SCENE I.-Lord Townly's Apartment.

LORD TOWNLY discovered.

Lord T. Why did I marry? Was it not evident, my plain, rational scheme of life was impracticable with a woman of so different a way of thinking? Is there one article of it that she has not broke in upon? Yes, let me do her justice-her reputation-that, I have no reason to believe is in question. But, then, how long her profligate course of pleasures may make her able to keep it, is a shocking consideration; and her presumption, while she keeps it, insupportable; for, on the pride of that single virtue, she seems to lay it down as a fundamental point, that the free indulgence of every other vice this fertile town affords, is the birthright prerogative of a woman of quality. Amazing! that a creature, so warm in the pursuit of her pleasures, should never cast one thought towards her happiness. Thus, while she admits of no lover, she thinks it a greater merit still in her chastity, not to care for her husband; and, while she herself is solacing in one continual round of cards and good company, he, poor wretch, is left at large, to take care of his own contentment. "Tis time, indeed, some care were taken, and speedily there shall be; yet, let me not be rash: perhaps this disappointment of my heart may make me too impatient; and some tempers, when reproached, grow more untractable. Here she comes: let me be calm awhile. Enter LADY TOWNLY.

Going out so soon after dinner, madam? Lady T. Lard, my lord! what can I possibly do at home? [at home? Lord T. What does my sister, Lady Grace, do Lady T. Why, that is to me amazing! Have you ever any pleasure at home?

JAMES

LADY TOWNLY
LADY GRACE

LADY WRONGHEAD

MISS JENNY

MRS. MOTHERLY MYRTILLA TRUSTY

Lord T. It might be in your power, madam, I confess, to make it a little more comfortable to

me.

Lady T. Comfortable! And so, my good lord, you would really have a woman of my rank and spirit stay at home to comfort her husband! Lord, what notions of life some men have!

Lord T. Don't you think, madam, some ladies' notions are full as extravagant?

Lady T. Yes, my lord, when the tame doves live cooped within the pen of your precepts, I do think them prodigious indeed!

Lord T. And when they fly wild about this town, madam, pray what must the world think of them then? Lady T. Oh! this world is not so ill-bred as to quarrel with any woman for liking it.

Lord T. Nor am I, madam, a husband so wellbred, as to bear my wife's being so fond of it; in short, the life you lead, madam

Lady T. Is to me the pleasantest life in the world. Lord T. I should not dispute your taste, madam, if a woman had a right to please nobody but herself. Lady T. Why, whom would you have her please? Lord 7. Sometimes her husband. Lady T. And don't you think a husband under the same obligation?

Lord T. Certainly.

Lady T. Why then we are agreed, my lord. For if I never go abroad till I am weary of being at home, (which you know is the case) is it not equally reasonable not to come home till one is weary of being abroad?

Lord T. If this be your rule of life, madam, 'tis time to ask you one serious question.

Lady T. Don't let it be long a coming, then; for I am in haste.

Lord T. Madam, when I am serious, I expect a serious answer.

Lady T. Before I know the question?

Lord T. Psha! Have I power, madam, to make you serious by entreaty?

Lady T. You have.

Lord T. And you promise to answer me sincerely? Lady T. Sincerely.

Lord T. Now, then, recollect your thoughts, and tell me seriously why you married me.

Lady T. You insist upon truth, you say? Lord T. I think I have a right to it. Lady T. Why, then, my lord, to give you at once a proof of my obedience and sincerity, I think I married to take off that restraint that lay upon my pleasures while I was a single woman.

Lord T. How, madam! Is any woman under less restraint after marriage than before it?

Lady T. Oh! my lord, my lord! they are quite different creatures! Wives have infinite liberties in life, that would be terrible in an unmarried woLord T. Name one. [man to take. Lady T. Fifty, if you please. To begin, then: in the morning, a married woman may have men at her toilet; invite them to dinner; appoint them a party in the stage-box at the play; engross the conversation there; call them by their christian names; talk louder than the players; from thence, clatter again to this end of the town; break, with the morning, into an assembly; crowd to the hazard table; throw a familiar levant upon some sharp, lurching man of quality; and if he demands his money, turn it off with a loud laugh, and cry you'll owe it him, to vex him. Ha, ha!

