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this young man is the eldest son of one of the best men I ever knew. No man ever possessed a larger share of my venerating affection: I love this young person as his son, and I love him for himself; and when you, my dear, know him as I do, the goodness of your own heart will compel you to love him as I do.' How highly gratifying all this to me, at such a time, in such a place, and in the presence of the lady, whose guest I was! but I must be her guest no longer; this warm-hearted friend of my father, and of myself, would not allow me to leave his house nor the city for a long season; indeed, it was greatly against his will, that I left Bath when I did. I promised I would call every day upon my worthy host and hostess, which promise I punctually performed. Mr. Tucker insisted upon my giving them a discourse in the church in which he officiated; for, although possessed of an independent fortune, he yet continued to preach to the people. On Sunday, then, I preached in the city of Bath, to great acceptation. My host and hostess (the hospitable hay-maker and wife) were present, and felicitated themselves that they had introduced a man, so much approved.

My reverend friend conducted me from place to place, showing me every thing curious in that opulent resort of the nobility. It was to this faithful friend that I communicated, in confidence, the difficulties under which I labored, respecting my religious principles. I observed to him, that I could not, with a good conscience, reprobate doctrines, which, as I firmly believed originated withi God, nor advocate sentiments diametrically opposite to what I considered as truth. On this account I could not cordially unite with Mr. Wesley, or his preachers. Mr. Tucker saw the force of my objections; nay, he felt them too, for he was at that instant nearly in the same predicament with myself. Yet we could not hit upon an expedient to continue in the connexion, and preserve our integrity. My anxiety, however, to reach the capital compelled me to press forward; and my kind friend, convinced I was not to be prevailed upon further to delay my departure, engaged a place in the coach for me, discharging all the attendant expenses, and placing, besides a handsome gratuity in my pocket. Of my first host and hostess I took a friendly leave; gratitude has stamped their images upon my bosom; I left them, and my other kind friends, in tears; we com mended each other to the kind God, who, in his own way, careth for us. I have since been greatly astonished; indeed I was at the time surprised, at my thus hastening to quit a place, where I was furnished with every thing my heart ought to have desired, when the prospect before me was at least uncertain; but I have been, all my days, a mystery to myself; nor this mystery yet unravelled. I retired this night to bed, but did not close my eyes until near the dawn of day; yet my reflections upon my pillow were charming; I clearly saw the good hand of God in all my movements; I was enchanted with every thing I had seen, and with the prospect of what I had still to see. O! how sweet, in early life, are those sensations, which are the

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offspring of vigorous hope; how great are the joys of expectation! No one ever derived more high-wrought pleasures from hope, than myself. I quitted my bed just at the dawn of day, after a refreshing slumber; I had apprized the people at the stage-house, the evening before, that I should walk on, and let the stage overtake me; this I did, and a most delightful walk I had. I met the Aurora, the rising sun, the waking songsters of the hedges, the lowing tenents of the mead, the lusty laborer, with his scythe, preparing to cut down the bending burden of the flowery meadow. The increasing beauty of the surrounding scenes, the fragrant scent of the new-mowed hay, all, all, were truly delightful; and thus enchanted, with spirits light as air, I passed on, till I reached the Devizes, nineteen miles from Bath, wliere, after I had breakfasted, the coach overtook me, in which I was soon seated, finding a ride, after walking, more abundantly refreshing; we rolled over the finest road in the world, with such rapidity, that we reached London before sunset. How much was my heart elated, as I passed over this charming country; how did it palpitate with pleasure, as I advanced toward the metropolis; yet still I had no fixed plan, nor knew I what I should do, or whither repair True, I had some letters to deliver, but, in the hurry of my spirits, I had forgotten them; and on being set down at the stage house in London, I left my trunk without a single line of intimation to whom it belonged, and wandered about the city, feasting my eyes with the variety which it presented, till twilight grey had, in her sober livery, all things clad,' when I began to turn my thoughts towards a shelter for the night. I entered a tavern, requesting a supper, and a lodging, both of which were readily granted. I sat pensive; I was weary, my spirits sunk, I ate little, and, retiring to my chamber, after securing the door, I fell on my knees, beseeching the Father of mercies to have compassion upon me. I wept, wished myself at home, and my heart seemed to die within me, at the consideration that I could not return, without fulfilling the predictions of my matron friend: 'You will return,' said she, and, perhaps find this door shut against you.' Never, said I, never; I will die first. This was the most melancholy night, I had passed, since I left the dwelling of my mother. I arose in the morning unrefreshed; I inquired where the stage put up; I had forgotten; I told my host, I had left my trunk at the stage-house. He soon found the place, but he despaired of ever obtaining my trunk; I recovered it, however, and a porter took it to my lodgings, there I believed it safe, although I knew nothing of the people. I recollected where I had lived, when with my father in this city; thither I repaired; but although there were remaining individuals who remembered him, no one recognized me. I was however kindly noticed, for his sake, and soon introduced to many, by whom I was much caressed. From this I reaped no benefit; a few of my Methodist friends, whom I had known in Ireland, visited me, but, seeing me in company which they did not approve, they stood aloof from me. In the judgment

