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22

THE KNIGHTS" ERRAND.

stated it. We are a commercial nation, and the quia pro quo has passed from the east 1o the west end of the town. If a modern entertainment costs but little, that little is of advantage to the parties employed. Nay, new trades are created, and the pride and profits of patronage are extended From the lamp-lighter who show's his taste in balloons and festoons, to the historian of a rout who records its splendours, and immortalizes the names of the invited; from the artist who paints landscapes on the floors, to the Bow Street officer who inspects characters in the hall; a new race of useful men in society is created, new efforts of genius are encouraged, and money is circulated. through avenues that never occurred to the author of the « Wealth of Nations." Numerous hands are employed to atone for the decrease of heads and hearts; and if all is cold, ceremonious, and short-lived, it is also splendid, magnificent, and fashionable.

THE KNIGHTS' ERRAND.-A PARAPHRASE.

[From the same.]
SIR
IR Arthur, Sir Hew, and Sir Harry,

Sail d boldly from England to Spain;
But not choosing there long to tarry,

They wisely sail'd all-back again.

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TO THE
EDITOR OF THE MORNING CHRONICLE.

[Same Date.] SIR, Y an article in your paper of the gth instant, under

the head • Fashionable Intelligence,” stating that Adm-] Hy had presented to Her Majesty four black ducks, your readers are informed of a circum

stance

HINT ON CHIMNBY-SWEEPING.

23 stance which many of them, perhaps, did not know, viz, that black ducks are rare birds.

My uncle, who (every one knows) was a determined Philo in mechanics and natural history, left, among his unprinted papers, now in my possession, the fol. lowing hint on chimney-sweeping :" To clear our chimnies of the gather'd soot,

(With faces black as jet, and ivory tushes) How shameful 't is," says Tom, “ and foul to boot,

To force up little tiny boys with brushes ! * Better by far 't would be, in my opinion,

And save the lads from sorrow and dismay,
To send a live goose down, whose fiutt'ring pinion

Would bring each particle of soot away.”
* Why, faith,” says Jack," the project is not bad,

To render smoky chimpies fit for use,
And save much labour to the sweeping lad;

But it is cursed kard upon the goose.”
Says Tom, then, “ Since your heart such pity takes

'Ou Gaffer Goose, whose pain no tongue can tell, You may drop down a pair of ducks or drakes,

And they will answer every whit as well.” Now the perusal of this hint has raised in my mind a doubt, whether the gallant Admiral has not been imposed upon, by means of two pair of common ducks, which, having served as chimney-brooms, were not permitted afterwards to go afloat; an indulgence which, by washing off the soot, would instantly detect the imposture.

I am, Sir, yours, &c.

PAILO-JUNIOR. No. 1, Smoke Alley, Goose Lane, Jan. 16, 180g.

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IMPORTANT INTELLIGENCE.

[From the Morning Chronicle, Jan. 18.] MR. EDITOR, THE following letter, or part of a letter, is just now

brought to me. It bears evident marks of authen. ticity, although all the information I can give you as to the way it came into my hands is, that it was drifted in an empty boat, on Sunday last, which staved off Whitehall Štairs : and although this mode of conveying intelligence between belligerent powers has something in it very trifling as well as suspicious, yet, at a time when all old practices and customs seem to be upset, we must catch at what we can.

I am, Sir, yours,

PATRICK PRY. Extract of a Letter from Campo del Tresorio, dated

Jan. 14.

“ The troops are pouring in daily, notwithstanding the badness of the roads, and the many narrow and dirty passages which lead to this place. The Commander in Chief intended to have made the grand attack on the 17th; but has altered his plans, and is determined to wait the motions of the enemy as late as the 19th, when it is his object to secure a strong position on the heights of Sanctos Stephanos. For this purpose the chief commissary, Georgio Rosinos, has been inspecting the ground, and has likewise been dealing out the rations to the men, some of whom complain that sufficient provision has not been made for them. I cannot conceal from you, however, that there is not that unanimity in our staff, which would be desirable on so critical an occasion. Don Canningos, it is said, has more than once differed in opinion with the Count Il Castellos Re; and although a grand attack is undoubtedly meditated for the 19th, it is not

yet

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yet agreed upon in what manner the important pass of Cintra is to be fortified. You have already heard, that the scouts employed to reconnoitre there brought no intelligence of any consequence, and have thrown no new light upon a point of the utmost importance in the future conduct of our operations. In the mean time the Junto have sent orders to the Count de Melo ville to join the main body; but although he be a man of tried courage, there are some doubts as to the object of these orders: and the Count complains that he was not sooner called into action. But as a boon, however, one of his aid-du-camps, Don de Hopeton, is to have his staff made hereditary. The veteran Portlandos remains with the baggage and women: and Don Hawkwell del Liverpollos, of the House of Bragg-anza, commands the Gens d'Armes, the first division of whom he expects to be very numerous. I have only to add, that, owing to the shortness of the days, we have very little light, and in every movement are obliged to grope our way in the best manner we

Our commanders, however, in this as well as every other privation, share liberally with the privates,"

can.

SYMPATHY. AN EXTRACT.

[From the Oracle, Jan. 18.] I CAN forgive a little want of feeling in the disputers

in coffee houses, who read a paper only to argue upon it; or in certain gentlemen, whose souls have grown stiff in the stocks, and lost their feeling from being continually in one posture; let those

persons who lose in taverns the meditation and the quiet feel ing of the home fireside, read a newspaper as they please, and, in a new sense of the phrase, kill their thousands and their ten thousands with the jaw-bone of an ass; but in domestic life let us have domestic VOL. XIII.

sympathies

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sympathies--let us open the door to the feelings and miseries that wander about the world, and ask nothing but our compassion--and let us, for God's sake, have no more such dialogues as the following:-

TWO GENTLEMEN AND A LADY AT BREAKFASTS

A. (Reading a newspaper, and eating at every two or three words.)-" The combat lasted twelve hours-and the two armies separated at nine in the eveningJeaving 30,000 men literally cut to pieces”-another piece of toast if you please" on the field of”-stop, 30,000 is it? - slooking at the paper very closely) Egad, I believe it's 50,000—Tom, is that a 3 or a 5!

B. A 3 or a 5?-Oh, a 5. That paper 's borridly printed!

A. Very indeed.. Well, “ leaving 50,000 men on the field of battle.”-Fifty thousand ! that's a great number to be killed with the bayonet, eh! war's a horrid (sips) thing!

The Lady. Oh, shocking !-(takes a large bite of toast.)

B. Oh, monstrous !-(takes a larger )

A. freading on.) “ One of the French generals of division, riding up to the Emperor with a sabre covered over with blood, after a charge of cavalry, exclaimed,” stick your fork into that slice of ham for me, Tomthank ye" exclaimed, There is not a man in my regiment whose sword is not like this. The two armi

B. What?..what was that about the sword?

A. Why, his own sword, you know, was covered with blood--Did n't you hear me read it? And so, he said, “ There's not a--"

B. Ay, ay " whose sword is not like this”understand you. Gad, what a fellow !

A. (sips.) Oh, horrid !

The Lady (sips.) Oh, shocking :--Dash, get you down; how can you A. " The two armi"

B. By

be so

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