Lord T. Prodigious! (Aside.)

Lady T. These now, my lord, are some few of the many modish amusements that distinguish the privilege of a wife from that of a single woman.

Lord T. Death, madam! What law has made these liberties less scandalous in a wife than in an unmarried woman?

Lady T. Why the strongest law in the world-custom, custom; time out of mind, my lord.

Lord T. Custom, madam, is the law of fools; but it shall never govern me.

Lady T. Nay then, my lord, 'tis time for me to observe the laws of prudence.

Lord T. I wish I could see an instance of it. Lady T. You shall have one this moment, my Jord; for I think when a man begins to lose his temper at home, if a woman has any prudence, why she'll go abroad till he comes to himself again. (Going.)

Lord T. Hold, madam! I am amazed you are not more uneasy at the life we lead. You don't want sense, and yet seem void of all humanity; for, with a blush I say it, I think I have not wanted love.

Lady T. Oh! don't say that, my lord, if you suppose I have my senses.

Lord T. What is it I have done to you? What can you complain of?

Lady T. Oh! nothing, in the least. 'Tis true you have heard me say I have owed my Lord Lurcher a hundred pounds these three weeks; but what then? a husband is not liable to his wife's debts of honour, you know; and if a silly woman will be uneasy about money she can't be sued for, what's that to him? As long as he loves her, to be sure, she can have nothing to complain of.

Lord T. By heaven, if my whole fortune, thrown into your lap, could make you delight in the cheerful duties of a wife, I should think myself a gainer by the purchase!

Lady T. That is, my lord, I might receive your whole estate, provided you were sure I would not spend a shilling of it.

Lord T. No, madam: were I master of your heart, your pleasures would be mine; but different as they are, I'll feed even your follies to deserve

it. Perhaps you may have some other trifling debts of honour abroad, that keep you out of humour at home; at least it shall not be my fault if I have not more of your company. There, there's a bill of five hundred; and now, madam

Lady T. And now my lord, down to the ground, I thank you. (Courtseying.)

Lord T. If it be no offence, madam—

Lady T. Say what you please, my lord; I am in that harmony of spirits, it is impossible to put me out of humour.

Lord T. How long, in reason, then, do you think that sum ought to last you?

Lady T. Oh! my dear, dear lord, now you have spoiled all again! How is it possible I should answer for an event that so utterly depends upon fortune? But to shew you that I am more inclined to get money than to throw it away, I have a strong possession that with this five hundred I shall win five thousand.

Lord T. Madam, if you were to win ten thousand, it would be no satisfaction to me.

Lady T. Oh! the churl! ten thousand. What! not so much as wish I might win ten thousand? Ten thousand! Oh! the charming sum! what infinite pretty things might a woman of spirit do with ten thousand guineas! On my conscience, if she were a woman of true spirit-she-she might lose them all again.

Lord T. And I had rather it should be so, madam; provided I could be sure that were the last you would lose.

Lady T. Well, my lord, to let you see I design to play all the good housewife I can, I am now going to a party at quadrille, only to trifle with a little of it, at poor two guineas a fish, with the Duchess of Quiteright.

[Exit.

Lord T. Insensible creature! neither reproaches nor indulgence, kindness nor severity, can wake her to the least reflection! Continual license has lulled her into such a lethargy of care, that she speaks of her excesses with the same easy confidence as if they were so many virtues. What a turn has her head taken! But how to cure it-take my friend's opinion-Manly will speak freely-my sister with tenderness to both sides. They know my case; I'll talk with them.

Enter WILLIAMS.

Wil. Mr. Manly, my lord has sent to know if your lordship was at home.

Lord T. They did not deny me?
Wil. No, my lord.

[Exit.

Lord T. Very well; step up to my sister, and say I desire to speak with her. Wil. Lady Grace is here, my lord. Enter LADY GRACE. Lord T. So, lady fair, what pretty weapon have you been killing your time with?

Lady G. A huge folio, that has almost killed me. I think I have half read my eyes out.

