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Because he has never a hand that is idle ;
For the right holds the sword, and the left holds

the bridle ;
Then flourishes thrice his sword in the air;
As a compliment due to a lady so fair ;

110 (How I treinble to think of the blood it hath spilt!) Then he low’rs down the point, and kisses the hilt, Your Ladyfhip finiies, and thus you begin ; Pray, Captain, be pleas'd to alight and walk in. The Captain salutes you with congee profound, 115 And your Ladyship curtsies half way to the ground.

Kit, run to your master, and bid him come to


I'm sure he'll be proud of the honour you do us;
And, Captain, you'll do us the favour to stay,
And take a short dinner here with us to-day : 120
You're heartily welcome: but as for good cheer,
You come in the very worst time in the

If I had expected so worthy a guest-
Lord ! Madam! your Ladyship fure is in jeft;
You banter me, Madain, the kingdom must grant---
You officers, Captain, are so complaisant, 120

“ Hift, huffy, I think I hear somebody coming.-No, Madam, 'tis only Sir Arthur a-humming.

To shorten my tale, (for I hate a long story), The Captain at dinner appears in his glory; 130 The Dean and the Doctor * have humbled their

pride, For the Captain's intreated to fit by your fide; And, because he's their betters, you carve for him


The parsons for envy are ready to burst;
The servants amaz'd are scarce ever able

135 To keep off their eyes, as they wait at the table ;

* Ds. Jenny, a clergyman in the meighbourhood,


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And Molly and I have thrust in our nose To peep at the Captain in all his tine clo'es : Dear Madam, be lure he's a fine fpoken man, Do but hear on the clergy how glib his tongue ran ; And, Madam, fays he, if such dinners you give, " You'll never want parsons as long as you live; 142 “ I ne'er knew a parton without a good nose, “ But the devil's as welcome where ever he goes; “G-d-me, they bid us reform and repent, 145 “ But, 2-s, by their looks they never keep lent: “Mister Curate, for all your grave looks I'm afraid You cast a theep's eye on her Ladythip's maid; “ I wish the would lend you her pretty white hand " In mending your caffock, and smoothing your band:

150 “ (For the Dean was fo fhabby, and look'd like a

ninny, " That the Captain suppos'd he was curate to Jenny): “ Whenever you see a caffock and gown, " A hundred to one but it covers a clown

; “ Observe how a parson comes into a room, 155 "G-d-me, he hobbles as bad as my groom ; “ A scholard, when just from his college broke loose, “Can hardly tell how to cry bo to a goose ; Your Noveds, and Bluturks, and Omurs *, and

stuff, “ By G- they don't signify this pinch of snuff. 160 “ To give a young gentleman right education, " The army's the only good fchool in the nation;

My schoolmaster call'd me a dunce and a fcol, “But at cuffs I was always the cock of the school; “ I never could take to my book for the blood o'me, “And the puppy confess’d he expected no good o'me. “He caught me one morning coquetting his wife; “ But he maulid me, I ne'er was so maul'd in my life:

• Ovids, Plutarchs, Homers. See effay on modern education,

“ So I took to the road, and, what's very odd, “ The first man I robb’d was a parson by G-,. 170 Now, Madam, you'll think it a strange thing to say; “ But the fight of a book makes me fick to this day.”

Never since I was born did I hear so much wit, And, Madam, I laugh'd till I thought I should split: So then you look'd fcornful, and Inift at the Dean, As who should say, Now am I skinny and lean ť? 170 But he durst not so much as once open his lips, And the Doctor was plaguily down in the hips.

Thus merciless Hannah ran on in her talk, 179 Till the heard the Dean call, Will your Ladyskip walk? Her Ladyship answers, I'm just coming down; Then turning to Hannah, and forcing a frown, Although it was plain in her heart she was glad, Cry'd, Huffy, why fure the wench is gone mad: How could these chimeras get into your brains ?--185 Come hither, and take this old gown for your painsi Dut the Dean, if this secret should come to her ears, Will never have done with his jibes and his jeers : For your

life not a word of the matter I charge ye :: Give me but a barrack, a fig for the clergy. 190

An excellent new Ballad; or, The true

ENGLISH DEAN * to be hanged for a RAPE.

Written in the year 1730.


OUR brethren of England, who love us so dear,

And in all they do for us so kindly do mean,

Nicknames for my Lady.
Pawbridge Dean of Fernes,

A blessing

A blessing upon them ! have sent us this year,

For the good of our church, a true English Dean. A holier priest ne'er was wrapt up in crape ; 5 The worst you can say, he committed a rape.

In his journey to Dublin, he lighted at Chester,

And there he grew fond of another man's wife; Burst into her chamber, and would have caress’d

her; But the valu'd her honour much more than her

She bustled, and struggled, and made her escape
To-a room full of guests, for fear of a rape.

The Dean he pursu'd to recover his game ;

And now to attack her again he prepares :
But the company stood in defence of the dame: 15
They cudgel'd, and cuff'd him, and kick'd him

down stairs. His Deanship was now in a damnable scrape, And this was no time for committing a rape.

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To Dublin he comes, to the bagnio he goes,

And orders the landlord to bring him a whore ; No fcruple came on him his gown to expose,

'Twas what all his life he had practis'd before. He had made himfelf drunk with the juice of the

grape, And got a good clap, but committed no rape.

V: The Dean and his landlord, a jolly comrade, 25

Resolv'd for a fortnight to swim in delight; For why, they had both been brought up to the trade

Of drinking all day, and of whoring all night. His landlord was ready his Deanship to ape In ev'ry debauch, but committing a rape. 30

VI. This Proteftant zealot, this English divine, In church and in ftate was of principles found;


Was truer than Steele to the Hanover line,

And griev'd that a Tory should live above ground, Shall a subject fo loyal be hang'd by the nape 35 For no other crime, but committing a rape ?

VII. By old Popish canons, as wise men have penn'd 'em,

Each priest had a concubine, jure ecclefiæ ; Who'd be Dean of Fernes without a commendam?

And precedents we can produce, if it please ye ; Then why should the Dean, when whores are so cheap,

41 Be put to the peril and toil of a rape ?

VIII. If Fortune should please but to take fuch a crotchet,

(To thee I apply, great Smedley's fucceffor), To give thee lawn sleeves, a mitre and rotchet, 45Whom would'st thou resemble? I leave thee a

guefler ; But I only behold thee in Atherton' * fhape, For sodomy hang'd, as thou for a rape.

IX Ah! dost thou not envy the brave Col'nel Chartrest,

Condemn'd for thy crime at threescore and ten ? To hang him all England would lend him their gar-ters ;

55 Yet he lives, and is ready to ravish again. Then throttle thyself with an ell of strong tápe. For thou hast not a groat to atone for a rape.

X. The Dean he was vex'd, that his whores were fowilling :

55 He long'd for a girl that would struggle and squall; He ravish'd her fairly, and fav'd a good fhilling ;

But here was to pay the devil and all.
His trouble and forrows now come in a heap,
And hang'd he must be for committing a rape.

hundred years

* A bishop of Waterford, rent from England a ag.

+ See above.

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