"bear all this, John? The reafon is plain; thou "conferreft the benfits, and he receives them; "the first produces love, and the laft ingratitude "Ah! Nic. Nic. thou art a damned dog, that's "certain thou knowest too well, that I will take care of thee; elfe thou wouldst not ufe me thus. "I won't give thee up, 'tis true but as true it is, "thou shalt not fell me, according to thy laudable "cuftom." While John was deep in this foliloquy, Nic. broke out into the following proteftation :

86

GENTLEMEN,

"I believe, every body here prefent will allow "me to be a very juft and difinterefted perfon. My "friend John Bull here is very angry with me, "forfooth, becaufe I won't agree to his foolish "bargains. Now I declare to all mankind, I fhould "be ready to facrifice my own concerns to his "quiet; but the care of his intereft, and that of "the honeft tradefmen* that are embarked with "us, keeps me from entering into this compofition. "What hall become of those poor creatures? the "thought of their impending ruin difturbs my

night's reft, therefore I defire they may speak for "themselves. If they are willing to give up this "affair, I shan't make two words of it."

John Bull begged him to lay afide that immoderate concern for him; and withal put him in mind, that the intereft of those tradefmen had not fat quite fo heavy on him fome years ago, on a like occafion. Nic anfwered little to that, but immediately pulled out a boatswain's whistle. Upon the first whiff, the tradefmen came jumping into the room, and begun to furround Lewis, like fo many yelping curs about a great boar; or, to use a modefter fimile, like duns at a great Lord's levee, the morning he goes into the

*The allies.

country

country. One pulled him by the fleeve another by the fkirt, a third hollowed in his ear: they began to afk him for all that had been taken from their forefathers by ftealth, fraud, force, or lawful purchase: fome afked for their manors, others for acres that lay convenient for them; that he would pull down his fences, level his ditches: all agreed in one common demand, that he should be purged, sweated, vomited, and starved, till he came to a fizeable bulk, like that of his neighbours: one modeftly afked him leave to call him brother: Nic. Frog demanded two things, to be his porter and his fishmonger, to keep the keys of his gates, and furnish the kitchen. John's fifter Peg only defired, that he would let his fervants fing pfalms a Sundays, Some defcended even to the afking of old cloaths, fhoes, and boots, broken bottles, tobacco pipes, and ends of candles.

"Monfieur Bull, quoth Lewis, you feem to be a man of fome breeding; for God's fake, use "6 your intereft with thefe meffieurs, that they "would fpeak but one at once; for if one had a "hundred pair of hands, and as many tongues, he "cannot fatisfy them all at this rate. John beg. ged they might proceed with fome method; then they ftopped all of a fudden, and would not fay a word. If this be your play, quoth John, that we

66

may not be like a quaker's dumb meeting, let us "begin fome diverfion; what d'ye think of rouly. "pouly, or a country dance? What if we should "have a match at foot ball? I am fure we fhall · "" never end matters at this rate."

CHAP.

CHA P. XVI.

How John Bull and Nic. Frog fettled their account.

3. Bull. DURING this general ceffation of talk,

what if you and I, Nic, fhould enquire how money matters ftand between us?

Nic. Frog. With all my heart, I love exact dealing; and let Hocus audit; he knows how the money was difburfed.

7. Bull. I am not much for that at prefent; we'll fettle it between ourselves; fair and fquare, Nic. keeps friends together. There have been laid out in this law-fuit, at one time, 36,000 pounds, and 40,000 crowns: In fome cafes I, in others you, bear the greatest proportion.

Nic. Right: I pay three fifths of the greatest number, and you pay two thirds of the leffer number: I think this is fair and fquare, as you call it.

7. Bull. Well, go on.

Nic. Two thirds of 36,000 pounds are 24,000 pounds for your fhare, and there remains 12,000 for mine. Again, of the 40,000 crowns I pay 24.000, which is three fifths, and you pay only 16,000, which is two fifths; 24.000 crowns make 6000 pounds; and 16,000 crowns make 4000 pounds, 12,000 and 6000 make 18,000; 24,000 and 4,000 make 28,000. So there are 18,000 pounds to my fhare of the expences, and 28,000 to yours.

After Nic. had bambouzled John a while about the 18,000 and the 28,000, John called for counters; but what with flight of hand, and taking from his own fcore, and adding to John's, Nic. brought the balance always to his own fide.

J. Bull. Nay, good friend Nic. though I am not

quite fo nimble in the fingers, I understand cyphering as well as you. I will produce my accounts one by one, fairly writ out off my own books: and here I begin with the first. You must excuse me, if I don't pronounce the law terms right.

[John reads.]

For the expences ordinary of the fuits, fees, to judges, puny judges, lawyers, innumerable of all forts.

Of extraordinaries, as follows per accompt. To Etquire South's accompt for poft terminums To ditto for non eft factums

To ditto for noli profequi's, difcontinuance and retrax

it

For writs of error

Suits of conditions unperformed

To Hocus for dedimus poteftatem

To ditto for a capias ad computandum

DLEY

To Frog's new tenants per accompt to Hocus, for audita querela's

On the faid account for writs of ejectment and diftringas

To Efquire South's quota for a return of a non eft invent. and nulla habet bona

Το

for a pardon in forma pauperis To Jack for a melius inquirendum upon a felo de fe To coach hire

For treats to juries and witneffes

the ballance

John having read over his articles, with the refpective fums, brought in Frog debtor to him upon 3382 12 Then Nic. Frog pulled his bill out of his pocket and began to read:

Nicholas Frog's accompt.

ains to be deducted out of the former accompt,

Paid by Nic. Frog, for his fhare of the ordinary expences of the fuit

To Hocus for entries of a rege inconfulto

To John Bull's nephew for a venire facias, the money not yet all laid out

The coach-hire for my wife and family, and the carriage of my goods during the time of this law-fuit

For the extraordinary expences of feeding my family during this law-fuit

To Major Ab.

To Major Will.

And fumming all up, found due upon the ballance by John Bull to Nic. Frog

09. 04 06 7. Bull. As for your venire facias, I have paid you for one already; in the other I believe you will be nonfuited. I'll take care of my nephew myself. Your coach-hire and family charges are moft unreafonable deductions; at that rate, I can bring in any man in the world my debtor. But who the devil are thofe two majors, that confume all my money? I find they always run away with the ballance in all accompts.

Nic. Frog. Two very honeft gentlemen, I affure you, that have done me fome fervice. To tell you plainly, Major Ab. denotes thy greater abilit, and Major Will. thy greater willingness to carry on this law-fuit. It was but reasonable that thou shouldft pay both for thy power and thy pofitiveness.

7. Bull. I believe I fhall have thefe two honeft majors discount on my fide in a little time.

Nic. Frog. Why all this higgling with thy friend about fuch a paltry fum? Does this become the generolity of the noble and rich John Bull? I wonder thou art not ashamed. Oh Hocus! Hocus! where art thou! It ufed to go another guise manner in thy time. When a poor man has almost undone himself for thy fake, thou art for fleecing VOL. VI.

Cc

him,