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369 BIOGRAPHICAL SKETCH OF MRS. TWADDLE. Some pretended alarm lest poor Pius should come,
And hurl our good King from his seat ;
Has met with its final defeat.
Yet knowledge is apt to puff up;
And pour its lov'd sweets in our cup.
A place which consists of two classes;
He only has muzzled the asses.
BIOGRAPAICAL SKETCH OF MRS. TWADDLE,
[From the same, Dec. 26.] SIR, S you have expressed a wish to be favoured with
a biographical sketch of Mrs. Twaddle, lately deceased at Oxford, you may be assured that the following is a most faithful and correct account; the truth of which I can vouch for, having lived in her service since Holy Thursday, 1780. I am, Sir,
Your obedient, humble servant to command, Hlagpie Lane, Oxford,
HANNAH CARDINAL. Dec. 22, 1809.
Her family name was Bigot; she was born at Rome, and christened Babylonia. Her great-grandfather and great-grandmother were Irish Roman Catholics, and left that country with King James II. She came to England about twenty years ago ; and when His Grace the Duke of Pd was first made Secr--y of St-e, he wanted a governess; and Babylonia Candour (for she then dropped the name of Bigot) was strongly recommended to him as a person having been brought up in a genteel manner, and of a liberal education. As His Grace, at this time, had violently espoused the cause of the Roman Catholics in
BIOGRAPHICAL SKETCHI OF MRS. TWADDLE. 361 Ireland (which may be seen by referring to his political correspondence), from her excellent conduct and behaviour, she was not only patronized by the Duke of P-d, but admitted into the good graces of the Right Hon. Wm. Pitt, who, contrary to his usual habits, took her under his immediate protection, and it was said, that she even had permission to enter into the presence of the S
vn. Other noble Lords were extremely attentive to her, particularly the Viscount Ch, who, at the time of the Union with Ireland, was so enraptured with her, that he made her the most solemn promises of ameliorating her condition, and of giving her every indulgence that she could wish for; and this would unavoidably have taken place, had not some artful and designing persons, at that moment, thought fit to interfere, showing a considerable degree of jealousy sest she should become a favourite at Cote She now became the marked victim of two notorious
characters—the one named Blear-eyed Filch, the other - Black John, a lawyer, both North country men, the
former of Cuinberland, the latter of Durham; and she incurred the displeasure of her Great Protector, whose support shie most looked to and wished for. In the year 1801, reports were circulated of a very scandalous nature, intimating, that an improper connexion subsisted between her and the Right Honourable William Pitt, so much so as to alarm his best friends, Messrs. We,T-ns, and others, some persons positively asserting that he was wedded to her; which the courtiers vehemently denied, but loaded him with abuse for his incontinency, and still more so for his folly in giving up (which he then did) his high and commanding situation, to pursue the fortunes of such a baggage, as they called her. Others of her friends were equally steady, and determined to support her; among those were Lords Spencer, Grenville, &c. &c. The voice of slander prevailed, and she was
362 BIOORAPHICAL SKETCH OP MRS, TWADDLE. forbid the C-t. When the Right Hon. Win. Pitt resumed his situation in the year 1804, she once more looked forward to the enjoyment of those advantages which had been so solemnly promised to her. She was, nevertheless, again disappointed ; and whether from the weak and declining state of his health, or from some unknown cause, he again became Premier, and absolutely decided to be separated from her. This was the commencement of her real misfortunes. However, on the death of the Right Hon. Wm. Pitt, in 1806, she again received offers of the strongest and most honourable support from Earl Spencer, Lords Grenville, Howick, and the Right Hon. Charles James Fox, whom His My had thought fit to place at the head of bis Government. She now looked forward to the attainment of her wishes, and thought her cause would be taken into consideration by the United Parliament, where she had already presented petitions at various times, containing no unreasonable demands; common justice was all she required, and was all she hoped to gain : she had near and dear relations in the church, the army, the navy, and