IMPROMPTU.

Nor can I admit that you may, as you choose,
With the lock of our Cabinet play fast and loose,
And the number and length of my visits dispose,
By a course of snug artifice, under the Rose.
No, no. Were I once to allow such a thought,
Men might well set the seat of my honour at nought.
Your act, Sir, your conduct deceiv'd me, 't is plain;
I scorn to be fobb'd, though I ne'er sit again.

305

I should have done wrong, had I shown the least heat, Though you made me give up my particular seat, Aye, and quit the whole Privy; I soon might have found Other houses of ease upon popular ground: But I clearly do right, to parade and make speeches, Thus thrust out before I can truss up my breeches; There was plenty of room for us all; and, if not, You yourself might have gone out, without any blot. You knew my predicament well; those vile ducks! And drakes, hatch'd at Walcheren, brought on my flux. Fundamentally injur'd in comfort and fame, Without more ado satisfaction I claim, &c. &c. &c.

C-STLER-GH,

THE REPLY.

Gloucester Lodge, Sept. 20, 1809. GOD wot, my Lord! your note displays such blunders and such ire,

Right cheerfully I condescend to grant what you require,

&c. &c. &c.

G-GE CONN-NG.

IMPROMPTU

ON THE MOB BREAKING MR. KEMBLE'S WINDOWS.
[From the Morning Chronicle, Nov. 11.]

'HEN Kemble's act the public's censure gains,
They neither spare his aitches nor his panes !
Wb11.

W

P.

1RREGULAR

IRREGULAR LINES UPON IRREGULAR
PROCEEDINGS.

POEMA HEROI-COMICUM.

[From the same.]

- "Ridentem dicere verum, Quid vetat ?"

RECITATIVE.-Air, Rumdi idity, row, row, rew. UPROARIOUS cits! and Bond Street loungers, tremble!!

The world is threaten'd with the loss of K-ble!
Sound the alarm! your vocal noses blow!
And vent, like Bedlamites, your frantic woe!

AIR.

The first of critics-first of actors-
First of semicolon factors-
Out of patience with the age,

Swears, alas! he'll quit the stage!
Tasteless nation !-tasteless nation!

On ourselves have we brought down
Rumours of a resignation,

Hung in terror o'er the town.
We, forsooth, must needs be hank'ring
After boxes! prices! grace!
Hence, within his bosom cank'ring,
Rose the spleen that marks his face.
Who shall now, of all his cronies,
To their kind protection take
All his varia lectiones!

Made for variation's sake?
Who shall fix, with equal care,
Points-in doublets or in speeches ;
Who adjust, with such an air,

Slash'd soliloquies-or breeches?
Little heeding things that merit

Deep research and curious art;
Others do but take the spirit,
And direct it to the heart.

RECITATIVE.

Hush'd be your sorrow, and your rage suspended,
Complaint's superfluous, when th' occasion 's ended:

No

O. P.A PARODY.

No longer let your dolorific quill
The sable tears of sympathy distil!
Relenting John *, in pity to mankind,
On second thoughts may change his mighty mind,
Yes!-may resume the task of punctuation,
And bringing back stray'd commas to their station.
Pray, gentle Reader, ere I close the strain,
Let this prognostication soothe your pain :-
"As long as Britain shall maintain her ground,
And twenty shillings make one sterling pound,
So long (should Fate permit them here to stay)
Will Mr. K-le and the Sidd-ns play!!!”

CHORUS ALLEGRISSIMAMENTE.

Good people, pray don't be uneasy;
You are threaten'd the better to please ye,
For the devil a step will they budge:
You may think what you will of the matter,
It's only a Jeu de Theatre,
Their exit is nothing but Fudge!

Fudge! Fudge! (Da Capo.)
Their retirement nothing but Fudge!

Signor SECCA COGLIONI, Plebeian.

EXTEMPORE.

[From the same.]

TWO
WO noble Lords contend an Oxford prize-
Both honourable, upright, just, and wise:
If Grenville's classic mind some claim afford,
Eldon ingratiates by his princely board.

A BON VIVANT,

307

Where Bull lately roar'd stormy weather,
In truth, lovely O,

The cause I don't know,

Which brings you and me here together.

See the Bill and Advertisement of Tuesday, October 24.

308

SHIP NEWS EXTRAORDINARY.

I came here forlorn,
From the alphabet torn,

To heighten the Managers' grief;
And I, said the O,

Am now quite the go,

To give Mr. Winholt relief.

O now, lovely O,

The secret I know,

We both are old Dilworth's abettors;
Whenever O. P.

In a hat-band you see,
The wearer is learning his letters.

SHIP NEWS EXTRAORDINARY.
[From the Morning Chronicle, Nov. 14]

O. P. Mouth.

CAME in the Rattlesnake, Catcall, Placard, and Bugle gun-boats, from a chase after the Imperieuse 50-gun ship, which, it will be remembered, captured, in the confusion of a fire in one of our out-ports some time since, the famous Oldprician frigate. These vessels were attacked in the Pit Straits by several of the enemy's men of war, which, however, they beat off. In Dungeoness Bay they struck upon the Brandon rocks, and all of them sprung leaks-they must inevitably have gone to the bottom, but for very expeditious bailing. Indeed, several smaller boats which accompanied them, among which was the "Mary Austin," and which were not so well manned, parted company; but it is hoped, the Subscription, 300-gun ship, which is sent out after them, will be the means of their recovery. The inhumanity of the Port Admiral Grameanreed, cannot be too strongly censured, who being himself on shore at Dungeoness Bay, and seeing the distresses of these smaller vessels, yet committed them to the fury of the elements. It being suspected that the above-mentioned Pit Straits are infectious from the noisome stench of the sharks who

INVENTORY OF THEATRICAL PROPERTY.

309

have lately infested those seas, all ships coming from thence are put under strict quarantine for one hundred, or sometimes even five hundred-days, by the N. 1. harbour masters, whose authority for the present supersedes that of the Commanders at this place.

INVENTORY OF THEATRICAL PROPERTY. [From the Morning Chronicle, Nov. 16.]

"The dream of a shadow."-PINDAR.

"What the lofty grave Tragedian taught."--MILTON.

MR. EDITOR,

THE HE other night I fell asleep after reading the celebrated inventory, in the 42d Tatler, of the moveables of Christopher Rich, Esq. and my fancy speedily presented to me a vision of a similar nature, which, in my mind, confirms the sage doctrine of modern metaphysicians, that our dreams result from our waking perceptions, or, as King Lear has long ago told us-Nothing can come out of nothing."

I imagined myself, then, Sir, in the Garden of some Convent; but the vegetables seemed to my fancy to be flourishing without root, and the nuns of the place were so totally divested of all sanctimonious graces, that they seemed rather a rout of Thracian revellers, than any beings even by courtesy termed Christian. "While I was rapt in the wonder of it," from an arch-way, at the end of a piazza, stalked forth a tall figure in deep mourning-his hair was made as white as chalk, and upon the tips of his fingers he sustained an opera hat, over which he bowed with the solemnity of an undertaker. But it soon struck me, that the respectful style of his approach was rather the trick of custom than the dictate of veneration; and it appeared, indeed, that disgust had induced him to come forward to offer for sale a certain quantity of property, which was thus described in the inventory. He read it aloud

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