fign. She left no will, only there was found, in her ftrong box, the following words, wrote on a fcrip of paper, "My curfe on John Bull, and all my pofterity, if ever they come to any compo. "fition with the Lord Strutt..

She left three daughters, whose names were Polemia, Difcordia, and Ufuria *.

СНАР. Х.

Of John Bull's fecond wife, and the good advice that She gave him t.

JOHN

HN quickly got the better of his grief, and feeing that neither his conftitution, or the affairs of his family could permit him to live in an unmarried state, he refolved to get him another wife; a coufin of his laft wife's was propofed, but John would have no more of the breed: In short, he wedded a fober country gentlewoman, of a good family, and a plentiful fortune, the reverfe of the other in her temper; not but that he loved money; for fhe was faving and applied her fortune to pay John's clamorous debts, that the unfrugal methods of his laft wife, and this ruinous law-fuit, had brought him into. One day, as fhe had her got husband in a good humour, the talked to him after the following manner. My dear, fince I have "been your wife, I have observed great abuses and "diforders in your family; your fervants are mu "tinous and quarrelfome, and cheat you most abo

War, faction, and ufury.

The new Parliament which was averfe to the war, made

a reprefentation of the mifmanagement in the feveral offices, par ticularly thofe for victualing and cloathing the navy and army, minably,

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"minably; your cook-maid is in a combination with your butcher, poulterer, and fish-monger; your "butler purloins your liquor, and the brewer fells "your hog-wath; your baker cheats both in weight " and tale; even your milk woman and your nur"fery-maid have a fellow-feeling; your taylor, in❝ftead of fhreads, cabbages whole yards of cloth; " befides, leaving fuch long scores, and not going to "market with ready money, forces us to take bad ware of the tradefmen at their own price. You

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have not pofted your books thefe ten years; how is it poffible for a man of bufinefs to keep "his affairs even in the world at this rate? Pray "God this Hocus may be honeft: Would to God

6.6

you would look over his bills, and fee how matters ftand between Frog and you *: Prodigious "fums are spent in this law-fuit, and more muft "be borrowed of fcriveners and ufurers at heavy "intereft. Befides, my dear, let me beg of you to lay afide that wild project of leaving your bufinefs to turn lawyer, for which, let me tell you nature never defigned you. Believe me, these "rogues do but flatter, that they may pick your pocket; obferve what a parcel of hungry rag

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ged fellows live by your caufe: To be fure they "will never make an end of it; I foresee this haunt 66 you have got about courts, will one day or ano"ther bring your family to beggary. Confider, my

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dear, how indecent it is to abandon your shop, "and follow pettifoggers; the habit is fo ftrong upon you, that there is hardly a plea between two country efquires about a barren acre upon a com"mon, but you draw yourfelf in as bail, furety or follicitor t." John heard her all this while with patience, till fhe pricked his maggot, and touched him in the tender point; then he broke out in

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and of the fums that had been expended on the war,

+ which was however till a favourite with the people.

VOL. VI.

T

to

to a violent paffion, "What I not fit for a lawyer! "let me tell you, my clod-pated relations fpoiled "the greateft genius in the world, when they bred 61 me a mechanic. Lord Strutt, and his old rogue "of a grandfire, have found, to their coft, that I "can manage a law-fuit as well as another." "I do "not deny what you fay," replied Mrs. Bull, "nor

do I call in queftion your parts; but, I fay, it "does not fuit with your circumftances: You and "your predeceffors have lived in good reputation "among your neighbours by the fame cloathing "trade, and it were madness to leave it off.

Be

"fides, there are few that know all the tricks and "cheats of thefe lawyers; does not your own ex"perience teach you, how they have drawn you on "from one term to another, and how you have "danced the round of all the courts, ftill flatter"ing you with a final iffue, and, for ought I can "fee, your cause is not a bit clearer than it was se

ven years ago." "I will be damned, says John, "if I accept of any compofition from Strutt, or "his grandfather; I will rather wheel about the "ftreets an engine to grind knives and fciffars; "however, I will take your advice, and look over ་ my accounts."

CHAP. XI.

How John looked over his attorney's bill.

HEN John firft brought out the bills, the furprize of all the family was inexpreffible at the prodigious dimenfions of them; they would have measured with the best bale of cloth in John's fhop Fees to judges, puny judges, clerks, prothonotaries, philizers, chirographers, under-clerks, proelama

proclamators, council, witneffes, jury-men, marfhals, tip-ftaffs, criers, porters; for enrollings, exemplifications, bails, vouchers, returns, caveats, examinations, filings of writs, entries, declarations, replications, recordats, noli profequi's, certiorari's, mittimufes, demurrers, fpecial verdicts, informations, feire facias, fuperfedeas, habeas corpus, coachhire, treating of witneffes, &c. Verily," fays John," there are a prodigious number of lear"ed words in this law; what a pretty fcience "it is!" "Ay! but hufband, you have paid for

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every fyllable and letter of thefe fine words; "blefs me, what immenfe fums are at the bottom "of the account!" John fpent feveral weeks in looking over his bills, and, by comparing and ftating his accounts, he difcovered, that, befides the extravagance of every article, he had been egregioufly cheated; that he had paid for council that were never fee'd, for writs that were never drawn, for dinners that were never dreffed, and journeys that were never made in fhort, that the tradefmen, lawyers, and Frog, had agreed to throw the burden of the law-fuit upon his shoulders.

CHA P. XII.

How John grew angry, and refolved to accept a compofition; and what methods were practifed by the lawyers for keeping him from it.

ELL might the learned Daniel Burgess fay, that a law-fuit, is a fuit for life. He that

WE

When at length peace was thought to be eligible upon more moderate terms, a treaty was entered into by

Г.2.

fows

fows his grain upon marble, will have many hungry belly before harveft. This John felt by woeful experience. John's cause was a good milk-cow, and many a man fubfifted his family out of it. However, John began to think it high time to look about him. He had a coufin in the country, one Sir Roger Bold +, whose predeceffors had been bred up to the law, and knew as much of it as any body; but having left off the profeffion for fome time, they took great pleasure in compounding law fuits among their neighbours, for which they were the averfion of the gentlemen of the long robe, and at perpetual war with all the country attorneys. John put his caufe in Sir Roger's hands, defiring him to make the best it; the news had no fooner reached the ears of the lawyers, but they were all in an uproar. They brought all the rest of the tradefmen upon John: 'Squire South * fwore he was betrayed, that he would ftarve before he compounded; Frog faid he was highly wronged; even lying Ned the chimney-fweeper and Tom the duftman, complained, that their intereft was facrificed. The lawyers, folicitors, Hocus, and his clerks, were all up in arms, at the news of the compofition t; they abufed him and his wife most fhamefully. "You filly, aukward, "ill-bred, country fow, quoth one, have you no 66 more manners than to rail at Hocus, that has "faved that clodpated numskulled ninny-hammer "of yours from ruin, and all his family? It is "well known, how he has rofe early and fat up "late to make him eafy, when he was fotting at 66 every ale house in town. I knew his last wife;

Robert Harley, afterwards E. of Oxford, who was made treafurer in the ftead of the Lord Godolphin, and there was now not only a new parliament, but a new ministry,

* The measure was oppofed by the allies and the general.

+ The house of commons was cenfured as totally ignorant of Aufinefs.

"The