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USEFUL RECEIPTS.

was also conjectured that the parties would have been so impressed and affected with gratitude for such dis. tinction shown to their skill and invention, that they would have expressed their feelings on the subject, and for the high favour thus bestowed, upon their knees : and that (contrary to all medical practice, past, present, or to come) they would have prayed to be discharged; and have also requested (strange to tell!) notto have received, but to have paid their fees: and that they would, at parting, have presented the friendly and bospitable armed Serjeant for his attendance and safe care of them, TEN POUNIS PER DIEM,

each !! Sal Satiricum, or satirical Salt. Very useful for just seasoning all public speechifica. tions or giving relish and poignancy to new sheets. With this salt vice and folly are oflen' more brow. beaten and mortified than by more compounded and 'usual medicines.

Oleum Sycophanteum, or Oil of Flattery: A most powerful ointment in curing contractions of the back and neck, or any rigidity of the caput. It will render all supple, and has brought on more lowing than all the dancing-masters. It is to be administered either in the ears, or rubbed in the eyes with a preparation of common writing or printing ink.

Aqua Lethalis, or Deadly Water. So called because it kills the remembrance of what. ever a patient wishes to forget. It obliterates old friendships, and has made many forget what they once were; it particularly removes all promises :--by a free use of this excellent water a man may forget his family, his friends, his principles, and most especially himself! ! !

Balsamum Soporificum, or Quieting Balsam. Useful to lull the twinges of conscience, the stingings of remorse, and the throbs of recollection.,

PUMP

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PUMP-ROOM DIALOGUE. Mrs. PATLEAKALL attending in her vocation ; various

Drinkers walking about ; a Stranger just arrived, smartly dressed and FULL POCKETED, sips his glass, gives a piece of GOLD, and addresses Mrs. Patleakall.

Stranger. A very fatiguing office yours, Ma'am ; I hope it is advantageous, and requites your trouble?

Mrs. P. Oh dear! no, Sir; a mere trifle, I assure you;

I says nothing, but some folks likes to get all themselves, and let other folks get little enough. And it is all in vain to convince them that putting a genteet price upon the water was all for the honour of the city of Bath; and that to keep the mob away from getting a sæp of it for nothing, was a dignified act; they bothered about charity, and that they at least would not impose upon strangers in Bath, and so recommended

(truly!) a list of beggarly rates hardly worth accepta 3

Strang. Very hard indeed, Ma'am; and so I suppoše, as nobody else would undertake the office you hold, you continue it merely for public good: very spirited indeed! But pray, Ma'am, do you manage all the waterworks of Bath

Mrs. P. I manage them all Sir, by the help of my nymps, as I calls 'em.

La! Sir, it would do your heart good to see my nymps: all fine grown girls, as alle as myself, I'll warrant ye: here now comes one of them in that grope of company, that's my Georgi that lives in the Buildings ; she's looking out for an earl, or a lord, or a baronet, for her first, if nothing better can be caught: they've all fine spirits and good constitutions, and will make the money spin I'll answer, as well as any girls in Bath ; so any one will but give it 'em.

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152

PUMP-ROOM DIALOGUL. Strang. I should be happy to be known to the young lady.

Mrs. P. Speak to her, Sir; she 'll give you as good as you bring, Sir.

Strang. I shall take another opportunity, Ma'am : pray who is that gentleman with the full cravat?

Mrs. P. That, Sir, is him they call Count Gammon, of the Buildings too; he, they say, is going to be married to blood royal shortly!

Strang. To royal blood! you surprise me, Madam.

Mrs. P. La ! 'Sir, it's my ways: why, to Queen Elizabeth, and Queen Macbeth, and such-like.

Strang. Ha! ha! ha! I understand you; and will the lady knuckle down? But pray, who is that reverend gentleman talking so loud and so much to those two old dowagers ?

