HAVE been long of Opinion, that there

I is not a more general and greater Mistake,

or of worse Confequences through the Commerce of Mankind, than the wrong Judgments they are apt to entertain of their own Talents. I knew a ftuttering Alderman in London, a 'great Frequenter of Coffee-Houfes; who, when a fresh News-Paper was brought in, conftantly feized it firft, and read it aloud to his Brother-Citizens; but in a Manner as little intelligible to the Standers-by, as to himself. How many Pretenders to Learning expose themselves by chufing to difcourfe on those very Parts of Science wherewith they are least acquainted? It is the fame Cafe in every other Qualification. By the Multitude of those who deal in Rhimes from half a Sheet to twenty, which come out every Minute, there must be at least five hundred Poets in the City and Suburbs of London; half as many Coffee-house Orators, exclufive of the Clergy; forty thoufand Politicians; and four thousand five hundred profound Scholars; not to mention the Wits, the Railliers, the fmart Fellows, and Criticks; all as illiterate and impudent as a fuburb Whore. What are we to think of the fine dreffed Sparks, proud of their own perfonal Deformities, which appear the more hideous by the Contraft of wearing Scarlet and Gold,

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Gold, with what they call * Toupees on their Heads, and all the Frippery of a modern Beau, to make a Figure before Women; some of them with Hump-Backs, others hardly five Feet high, and every Feature of their Faces diftorted. I have seen many of these infipid Pretenders entering into Converfation with Perfons of Learning, conftantly making the groffeft Blunders in every Sentence, without conveying one fingle Idea fit for a rational Creature to spend a Thought on; perpetually confounding all Chronology and Geography even of present Times. I compute, that London hath eleven native Fools of the Beau and Puppy-kind, for one among us in Dublin befides two-thirds of ours tranfplanted thither, who are now naturalized; whereby that overgrown Capital exceedeth ours in the Article of Dunces by forty to one; and what is more to our further Mortification, there is not one diftinguished Fool of Irish Birth or Education, who maketh any Noife in that famous Metropolis, unless the London Prints be very partial

or defective; whereas London is feldom without a Dozen of their own educating, who engrofs the Vogue for half a Winter together, and are never heard of more, but give Place to a new Sett. This hath been the constant Progrefs for at least thirty Years paft, only allowing for the Change of Breed and Fashion.

Wigs with long black Tails, worn for fome Years paft. November 1738..

The

The following POEM is grounded upon the univerfal FOLLY in MANKIND of mistaking their TALENTS; by which the AUTHOR doth a great Honour to his own Species, almost equalling them with certain Brutes; wherein, indeed, he is too partial, as he freely confeffeth: And yet he hath gone as low as he well could, by fpecifying four Animals, the WOLF, the Ass, the SWINE, and the APE; all equally mischievous, except the last, who outdoes them in the Article of Cunning. So GREAT IS THE

PRIDE OF Man.

THE

BEASTS CONFESSION

TO THE

PRIEST, &c.

W

HEN Beafts could fpeak, (the
Learned fay

They still can do fo every Day)

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It

娶

It seems, they had Religion then,.
As much as now we find in Men.
It happen'd when a Plague broke out,
(Which therefore made them more devout)
The King of Brutes (to make it plain,
Of Quadrupeds I only mean)
By Proclamation gave Command,
That ev'ry Subject in the Land

Should to the Prieft confefs their Sins;
And thus the pious WOLF begins:

Good Father, I must own with Shame,
That, often I have been to blame
I must confess, on Friday last,
Wretch that I was, I broke my Fast:
But, I defy the basest Tongue

To prove I did my Neighbour wrong;
Or ever went to feek my Food

By Rapine, Theft, or Thirst of Blood.

The Ass approaching next, confeft,
That in his Heart he lov'd a Jest:
A Wag he was, he needs muft own,
And could not let a Dunce alone:
Sometimes his Friend he would not spare,
And might perhaps be too fevere ;
But yet, the worst that could be faid,
He was a Wit both born and bred;

And

And, if it be a Sin or Shame,
Nature alone must bear the Blame.
One Fault he hath, is forry for't,
His Ears are half a Foot too short;
Which could he to the Standard bring,
He'd fhew his Face before the K-
Then, for his Voice, there's none disputes
That he's the Nightingale of Brutes.

The SWINE with contrite Heart allow'd,
His Shape and Beauty made him proud:
In Diet was perhaps too nice,
But Gluttony was ne'er his Vice:
In ev'ry Turn of Life content,

And meekly took what Fortune sent :
Inquire thro' all the Parish round,
A better Neighbour ne'er was found:
His Vigilance might some displease;
"Tis true he hated Sloth like Pease.

The mimick APE began his Chatter,
How evil Tongues his Life befpatter:
Much of the cens'ring World complain'd,
Who faid his Gravity was feign'd:
Indeed, the Strictness of his Morals
Engag'd him in an hundred Quarrels :
He saw, and he was griev'd to see't,
His Zeal was fometimes indiscreet :

He