Sir ANDREW AGUE-CHEEK, a foolish knight, pre-V10LA, in love with the Duke.

Prieft, Sailors, Officers, and other Attendants.

SCENE, a City on the Coast of Illyria.

A C T I.

3 i. e. fantastical to the height. X 2

Vio. And what should I do in Illyria?

My brother he is in Elyfium.

pray thee, and I'll pay thee bounteously,
Conceal me what I am; and be my aid
For fuch difguife as, haply, fhall become
The form of my intent. I'll ferve this duke;
Thou shalt prefent me as an eunuch to him,
It may be worth thy pains; for I can fing,
And ipeak to him in many forts of mufick,
That will allow 2 me very worth his fervice.

Perchance, he is not drown'd:-What think you, What elfe may hap, to time I will commit:

failors?

Cap. It is per chance that you yourself were fav'd.
Vio. O my poor brother! and fo, perchance, may

he be.

Cap. True, madam: and, to comfort you with
chance,

Affure yourself, after our ship did split,
When you, and that poor number fav'd with you,
Hung on our driving boat, I faw your brother,
Moft provident in peril, bind himself
(Courage and hope both teaching him the practice)
To a strong maft, that liv'd upon the fea;
Where, like Arion on the dolphin's back,
I faw him hold acquaintance with the waves,
So long as I could fee.

Vio. For faying fo, there's gold:
Mine own escape unfoldeth to my hope,
Whereto thy fpeech ferves for authority,
The like of him. Know'ft thou this country?
Cap. Ay, madam, well; for I was bred and born
Not three hours travel from this very place.
Vio. Who governs here?

Cap. A noble duke in nature, as in name.
Vio. What is his name?

Cap. Orfino.

Vio. Orfino! I have heard my father name him:
He was a batchelor then.

Cap. And fo is now, or was fo very late:
For but a month ago I went from hence;
And then 'twas freth in murmur, (as, you know,
What great ones do, the lefs will prattle of)
That he did feek the love of fair Olivia.

Vio. What's fhe?

Cap. A virtuous maid, the daughter of a count
That dy'd fome twelve-month fince; then leaving her
In the protection of his fon, her brother,
Who fhortly alfo dy'd: for whofe dear love,
They fay, the hath abjur'd the fight
Ard company of men.

Vio. O, that I ferv'd that lady;

I

And might not be deliver'd to the world,
'Till I had made mine own occafion mellow,
What my eftate is!

Cap. That were hard to compafs;
Becaufe the will admit no kind of fuit,

No, not the duke's.

Vio. There is a fair behaviour in thee, captain;
And though that nature with a beauteous wall
Doth oft clofe in pollution, yet of thee
I will believe, thou hart a mind that fuits
With this thy fair and outward character.

Only shape thou thy filence to my wit.
When my tongue blabs, then let mine eyes not fee!
Cap. Be you his eunuch, and your mute I'll be:
Vio. I thank thee: Lead me on.
[Exeunt.

SCENE

Olivia's Houfe.

III.

Enter Sir Toby, and Maria.

the death of her brother thus? I am fure, Care's Sir To. What a plague means my niece, to take an enemy to life.

Mar. By my troth, Sir Toby, you must come in earlier o' nights; your coufin, my lady, takes great exceptions to your ill hours.

Sir To. Why, let her except, before excepted. Mar. Ay, but you must confine yourself within the modeft limits of order.

I am: thefe clothes are good enough to drink in, Sir To. Confine? I'll confine myself no finer than and fo be thefe boots too, an they be not, let them hang themfelves in their own straps.

Mar. That quaffing and drinking will undo you; I heard my lady talk of it yefterday; and of a foolish knight, that you brought in one night here to be her wooer.

Sir To. Who? Sir Andrew Ague-cheek?
Mar. Ay, he.

Sir To. He's as tall 3 a man as any's in Illyria.
Mar. What's that to the purpose?

Sir To. Why, he has three thousand ducats a year. Mar. Ay, but he'll have but a year in all these ducats; he's a very fool, and a prodigal.

viol-de-gambo, and fpeaks three or four languages Sir To. Fie, that you'll fay fo! he plays o' th' word for word without book, and hath all the good gifts of nature.

Mar. He hath, indeed,-almost natural: for, befides that he's a fool, he's a great quarreller; and, but that he hath the gift of a coward to allay the guft he hath in quarrelling, 'tis thought among the prudent, he would quickly have the gift of a grave.

Sir To. By this hand, they are fcoundrels, and fubtractors, that say so of him. Who are they? Mar. They that add, moreover, he's drunk nightly in your company.

Sir To. With drinking healths to my niece; 111 drink to her, as long as there's a paffage in my throat, and drink in Illyria. He's a coward, and a coyftril 4, that will not drink to my niece, till his

or a baftard hawk; while Mr. Tollet fays, it im approve. 3 Tall means flout, courageous. 4 Mr. but not to use them.

brains turn o'the toe like a parifh-top. What, wench? Caftiliano volgo 2; for here comes Sir Andrew Ague-face.

