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The ducal coffers, trusted to your charge, 45
Next hearken, Gay, to what thy charge requires. With servants, tenants, and the neighb’ring 'fquires. Let all domeftics feel your gentle sway :
55 Nor bribe, insult, nor flatter, nor betray, Let due reward to merit be allow'd; Nor with your kindred half the palace crowd. Nor think yourself secure in doing wrong, By telling noses with a party strong.
60 Be rich ; but of your wealth make no parade; At least before your master's debts are paid. Nor in a palace, built with charge immense, Presume to treat him at his own expence. Each farmer in the neighbourhood can count, 65 To what your lawful perquisites amount. The tenants poor, the hardness of the times, Are ill excuses for a fervant's crimes. With int’rest, and a premium paid befide, The master's prefling wants must be supply'd; 70 With hasty zeal behold the steward come By his own credit to advance the sum; Who, while th' unrighteous Mammon is his friend, May well conclude his pow'r will never end. A faithful treas’rer! what could he do more? 75 He lends my Lord, what was my Lord's before.
The law so strictly guards the monarch's health, That no physician dares prescribe by stealth :
The council fit; approve the Doctor's skill;
But the state-imp’rie acts a safer part;
Suppose your Lord a trusty servant send On weighty bus'nofs to fome neighb'ring friend; Presume not, Gay, unless you serve a drone, To countermand his orders by your own.
Should fome imperious neighbour fink the boats, And drain the fith ponds, while your master dotes; Shall he upon the ducal rights intrench, 91 Because he brib’d you with a brace of tench ?
Nor from your Lord his bad condition hide
Have Peter Waters always in your mind; That rogue of genuine ministerial kind Can half the peerage by his arts bewitch; Starve twenty lords to make one scoundrel rich; And when he gravely has undone a score, 105 Is humbly pray'd to ruin twenty more t.
A dextrous steward, when his tricks are found, Hush-money sends to all the neighbours round;
* These lines are thought to allude to some story concerning a great quantity of mahogony declared rotten, and then applied by somebody to wainscot, stairs, door.cales, &c. + He had practised this trade for many years wiih success.
His master, unsuspicious of his pranks,
Some, when an heir succeeds, go bold'y on, And, as they rob'd the father, rob the fon. A knave who deep imbroils his lord's affairs, Will foon grow neceffary to his heirs. His policy consists in setting traps, In finding ways and ineans, and stopping gaps ; He knows a thousand tricks whene'er he please, Though not to cure, yet palliate each disease. In either case an equal chance is run;
125 For keep, or turn him out, my Lord's undone. You want a hand to clear a filthy sink ; No cleanly workman can endure the stink, A strong dilemma in a dep'rate cafe! To act with infamy, or quit the place, 130
A bungler thus, who scarce the nail can hit, With driving wrong will make the pannel fplit : Nor dares an abler workman undertake To drive a fecond, left the whole should break.
In every court the parallel will hold;
135 And kings, like private folks, are bought and fold. The ruling rogue who dreads to be cashier'd, Contrives, as he is hated, to be fear'd; Confounds accounts, perplexes all affairs; For vengeance more embroils, than skill repairs. 140 So robbers, (and their ends are just the same), To 'scape inquiries, leave the houfe in flame.
I knew a brazen minister of state,
150 The court invited more than one or two ; Will you, Sir Spencer ? or, Will you, or you? But not a soul his office durst
accept; The subtle knave had all the plunder fwept ; And such was then the temper of the times, 155 He ow'd his preservation to his crimes. The candidates observ'd his dirty paws, Nor found it difficult to guess the cause : But when they smelt such foul corruptions round
him, i Away they fled, and left him as they found him. 260
Thus, when a greedy floven once has thrown His snot into the mess, 'tis all his own,
POor ladies ! though their bus’ness be to play,
'Tis hard they must be busy night and day : Why should they want the priviledge of men. Nor take some small diverfions now and then ? Had women been the makers of our laws; 5 (And why they were not, I can see no cause): The men should save at cards from morn to night; And female pleasures be to read and write.
The following poem was first printed in
Fog's journal of the 17th of September 1733. The subject of it is now over; but our author's known zeal against that project, made it be generally supposed to be his. It was occasioned by the bishops of Ireland endeavouring to get an act to divide the church-livings; which bill was rejected by the Irih house of Commons *.
Written in the year 1731.
A bishop, who ruld all the rest of his tribe ;
penny, You'd swear it must be the baboon of KPoor Satan will think the comparison odious: I wish I could find him out one more commodious. But this I am sure, the most rev’rend old dragon Has got on the bench many b---ps fuffragan; And all men believe he presides there incog. 15 To give them, by turns, an invisible jog.
ons on this bill, in vol. 4. p. 92.