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grow rude and fawcy on a sudden, and beyond your usual Behaviour, until he findeth it necessary to turn you off ; and when you are goné, to revenge yourself, give him and his Lady such a Character to all
your Brother-fervants, who are out of Place, that none will venture to offer their Service.
Some nice Ladies, who are afraid of catching Cold, having observed that the Maids and Fellows below Stairs, often forget to shut the Door after them, as they come in or go out into the back Yards, have contrived that a Pulley and Rope, with a large Piece of Lead at the End, should be so fixed, as to make the Door shut of itself, and require a strong Hand to open it, which is an immense Toil to poor Servants, whose Business may force them to go in and out fifty Times in a Morning : But Ingenuity can do much ; for prudent Servants have found out an effectual Remedy against this insupportable Grievance, by tying up the Pulley, in such a Manner, that the Weight of the Lead will have no Effect: However, as to my own Part, I would rather chuse to keep the Door always open, by laying a heavy Stone at the Bottom of it.
The Servants Candlesticks are generally broken, for nothing can last for ever : But, you may find many Expedients ; you may conveniently stick your Candle in a Bottle, or with a Lump of Butter against the Wainscot, in a Powder-horn, or in an old Shoe, or in a
cleft Stick, or in the Barrel of a Pistol, or upon its own Grease on'a Table, in a Coffeecup or a drinking Glass, a Horn-can, a TeaPot, a twisted Napkin, a Mustard Pot, an Inkhorn, a Marrowbone, a piece of Dough, or you may cut a Hole in a Loaf and stick it there.
When you invite the neighbouring Servants to junket with you at home in an Evening, teach them a particular
Way of tapping or fcraping at the Kitchen Window, which
you may hear, but not your Master or Lady, whom you must take Care not to disturb or frighten at such unreasonable Hours.
Lay all Faults on a Lap-dog, a favourite, Cat, a Monkey, a Parrot, a Magpye, a Child, or
on the Servant who was last turned off : By this Rule you will excuse yourself, do no Hurt to any Body else, and save your
Master and Lady the Trouble and Vexation of chiding. When you want proper Instruments for
any Work you are about, use all Expedients you can invent, rather than leave your Work undone. For Instance : If the Poker be out of the Way, or broken, stir up the Fire with the Tongs; if the Tongs are not at hand, use the Muzzle of the Bellows, the wrong End of the Fire Shovel, the Handle of the Fire Brush, the End of a Mop, or your Master's Cane. If you want Paper to finge a Fowl, tear the first Book you see about the House. Wipe your Shoes, for want of a Clout, with the
Bottom of a Curtain, or a Damask Napkin. Strip your Livery Lace for Garters. If the Butler wanteth a Jordan, in cafe of need, he may use the great Silver Cup.
There are several Ways of putting out Candles, and you ought to be instructed in them all : You may run the Candle-end against the Wainscot, which puts the Snuff out immediately; you may lay it on the Ground, and tread the Snuff out with your Foot ; you may hold it upside down, until it is choaked with its own Grease, or cram it into the Socket of the Candlestick; you may whirl it round in your Hand, until it goeth out ; when
you go to Bed, after you have made Water, you may dip your Candle-end into the Chamber Pot'; you may spit on your finger and Thumb, and pinch the Snuff until it goeth out. The Cook may run the Candle's Nose into the Meal Tub; or the Groom into a Veffel of Oats, or a Lock of Hay, or a Heap of Litter. The HouseMaid may put out her Candle, by running it against a Looking-glass, which nothing cleaneth fo well as Candle-Snuff. But the quickest and best of all Methods, is to blow it out with your Breath, which leaves the Candle clear, and readier to be lighted.
There is nothing so pernicious in Families as a Tell-Tale, against whom it must be the principal Business of you all to unite : Whatever Office he ferveth in, take all Opportunities to spoil the Business he is about, and cross
Žż ŘULEŚ that concern Servants, &c. him in every Thing. For Instance : If the Butler be the Tell-Tále, break his Glasses whenever he leaves the Pantry open; or lock the Cat or the Mastiff in it, who will do as well; millay a Fork, or a Spoon, so as he may never find it. If it be the Cook, whenever she turneth her Back, throw a Lump of Soot, or a Handful of Salt, in the Pot, or smoaking Coals into the Dripping Pan, or daub the roast Meat with the Back of the Chimney, or hide the Key of the Jack. If a Footman be suspected, let the Cook daub the Back of his new Livery; or when he is going up with a Difh of Soup, let her follow him foftly with a Ladle full, and drible it all the Way up Stairs to the Dining-Room Door; and then let the House Maid make such a'
. Noise, that her Lady may hear it. The Waiting-Maid is very likely to be guilty of this Fault, in hopes to ingratiate herself. In this Case, the Laundress must be sure to tear her Smocks in the washing, and yet wash' them but half; and, when she complaineth, tell all the House, that the sweateth so much, and her Flesh is so nasty, that she fouleth her Smock more in an Hour, than the Kitchen Maid doth in a Week.
N my Directions to Servants, I find from my
long Obfervation, that you, Butler, are the principal Party concerned.
Your Business being of the greatest Variety, and requiring the greatest Exactness, I shall, as well as I can recollect, run through the several Branches of your Office, and order my
Instrucos tions accordingly.
In waiting at the Side-board, take all possible Care to save your own Trouble, and your Master's Drinking Glasses : Therefore, first, since those who dine at the fame Table are supposed to be Friends, let them all drink out of the fame Glass without washing, which will save you much Pains, as well as the Hazard of breaking them; give no Perfon any Liquor unVOL. VIII.