Enter Sir Andrew.

man has: but I am a great eater of beef, and, I
believe, that does harm to my wit.
Sir To. No question.

Sir And. An I thought that, I'd forfwear it. I'll

Sir And. Sir Toby Belch! how now, Sir Toby ride home to-morrow, fir Toby. Belch?

Sir To. Sweet fir Andrew !

Sir To. Pourquoy, my dear knight?

Sir And. What is pourquoy? do, or not do? I would I had beftowed that time in the tongues, that I have in fencing, dancing, and bear-baiting: O, had I but follow'd the arts !

Sir To. Then hadft thou had an excellent, head of hair.

Sir And. Why, would that have mended my hair? Sir To. Paft queftion; for thou fecit, it will not curl by nature.

Sir And. But it becomes me well enough, does't

Sir To. You mistake, knight: accoft, is, front not? her, board her, woo her, affail her.

Sir And. By my troth, I would not undertake her in this company. Is that the meaning of accolt? Mar. Fare you well, gentlemen.

Sir To. Excellent! it hangs like flax on a diftaff; and I hope to fee a housewife take thee between her legs, and fpin it off.

Sir And. 'Faith, I'll home to-morrow, Sir To

Sir To. An thou let part fo, fir Andrew, would by your niece will not be feen; or, if the be, thou might'it never draw fword again. it's four to one fhe'll none of me; the count himfelf, here hard by, wooes her.

Sir And. An you part fo, miftrefs, I would I might never draw fword again! Fair lady, do you think you have fools in hand?

Mar. Sir, I have not you by the hand.

Sir And. Marry, but you fhall have; and here's my hand.

Mar. Now, fir, thought is free: I pray you, bring your hand to the buttery-bar, and let it drink. Sir And. Wherefore, fweet-heart ? what's your metaphor ?

Mar. It's dry, fir 3.

Sir And. Why, I think fo; I am not fuch an afs, but I can keep my hand dry. But what's your jest?

Mar. A dry jest, fir.

Sir And. Are you full of them?

Mar. Ay, fir; I have them at my fingers' ends: marry, now I let go your hand, I am barren. [Exit Maria. Sir To. O knight, thou lack'st a cup of canary; When did I fee thee fo put down?

Sir And. Never in your life, I think; unlefs you fee canary put me down: Methinks, fometimes I have no more wit than a chriftian, or an ordinary

Sir To. She'll none o' the count; fhe'll not match above her degree, neither in eftate, years, nor wit; I have heard her fwear it. Tut, there's life in't, man.

Sir And. I'll ftay a month longer. I am a fellow o'the ftrangeft mind i' the world; I delight in mafques and revels fometimes altogether.

Sir To. Art thou good at these kick-shaws, knight?

Sir And. As any man in Illyria, what foever he be, under the degree of my betters; and yet I will not compare with an old man.

Sir To. What, is thy excellence in a galliard, knight?

Sir And. 'Faith, I can cut a caper.

Sir To. And I can cut the mutton to't.

Sir And. And, I think, I have the back-trick, fimply as ftreng as any roen in Illyria.

Sir To. Wherefore are these things hid? wherefore have thefe gifts a curtain before them? Are they like to take duft, like miftrefs Mall's picture 4 why dost thou not go to church in a galliard, and come home in a coranto? My very welk fhould be a jig; I would not fo much as make

3 That is, not a 4 Shak pcare

■ It was anciently the cuftom to keep a large top in every village, to be whipped in frofty wea ther, as well to warm the peafants by exercife, as to keep them out of mifchief, while they could not work. 2 Dr. Warburton thinks, we fhould reau velte; the meaning will then be in English, Put on your Caftilian countenance; that is, your grave folemn looks. Mr. Malone obferyes, that Caftan feems to have been a cant term for a finical affected courtier. lever's hand; a moift hand being vulgarly deemed a fign of an amorous conftitution. is here fuppofed to allude to one Mary Frith, more generally known by the appellation of Mail Cut-purse; and of whom Mr. Grainger gives the following account in his Biographical Hiftory of England. "She was commonly fuppofed to have been an hermaphrodite, and practifed, or was instrumental to almost every crime and wild frolic which is notorious in the molt abandoned and eccentric of both fexes. She was infamous as a profitute and a procurefs, a fortune-teller, a pickPreket, a thief, and a receiver of ftolen goods. Her moit fignal exploit was robbing General Fairfax pen Hounslow Heath, for which the was fent to Newgate, but was, by the proper application of a Large fam of money, foon fet at liberty. She died of the dropfy, in the 7th year of her age, but would probably have died fooner, if he had not fmoked tobacco, in the frequent ufe of which he Lad long indulged herfelf."

water, but in a fink-a-pace. What doft thou mean? is it a world to hide virtues in? I did think, by the excellent conftitution of thy leg, it was form'd under the ftar of a galliard.