the law; they were faithful and attached subjects, loyal soldiers, courageous men, and entitled to an equal participation in those rights and privileges which belong to those individuals who are born in a free country, many of whom daily shed their blood in its defence, whilst others contribute towards the protection of its laws and liberties. Simi. lar arts were again practised by Blear-eyed Filch and Black John; for at this moment they were so fortunate as to engage in their service an acute attorney who had practised at N-h-mp-n, and afterwards came up to London ; getting little on in business, he took to attending the spouting clubs and debating societies, and was followed by a set of persons who assumed the title of saints. They furnished him with a horn and some money, and he was sent over the town), blowing BIOGRAPHICAL 'SKETCH OF MRS. TWADDLE. 363 about, that the Pope and the We of Bn were arrived, chalking No Popery upon the walls, so as to frighten all the old women in the parishes, and nothing but the howl of bigotry was heard for some months, from one end of the country to the other, and His M-y dismissed his Ministers; an address was presented also from the university of O—d by the Rev. Dr. Tury, the vice-chancellor, highly approving of what His M-y had done in turning out ihose Ministers who had endeavoured to promote the interests and welfare of my poor dear mistress; and with a view of preventing her doing further mischief, as they called it, she was by an order of the Py c I placed under the immediate care of the HhSd of the university, and one of the M-rs, and in their absence Dr. Twaddle, Regius Professor of D-y was nominated Visitor. Ancat house was taken for her in Magpie Lane, with a door into Un-y Gardens, of which the Doctor kept the key. Dr. Twaddle was of a gouty habit, and famed for being of an amorous disposition. As soon as he entered upon his honourable situation, he did not fail to assume a degree of importance suited to such a charge. His visits were frequent, and their consequences were interesting. True love till this moment had been a stranger to the Doctor's breast; and, like all first passions, it absolutely scorched it. He never failed to attend her at the hour of tea--sometimes it was bohea, sometimes green, and occasionally mixed. Her muffin, her crumpet, or her cross bun, was sure to be placed upon his own toasting-fork, and buttered by himself. He called her his Eloise, and talked of
-a cross she wore, Which Jews might kiss, and doctors too adore." The more he conversed with her, the more he was convinced of the folly that arose from supposing her opinions could be dangerous to the religious establish
364 BIOGRAPHICAL SKETCH OF MRS. TWADDLE, ment of the country, but this he did not dare avow. She now began to assume a different shape, and the scandalous Chronicle of Oxford dealt forth its most sarcastic remarks, and from this instant she was known by no other name than that of Mrs. Twaddle. To niarry her at this particular juncture was impossible; the Chancellorship of the University had just become vacant by the death of her former patron. The agonies of the Doctor's mind cannot be described. now Vice C
The Court determined to set up Black John, and Dr. Twaddle was ordered to pronounce publicly the most severe anathemas against his opponent. A mitre was to be his reward, and he exclaimed Acheronta movebo against this arch-pupil of Satan. On the morning of December 13th, evident marks of approaching dissolution appeared in Mrs. Twaddle's countenance: her disorder was no longer a secret. Two midwives were ordered to be in attendance. Dr. Twaddle himself seemed totally to have lost his head, by the extraordinary manner in which he performed the duties of his office on this important occasion. In his delirium he sent round to all the common rooms, carnestly requesting that every one would attend to give Mrs. Twaddle their assistance. On the morning of the 14th she revived a little, but her pains increased towards middle-day. At eight in the evening she was speechless, and at ten precisely the fatal miscarriage took place; and with the same deep and mournful groan that brought forth into the world the lifeless and abortive Master Twaddle, did she cease to breathe.--Requiescat in puce !
N. B. Accounts were immediately forwarded 10 Blear-eyed Filch and Black John, who were waiting at the King's Ilead publie-house, some distance off, liitle expecting to hear of so melancholy an event.