home, almost a Minute fooner, and the Scraper will laft the longer. Never afk Leave to go Abroad, for then it will be always known that you are abfent, and you will be thought an idle rambling Fellow; whereas, if you go out, and nobody obferveth, you have a Chance of coming home, without being miffed; and you need not tell your Fellow-fervants where you are gone, for they will be fure to fay, you were in the House but two Minutes ago, which is the Duty of all Ser vants. Snuff the Candles with your Fingers, and throw the Snuff on the Floor, then tread it out to prevent ftinking; this Method will very much fave the Snuffers from wearing out: You ought, alfo, to fnuff them close to the Tallow, which will make them run, and fo encrease the Perquifite of the Cook's Kitchenstuff; for she is the Perfon you ought, in Prudence, to be well with. While Grace is faying, after Meat, do you, and your Brethren, take the Chairs from behind the Company; fo that when they go to fit down again, they may fall backwards, which will make them all merry: But be you so difcreet, as to with-hold your Laughter, until you get to the Kitchen, and then divert your Fellow-fervants. When you know your Mafter is moft bufy in Company, come in, and pretend to fettle. about about the Room; and, if he chideth, fay, you thought he rung the Bell: This will divert him from plodding on Bufinefs too much, or fpending himself in Talk, or racking his Thoughts, all which are hurtful to his Conftitution. If you are ordered to break the Claw of a Crab, or a Lobster, clap it between the Sides of the Dining-room Door, between the Hinges; thus you can do it, gradually, without mashing the Meat, which is often the Cafe, by using the Street-door Key, or the Pestle. When you take a foul Plate from any of the Guefts, and obferve the foul Knife and Fork lying on the Plate, fhew your Dexterity; take up the Plate, and throw off the Knife and Fork on the Table, without shaking off the Bones, or broken Meat, that are left; then the Guest, who hath more Time than you, will wipe the Knife and Fork already used. When you carry a Glafs of Liquor to any Perfon who hath called for it, do not bob him on the Shoulder, or cry, Sir, or Madam, here's the Glafs, that would be unmannerly, as if had a Mind to force it down one's Throat ; but ftand at the Perfon's right Shoulder, and wait his Time; and, if he ftriketh it down with his Elbow, by Forgetfulness, that was his Fault, and not yours. you When your Mistress fendeth you for a Hackney Coach, in a wet Day, come back in the Coach, to fave your Cloaths, and the VOL. VIII. Trouble F Trouble of walking; it is better the Bottom of her Petticoats should be daggled with your dirty Shoes, than your Livery be spoiled, and yourself get a Cold. There is no Indignity fo great, to one of your Station, as that of lighting your Master in the Streets with a Lanthorn; and, therefore, it is very honeft Policy to try all Arts how to evade it Befides, it fheweth your Mafter to be either poor, or covetous, which are the two worst Qualities you can meet with in any Service. When I was under these Circumftances, I made use of several wife Expedients, which I here recommend to you. Sometimes I took a Candle fo long, that it reached to the veryTop of the Lanthorn, and burned it; but, my Master, after a good Beating, ordered me to paste the Top with Paper. I then used a middling Candle, but stuck it so loose in the Socket, that it leaned towards one Side, and burned a whole Quarter of the Horn. Then I used a Bit of Candle, of half an Inch, which funk in the Socket, and melted the Solder; and forced my Master to walk half the Way in the Dark. Then he made me ftick two Inches of Candle in the Place where the Socket was; after which, I pretended to ftumble, put out the Candle, and broke all the Tin-part to Pieces. At laft, he was forced to make ufe of a Lanthorn-boy, out of perfect good Husbandry. It is much to be lamented, that Gentlemen, of our Employment, have but two Hands to carry you carry Plates, Dishes, Bottles, and the like, out you are If you are sent to the Poft-office, with a Letter, in a cold, rainy Night, step to an Alehouse, and drink a Pot of Ale, until it is fuppofed you have done your Errand; but take the next fair Opportunity to put the Letter in carefully, as becometh an honeft Servant. If you be ordered to make Coffee for the Ladies, after Dinner, and the Pot happeneth to boil over, while you are running up for a Spoon to ftir it, or are thinking of fomething elfe, or ftruggling with the Chamber-maid for a Kifs, wipe the Sides of the Pot clean with a Difh-clout, carry up your Coffee boldly; and when your Lady findeth it too weak, and examíneth you, whether it hath not run over? Deny the Fact abfolutely; fwear you put in more Coffee than ordinary; that you never ftirred an Inch from it; that you strove to F 2 make make it better than ufual, because your Mistress had Ladies with her; that the Servants in the Kitchen will justify what you fay: Upon this, you will find, that the other Ladies will pronounce the Coffee to be very good; and your Mistress will confefs, that her Mouth is out of Tafte; and fhe will for the future fufpect herfelf, and be more cautious in finding Fault. This I would have you do from a Principle of Confcience, for Coffee is very unwholfome; and out of Affection to your Lady, you ought to give it her as weak as poffible; and upon this Argument, when you have a Mind to treat any of the Maids with a Dish of fresh Coffee, you may, and ought to substract a third Part of the Powder, on account of your Lady's Health, and getting her Maids Goodwill. If your Mafter fendeth you with a small trifling Present to one of his Friends, be as careful of it as you would of a Diamond Ring; therefore, if the Present be only half a dozen Pippins, fend up the Servant who received. your Meffage, to fay, that you were ordered to deliver them with your own Hands: This will fhew your Exactnefs and Care to prevent Accidents, or Mistakes; and the Gentleman, or Lady, cannot do less than give you a Shilling. So, when your Mafter receives the like Prefent, teach the Messenger who bringeth it to do the fame, and give your Master Hints that may stir up his Generofity; for Brother fervants |