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Because he has never a hand that is idle;

For the right holds the fword, and the left holds the bridle;

LIO

Then flourishes thrice his fword in the air;
As a compliment due to a lady so fair;
(How I tremble to think of the blood it hath spilt!)
Then he low'rs down the point, and kiffes the hilt,
Your Ladyfhip finiles, and thus you begin;

Pray, Captain, be pleas'd to alight and walk in.
The Captain falutes you with congee profound, 115
And your Ladyfhip curtfies half way to the ground.

Kit, run to your master, and bid him come to

us.

I'm fure he'll be proud of the honour you do us;
And, Captain, you'll do us the favour to stay,
And take a fhort dinner here with us to-day: 120
You're heartily welcome: but as for good cheer,
You come in the very worst time in the year:
If I had expected fo worthy a guest-

Lord! Madam! your Ladyfhip fure is in jeft;
You banter me, Madam, the kingdom must grant---
You officers, Captain, are so complaisant.

120

"Hift, huffy, I think I hear somebody coming--No, Madam, 'tis only Sir Arthur a-humming.

To fhorten my tale, (for I hate a long story), The Captain at dinner appears in his glory; 130 The Dean and the Doctor * have humbled their pride,

For the Captain's intreated to fit by your fide;
And, because he's their betters, you carve for him

first;

The parfons for envy are ready to burst;

The fervants amaz'd are scarce ever able

135

To keep off their eyes, as they wait at the table;

* Dr. Jenny, a clergyman in the neighbourhood.

And

And Molly and I have thruft in our nofe To peep at the Captain in all his fine clo'es : Dear Madam, be fure he's a fine spoken man, Do but hear on the clergy how glib his tongue ran ; “And, Madam, fays he, if fuch dinners you give, "You'll never want parfons as long as you live; 142 "I ne'er knew a parfon without a good nofe, "But the devil's as welcome where-ever he goes; "G-d—me, they bid us reform and repent,

145

"But, z—s, by their looks they never keep lent: "Mifter Curate, for all your grave looks I'm afraid "You caft a fheep's eye on her Ladyfhip's maid; "I with the would lend you her pretty white hand "In mending your caffock, and fmoothing your

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band:

150

'(For the Dean was fo fhabby, and look'd like a

ninny,

155

"That the Captain fuppos'd he was curate to Jenny): "Whenever a caffock and gown, fee you "A hundred to one but it covers a clown; "Obferve how a parfon comes into a room, “G—d—me, he hobbles as bad as my groom; "A fcholard, when just from his college broke loose, "Can hardly tell how to cry bo to a goofe; "Your Noveds, and Bluturks, and Omurs *, and

ftuff,

"By G- they don't fignify this pinch of fnuff. 160 "To give a young gentleman right education, "The army's the only good fchool in the nation;

My schoolmafter call'd me a dunce and a fool, "But at cuffs I was always the cock of the school; "I never could take to my book for the blood o'me. "And the puppy confefs'd he expected no good o'me. "He caught me one morning coquetting his wife; "But he maul'd me, I ne'er was fo maul'd in my life:

#

* Ovids, Plutarchs, Homers. See effay on modern education, "So

"So I took to the road, and, what's very odd, "The firft man I robb'd was a parfon by G-. 170 "Now, Madam, you'll think it a ftrange thing to say, "But the fight of a book makes me fick to this day."

Never fince I was born did I hear so much wit, And, Madam, I laugh'd till I thought I fhould split. So then you look'd fcornful, and fnift at the Dean, As who fhould fay, Now am I skinny and lean †? 170 But he durft not fo much as once open his lips, And the Doctor was plaguily down in the hips.

Thus mercilefs Hannah ran on in her talk, 179 Till the heard the Dean call, Will your Ladyship walk? Her Ladyfhip anfwers, I'm just coming down; Then turning to Hannah, and forcing a frown, Although it was plain in her heart she was glad, Cry'd, Huffy, why fure the wench is gone mad : How could thefe chimeras get into your brains?--185 Come hither, and take this old gown for your pains: Dut the Dean, if this fecret fhould come to her ears, Will never have done with his jibes and his jeers: For your life not a word of the matter I charge ye :: Give me but a barrack, a fig for the clergy.

***

*

190

*****

An excellent new Ballad; or, The true ENGLISH DEAN to be hanged for a RAPE.

OUR

Written in the year 1730.

I.

UR brethren of England, who love us fo dear,
And in all they do for us fo kindly do mean,

+Nicknames for my Lady.

Sawbridge Dean of Fernes,

A bleffing

A bleffing upon them! have fent us this year,
For the good of our church, a true Englifh Dean.
A holier priest ne'er was wrapt up in crape;
The worst you can fay, he committed a rape.

II.

5

In his journey to Dublin, he lighted at Chester, And there he grew fond of another man's wife; Burft into her chamber, and would have carefs'd

her;

But the valu'd her honour much more than her

life.

She buftled, and struggled, and made her escape
To a room full of guefts, for fear of a

III.

rape.

10

The Dean he purfu'd to recover his game;
And now to attack her again he prepares :
But the company stood in defence of the dame: 15
They cudgel'd, and cuff'd him, and kick'd him
down ftairs.

His Deanfhip was now in a damnable scrape,
And this was no time for committing a rape.
IV..

To Dublin he comes, to the bagnio he goes,
And orders the landlord to bring him a whore;
No fcruple came on him his gown to expofe,
'Twas what all his life he had practis'd before.
He had made himself drunk with the juice of the

grape,

And got a good clap, but committed no rape.

V.

21

The Dean and his landlord, a jolly comrade, 25
Refolv'd for a fortnight to fwim in delight;
For why, they had both been brought up to the trade
Of drinking all day, and of whoring all night.
His landlord was ready his Deanfhip to ape
In ev'ry debauch, but committing a rape.

VI.

This Proteftant zealot, this English divine,

In church and in ftate was of principles found;

30

We

Was truer than Steele to the Hanover line,

And griev'd that a Tory fhould live above ground, Shall a fubject fo loyal be hang'd by the nape For no other crime, but committing a rape?

VII.

35

By old Popish canons, as wife men have penn'd 'em, Each prieft had a concubine, jure ecclefiæ; Who'd be Dean of Fernes without a commendam?

And precedents we can produce, if it please ye; Then why fhould the Dean, when whores are fo

cheap,

Be put to the peril and toil of a rape?

VIII.

4F

If Fortune should please but to take fuch a crotchet,
(To thee I apply, great Smedley's fucceffor),
To give thee lawn fleeves, a mitre and rotchet, 45
Whom would'ft thou refemble? I leave thee a

gueffer;

But I only behold thee in Atherton' * shape,
For fodomy hang'd, as thou for a rape.

IX.

Ah! doft thou not envy the brave Col'nel Chartrest, Condemn'd for thy crime at threefcore and ten? To hang him all England would lend him their gar

ters;

Yet he lives, and is ready to ravish again. Then throttle thyfelf with an ell of ftrong tape. For thou haft not a groat to atone for a rape.

X.

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The Dean he was vex'd, that his whores were fo

willing:

55

He long'd for a girl that would struggle and fquall; He ravish'd her fairly, and fav'd a good fhilling; But here was to pay the devil and all. His trouble and forrows now come in a heap, And hang'd he must be for committing a rape.

༡༡༡.

A bishop of Waterford, fent from England a

+ See above.

hundred years

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