Lord T. Oh! you should not pore so much just after dinner, child.

Lady G. That's true; but anybody's thoughts are better than always one's own, you know. Lord T. Who's there?

Re-enter WILLIAMS. Leave word at the door I am at home to nobody but Mr. Manly. [Exit Williams. Lady G. And why is he excepted, pray, my lord? Lord T. I hope, madam, you have no objection to his company.

Lady G. Your particular orders, upon my being here, look indeed as if you thought I had not.

Lord T. And your ladyship's inquiry into the reason of these orders, shews, at least, it was nota matter indifferent to you.

Lady G. Lord! you make the oddest constructions, brother!

Lord T. Look yon, my grave Lady Grace; in one serious word, I wish you had him.

Lady G. I can't help that.

Lord T. Ha! you can't help it. Ha, ha! The flat simplicity of that reply was admirable.

Lady G. Pooh! you tease one, brother! Lord T. Come, I beg pardon, child; this is not a point, I grant you, to trifle upon; therefore I hope you'll give me leave to be serious. Lady G. If you desire it, brother; though, upon my word, as to Mr. Manly's having any serious thoughts of me, I know nothing of it.

Lord T. Well there's nothing wrong in your making a doubt of it; but, in short, I find by his conversation of late, he has been looking round the world for a wife; and if you were to look round the world for a husband, he is the first man I would give to you.

Lady G. Then whenever he makes me any offer, brother, I will certainly tell you of it.

Lord T. Oh! that's the last thing he'll do. He'll never make you any offer, till he's pretty sure it won't be refused.

Lady G. Now you make me curious. Pray did he ever make any offer of that kind to you?

Lord T. Not directly; but that imports nothing. He is a man too well acquainted with the female world to be brought into a high opinion of any one woman, without some well-examined proof of her merit; yet I have reason to believe, that your good sense, your turn of mind, and your way of life, have brought him to so favourable a one of you, that a few days will reduce him to talk plainly to me; which, as yet, notwithstanding our friendship, Í have neither declined nor encouraged him to do.

Lady G. I am mighty glad we are so near in our way of thinking; for to tell you the truth, he is much upon the same terms with me. You know he has a satirical turn; but never lashes any folly, without giving due encomiums to its opposite virtue; and, upon such occasions, he is sometimes particular in turning his compliments upon me, which I don't receive with any reserve, lest he should imagine I take them to myself.

Lord T. You are right, child; when a man of merit makes his addresses, good sense may give him an answer without scorn or coquetry. Lady G. Hush! he's here

Enter MANLY.

Man. My lord, your most obedient. Lord T. Dear Manly, your's. I was thinking to send to you.

Man. Then I am glad I am here, my lord; Lady Grace, I kiss your hands. What, only you two? How many visits may a man make before he falls into such unfashionable company! A brother and sister soberly sitting at home, when the whole town is a gadding; I question if there is so particular a tête-à-tête again in the whole parish of St. James'. Lady G. Fie, fie, Mr. Manly, how censorious

you are.

Man. I had not made the reflection, madam, but that I saw you an exception to it. Where's my lady?

Lord T. That, I believe, is impossible to guess. Man. Then I won't try, my lord.

Lord T. But 'tis probable may hear of her by that time I have been four or five hours in bed. Man. Now if that were my case, I believe I— But I beg pardon, my lord.

Lord T. Indeed, sir, you shall not. You will oblige me if you speak out; for it was upon this head I wanted to see you.

Man. Why then, my lord, since you oblige me to proceed I have often thought that the misconduct of my lady has, in a great measure, been owing to your lordship's treatment of her.

Lady G. Bless me!

Lord T. My treatment?

Man. Ay, my lord; you so idolized her before marriage, that you even indulged her like a miзtress after it in short, you continued the lover

when you should have taken up the husband; and so, by giving her more power than was needful, she has none where she wants it: having such entire possession of you, she is not mistress of herself. And, mercy on us! how many fine women's heads have been turned upon the same occasion!

Lord T. Oh! Manly, 'tis too true! there's the source of my disquiet; she knows, and has abused her power.

