390 DUST, Ho! Dust! DOWN WITH YOUR DUST! holding them for the benefit of one's garden or field! Now as unintentional error may acerue to thase of far deeper intelligence than myself, even to persons who, though, like the authors of this much-admired paragraph, they may be able to see clearly through a millstone, yet perhaps may their optics be deficient, when applicd to the opacity of-a dust-cart! I would theretore, Mr. Editor, through the channel of your exccllent paper, humbly propose to the lords of the cindercouncil, to cause such distinctive badges of prerogative to be affixed to their treasurers of inuck and chancellors ** of dunghills, that well-meaning men, like myself, miay not inadvertently give the tribute of the precious" weekly harvest to law-breaking impostors, and there-5 by adding to this compulsory loss of manure a fiue of ten shillings, as we are now so luminously informed that such is the jeopardy in which we stand! I would, therefore, hint to the high and mighty lords the expe.. diency of giving BADGES to their itinerant plaustrarian officers; and among the number suggested to my idea, I will just mention the appropriateness of that ancient head-covering-a fool's cap, which would be in adow mirable unison with the summoning tribute-calling bell! Or else the crest of an owl with asses ears, painted on their backs (although the asses ears may. be clearly supposed to belong to the readers and auditors of the promulgated penal law). Or, three geese heads couchant, with the terse poetic motto of “ We three,” &c. Or any thing sufficiently designative to guard us ignoramuses from statute-breaking?

1 must also, Mr. Editor, use this opportunity, to ask of

you, and your correspondents, what other parts of one's property it would be dangerous to give away to any person unanthorized by law to receive ita. A live in a female neighbourhood, and I do assure you the paragraph alluded to has occasioned much serious apprehension and tremulation :-for example, my two ayuts, Judiib and Tabitha Fidget, wish very much to

know

r. DEATH EXTRAORDINARY.

391 : know if they can, henceforth, safely give away their cast-off clothes to whom they please. My worthy friend, Sir Rubicond Redphiz, is also terribly dubious

if he may still continue to give away the Madeira and i Claret of his excellent cellar, without the license of

the legislature and incurring penalties. Another

neighbour, who is thinning his garden, is forcefully : impressed that he bas incurred the forfeitures of the

sweeping statutey by having given away a considerable quantity of trees and shrubs, to persons not only uncommissioned by Parliament to receive them, but who did not even enforce payment for fetching them

away. The wise promulgation of this restrictive law : will, I judge, be a death-blow to all fire insurance i companies; as,..who will now dare to give away such

an article as soot; and in the interim of elucidating information, how many conflagrations may we not expect from the consequences of foul chimnies? As for ibe presenters of new year's gifts, or Christmas-boxes, all their cases must be dangerous indeed, if no permissive law is : in existence for their protection and indemnification. ;

Farther, as, I dare say, this displayed sweeping act applies to gifts in general; I should think that an i abbreviated edition would have a most profitable sale,

you would oblige the good old ladies of Bath with its publication. I remain, Mr. Editor, Quiz Place, Bath, Your constant Reader, Jan. 12, 1810.

Timothy TWIG'EM. [ORIGINAL. ...,

if you

DEATH EXTRAORDINARY!
[From the Morning Post, Jan. 12.)"}

'1
ON Sunday night, the 31st ult: expired the year

ighteen hundred and nine, at sixty minutes past eleven o'clock, after a lingering consumption of three hundred sixty-five days; during which he had witnessed the overthrow of armies, the subjugation of

kingdoms,

2

392

CABINET COUNCIL. kingdoms, the failure of the negotiations, and the dissolution of the most sacred ties of nature; accom. panied by the destruction of fleets, the disclosure of important transactions, and the discovery of intrigues; of all of which he remained a passive spectator ; exercising the whole time that most philosophical of virtues, patience.--He is succeeded by his son, only twelve days old, who has commenced his career with singular mildness. We hope it is a presage of change in the political world, which seventeen of his prede. cessors have agitated by the most extraordinary events that ever stained the page of history.

CABINET COUNCIL..