And thou fhalt live as freely as thy lord
To call his fortunes thine.
Vio. I'll do my best,

[ftrife 4: To woo your lady: [Exit Duke.] yet, a bariful

Sir And. Ay, 'tis strong, and it does indifferent Who-e'er I woo, myself would be his wife. [Exeunts well in a flame-colour'd ftock 2. Shall we fet about fome revels?

Enter Valentine and Viola in man's attire. Val. If the duke continue thefe favours towards you, Cefario, you are like to be much advanc'd; he hath known you but three days, and already you are no ftranger.

Vio. You either fear his humour, or my negli-| gence, that you call in question the continuance of his love: Is he inconftant, fir, in his favours? Val. No, believe me.

Enter Duke, Curio, and Attendants.
Vio. I thank you. Here comes the count.
Duke. Who faw Cefario, ho?

Vio. On your attendance, my lord; here.
Duke. Stand you 2-while aloof.-Cetario,
Thou know it no lefs but all; I have unclafp'd
To thee the book even of my fecret foul:
Therefore, good youth, addrefs thy gait unto her;
Be not deny'd acceís, ftand at her doors,
And tell them, there thy fixed foot thall grow,
'Till thou have audience.

lio. Sure, my noble lord,

If the be fo abandon'd to her forrow
As it is froke, the never will admit me.
Duke. Be clamorous, and leap all civil bounds,
Rather than make unprofited return.

[then
Vio. Say, I do fpeak with her, my lord: What
Dake. O, then, unfold the paffion of my love,
Surprize her with difcourfe of my dear faith:
It thall become thee well to act my woes;

She will attend it better in thy youth,
Than in a nuncio of more grave alpect.
Vio. I think not fo, my lord.
Dake. Dear lad, believe it;

For they fhall yet belye thy happy years,
That fay, thou art a man: Diana's lip

Is not more imooth, and rubious; thy fmail pipe
Is as the maiden's organ, thrill, and found,
And all is femblative a woman's part.
I know, thy conftellation is right apt
For this affair-Some four, or five, attend him;
All, if you will; for I mytelf am beit,

When leaft in company :-Profper well in this,

SCENE
Olivia's Iloufe.

V.

Enter Maria and Clown.

Mar. Nay, either tell me where thon haft been, or I will not open my lips fo wide as a briftle may enter in way of thy excufe: my lady will hang thee for thy absence.

Clo. Let her hang me: he, that is well hang'd in this world, needs fear no colours. Mar. Make that good.

Clo. He fhall fee none to fear.

Mar. A good lenten 5 anfwer: I can tell thee where that faying was born, of, I fear no colours. Clo. Where, good mistress Mary ?

Mar. In the wars; and that may you be bold to say in your foolery.

Ch. Well, God give them wifdom, that have it; and thofe that are fools, let them use their talents. Mar. Yet you will be hang'd, for being fo long abfent, or be turn'd away: Is not that as good as a hanging to you?

Clo. Marry, a good hanging prevents a bad marriage; and, for turning away, let fummer bear

it out.

Mar. You are refolute then?

Clo. Not fo neither; but I am refolv'd on two points.

Mar. That, if one break, the other will hold; or, if both break, your gafkins fail.

Clo. Apt, in good faith; very apt! Well, g thy way; if Sir Toby would leave drinking, thou wert as witty a piece of Eve's fleh as any in Illyria.

Mar. Peace, you rogue, no more of that; here comes my lady: make your excufe wifely, you were bett. [Exit.

Enter Olivia and Malvolio.

Clo. Wit, and 't be thy will, put me into good fooling! Thofe wits, that think they have thee, do very oft prove fools; and I, that am fure I lack thee, may pafs for a wife man: For what fays Quinapalus? Better a witty fool, than a foolish Wit.- God bless thee, lady!

Ol. Take the fool away.

Clo. Do you not hear, fellows? take away the

lady.

Oli. Go to, you're a dry fool; I'll no more of you: befides, you grow difhoneft.

Cio. Two faults, Madonna, that drink and good counfel will amend: for give the dry fool drink, then is the fool not dry; bid the difhoneft man mend himself; if he mend, he is no longer dif

1 That is, a cinque-pace; the name of a dance, the measures whereof are regulated by the num ber five. 2 Stockings were in Shakspeare's time called flocks. 3 This alludes to the medical aftro

logy, which refers the affections of particular parts of the body, to the predominance of particular constellations. 4 i. e. a contest full of impediments. 5 Meaning, a hurt and Spare one; alluding to tax commons in Lent. 6 The cant word for mistress, dame.

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