Man. However, since you have had so much patience, my lord, even go on with it a day or two more; and, upon her ladyship's next sally, be a little rounder in your expostulations: if that don't work, drop her some cool hints of a determined reformation, and leave her to breakfast upon them. Lord T. You are perfectly right. How valuable is a friend in our anxiety!

Man. Therefore, to divert that, my lord, I beg, for the present, we may call another cause. Lady G. Ay, for goodness' sake, let us have done Lord T. With all my heart. [with this. Lady G. Have you no news abroad, Mr. Manly? Man. Apropos; I have some, madam; and I believe, my lord, as extraordinary in its kind— Lord T. Pray let us have it.

Man. Do you know that your country neighbour, and my wise kinsman, Sir Francis Wronghead, is coming to town with his whole family?

Lord T. The fool! what can be his business here? Man. Oh! of the last importance, I'll assure you; no less than the business of the nation. Lord T. Explain.

Man. He has carried his election, against Sir John Worthland.

Lord T. The deuce! What for-forMan. The famous borough of Guzzledown. Lord T. A proper representative indeed! Lady G. Pray, Mr. Manly, don't I know him? Man. You have dined with him, madam, when I was last down with my lord at Belmont.

Lady G. Was not that he that got a little merry before dinner, and overset the tea-table in making his compliments to my lady?

Man. The same.

Lady G. Pray what are his circumstances? I know but very little of him.

Man. Then he is worth your knowing, I can tell you, madam. His estate, if clear, I believe, might be a good two thousand pounds a year; though, as it was left him saddled with two jointures and two weighty mortgages upon it, there is no saying what it is. But that he might be sure never to mend it, he married a profuse young hussy for love, without a penny of money. Thus having, like his brave ancestors, provided heirs for the family, he now finds children and interest-money make such a brawling about his ears, that at last he has taken the friendly advice of his kindsman, the good Lord Danglecourt, to run his estate two thousand pounds more in debt, to put the whole management of what is left into Paul Pillage's hands, that he may be at leisure himself to retrieve his affairs, by being a parliament man.

Lord T. A most admirable scheme indeed! Man. And with this politic prospect he is now upon his journey to London

Lord T. What can it end in?

Man. Pooh! a journey into the country again. Lord T. Do you think he'll stir till his money is gone, or at least till the session is over?

Man. If my intelligence is right, my lord, he won't sit long enough to give his vote for a turnLord T. How so?

[pike.

Man. Oh, a bitter business; he had scarce a vote in the whole town besides the returning officer. Sir John will certainly have it heard at the bar of the house, and send him about his business again.

Lord T. Then he has made a fine business of it indeed.

Man. Which, as far as my little interest will go, shall be done in as few days as possible.

Lady G. But why would you ruin the poor gentleman's fortune, Mr. Manly?

Man. No, madam, I would only spoil his project to save his fortune. [either? Lady G. How are you concerned enough to do Man. Why, I have some obligations to the family madam: I enjoy at this time a pretty estate which Sir Francis was heir-at-law to; but-by his being a booby, the last will of an obstinate old uncle gave it to me.

Re-enter WILLIAMS.

James. At our house, sir: he has been gaping and stumping about the streets, in his dirty boots, and asking every one he meets if they can tell him where he may have a good lodging for a parliament man, till he can hire a handsome whole house, fit for all bis family, for the winter.

Man. I am afraid, my lord, I must wait upon Mr. Moody. [divert us. Lord T. Pr'ythee, let us have him here; he will Man. Oh, my lord, he's such a cub! Not but he's so near common sense, that he passes for a wit in the family.

Lady G. I beg of all things we may have him; I am in love with nature, let her dress be ever so homely.

Man. Then desire him to come hither, James. [Exit James. Lady G. Pray what may be Mr. Moody's post? Man. Oh! his maitre d'hotel, his butler, his bailiff, his hind, his huntsman, and sometimes his companion.

Lord T. It runs in my head that the moment this knight has set him down in the house, he will get up to give them the earliest proof of what importance he is to the public in his own county.

Man. Yes, and when they have heard him, he will find that his utmost importance stands valued at sometimes being invited to dinner.