{From the Morning Chronicle, Jaizi +i7 ) A DUN ciud darkend Downing Street,

One day the new Cabinet happend to meet

On matters of weight

Concerning the state,
..That day they had met to determine;
When P.r-em, white as a sheet,

Calls aloud to beware

Of the Pope in the air,
With a host of his Catholic vermin.

Some tuok to their heels

Encaught at the seals,
And cried out he'd off straight to Oxford:

A messenger came to the door,
Saying, Oxford would greet him no more,
For they'd voted “ No Popery" a bore;.
And to rally round Grenville they swore.

E11's heart heav'd a hiccup, 75
To think where to kick up

of No Popery) next;
And raging withi rage--with vexation vext,
Wish'd the parsons were all in the stocks for "

Now W-11-y, meanwhile,

Was smiling a smile, ju tvAnd at last in a horse-laugh burst out,

Cries

The cry

CABINET COUNCIL

393

in ;

Cries P-1, out of his wits, 1 w His Lordship is gone into fits, Bring some Protestant water, and splash in his face.

3*, Says Way, “ My sides had near split, .:. To see that you've so little wit,

To be by such balderdash fears put to rout;
I never take fright, while I fill a good place,
And never

cry Thief! when I'd go.my own pace.”
P- grinn'd a ghastly griny
And said, “My Lord, you may think it no sin,
To laugh when the Pope hovers near;

But pray recollect,
That when you were outcan't was I took you

And therefore expect
You would not make sport of our fear.
If you will not talk big of a plot 'gainst the church,
You'll find yourself very soon left in the lurch
If you are not alarm’d--at least do pretend,
Or very soon packing your Lordship I'll send."

The Marquis, bristling up with pride,
To the little Lawyer thus replied -
“ I came not here to submit to thy scoff,
And laugh at thy menace to turn me off :-
I'll tell thee what, thou insolent lown,
You ’d, better put on your çast-off gown,
And fly to the courts, in whose purlieus alone
Your poor pettifogging should ever be known.

In India so long have I ruld the roast, » To yield it now to a vestry ghost !"

Order! order !!! Encries,
" Or else our tottering Cabinet dies ;
Let not these silly contentions prove ,
The loss of our places, though bane of our love.

I have hit on a plan to make your peace : ', na
My Lord of W.

-y shall feign a swoon, Whenever the name of the Pope iş heard;

But P--Imust not too oft say the word; And then to His Lordship we'll grant a boon,

That will make his pride its rebellion cease. A riband as broad as were sashes of old, Shall grace the breast of Lord W-y: the bold ;And every levee his riband shall shine, And R--hm-d shall say, “I wish it were mine'. Tlus

394

INTELLIGENCE EXTRAORDINARY.

Thus they all did rejoice that their quarrels forgot)
The country might still in good time go to pui;

And they vow'd and swore,
That never wo niore
They would pop at each other ;

But, as brother and brother,
They would all lay their heads in the plot.

But some still look'd sickly,

Lesr Parliament quickly
Should bid them account for their crimes;

So a motion was made,

And “Ay," they all said,
“That the only resource for the times

Is, at first strong to muster,
And bully and bluster,
Cry God and our King,

(Though we mean no such thing,
And thus to put dowa the people's lowd voice,
That groans for she sorrows in which we rejoice."

PHILO-WATTYOS.

INTELLIGENCE EXTRAORDINARY.
[From the Morning Chronicle, Jan. 20.]

GENERAL ORDERS.
Parole, STEADY.-Countersign, PERSION.
Head-quarters, Camp, D---gs-

Jan. 19, 1810.
FIELD Marshal P. , commander in chief of His

M-y's forces, directs the army to hold itself in readiness to march on Tuesday the 230 instant, having received certain intelligence that the enemy, who are in great force, and possessed of considerable stores, ammunition, &c. from the Island of Wal. cheren, Spain, and Portugal, meditate an attack upon his lines at Fort Tre-ry; it will therefore be necessary that His Majesty's troops should forth with gain possession of the same. This being accomplished, the outer gates will be intrusted to the care of the commander in chief's two aid-du-camps, Captains Wh n and Arb-h- under the more immediate

direction