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You may venture to be drunk much oftener than the Coachman, whatever he pretendeth to alledge in his own Behalf, because
hazard nobody's Neck but your own; for, the Horse will, probably, take so much Care of himself, as to come off with only a Strain, or a Shoulder-slip.
When you carry your Master's Riding-coat in a Journey, wrap your own in it, and buckle them with a Strap, but turn your Master's Inside out, to prevent the Outside from Wet and Dirt; thus, when it beginneth to rain, your Master's Coat will be first ready to be given him ; and, if it get more Hurt than yours,
he can afford it better, for your Livery must always ferve its Year's Apprenticeship.
When you come to your Inn, with the Horses wet and dirty, after hard riding, and are very hot, make the Oftler immediately plunge them into Water, up to their Bellies, and allow them to drink as much as they please ; but, be sure to gallop them, full-speed, a Mile at least, to dry their Skins, and warm the Water in their Bellies. The Oftler understandeth his Business, leave all to his Discretion, while you get a Pot of Ale and some Brandy at the Kitchen-fire to comfort your Heart. If
your Horse drop a Fore-shoe, be so careful to alight, and take it up; then ride with all the Speed you can (the Shoe in your Hand, that every Traveller may observe your Care)
to the next Smith on the Road, make him
put it on immediately, that your Master wait for you, and that the
be as short a Time as possible without a Shoe.
When your Master lieth at a Gentleman's House, if you find the Hay and Oats are good, complain aloud of their Badness; this will
get you the Name of a diligent Servant; and be sure to cram the Horses with as much Oats as they can eat, while you are there ; and
you may give them so much the less for some Days at the Inns, and turn the Oats into Ale. When you leave the Gentleman's House, tell your Master what a covetous Hunks that Gentleman
that you got nothing but Butter-milk, or Water, to drink; this will make your Master, out of Pity, allow you a Pot of Ale the more at the next Inn; but, if you happen to get drunk in a Gentleman's House, your Master cannot be angry, because it cost him nothing; and so you ought to tell him, as well as you can, in your present Condition ; and let him know, it is both for his and the Gentleman's Honour, to make a Friend's Servant welcome.
A Master ought always to love his Groom, to put him into a handsome Livery, and to allow him a Silver-laced Hat. When
When you are in this Equipage, all the Honours he receiveth on the Road, are owing to you alone; that he is not turned out of the Way by every Carrier, is caused by the Civility he receiveth, at secondhand, from the Respect paid to your Livery.
You may now and then lend
Master's Pad to a Brother-servant, or your favourite Maid, for a short Jaunt, or hire him for a Day, because the Horse is spoiled for want of Exercife ; and, if your Master happeneth to want his Horse, or hath a Mind to see the Stable, curse that Rogue the Helper, who is with the Key When
you want to spend an Hour or two with your Companions, at an Ale-house, and that you
stand in Need of a reasonable Excuse for your Stay, go out of the Stable-door, or the back Way, with an old Bridle, Girth, or Stirrup-leather, in
Pocket, and, on your Return, come home by the Street-door, with the fame Bridle, Girth, or Stirrup-leather, dangling in your Hand, as if you came from the Sadler's, where you were getting the same mended ;
you are not missed, all is well; but, if you are met by your Master,
will have the Reputation of a careful Servant. This I have known practised with good Success.
CH A P. VI,
DIRECTIONs to the HOUSE-STEWARD,
ORD Peterborough's Steward that pulled
down his Houfe, fold the Materials, and charged my Lord with Repairs. Take Money
for Forbearance from Tenants. Renew Leases, and get by them, and fell Woods. Lend my Lord his own Money. (Gilblas said much of this, to whom I refer.)
CH A P. VII.
DIRECTIONS to the PORTER.
Master be a Minister of State, let him be at Home to none but his Pimp, or Chief Flatterer, or one of his Pensionary Writers, or his hired Spy and Informer, or his Printer in ordinary, or his City-follicitor, or a Land-jobber, or his Inventor of new Funds, or a Stock-jobber.
CH A P. VIII.
DIRECTIONS to the CHAMBER-MAID.
HE Nature of your Employment differ
eth according to the Quality, the Pride, or the Wealth, of the Lady you serve ; and this Treatise is to be applied to all Sorts of Families; fo, that I find myself under great Difficulty to adjust the Business for which you are hired. In a Family, where there is a tolerable Estate, you differ from the House-maid; and, in that View, I give my Directions. Your
particular Province is your Lady's Chamber, where you make the Bed, and put Things in Order; and, if you
live in the Country, you take Care of Rooms where Ladies lie who come into the House, which bringeth in all the Vails that fall to your Share. Your usual Lover, as I take it, is the Coachman ; but, if you are under twenty, and tolerably handsome, perhaps, a Footman may cast his Eyes on you.
Get your favourite Footman to help you in making your Lady's Bed ; and, if you sérve a young Couple, the Footman and you, as you are turning up the Bed-cloaths, will make the prettiest Observations in the World; which, whispered about, will be very entertaining to the whole Family, and get among the Neighbourhood.
Do not carry down the necessary Vessels for the Fellows to see, but empty them out of the Window, for your Lady's Credit : It is highly improper for Men-servants to know, that fine Ladies have Occasion for such Utenfils; and do not scour the Chamber-pot, because the Smell is wholesome.
If you happen to break any China, with the Top of the Whisk, on the Mantle-tree or the Cabinet, gather up the Fragments, put them together as well as you can, and place them behind the rest, so that when your Lady cometh to discover them, you may safely say they were broke long ago, before you came to