of Mr Wesley, and his adherents, my principles were against me. They did not believe any man could be pious, who believed the doctrine of predestination. I remember, some time after the death of my father, sitting with Mr. Wesley in the house of my mother and conversing on this truly interesting subject; I ventured to remark, that there were some good men, who had given their suffrage in favor of the doctrine of election, and I oduced my father, as an instance, when, laying his hand upon my shoulder, with great earnestuess, he said: 'My dear lad, believe me, there never was a man in this world, who believed the doctrine of Calvin, but the language of his heart was, 'I may live as I list. It was, as I have before observed, generally believed, that I inherited the principles of my father. The Methodists in London were afraid of me, and I was afraid of them; we therefore, as if by mutual consent, avoided each other; my wish to attach myself to Mr. Whitefield was still paramount in my bosom, but Mr. Whitefield was not at home, and it was unfortunate for me that he was not. Every day I was more and more distinguished; but it was by those, whose neglect of me would have been a mercy: by their nominal kindness I was made to taste of pleasures, to which I had before been a stranger, and those pleasures were eagerly zested. I became what is called very good company, and I resolved to see, and become acquainted with life; yet I determined, my knowledge of the town, and its pleasures, should not affect my standing in the religious world. But I was miserably deceived; gradually, my former habits seemed to fade from my recollection. To my new connexions I gave, and received from them, what I then believed pleasure, without alloy. Of music, and dancing, I was very fond, and I delighted in convivial parties; Vauxhall, the playhouses, were charming; I had never known life before. It is true, my secret Mentor sometimes embittered my enjoyments; the precepts, the example of my father stared me in the face; the secret sigh of my bosom arose, as I mournfully reflected on what I had lost. But I had not sufficient resolution to retrace my steps; indeed I had little leisure. I was in a perpetual round of company; I was intoxicated with pleasure; I was invited into one society, and another, until there was hardly a society in London, of which I was not a member.

How long this life of dissipation would have lasted, had not my resources failed, I know not. I occasionally encountered one and another of my religious connexions, who seriously expostulated with me; but I generally extorted from them a laugh, which ultimately induced them to shun me. I had an interview with Mr. Barnstable, a preacher in Mr. Wesley's connexion, and questioning him respecting many whom I had known, he informed me that Mr. Trinbath, at whose house I had passed so delightful an evening with Mr. Whitefield, in the city of Cork, was no more! His beautiful wife had quitted her husband, her children, and her mother, and accompanied a private soldier to America!!!* Her doating

* See Chap. VI. T. W

husband, thus cruelly deceived, lost first his reason, and afterwards, his life. Mr. Barnstable inquired what had become of me so long; and, after severely admonishing me, he pronounced upon me an anathema, and quitted me. It will be supposed 1 was not much pleased with him, and assuredly, I was at variance with myself; and above all, I was grievously afflicted for the misfortunes and death of the once happy Trinbath. It has often been a matter of astonishment to me, how, after such a religious education as I had received; after really, vitally entering into the spirit of the life to which I was from infancy habituated; after feelingly bearing my public testimony against the follies and the dissipation of the many, I should so entirely renounce a life of serious piety, and embrace a life of frolic, a life of whim! It is also wonderful, that thus changed, I proceeded no further; that I was guilty of no flagrant vices; that I was drawn into no fatal snares. Many were the devices employed to entangle me; which devices I never deliberately sought to avoid. Doubtless I was upheld by the good hand of God; for which sustaining power my full soul offers its grateful orisons.

