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Thus, I find it by Experiment, Scolding moves you less than Merriment. I may storm and
It but stupifies your Brain :
But with Raillery to nettle,
Sets your Thoughts upon their Mettle ;
Gives Imagination Scope,
Never lets your Mind elope ;
Drives out Brangling and Contention,
Brings in Reason and Invention ;
Sake as well as mine,
I the lofty Style decline.
I, who love to have a Fling
Both at S-n-te-House and;
That they might some better way tread,
To avoid the publick Hatred;
Thought no Method more commodious,
Than to shew their Vices odious,
Which I chose to make
Not by Anger, but a Sneer :
Method of reforming,
Is by laughing, not by storming,
(For my Friends have always thought
Tenderness my greatest Fault)
have me change my Style On your Faults no longer smile;
But, to patch up all your Quarrels,
Quote you Texts from Plutarcb's Morale;
Or, from Solomon produce
Maxims teaching Wisdom's Use?
If I treat you like a Cond Hd,
You have cheap enough compounded ;
you put in higher Claims,
Than the Owners of St. y-s?
You are not so great a Grievance,
As the Hirelings of St. St-Ns.
You are of a lower Class
Than my Friend Sir Robert Brass.
None of these have Mercy found,
I have laugh’d, and lash'd them round.
you feen a Rocket fly?
You could swear it pierc'd the Sky:
It but reach'd the middle Air,
Bursting into Pieces there;
Thousand Sparkles falling down,
Light on many a Coxcomb's Crown;
See, what Mirth the Sport creates,
Singes Hair, but breaks no Pates.
Thus, should I attempt to climb,
you in a Style sublime, Such a Rocket is my Muse, Should I lofty Numbers chuse,
E'er I reach'd Parnassus' Top,
I should burst, and bursting drop.
Fire would fall in Scraps,
Give your Head some gentle Raps,
Only make it smart a while ;
Then, could I forbear to smile,
When I found the tingling Pain,
Ent’ring warm your frigid Brain :
To decide of Wrong and Right;
Talk with Sense whate'er you please on;
Learn to relish Truth and Reason.
Thus we both should gain our Prize: I to laugh, and you grow wise.
A LOVE POEM, from a PHYSICIAN to
Written at London in the Year 1728.
Y Poets we are well assur'd
That Love, alas ! can ne'er be cur'd;
A complicated Heap of Ills,
Despising Boluses and Pills.
Ah! Chloe, this I find is true,
Since first I gave my Heart to you.
Now, by your Cruelty hard-bound
I strain my Guts, my Colon wound:
Now, Jealousy my grumbling Tripes
Affaults, with grating, grinding Gripes :
When Pity in those Eyes I view,
My Bowels wambling make me spero.
When I an am'rous Kiss design'd,
I belcb'd a Hurricane of Wind.
Once, you a gentle Sigh let fall,
Remember how I suck'd it all ;
What Cholic Pangs from thence I felt,
but known, your Heart would melt,
Like ruffling Winds in Caverns pent,
'Till Nature pointed out a Vent.
How have you torn my Heart to Pieces,
With Maggots, Humours, and Caprices !
By which I got the Hemorrhoids,
And loathsome Worms my Anus voids.
Whene'er I hear a Rival nam'd,
I feel my Body all inflam'd;
Which breaking out in Boyls and Blanes,
With yellow Filth my
Linen stains ;
Or, parch'd with unextinguish'd Thirst,
Small Beer I guzzle 'till I burst ;
And then I drag a bloated Corpus
Swelld with a Dropsy, like a Porpus ;
When if I cannot purge or ftale,
I must be tapp'd to fill a Pail.
On a PRINTER's being sent to New
GATE, by the
ETTER we all were in our Graves
Than live in Slavery to Slaves ;
Worse than the Anarchy at Sea,
Where Fishes on each other prey ;
Where ev'ry Trout can make as high Rants
O'er his Inferiors as our Tyrants ;
And swagger while the Coast is clear ;
But should a lordly Pike appear,
Away you see the Varlet scud,
Or hide his coward Snout in Mud.
Thus, if a Gudgeon meet a Roach
He dare not venture to approach ;
Yet still hath Impudence to rise,
And, like Domitian, leap at Flies,
Upon stealing a Crown when the DEAN was
alleep, by Dr. SHERIDAN.
EAR Dean, since you in fleepy wise
Have op'd your Mouth, and clos'd your
Ghost-like Lglide along your Floor,
And softly shut the Parlour Door ;