instance; I do not commend you for breaking the Cup; it is certain you did not break it on Purpose, and the Thing is possible, that it might break in your Hand.
You are sometimes desirous to see a Funeral, a Quarrel, a Man going to be hanged, a Wedding, a Bawd carted, or the like ; as they pass by in the Street, you lift up the Sath suddenly, there by Misfortune it sticks; this was no Fault of yours, young,
Women are curious by Nature ; you have no Remedy but to cut the Cord, and lay the Fault upon the Carpenter ; unless nobody saw you, and then you are as innocent as any Servant in the House.
Wear your Lady's Smock when she has thrown it off; it will do you Credit, fave your own Linen, and be not a Pin the worse.
When you put a clean Pillow-case on your Lady's Pillow, be sure to fasten it well with three corking Pins, that it may not fall off in the Night.
When you spread Bread and Butter for Tea, be sure that all the Holes in the Loaf be left full of Butter, to keep the Bread moist against Dinner ; and let the Mark of your Thumb be seen only upon one End of every Slice, to shew
When you are ordered to open or lock any Door, Trunk, or Cabinet, and miss the proper Key, or cannot distinguish it in the Bunch; try the first Key that you can thrust in, and turn it with all your Strength, until you open the Lock, or break the Key; for your Lady will reckon you a Fool to come back and do nothing.
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