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'Tis true, say they, cut off the head,
5 And there's an end; the man is dead; Because, among all human race, None e'er was known to have a brace; But confidently they maintain, That where we find the members twain, The loss of one is no such trouble, Since t'other will in strength be double. The limb surviving, you may swear, Become's his brother's lawful heir. Thus, for a trial let me beg of
15 Your Rev’rence but to cut one leg off; And you shall find by this device, The other will be stronger twice ; For ev'ry day you shall be gaining New vigour to the leg remaining : So, when an eye hath lost its brother, You see the better with the other : Cut off your hand, and you may do With t'other hand the work of two : Because the soul her power contracts,
25 And on the brother-limb reaats. But
yet the point is not so clear in
Another case, the sense of hearing ;
For though the place of either ear
Be distant as one head can bear ;
Yet Galen most acutely shews you,
Consult his book de partiam usu).
That from each ear, as he observes,
There crept two auditory nerves,
Not to be seen without a glass,
Which near the os petrosum pass ;
Thence to the neck; and moving thorough there
One goes to this, and one to t’other ear,
Which made my grand-dame always stuff her ears,
Both right and left, as fellow-sufferers.
40 You fee my learning ; but to shorten it, When my left ear was deaf a fortnight,
To t'other ear I felt it coming on:
And thus I solve this hard phænomenon.
'Tis true, a glass will bring supplies
To weak, or old, or clouded eyes :
Your arms, though both your eyes were lost,
Would guard your nose against a post :
Without your legs, two legs of wood
Are stronger, and almost as good :
And as for hands, there have been those,
Who wanting both, have us'd their toes
But no contrivance yet appears
To furnish artificial ears.
A quiet Life and a good NAME,
To a friend who married a shrew..
Written in the year 1724.
NEn scolded in so loud a din,
That Will durst hardly venture in :
He mark'd the conjugal dispute ;
Nell roar'd incessant, Dick fat mute;
But when he saw his friend appear,
Cry'd bravely, patience, good my dear,
At fight of Will the bawl'd no more,
But hurry'd out, and clapp'd the door.
Why Dick ! the devil's in thy Nell,
(Quoth Will), thy house is worse than hell:
* There was about this time a man fhewed, who wrote with his foot,
Why, what a peal the jade has rung!
Damn her, why don't you slit her tongue ?
For nothing else will make it cease.
Dear Will, I suffer this for peace :
I never quarrel with my wife ;
I bear it for a quiet life,
Scripture, you know, exhorts us to it;
Bids us to seek peace, and ensue it."
- Will went again to visit Dick;
And ent'ring in the very nick,
He saw virago Nell belabour,
With Dick's own statt, his peaceful neighbour:
Poor Will who needs must interpose,
Receiv'd a brace or two of blows.
But now, to make my story short,
Will drew out Dick to take a quart.
Why, Dick, thy wife has dev'lish whims;
Odfbubs, why don't you break her limbs?
If she were mine and had such tricks,
I'd teach her how to handle sticks :
Z-ds, I would ship her to Jamaica,
Or truck the carrion for tobacco;
I'd fend her far enough away.
Dear Will; but what would people say?
Lord ! I should get so ill a name,
The neighbours round would cry out, fhame.
Dick suffer'd for his peace and credit ;
But who believ'd him when he said it ?
Can he who makes himself a flave,
Consult his peace, or credit fave?
Dick found it by his ill fuccefs,
His quiet small, his credit less.
She serv'd him at the usual rate?
She itunn'd, and then she broke his pate.
And what he thought the hardest case,
The parish jeer'd him to his face ;
Those men who wore the breeches least,
Cal’d him a cuckold, fool, and beast.
At home he was pursu'd with noise ;
Abroad was pester'd by the boys:
Within his wife would break his bones;
Without, they pelted him with stones :
The 'prentices procur'd a riding
To act his patience, and her chiding.
False patience and mistaken pride!
There are ten thousand Dicks befide;
Slaves to their quiet and good name
Are us'd like Dick, and bear the blame,
A riding, a humorous cavalcade fill practised in some parts of England, to ridicule a fcolding wife and hen-pecked husband. A woman bestrides the horie, and with a ladle chastifes a man, who sits on a pillion behind her, with his face to the horse's tail.
(Some ingenious gentlemen, friends to the author, used to entertain themselves with writing riddles, and sending them in him and their other acquaintance : copies of which ran about, and some of them were printed both in England and Ireland. The author at his leisure-hours fell into the fame amusement : although it be faid, that he thought them of no great merit, entertaininent, or use. However, by the advice of some perfons, for whom the author had a great esteem, and who were pleased to send the copies, the few following have been published, (which are allowed to be genuine); because we are informed that several good judges have di talte for such kind of compofi
Written in the year 17245
IN youth exalted high in air,
Or bathing in the waters fair,
Nature to form me took delight,
And clad my body all in white :
My person tall and slender waste,
On either side with fringes grace'd;
Till me that tyrant man espy'd,
And dragg’d me from my mother's side ;;
No wonder now I look so thin;
The tyrant ftripp'd me to the skin :
My skin he flay'd, my hair he cropt;
At head and foot my body lopt':
And then with heart more hard than stone,
He pick'd my marrow from the bone.
To vex me more, he took a freak
To slit my tongue, and make me fpeak::
But that which wonderful appears,
I speak to eyes, and not to ears,
He oft employs me in disguise,
And makes me tell a thousand lies ::
To me he chiefly gives in trust
To please his malice, or his lust.
From me no secret he can hide :
I see his vanity and pride :
And my delight is to expose
His follies to his greatest foes.