Lady G. And her ladyship, I suppose, will make as considerable a figure in her sphere too?

Man. That you may depend upon; for (if don't mistake) she has ten times more of the jade in her than she yet knows of: and she will so improve in this rich soil, in a month, that she will visit all the ladies that will let her into their houses, and run in debt to all the shopkeepers that will let her into their books: in short, before her important spouse has made five pounds by his eloquence at Westminster, she will have lost five hundred at dice and quadrille in the parish of St. James'.

Lord T. So that by that time he is declared unduly elected, a swarm of duns will be ready for their money, and his worship will be ready for a gaol.

4

Man. Yes, yes, that I reckon will close the account of his hopeful journey to London. But see, here comes the fore horse of the team. Enter JOHN MOODY.

Oh! honest John!

Moody. Ads waunds and heart, master Manly! I'm glad I ha' fun ye. Lawd, lawd, give me your hand! Why that's friendly naw. Flesh! I thought we would never ha' got hither. Well, and how do

you do, measter? Good lack! I beg pardon for my bawldness; I did not see 'at his honour was here. Lord T. Mr. Moody, your servant: I am glad to see you in London: hope all the good family are well?

Moody. Thanks be praised, your honour, they are all in pretty good heart, tho'f we have had a power of crosses upon the road.

Lady G. I hope my lady has had no hurt, Mr. Moody?

Moody. Noa, and please your ladyship, she was never in better humour: there's money enough stirring now.

Man. What has been the matter, John?

Moody. Why, we came up in such a hurry, you mun think that our tackle was not so tight as it should be.

Man. Come, tell us all.

Lord T. Come, let us sit down. (They sit.) Man. Pray how do they travel? (Moody sits.) Moody. Why, i'the awld coach, measter; and 'cause my lady loves to do things handsome, to be sure, she would have a couple of cart-horses clapped to the four old geldings, that neighbours might see she went up to London in her coach and six; and so Giles Joulter, the ploughman rides postillion.

Man. Very well! The journey sets out as it should do. (Aside.) What, do they bring all the children with them too?

Moody. Noa, noa, only the younk squire and miss Jenny. The other foive are all out at board, at half-a-crown a head a week, with John Growse, at Smoke Dunghill Farm.

Man. Good again! a right English academy for younger children!

Moody. Anan, sir? (Not understanding him.) Lord T. And when do you expect them here, John?

Moody. Nay, nay, for that matter, madam, they're i'very good hands; Joan loves them as tho'f they were all her own; for she was wet nurse to every mother's babe o'um; ay, ay, they'll ne'er want a bellyful there. Why, we were in hopes to ha' come yesterday, an it no' been that th'awld weazlebelly horse tired: and then we were so cruelly loaden, that the two fore wheels came crash down at once in Waggon-rat-lane, and there we lost four hours 'fore we could set things to rights again. [coach, then?

Man. So, they bring all the baggage with the Moody. Ay, ay, and good store on it there is: Why my lady's gear alone were as much as filled four portmantel trunks, beside the great deal box that heavy Ralph and the monkey sit upon behind.

Lord T.

Ludy G. Ha, ha, ha! Man. S

Lady G. Well, Mr. Moody, and pray how many are they within the coach?

Moody. Why there's my lady, and his worship, and the younk squire, and Miss Jenny, and the fat lapdog, and my lady's maid, Mrs. Handy, and Doll Tripe the cook, that's all; only Doll puked a little with riding backward; so they hoisted her into the coach box, and then her stomach was easy.

Lady G. Oh! I see them! I see them go by me. Ha, ha! (Laughing.)

Moody. Then you mun think, measter, there was some stowage for the belly as well as the back too; children are apt to be famished upon the road; so we had such cargoes of plum-cake, and baskets of tongues, and biscuits, and cheese, and cold boiled beef; and then, in case of sickness, bottles of cherry brandy, plague water, sack, tent, and strong beer so plenty as made th'awld coach crack again. Mercy upon them! and send them all well to town. Man. Ay, and well out on't again, John. Moody. Ods bud, measter! you're a wise man; and for that matter, so am I. Whoam's whoam, Í