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yet, if your Lady should happen to cast an Eye upon a handfome Footman, you should be generous enough to bear with her Humour, which is no Singularity, but a very natural Appetite: It is ftill the fafeft of all Home-intrigues, and was formerly the least suspected, until of late Years it hath grown more common. The great Danger is, left this Kind of Gentry dealing too often in bad Ware, may happen not to be found; and then, your Lady and you are in a very bad Way, although not altogether defperate.

But, to fay the Truth, I confess it is a great Prefumption in me, to offer you any Inftructions in the Conduct of your Lady's Amours, wherein your whole Sifterhood is already fo expert, and deeply learned; although it be much more difficult to compass, than that Affiftance which my Brother Footmen give their Mafters, on the like Occafion; and therefore, I leave this Affair to be treated by some abler Pen.

When you lock up a Silk Mantua, or laced Head, in a Trunk, or Cheft, leave a Piece out, that when you open the Trunk again, you may know where to find it.

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CHA P. X.

DIRECTIONS to the HOUSE-MAID.

F

I your Master and Lady go into the Coun

try for a Week, or more, never wash the Bed-chamber, or Dining-room, until just the Hour before you expect them to return: Thus the Rooms will be perfectly clean to receive them, and you will not be at the Trouble to wash them fo foon again.

I am very much offended with those Ladies who are so proud and lazy, that they will not be at the Pains of stepping into the Garden to pluck a Rose, but keep an odious Implement, fometimes in the Bed-chamber itself, or at least in a dark Closet adjoining, which they make ufe of to ease their worft Neceffities, and you are the ufual Carriers away of the Pan; which maketh not only the Chamber, but even their Cloaths, offenfive to all who come near. Now, to cure them of this odious Practice, let me advise you, on whom this Office lieth, to convey away this Utenfil, that you will do it openly, down the great Stairs, and in the Prefence of the Footmen; and, if any body knocketh, to open the Street-door while you have the Veffel filled in your Hands: This, if any Thing can, will make your Lady take the Pains of evacuating her Perfon in the proper

Place,

Place, rather than expose her Filthiness to all the Men-fervants in the House.

Leave a Pail of dirty Water with the Mop in it, a Coal-box, a Bottle, a Broom, a Chamber-pot, and fuch other unfightly Things, either in a blind Entry, or upon the darkest Part of the Back-ftairs, that they may not be feen; and, if People break their Shins by trampling on them, it is their own Fault.

Never empty the Chamber-pots until they are quite full; if that happeneth in the Night, empty them in the Street; if, in the Morning, into the Garden; for it would be an endless Work to go a dozen Times from the Garret, and upper Rooms, down to the Backfide; but never wash them in any Liquor except their own: What cleanly Girl would be dabbling in other Folks Urine? and, befides, the Smell of Stale, as I obferved before, is admirable against the Vapours, which an hundred to one may be your Lady's Cafe.

Brush down the Cobwebs with a Broom that is wet and dirty, which will make them stick the faster to it, and bring them down more effectually.

When you rid up the Parlour-hearth in a Morning, throw the laft Night's Ashes into a Sieve; and what falls through, as you carry it down, will ferve, inftead of Sand, for the Room and the Stairs.

When you have fcoured the Braffes and Irons in the Parlour-chimney, lay the foul wet Clout

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upon

upon the next Chair, that your Lady may fee you have not neglected your Work. Obferve the fame Rule when you clean the Brafs Locks, only with this Addition, to leave the Marks of your Fingers on the Door, to shew you have not forgot.

Leave your Lady's Chamber-pot in her Bedchamber Window all Day to air.

Bring up none but large Coals to the Dineing-room, and your Lady's Chamber, they make the beft Fires; and, if you find them too big, it is easy to break them on the Marble-hearth.

When you go to Bed, be fure take Care of Fire, and therefore blow the Candle out with your Breath, and then thruft it under the Bed. Note, The Smell of the Snuff is very good against Vapours.

Perfuade the Footman, who got you with Child, to marry you before you are fix Months gone; and, if your Lady afketh you, Why would take a Fellow who was not worth you a Groat? Let your Answer be, that Service is no Inheritance.

When your Lady's Bed is made, thrust the Chamber-pot under it, but in fuch a Manner as to thrust the Valance along with it, that it may be full in Sight, and ready for your Lady, when the hath Occafion to use it.

Lock up a Cat, or a Dog, in fome Room or Closet, so as to make fuch a Noise all over the House, as may frighten away the Thieves,

Thieves, if any should attempt to break or

fteal in.

you

When you wash any of the Rooms towards the Street over-night, throw the foul Water out of the Street-door; but be fure not to look before, for fear thofe on whom the Water lighteth might think you uncivil, and that did it on Purpose. If he who fuffereth breaks the Window in revenge, and your Lady chideth you, and giveth pofitive Orders, that you fhould carry the Pail down, and empty it in the Sink, you have an easy Remedy: When you wash an upper Room, carry down the Pail fo as to let the Water dribble on the Stairs, all the Way down to the Kitchen; by which, not only your Load will be lighter, but you will convince your Lady, that it is better to throw the Water out of the Windows, or down the Street-door Steps; befides, this latter Practice, will be very diverting to you and the Family, in a frofty Night, to fee an hundred People falling on their Nofes, or Backfides, before your Door, when the Water is frozen.

Polish and brighten the Marble-hearths and Chimney-pieces with a Clout dipped in Grease; nothing makes them fhine fo well, and it is the Business of the Ladies to take Care of their Petticoats.

If your Lady be fo nice, that she will have the Room scoured with Freeftone, be sure to leave the Marks of the Freeftone fix Inches deep round the Bottom of the Wainscot, that

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your

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