IF

The mortal force of Time's deftructive hand;
If mountains fink to vales, if cities die,

And lefs'ning rivers mourn their fountains dry:
When my old caffock (faid a Welsh divine)
Is out at elbows, why fhould I repine?

FRO

Written in the year 1733.

Rom diftant regions Fortune fends
An odd triumvirate of friends;
Where Phoebus pays a fcanty ftipend,
Where never yet a codling ripen'd:
Hither the frantic goddefs draws
Three fuff'rers in a ruin'd caufe:
By faction banish'd here unite,

A Dean *, a Spaniard †, and a Knight ‡;
Unite, but on conditions cruel;

The Dean and Spaniard find it too well:
Condemn'd to live in fervice hard;
On either fide his Honour's guard,

* Scarron hath written a larger poem on the same subject. *The author.

+ Col. Harry Leflie, who ferved and lived long in Spain. Sir Arthur Achefon.

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The

The Dean to guard his honour's back,
Muft build a caftle at Drumlack ||;
The Spaniard, fore against his will,
Muft raise a fort at Market-hill,
And thus the pair of humble gentry
At north and fouth are pofted centry;
While in this lordly caftle fixt

The knight triumphant reigns betwixt :
And what the wretches moft refent,
To be his flaves must pay him rent;
Attend him daily as their chief,
Decant his wine, and carve his beef.
Oh, Fortune! 'tis a fcandal for thee
To finile on those who are least worthy :
Weigh but the merits of the three,
His flaves have ten times more than he.

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Proud Baronet of Nova Scotia !

The Dean and Spaniard muit reproach ye:

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Of their two fames the world enough rings;

Where are thy fervices and fuff'rings?

What if for nothing once you kift,
Against the grain, a monarch's fift?
What if among the courtly tribe
You loft a place, and fav'd a bribe?
And then in furly mood came here
To fifteen hundred pounds a-year,
And fierce against the Whigs harangu'd?
You never ventur'd to be hang'd.

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How dare you treat your betters thus?

Are you to be campar'd with us?

Come, Spaniard, let us from our farms

Call forth our cottagers to arms;

The Irish name of a farm the Dean took, and was to build on,

but changed his mind.

He called it Drapier's Hill. Vide the

pom fo called, p. 132.

N 3

Our

Our forces let us both unite,

Attack the foe at left and right.

From Market-hill's exalted head,

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Full northward let your troops be led ;
While I from Drapier's mount defcend,
And to the fouth my fquadrons bend.
New-river walk with friendly fhade
Shall keep my host in ambuscade ;
While you, from where the bafon stands,
Shall fcale the rampart with your bands.
Nor need we doubt the fort to win ;

I hold intelligence within.

True, Lady Anne no danger fears,
Brave as the Upton fan fhe wears;
Then left upon our first attack

Her valiant arm fhould force us back,
And we of all our hopes depriv'd;
I have a ftratagem contriv'd.

By thefe embroider'd high-heel'd shoes
She fhall be caught as in a noofe;
So well contriv'd her toes to pinch,
She'll not have power to ftir an inch :
Thefe gaudy fhoes muft Hannah * place
Direct before her Lady's place;

The fhoes put on our faithful port'refs
Admits us in to ftorm the fort'refs;
While tortur'd Madam bound remains,
Like Montezume in golden chains,
Or like a cat with walnuts fhod,
Stumbling at ev'ry step she trod.
Sly hunters thus, in Borneo's ifle,
To catch a monkey by a wile,

The mimic animal amufe;

They place before him gloves and fhoes;

Which when the brute puts awkward on,

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All his agility is gone :

*My Lady's waiting maid.

In vain to frifk or climb he tries;
The huntsmen feize the grinning prize.

But let us, on our first affault,
Secure the larder and the vault:
The valiant Dennis * you must fix on,
And I'll engage with Peggy Dixon† ;
Then if we once can feize the key
And cheft, that keeps my Lady's tea,
They muft furrender at difcretion :
And foon as we have gain'd poffeffion,
We'll act as other conq'rors do,
Divide the realm between us two :

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90%

Then (let me fee) we'll make the Knight.

Our clerk, for he can read and write;

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But muft not think, I tell him that,.
Like Lorimer ‡ to wear his hat;
Yet, when we dine without a friend,
We'll place him at the lower end.
Madam, whose skill does all in drefs lie,
May ferve to wait on Mrs. Leflie;
But left it might not be fo proper,
That her own maid fhould overtop her;
To mortify the creature more,

We'll take her heels five inches low'r.

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For Hannah, when we have no need of her, 105

'Twill be our int'reft to get rid of her :

And when we execute our plot,

'Tis beft to hang her on the fpot; As all your politicians wife

Dispatch the rogues on whom they rise.

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*The butler. The housekeeper.

The agent.

TRAU.

TRAULUS.

A Dialogue between Toм and ROBIN.

Tom.

The FIRST PART.

Written in the Year 1730.

SAY, Robin, what can Traulus mean
By bell'wing thus against the Dean?

Why does he call him paltry fcribbler,
Papift, and Jacobite, and lib'ler?

Yet cannot prove a fingle fact?

Robin. Forgive him, Tom, his head is crackt.

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Tom. What mischief can the Dean have done him, That Traulus calls for vengeance on him? Why must be fputter, fpawl, and flaver it In vain against the people's fav'rite? Revile that nation-faving paper, Which gave the Dean the name of Draper?

Robin. Why, Tom, I think the case is plain,
Party and fpleen have turn'd his brain.

Tom. Such friendship never man profefs'd,
The Dean was never fo carefs'd;
For Traulus long has rancour nurst,
Till, God knows why, at laft it burst.
That clumfy outside of a porter,
How could it thus conceal a courtier?

Robin. I own, appearances are bad;

Yet ftill infift the man is mad.

ΙΟ

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Tom.