Mrs. P. That, Sir, is Dr. Shortdiet, of Chatter Place, as fine an old gossip as ever mugged at a christening :-no manners; no breeding; a little vulgarish or so; but an useful companion for pulmonary complaints, as he saves the largest company the trouble of putting in a single word !

Strang. Very useful truly; ha! ha! I suppose be is what we call a long winded preacher ?

Mrs. P. A little demure, Sir; I says nothing :-bit of a stop, I believe :-Now you talk of parsons, Sir, look at those tall young ladies in that grope from Bathwick; one of our clerical wags lately took a text, founded upon seeing them display themselves so much, and preached a whole discourse from “ Be ye FISHERS of men ?"

Strang. But pray who is that young lady in their company, looking so sharp after his Royal Highness

Mrs. P. A sharp look-out all round is a good thing, as my mother used to tell me, and the Bath lasses are, rare followers of my mother's maxim, Sir: but. here comes Mr. Sable, our great preacher; la! Sir,

NOVELTIES IN POLITICO-NATURAL HISTORY. 153 it's quite a feast to hear his fast sermons; 'always, Sir, upon the same commandiment, “ Thou shalt not fight.

Strang. As an enemy to war I revere and admire him ! I recollect having derived much agreeable ina formation and many hours' entertainment from his numerous publications :--he's a most honourable labourer in the vineyard of literature.

NOVELTIES IN POLITICO-NATURAL

HISTORY.
ACCOUNT OF THE PLACEHUNTI LOCUST AND GRUM

BLERILIA CANKER-WORM.
Read before the Risible Society, February 1809.

By Dr. Stripmaski Flagellanti.

THE PLACEHUNTI LOCUST, IT is not pretended that any new species of vermin

has been discovered; but it is presunied that the varieties of the two sorts in genus, spots, instinct, policy, and other points, will sender the following sketches acceptable to the porte-feuilles of the curious in such colleetions.

The PlaceHUNTI is the larger insect of the two; it is not always visible to the naked eye, but is easily discoverable by adepts in the closest rècesses : it assumes a variety of disguises and shapes, and very often that of the locust Patriotica, when you may discern at a great distance its miniature roarings; which tones hold so much mastery over the understanding, or rather over the ears, of John Bulli Our insects sometimes herd together in great numbers, and are sometimes very scattered :--the vicinity of the Thames at Westminster is known to breed them particularly;, and in an old building, formerly a chapel dedicated to St. Stephen, they are to be found in

swarms!

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154 NOVELTIES IN POLITICO-NATURAL HISTÓRY." swarms !<A large mansion in Downing Street, al: though undergoing frequent sweeping ont, and repairs, by change of tenants, is uniformly infested by the Placehunti : there is a method of taming them for a time, by pampering their insatiable appetites with shining counters, and bits of thin paper. Parchments with large seals affixed is a general object of their fancy; as well as lengths of blue, green, and red broad ribands, after which they are always niblling: but they are most ungrateful vermin, even to their feeders; and they no longer abstain from mis. chief, than while their ungracious maws are kept crammed with the above strange articles of snstenance. There is a breed called the Buckingham devourer, which it is totally impossible to satisfy or tame for any Jength of time; not even a royal feeder, or the largest Pil-troughs, being found sufficient to supply food for their immeasurable appetites. The insect has wings, and the moment it takes offence it flies off with a great noise, making a kind of enticing, and promis. ing fostering cluck to the smaller vermin to follow it, and again attack the building.

THB GRUMBLRRILIA CANKER-WORM. The GRUMBLERILIA has been long known in this country, but it has of late most alarmingly multiplied, as well as all over Europe. It is so varied an insect, that no general description can reach it. It is found in all situations ; sometimes burrowing in the most stately mansions, as well as in straw-thatched cottages; and its noise is even at times heard in the sounding-boards of some pulpits. These insects differ much in venom : there is a species called the

Painanium (after a most celebrated feeder), the poison of which is nearly incurable. The true British spe. cies is very harmless, and is thought to improve the constitution if moderately administered, when under a spare regimen of beef and pudding! They have not

been

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