Book I.. with great difficulty that the justice was convinced, till they fent for the finisher of human laws, of whom the corpfe had been purchased; who looking near the left ear, knew his own work, and gave oath accordingly..

No fooner was Martin got home, but he fell in to a paffion at Crambe. "What dæmon, (he cried,) "hath poffeffed thee, that thou wilt never forfake "that impertinent custom of punning? Neither "my counfel nor my example have thus mifled "thee; thou governeft thyself by moft erroneous "maxims." "Far from it, (anfwers Crambe,) my "life is as orderly as my dictionary, for by my dic "tionary I order my life. I have made a kalendar "of radical words for all the feafons, months, and days of the year: every day I am under the do "minion of a certain word; but this day in parti"cular I cannot be mifled, for I am governed by

one that rules all fexes, ages, conditions, nay all "animals, rational and irrational. Who is not 66. governed by the word led? Our noblemen and "drunkards are pimp led, phyficians and pulfes fee"led, their patients and oranges pil-led, a new. ❝ married man and an afs are bride led, an old "married man and a pack horse sad-led, cats "and dice are rat-led, fwine and nobility are fty"led, a coquette and a tinder-box are fparkled,, a lover and a blunderer are grove-led. And "that I may not be tedious”"Which thou.

art (replied Martin, ftamping with his foot,) "which thou art, I fay, beyond all human tolera❝tion. Such an unnatural, unaccountable, unco"herent, unintelligible, unprofitable." There "it is now, (interrupted Crambe,) this is our day "for uns! Martin could bear no longer; however, compofing his countenance, "Come hither, (he cried,) there are five pounds, 17 fhillings, and "nine pence: thou hast been with me eight months, "three weeks, two days, and four hours." Poor Crambe,

Crambe, upon the receipt of his falary, fell into tears, flung the money upon the ground, and burst forth in these words: "O Cicero, Cicero ! if to 66 pun be a crime, it is a crime I have learned from "thee! O Bias, Bias! if to pun be a crime, by thy example was I biaffed." Whereupon Martin (confidering that one of the greateft of orators, and even a fage of Greece had punned,) hefitated, relented, and reinstated Crambe in his fervice.

"

IT

CHAP. IX.

How Martinus became a great Critic.

was a most peculiar talent in Martinus, to convert every trifle into a ferious thing, either in the way of life, or in learning. This can no way be better exemplified, than in the effect which the puns of Crambe had on the mind and ftudies of Martinus. He conceived, that fomewhat of a like talent to this of Crambe, of affembling parallel founds, either fyllables, or words, might conduce to the emendation and correction of ancient authors, if applied to their works with the fame diligence and the fame liberty. He refolved to try firft upon Virgil, Horace, and Terence: concluding, that, if the most correct authors could be fo ferved, with any reputation to the critic, the amendment and alteration of all the reft would eafily follow; where a new, a vaft, nay boundless field of glory would be opened to the true and abfolute critic.

This fpecimen on Virgil he has given us, in the addenda to his notes on the Dunciad. His Terence and Horace are in every body's hands, under the names of Richard Bley, and Francis H-re, And we have convincing proof, that the late edition of Mikon, published in the name of the former,

of

of thefe, was, in truth, the work of no other than our Scriblerus.

СНАР. Х.

Of Martinus's uncommon practice of phyfic, and how be applied himself to the difeafes of the mind.

BUT it is high time to return to the hiftory of the progrefs of Martinus in the ftudies of phyfic, and to enumerate some at least of the many discoveries and expriments he made therein.

One of the first was, his method of investigating latent diftempers, by the fagacious quality of fetting dogs and pointers. The fuccefs and adventures that befel him, when he walked with these animals, to fmell them out in the parks and public places about London, are what we would willingly relate; but that his own account, together with a lift of thofe gentlemen and ladies at whom they made a full fet, will be published in time convenient. There will also be added the reprefentation, which, on occafion of one diftemper which was become almost epidemical, he thought himfelf obliged to lay before both houfes of parliament, intituled A propo fal for a general flux, to exterminate at one blow the P-x out of this kingdom.

But being weary of all practice on foetid bodies; from a certain nicenefs of conftitution (efpecially when he attended Dr. Woodward through a twelve months courfe of vomition), he determined to leave it off entirely, and to apply himself only to dif cafes of the mind. He attempted to find out speci fics for all the paffions; and as other phyficians throw their patients into fweats, vomits, purgations, &c. he caft them into love, hatred, hope, fear, joy, grief, &c. And indeed the great irregularity of

the

the paffions in the English nation, was the chief motive that induced him to apply his whole ftudies, while he continued among us to the diseases of the mind.

To this purpose he directed, in the first place, his late acquired fkill in anatomy. He confidered virtues and vices as certain habits whicl: proceed from the natural formation and structure of particular parts of the body. of the body. A bird flies because it has wings, a duck fwims because it is web-footed : And there can be no queftion but the aduncity of the pounces and beaks of the hawks, as well as the length of the fangs, the fharpness of the teeth, and the strength of the crural and maffeter-muscles * in lions and tygers, are the cause of the great and habitual immortality of those animals.

ift, He obferved, that the foul and body mutually operate upon each other; and therefore if you deprive the mind of the outward inftruments whereby she usually expreffeth that paffion, you will in time abate the paffion itself, in like manner as caf tration abates luft.

2dly, That the foul in mankindexpreffeth every paffion by the motion of fome particular mufcles.

3dly, That all mufcles grow stronger and thicker by being much ufed; therefore the habitual paflions may be difcerned in particular perfons by the ftrength and bignefs of the muscles ufed in the expreffion of that paffion.

4thly, That a mufcle may be ftrengthened or weakened by weakening or ftrengthening the force of its antagonist. These things premised, he took notice,

That complaifance, humility, affent, approbation, and civility, were expreffed by nodding the head and bowing the body forward: On the con

VOL. VI.

* Μασσητήρες μύες,
E

trary,

trary, diffent, diflike, refufal, pride, and arro. gance, were marked by toffing the head, and bending the body backwards: Which two paffions of affent and diffent the Latins rightly expreffed by the words adnuere and abnuere. Now, he observed that complaifant and civil people had the flexors of the head very strong; but in the proud and infolent, there was a great overballance of strength in the extenfors of the neck and the muscles of the back, from whence they perform, with great facility, the the motion of toffing, but with great difficulty that of bowing, and therefore have juftly acquired the title of ftiff necked; in order to reduce fuch per fons to a juft balance, he judged that the pair of mufcles called recti interni, the maftoidal, with other flexors of the head, neck, and body, must be ftrengthened; their antagonists, the splenii complexi, and the extenfors of the fpine weakened; for which purpose nature herself feems to have directed man kind to correct this mufcular immorality by tying fuch fellows neck and heels.

Contrary to this, is the pernicious cuftom of mo thers, who abolish the natural fignature of modesty in their daughters, by teaching them toffing and bridling, rather than the bafhful pofture of ftoop. ing, and hanging down the head. Martinus charged all hufbands to take notice of the posture of the head of fuch as they courted 10 matrimony, as that upon which their future happiness did much depend.

Flatterers, who have the flexor muscles foftrong, that they are always bowing and cringing, he fupposed might in some measure, be corrected by be. ing tied down upon a tree by the back, like the children of the Indians; which doctrine was strongly confirmed by his obferving the strength of the levatores fcapulae: This mufcle is called the muscle of patience, because in that affection of mind, people fhrug and raise up the fhoulders to the tip of

the