I pursued this inconsiderate, destructive course upwards of a year, never permanently reflecting where I was, or how I should terminate my career. My money was nearly exhausted; but this was beneath my consideration and, as I have said, serious reflection was arrested by large circles of friends successively engaging me, either abroad or at home, in town or in the country. Thus did my life exhibit a constant tissue of folly and indiscretion. But the time of my emancipation drew near; a demand, which I had barely sufficient to answer, was made upon me by my tailor: I started, and stood for some time motionless. The money, which I believed would never be expended, was already gone. I saw no method of recruiting my finances, and I stood appalled, when, at this distressing moment a gay companion broke in upon me; he was on his way to the club: there was to be grand doings: John Wilkes, esquire, was that night to become a member. Tinstantly forgot everything of a gloomy nature, and went off as light as a feathered inhabitant of the air. I never was fond of the pleasures of the bottle; of social pleasures, no one more so: and that I might enjoy society with an unbroken zest, I have frequently thrown the wine under the table, rejoicing that I thus preserved my reason.

This period of my life had so much of variety, and yet so much of sameness, that a picture of a week would be nearly a complete exhibition of all my deviations. Suffice it to say, that I plunged into the vortex of pleasure, greedily grasping at enjoyments, which both my habits and my circumstances should have taught me to shun, Upon this subject I do not love to dwell. If possible, I would erase it from my recollection: and yet I derive abundant satisfaction from the manifestation of Divine Goodness, so strikingly exemplified through the whole of my wanderings, in preserving me, by the strong arm of the Almighty, from numerous evils to which, in the society I frequented, and in the city where I resided,

I was hourly exposed. But, as I said, necessity, imperious nocessity compelled me to pause; and it was, in truth, a blessed necessity. Had I been inclined to forget that my whole stock was expended, the frequent calls made upon me for monies which I could not pay, would have constituted a uniform and impressive memento. My embarrassments were soon rumored abroad ; and although I had many friends, who appeared to regard money as little as myself, who, declaring they could not exist without me, insisted upon my being of their parties, yet a consciousness of dependence rendered me wretched, while indirect remarks, thrown out by some individuals, served to increase my wretchedness. Easter holydays are, in England, days of conviviality. Parties of pleasure were everywhere forming. My connexions were hastening to my favorite retreat, Richmond: inclination led me to join them: but they either were not, or I suspected they were not, as usual, warm in their solicitations, and I declined a less importunate invitation. I, however, took a solitary walk, and I met reflection on the way. I had in the world but one half-penny, and a mendicant, asking alms, crossed my path; I gave him my half-penny, and walked on, till, passing out of the city, I advanced into the fields. I began to feel exhausted; and, under the wide spreading shade of a tree, I sat mo down. I continued, for some time, in a state of fixed despair, regardless of life and everything which it had to bestow, The eye of retrospection ran over past scenes: I remembered my father's house, and the plenty which, particularly at this season, reigned there. This was nearly the anniversary of his death; the mournful scene passed in review before me; his paternal advice, his paternal prayers flashed upon my soul; the eye of my mind dwelt upon the family I had deserted. Oh! could they now behold me! Would they not be gratified? I hoped they would. Their pity would have pained me most exquisitely. Still my emotions were not of an ameliorating description: my heart was indurated, and, had I possessed the means, I should have proceeded in the path of destruction. At length I seemed awakened to a full sense of the horrors of my situation; my heart throbbed with anguish as I spontaneously exclaimed: Am I the son of such a man, the son of such parents? am I that pious youth so much, and by so many admired? am I the preacher, who at so early a period preached to others, drawing tears from the eyes of those who heard me? And is it thus my journey to England terminates? am I now alone and unfriended, without an extricating hand to save me? Whither, ah! whither shall I go, and what step is now to be taken? At this moment the voice of consolation vibrated upon my mental ear: 'Imitate the prodigal of old, Arise, and go unto your Father; say, have sinned against heaven and in thy sight; I am no longer worthy to be called thy son: but beseech Him, nevertheless, to receive you into his service.' This counsel, proceeding from a quarter from which I had not for a long season heard, deeply affected me, and bitterly did I weep, in the dread of that refusal, which, should

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